A Family Sized Challenge

I had a family christening to attend today, the youngest daughter of my sister-in-law. For me, it was another one of those awkward family gatherings that I used to cope so well with. Now it is just a struggle, something I never really enjoy and hours of wishing I was somewhere else. I do wonder if I manage to hide how I really feel. I've never really been any good at small talk and prefer for others to speak to me. I'm OK when that happens, but I simply don't have the courage any more to start a conversation myself. The confidence I once had has all but gone. This is how I am in 'family' situations. How different it is at my Tuesday A&D support group. I'm at ease there and I feel able to start a conversation and keep it going. I'm amongst friends there, people who were a few months ago complete strangers, but people who now know more about me than my family. I know this sounds mad, but it is true. For there is so much I am able to discuss with my friends that I wouldn't dream of mentioning in the presence of family. I know my friends feel the same way, so perhaps it is more common than I'd realised.
Alcohol does give me a degree of temporary false confidence, but it doesn't mix well with the tablets and I soon find myself becoming very drowsy and often get a headache. I do find that since my illness, I am left pretty much to myself and rarely does anyone attempt a conversation with me. I think this is a natural reaction - some people prefer to steer clear.
How relaxed I feel now I am set free and back in the safety of my own home. I can be myself here and jig my leg as much as I want without stares from those who like to judge. I can feel like this in one other place, each Tuesday amongst those who understand me and accept me. Why can't family be like this and why does it feel so foreign to be amongst them?

I have my father-in-law's notebook computer to repair. He's managed to get some kind of virus on to it. I know when he calls what to expect. It's always something to do with his computer, and my heart sinks at the prospect of having to help him. It's not so much the task, it's more the explaining why it has happened. How do I tell him he's simply downloading too much junk? How do I tell him not to click the download button on every game he comes across? It's such a dilemma and being the only 'IT guy' in the family, it's a burden I simply cannot escape.

We had a mini-tornado here last Thursday. The weather has been freaky all week and local events have been cancelled due to the heavy rain. I managed to capture the twister on my camera phone on the way back from a visit to the library. It had caused some damage which was evident from the number of roof repairs taking place the following day. It's not something you see every day...

I have a date for my NHS Volunteer Service interview - it's on the 3rd of July and being a Tuesday I'll be at the venue anyway. It's all a formality really as I've been in the role for some time, and like any similar role, a CRB check has to be completed.

Finally, it's an evening dominated by football once more and the roads around here are wonderfully quiet. Oh how I wish they could be like this all the time. Followers will know by now that I'm not exactly a fan of football, perhaps another reason why I feel so awkward around my football-loving family. I'll be checking the score of course, and if it goes Italy's way then tomorrow is sure to be a day of misery... If we do well, then we face Germany, and part of me does get ever so slightly excited by the prospect - but that's all!

The Courage to Talk

How marvellous it is that mental health is in the news and receiving much needed attention. Last week we heard during a Commons debate on mental health, two MPs talk openly about their struggles with depression and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Kevan Jones and Charles Walker showed enormous courage by speaking candidly about their individual experiences and by doing so did tremendous good for de-stigmatising the condition. Since then, mental health has been constantly in the news. There are newspaper campaigns and a renewed focus on health spending which has highlighted a deficit in mental health spending. This is all good and can only lead to better understanding of the problems caused by mental health issues and the support needed for all those who suffer the condition, in all its varying forms.
I have enormous respect and admiration for all those who talk openly about their condition as I am convinced that mental health problems are far more common than we think. By talking about it, we can understand it and hopefully encourage others to come forward. Help is there...

What a whopper...

My water butt has arrived... If you recall, I won it with Anglian Water a couple of months ago by answering some drought related questions on their website. They were giving away 5,000 of them to lucky winners and I was one of those lucky winners. The water butt is huge, much bigger than I imagined it would be, and it has a stand and all the bits needed to connect it to a down pipe. So I'm mighty impressed and a very happy bunny. Full marks to Anglian Water!

Awareness & Prevention

Yesterday I attended my first session of NHS training in Lincoln with my colleague Emma. The subject matter is rather dark - specifically suicide - how to spot the signs and how to prevent it. The numbers of those contemplating or attempting suicide are truly frightening and as life for many becomes increasingly stressful, these numbers are increasing.
The session was very well attended by volunteers, carers and mental health staff from across Lincolnshire. The chap who gave the training, Jeff, delivered the session very well explaining how he used to work in the special forces and having become injured, lost the use of his legs. Coming to terms with his disability after many years of being so active eventually took its toll and he decided he couldn't go on. Thankfully he was saved and has regained the use of his legs following an operation. He subsequently decided to use his experience to help others and prevent needless deaths from suicide in Lincolnshire.
His story was too much for one of our group and she left after just an hour. The subject matter was just too dark and she was clearly unprepared. It is understandable. We all went very dark places during the session, which was necessary to fully understand those we were being empowered to help.
The training 'SafeTalk', is the first part of an initiative the NHS are trying to roll out countrywide. The second part is called 'Asist'. So far, I have learnt how to identify the signs of suicide and how to confront someone I suspect to be suicidal. Once the act has been prevented, the concerned is passed to someone who is 'Asist' trained. These people have the skills to intervene and get the necessary help from specialists who are able to provide long term care and solutions. In effect, the aim of the initiative is to provide a network of skilled individuals who are available to provide help whenever needed. A register provides the details of all those with SafeTalk and Asist skills and this ensures that the help gets to those who need it, and fast.
I think this is a vitally important initiative and one that has been in place in Canada and the US for some time. In fact this is actually Canadian-born, but its concept is one that can be easily implemented in any country.
My involvement and that of my colleagues is important as we will come into contact with people who suffer with mental health problems and thoughts of suicide. I will also be able to provide help anyone in my area and literally intervene to save their life. It sounds dramatic I know, but this is exactly what it is. It is spotting and preventing someone from taking their own life, and showing them there is another way out.
Some would ask why I would want to get involved with suicide prevention. Well, in short, I've been in their position and I was able to prevent myself from following through with the act of suicide. For me, it felt there was no way out of my situation. In truth, there is always a way out and thankfully I found it in time. I understand them as I have been them. If I can save someone then that's a good thing.

Getting My Throat Back...

My goodness, I've been poorly this last week and today is the first time I've felt able to write anything. My son had been suffering for some time with a cold he'd picked up from school. Schools are a breeding ground for all kinds of illness and there really isn't one week that passes when at least one member of his class isn't poorly. I normally do quite well by avoiding colds and viruses, in fact it's been over a year since I've had anything significant. Wherever this particular virus came from, it had my name on it and a payload designed to incapacitate. I don't think I've ever actually felt so ill. I knew I was coming down with something a week ago. It's that feeling you get that tells you a cold is on its way, or that precursor to a sore throat. Within a couple of days, it had properly hit but went straight for my throat rather than start in the nose or the chest. I'd wake feeling as though I'd swallowed a handful of razor blades, and so this continued all week. Unable to swallow, I've certainly lost some weight, which isn't a bad thing I suppose.
As it hadn't cleared by Friday, I made myself an appointment and popped along to the health centre to be told what I already knew, that I had a temperature and a chest infection. Amoxcillin was prescribed and plenty of fluids. It's certainly working. My throat is almost back to normal but I do have a chesty cough. But it does seem to be on the way out, thank goodness.

A busy week ahead (for me). Tomorrow I have some NHS training to attend in North Hykeham. I'm taking with me another support team volunteer as she doesn't drive so I'll need to collect her en-route from Spalding. I checked the route on Google Maps and it dawned on me how far we'll need to travel. It's a 120 mile round trip in total and I just hope the weather will be better tomorrow than it is right now.
I will attempt to write-up the training session and add to my website where I now have a small section on Health.

We've seen more flooding across the UK, most notably in Wales where rivers have breached their banks causing many thousands of pounds worth of damage. This morning there are reports of flooding in Sussex and frankly if this persistent rain doesn't stop, I see this being repeated here. I'm really getting fed up with writing about the weather. It is just so bad at the moment and so changeable. I know people for whom weather like this can make all the difference between getting up and about or staying in bed. It affects their mood greatly. I did pop out briefly to get a top-up voucher for my mobile and to drop off a pair of ear plugs I'd promised to a member of our group last week. He suffers with broken sleep due to noisy neighbours so I've recommended he use them. For the short time I was out, I got soaked so was glad to get back home in the dry.

I have a couple of computers to work on this week, from the same customer. One of them is a laptop, the same laptop I'd repaired a few weeks ago replacing the keyboard. This time, the laptop has been dropped and has a fault as a result. It'll need stripping down to find out what has become dislodged. The other is just a general tune-up.
I've also been asked to provide some basic computer tuition, but I am struggling with this as the person I will be teaching has absolutely no skills or knowledge, but is at the same time and expert when it comes to his own computer and the Internet, despite the fact he's not even connected(!) I just know this is going to be difficult and I wonder how my sanity will hold-up. I have for now managed to put him off due to my 'man-flu' but I just know I will have to bite the bullet at some point...

A Meeting of Dear Friends

A change of location this week for my support group. Instead of our normal, formal setting in Spalding, we all met at the home of one of our group leaders. We had all been determined the week before for the meeting to go ahead despite the extended Bank Holiday here in the UK.
Our discussions were far more relaxed than normal, seated on the most comfortable of leather sofas and though we would have disbanded after a couple of hours at 12pm, many of us stayed long after, myself until well after 2pm.
This was a special meeting. I think there was an understanding amongst all of us that there is now a strong bond of friendship that holds us together. There is also a bond of trust which has given the newer members of the group the confidence and strength to open-up and I feel I know them and can support them all the better for it.
I'm hoping that over the coming months, we can arrange some walks together and perhaps a visit to Hunstanton. I get the impression sometimes that the gap between our meets is too great so by arranging some social events, this should help.

The Jubilee celebrations are now over. Some would perhaps say 'thank goodness'. Others would be content for the celebrations to be without end. For me, I am somewhat relieved that a sense of reality has been restored. Yes, the events were in their way spectacular and I agree the anniversary had to be marked. But I would be quite happy never to see another boat ever again, and as for locally held celebrations, well they really were quite pitiful.

As I type this, the storm clouds are gathering overhead and the next few days are predicted to be very stormy and very wet. A thunderstorm has darkened the sky and the wind is now gusting.
The weather is a mirror of my health. My throat feels as if it has a razor in it and my joints ache constantly. It is only my determination to complete this post that has kept me from curling up on the sofa. If it doesn't clear by Friday I will visit my GP. A flash of lightning... 'sniff'. I'm heading for my sofa.

Smaller, fewer and less

You hear it all the time, how things have become smaller and how you get less for your pound. I've certainly noticed it. Everything seems to be shrinking. I am very fond of a local Long Sutton curry house and their food is quite simply wonderful. Delivered to your door piping hot, it is a Saturday evening luxury and something I very much enjoy. How shocked I has therefore to find that instead of the six poppadoms I would normally receive, there were just two and to greater disappointment, there was no salad in its separate container complete with a lemon quarter. Cuts are being made everywhere.
Little did I think however that these cuts to our staples would extend to the humble packet of crisps. I snack a lot, particularly when I'm writing and lately I have begun to try baked crisps for their lower fat content. Despite their blandness, they're not at all bad. But I have to say I near fell off my chair when I opened my last packet and peered inside...

Life in my view is like a packet of crisps... full of promise, but in reality, sadly lacking!

Local Festivities... If You Can Get There!

As with all major towns and villages around the UK, celebrations are taking place for the Queen's Jubilee. Long Sutton, my nearest small town has a programme of events spread over the weekend which promises something for all, young and old. Sunday sees a tea party, children's games and music well into the evening and Monday hosts a display of vintage tractors, proms party and beacon lighting.

Of course it is good to see events such as these being held and I have an appreciation of the work and effort that goes into arranging them. But, I cannot help but be incensed by the lack of available public transport enabling people of this area to attend the events. I think it is ridiculous to host an event such as this with scant disregard for transportation. Many people fortunate enough to own and run a car will of course drive to the event and park in one of the three main car parks or park within walking distance of the events. But for many others, the local Call Connect bus service is their only means of transportation and they rely on this service to get them into town to visit shops, banks and the post office. The value of this service should not be underestimated though I do think that greater consideration should be given to those who need the service as much at weekends as they do during the normal week.
The weather will of course play a large part in determining the amount of people who attend and I know that the forecast for the coming two days is far from favourable. Despite this, I am convinced that by providing a bus service between the event and surrounding villages, any such numbers would be significantly increased.