Seven Years

Today is our wedding anniversary. Seven years ago, I married the woman I wanted to share the rest of my life with. I recall the nerves very well. I recall also the love and affection shown by family and friends and the feeling of being the centre of everyone's attention for just one day. And how quickly that day went, the reception speeches, the excellent food, the partying 'til late and the taxi home arriving as man and wife. I don't know where the seven years have gone. They have flown past. Things have changed of course. Little did we know back then that we would be in the situation we are now. We have a son who we love more than anything. Our relationship is often tested to its limit and there have been times when it's felt at risk. But if anything, the bond is stronger now than it has ever been. I'm a nightmare to live with, I know that. My wife deserves better, I know that too. The truth is that without my wife, her strength and support, I wouldn't be here now. My wife said recently at a counselling session that I am no longer the person she married seven years ago. I was a little taken aback by this, but on reflection I believe she does see a different person. Depression does this. But deep inside, I'm still the same person who fell in love with her and still loves her, more than I show.

Well Done Son

Congratulations to my Son for achieving 'Star of the Week' at his school. Daddy is very proud of you and chuffed to bits!

Optimism

Firstly, I am glad that I can type. I am glad that I can spell and that I have the confidence to put my thoughts into words. I've been able to do this since I was very young. I had a typewriter from a very young age and very quickly learnt how to use it. By the time I reached my mid-teens, I had an electronic typewriter and soon after that a very basic (by today's standards) word processor. For all my life, I have never been too far from a keyboard and to do so would most probably cause me to have another breakdown. The keyboard is my output and a vessel by which my thoughts pour like water onto a page. A lot of what I type, particularly here in my blog, I don't talk about openly. People around me tend to go about their lives either oblivious to what's going on around them or prefer to keep their thoughts or worries to themselves. This is fine, they have more important things to think about. I don't request an audience. I consider myself fortunate if anyone else finds my thoughts the remotest bit interesting. My blog is my way of recording my thoughts, and I hope that sometime in the future, by way of it, my son will better understand his father.

I was asked recently whether I am optimistic, about anything. I quickly replied that I am not. In fact I see no future beyond the next day. Of course the reason for this primarily is my financial situation and not knowing where we will be in a month or two from now. But in general, I do find myself fearing for the future - especially for my son and other young people. On the one side, there is the worsening economic situation and the worry as to whether there will be jobs for everyone or whether people who are lucky enough to work can afford housing. On the other side, there is what I see as a worrying escalation in conflict around the world and where the current disputes might lead.
I do think it is inevitable that we will see some form of military escalation in Iran and possibly Syria. I of course would prefer a diplomatic outcome but with each day that passes I think this becomes less likely. The involvement of China and Russia and their opposition to a military response in Iran or Syria will I think send us down one of two paths. The first would be for the Western forces to back down faced with a possible Chinese or Russian military standoff or for the West to attack Iran and intervene in Syria and face the consequences. Some would argue that Russia is in fact supporting the Syrian regime's attack on its own people as they continue to supply arms in the face of mounting condemnation. The estimated $1 billion trade in arms is simply too valuable to Russia and they would not stand by and see this taken away from them.
As for China, there are already rumblings on the Internet that they are preparing for possible military conflict and despite knowing relatively little about their precise capabilities, it would be wrong to assume that their response would be anything but massive.
And then there's Israel and their apparent threat to be preparing an attack on Iran's nuclear facilities to take place in the coming months assuming the US don't do it first.
All of this makes for a very dangerous situation. The cost of oil has risen in recent days due to the embargo on Iranian crude oil exports and Iran's refusal to supply EU member states. The prospect of rising fuel costs on top of a weakening economic situation could have dire consequences here in the UK pushing living standards to a critical level.
I've always been very pessimistic, but the situation as I see it is one that is fast nearing crisis proportions. Unless a last minute solution can be found to the situation in Iran and Syria, then I fully expect to see a new Middle East conflict by the end of this year. The outcome of this conflict will depend ultimately on whether or not it could be contained. My guess is that it would not.
The coming months will be critical in deciding the path taken. Of course we have very little or no influence whatsoever on the outcome. We can only hope and pray that common sense will prevail coupled with a realisation that any fire lit in the Middle East would spread way beyond the borders of Iran and Syria.
2012 will certainly be a decisive year, whatever happens.

Things I Like to Open

• A new jar of coffee, especially breaking the gold seal.
• A spindle pack of blank DVD's or CD's.
• A new blank VHS cassette. Still possible, but not for much longer I suspect.
• A new jar of jam and hearing the safety lid pop.
• A new tin of coffee whitener.
• A new box of teabags and taking a long deep sniff.
• A new packet of freshly ground coffee - ditto.
• Any type of parcel.
• A new ream of paper.

Photo of the Day 24

Shrove Tuesday = pancakes! My turn to make them this year and we had two types, lemon and sugar and chocolate... Yum yum.

RIP MSTS001

I lost one of my computers this afternoon. It had been playing-up for sometime and had become very unreliable. Despite my efforts to discover the root of the problem, MSTS001 (its network identity) finally expired leaving my without a DVD writer and a lot of valuable data. I really hate losing a computer. I used to have seven all doing different things. My wife cannot understand the fuss but to me its like losing a friend. We become attached to computers. After all, we spend a great deal of time with them and we grow to know them and understand their little quirks. We arrange the desktop in a particular way and we know where to find things. The bond is palpable and when it's broken it really is a wrench. Now, having accepted MSTS001's demise, I set about trying to limit the damage. Luckily, I had an identical unit which I didn't use as much as MSTS001. In fact I used it just for scanning, browsing and updating my blog. Being the same machine, I was able to transplant the innards from MSTS001 into it, the data intact on the hard drive. I was also able to substitute the CD reader for the DVD writer. With the lid back on I pressed the power button and sat fingers crossed while my new creation booted. I half expected a blue screen of death or at least an error message or two. Instead, it booted perfectly. Hurrah! Another crisis averted. All that's left of MSTS001 is a carcass. I expect some of it will come in useful for spares. I'll just add it to my growing heap...

Photo of the Day 23

With a little help from Daddy, my son is hoping I'll have this built and ready in time for next Christmas...
Much thanks to Mummy for having bought it (discounted from £10 to £4 at Morrisons... I wonder why?)