Pulling the rug...

I was saddened earlier this week to receive a letter informing me that our local NHS Trust is to withdraw support for our Spalding based mental health peer support group, Blue Skies. The group was set up three years ago to provide a safety net for those who either cannot get timely treatment for their condition or have been 'dropped' and left to fend for themselves by the Trust. At its peak, the group provided support three days a week to 50 members and offered a range of activities at its Spalding base. As a result of the Trust's decision, Blue Skies now faces closure unless it is able to find a way of funding the public liability insurance needed to cover its meetings. How can a group that so clearly does so much good for service users be closed down in the full knowledge that they have nowhere else to turn...?

Our National Health & Smoking

Once again, smoking is in the news and once again it's another attempt by our health gods and our NHS to rid our hospital sites of smoking - specifically ill people smoking. Of course no amount of effort, penalties or wasted signage will stop people from doing it. Most will find a spot away from CCTV cameras and others will simply sit in their cars. It's a battle no one is going to win.
Of course a proactive approach (I know it's novel) could be taken which would certainly provide an incentive for patients to stop smoking, and that's to provide an e-cigarette for the duration of their stay.

I know they work, I use one all the time and having smoked in the past - cigars and cigarettes - I've never looked back. For me it's the ideal solution. I can use it anywhere, it produces no smoke or smell, there's no harmful tar or chemicals, no litter, gives me something to do with my hands (this is why patches don't work), saves me a fortune and it delivers the nicotine I need. That's my solution to this problem.

A Disjointed Trust

I'm a huge supporter of the NHS but I am reminded from time to time of just how disjointed the organisation really is. Working for the Trust here in Lincolnshire as a volunteer practically full time unpaid does have a tiny benefit of being able to claim expenses for travel. This doesn't amount to very much - roughly £100-150 a month. The procedure for claiming is quite straightforward and I have further refined the process by choosing to email my expenses reports. When it comes to paying however, they operate to their own timetable so reimbursement is something that cannot be relied on.
An event earlier in the month showcasing the work of the various projects fortunate enough to have been awarded funding from the Mental Illness Prevention Fund, incurred the expense of driving from here to Sutton Bridge to collect a colleague and on to Sleaford where the event was being held. We were told that instead of claiming our expenses in the usual way, we should claim from a separate fund set up to reimburse everyone who took the time and effort to attend the event.
We were all sent an expenses claim form, somewhat different in appearance to the one I am used to. I duly completed the form and posted it off to Trust HQ as requested incurring the 60p first class fee. A couple of days passed and I was called today querying the fact that the mileage total worked out by their people was different to the total I was claiming for. Also, the fact that I had carried a passenger for 70% of the journey had no bearing on the total whereas I had claimed for 20p per mile rather than the 40p per mile standard rate. This is normal for my volunteering role and something I've never had a problem with. I was told that there is no provision for reimbursing passenger mileage. I explained that as a volunteer for the Trust, this is standard policy and that they should perhaps talk to volunteer services who clearly have their own set of rules and procedures.
It strikes me as ridiculous that within one trust there is more than one method for reimbursing personal expense. I don't however find it surprising but it does lead me to question why I bother sometimes. If only they knew of the amount of time, effort and personal expense that goes into running a group like ours, they wouldn't quibble over a couple of miles or the fact that I went out of my way to drive a passenger to THEIR event.
The NHS as a whole, despite the newspaper headlines, can do a pretty good job. Where it falls down is on things where any level of organisation is required. It is so fragmented that even departments within one trust have their own procedures and ways of doing things. This applies even to finance departments as I have found where you can be paid for doing something by one department and refused by another. Pull yourselves together or these volunteers will go somewhere else.

Working Full Time

I've been incredibly busy these three weeks with Blue Skies, the anxiety and depression support group I help run. In fact it's been almost like a full time job, the difference being I don't get paid a penny for my efforts. The role of Secretary has meant that I'm dealing with just about everything including publicity and keeping the website and Facebook page up to date. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind it. I like being busy and having things to keep my mind occupied.

I was in Sleaford on Wednesday this week at an NHS managed Care Network event showcasing groups who have successfully bid for money from the Mental Illness Prevention Fund. The event was very well attended and perhaps a little on the small size for the number of groups present. We didn't have a stand - our opportunity will come at the next event as we are a wave 2 group. I was able to leave some leaflets scattered about the place and some of the new business cards I've had printed. Many of the usual faces were there, such as our friends from SHINE and NHS Lincolnshire Partnership Foundation Trust. There were also representatives of the many groups, similar to ours, dotted around the county, groups such as 'Beyond the Blues' at Sleaford and 'New Life Craft & Social Club' in Spilsby. These fine groups are all doing their bit, helping people with mental illness, providing support and friendship and providing opportunity to acquire new skills and hobbies.
To bring all these groups together and to provide a single voice for mental health in Lincolnshire, we have the SHINE network of which we (Blue Skies) are proud to be ambassadors promoting their good work from our Spalding site. Never before has the focus on and attention given to mental health in Lincolnshire been greater. I get a real sense that people are talking about it more and in so doing, more people are beginning to come forward to seek help and support.

We have already seen an increase in our membership and we are beginning to see more referrals from within our local NHS. This is all great and we are anxious for it to continue.
The money given to Blue Skies and other similar groups is testament to how much the NHS and local authorities value the work we are doing. We are in our small way preventing those in our membership from falling ill and and needing the services of health care professionals.

This last week has been devoted to getting our new website online. We now own the domain blueskieslincs.org.uk - this was the cheapest of the variations on Blue Skies that were on offer. The domain enables us to have a website and to have an unlimited number of mailboxes for our committee and group members. I now have the bare bones published and I am hoping to add more content in the coming weeks. As a group, we are planning to make our own cards and other craft items to sell through our eBay shop and via our website. Much of it will be made to order and I will be developing the means for people to buy online.

We've been told that we need to spend all of the money we receive and I'm pleased to say that as far as the first payment is concerned, we have done just that. £2,500 sounds like a lot of money, but in less than two months, we have managed to spend the lot.  We do have a lot to show for it - a huge amount of arts and crafts material and a projector, screen and sound system enabling us to run our own training sessions, watch films or play Wii games. This installation wopuld alone have cost around £2,000 to complete though through the good will and generosity of a number of people, this has been done for free. All of this is aimed at reducing mental illness and encouraging our members to take an interest in an activity and stay well.

We're not alone in what we are doing. There are groups such as ours all over Lincolnshire. Occasionally, we come together at various NHS run events and it's an opportunity for us to find out what the others are doing and to showcase our project. Success can be judged by the people we are helping, their eagerness to come to each session and their individual testament to how they have benefited from what we are doing. It is this information that will help to build a quarterly report showing how the funding has been used to benefit people who suffer with mental illness. I'm expecting to produce our first report in July and I am looking forward to the opportunity to document our own success stories.

There's only problem with this funding and I have to reflect the good as well as the bad- it's the fact that the money has to be spent on the proposed projects and only the proposed projects. Although the projects are there to prevent mental illness, should any of our members fall ill and are at risk through lack of personal funds, we cannot help them by giving them the money for a meal or to pay a bill. It would seem to me that there are limitations when it comes to preventing mental illness and I have been witness to a case recently whereby we could easily have helped someone from reaching crisis point (an NHS term) and being admitted to Boston's Pilgrim Hospital. We had the money, but we couldn't help. Nothing is ever all that it seems sadly and it is a shame that we cannot help those that this whole thing is designed to do.

A Fine British Send-Off

The agreement documents for our (Blue Skies) funding arrived the end of last week. They just needed to be signed and sent back to Lincolnshire Partnership NHS Foundation Trust with an invoice for the £2,500 first payment we are set to receive. It's hard to believe that we will soon have the money we need to get off the ground two projects that will provide huge benefit to our members. For me, it is also an opportunity to deliver computer skills training once more and to demonstrate how computers and the Internet can really be put to the best use. I suspect we will receive the money by next week, and frankly I'm looking forward to spending it!

I spent this morning watching the funeral of Margaret Thatcher live on TV. For me, things like this are always an excuse to use my home cinema and I was more interested in the ceremony and the detail than anything else. I wasn't a fan of Thatcher though I do recognise her achievements and the way her policies have shaped the country. It is only now that I am able to appreciate why life was the way it was as I grew up in the 1980's.
The funeral was very well done. We are so good at putting on a show, whatever the occasion and this morning proved that once again. I think it struck the right balance. There are of course those who disagree and would rather have seen a private funeral, privately funded.
It was good that the much hyped anti-Thatcher protests didn't materialise and were confined to the odd 'boo' and shout. Any protests were very much the minority and a tiny one at that.
Credit should certainly go to the coffin bearers whose job it was to delicately convey Margaret Thatcher's heavy casket up the steep steps of St Paul's and the way they did this with such grace and without fault.

Being 40 and a Successful Evening

I turned 40 last Thursday. There, I've said it. I really didn't want to make a big deal of it and thankfully the day passed with the minimum of fuss. I had been secretly dreading it - I don't know why as most of the people I work with are in their 40's and 50's, some even older. Most are in good health physically and some act as if thy were twenty or thirty years younger.
Being 40 doesn't make me feel much different to how I felt when I was 39. I still have the same aches and pains and I don't gain any sort of additional entitlement having advanced an extra year. I suppose it does give me license to grunt more and to tut at the prices of every day items and food staples. On a brief visit to my parents earlier, I heard my father bemoan the fact that the local newspaper now costs 'thirteen shillings'. This is apparently 65 pence in new money. Oh how I am beginning to sound like him, for I said a similar thing in Asda only the other day to nods of agreement from other shoppers within my new age group.
What makes me feel old is being able to remember when things were cheap and when you went home with a full shopping bag and change from a ten pound note.

Last Friday evening was our Surfing the Waves event - an evening of mental health awareness. In truth the whole thing had been organised by a colleague. We (Blue Skies) were there to promote our activities and exhibit some of our artwork. Attendance was good and the talks well received. I learnt an awful lot about Cannabis, much of it reinforcing my conviction to steer well clear of it. There are conflicting views on whether it aids or worsens mental health conditions and a lot is still unknown. Cannabis is something I have tried once before. All it did for me was to reduce me to fit of giggles which lasted for hours and left me feeling very hungry. We were treated to a talk from one of our local NHS Governors who informed us of the good work being done in Lincolnshire to streamline mental health services. Our host also gave a brief talk for which she can be justly proud. It takes a lot of courage to stand in front of a group of strangers and talk in intimate detail about your struggle with poor mental health.
It was nice to meet some new people too, particularly the SHINE ambassador who, I found out to my utter disbelief, hadn't been informed of Andrew Harrison's passing last year. I was mortified at having been the one to break the news to her and once she had calmed down and composed herself once more, managed to give a good talk about SHINE to the gathered audience.
It was a good evening for Blue Skies also, and we attracted a lot of interest from not just the visiting public but the local press also. Our art display was their main focus of attention and grabbing the largest of our paintings, the photographer insisted we have our photograph taken. I didn't have the heart or the nerve to tell him we hadn't painted it and if anything is said we will claim it is a copy! After all, it isn't signed. As soon as the photo is published, I'll insert it into this post.
Our Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/blueskies.lincs has had a few more 'likes' since Friday and a couple of nice comments have appeared.
So for our first evening of mental health awareness, we can certainly claim it a success. Now we've 'done' one, perhaps we should do another later in the year?

A Bad Day for Our NHS

I will start this post by saying that I am proud of our National Health Service. I suppose it could be argued that I am biased in my view as I 'work' for the NHS providing support for mental health services here in Lincolnshire. Whilst there is much good done each day, the report published today into Mid Staffordshire NHS Trust highlights an unacceptable failing in basic care, respect and duty. The report will bring no comfort whatsoever to the families of those who's lives were lost as a result of these failings, but good must come from it. The Prime minster has announced the creation of an Inspector of Hospitals. Frankly this shouldn't be needed if hospital management did their jobs properly, checking the work of their staff and consulting patients on the quality of the care and treatment they have received.
It is a bad day for the NHS. People oversees will read about massive failings within one Trust, but their perception of the entire NHS will be influenced by this. This is of course wrong. Our NHS, although one organisation, is split into regional units which themselves are broken down by county. Each one of these, for the most part, operates independently and management policy can vary from Trust to Trust. I know myself that Lincolnshire operates differently to other county Trusts. There is huge emphasis on ensuring the views of patients are gained and this process is run by an independent body. There is also a programme of hospital inspections across the county, something I have volunteered to become involved with.
The wrongs which were allowed to take place in Staffordshire cannot be allowed to happen anywhere else and those in charge at the time should be held responsible. What would be equally wrong is to assume the entire NHS is riddled with bad practise and poor care.

Thinking-Up Titles

I did think we would have to call off today's Group meeting as so few were able to attend. A combination of things were responsible for this morning's low turn-out and it was left to myself and two other group members to make the most of the time we had in the relative warmth and convenience of our venue.
Despite there being just the three of us, we did manage to while away the time talking about various issues that either troubled us, interested us or gave us cause for concern. In fact when we get going, we can often talk for hours.

I do seem to be in a better frame of mind today. The last couple of days have been quite stressful and I do feel as if things are settling down a little. There is still the complaint to deal with, currently residing with NPower but I'm hopeful we will be able to come to some kind of arrangement. Frankly, we'll have to.
I have been a little troubled by dreams. Mine are vivid and it's unusual if I don't dream each night. This is a side-effect of the Mirtazapine medication I am on and its sedative properties. The dreams are rarely joyful and positive experiences. Mostly they involve me being in some kind of office environment, often closed-in and suffocating. I am almost always in a position of varying responsibility but in almost all cases, I am responsible for something that goes wrong. This produces a strong feeling of guilt and failure that will often seep from my dream state into my conscious state and can stay with me for as much as a whole day afterwards.
I dare say those who as well as me believe in some symbolic connection between dreams and real life will agree that there is a link between the events in my sleep and failings in my past. This is pretty obvious. The clarity of the dreams and the real feelings they produce is something I find both interesting and troubling.

We are told we are heading out of the freezing weather period we have been experiencing here in the UK for the last couple of weeks. Here is the East, we are forecast to see a final parting gift tomorrow night of several inches of prolonged heavy snow which is anticipated to make Saturday morning 'challenging'. As with all forecasts, I tend now to take them with a large pinch of salt especially as we haven't seen anywhere near the amount of snow that has been forecast up to now. If it's as bad as the forecast predicts, I will post a photograph here on Saturday.

As I type this, shouts of excitement and schoolboy fun filter over my Herb Alpert and Friends LP. My son has his friend over to play and it sounds as though they are battling it out on the Wii ably refereed by my wife. I wrote of my 'wasted' trip to NHS Bracebridge Heath on Monday. It transpires that the meeting had been previously cancelled due to lack of interest but my original acknowledgement hadn't been passed-on to the organiser. The upshot is that I have received an apology and kind offer of reimbursement for my travel expense, which is nice. Despite the obvious clerical error, I do actually have tremendous respect for the people organising the meeting. The work they do and their motives for arranging the meeting in the first place are entirely Honourable. I have asked them to contact me when another meeting is arranged as they, like me, are keen that it should still go ahead. Any discussion regarding mental health services in Lincolnshire has to be a priority.

I'm quite looking forward to a few hours to myself tomorrow. I already plan to record an entry for my audio journal. I do though have a diabetic clinic appointment at 1.30 which I'm not looking forward to. My blood glucose levels are often a lot higher than they should be despite trying to maintain a low sugar diet. I think I may already know what the outcome will be.

It's strange. I find I can write about things very easily but the hardest part of maintaining a blog is thinking-up a title for each post. In fact, it often takes me longer to think up the title than it does to type the whole post entry!

My Moodscope score today is 51%

A Stressful Day, A Wasted Trip & Andrew Lyons

A stressful day. I attended a rather subdued Group meeting this morning which was thankfully made more cheerful by the arrival of Harry and Harriet, our local Pets As Therapy dogs and their handlers. There were once again relatively few attendees and I'm inclined to blame the weather for their non-appearance.
The journey to Spalding this morning was again made in freezing conditions, this time compounded by thick fog and ice. It looks as if we are in for a prolonged period of freezing temperatures though the snow does seem to have abated.

Speaking on non-appearance, I yesterday afternoon attended what I believed to be a meeting held at Lincolnshire NHS offices at Bracebridge Heath. The meeting had been scheduled for 4pm and its purpose was to informally discuss how we all felt about the future of mental health support in the wake of Andrew Harrison's tragic death. How surprised was I then to find on arrival that I was the only one attending and that the meeting had evidently been cancelled. I have sent an email to the organiser but I have yet to receive a reply.

Today had been allocated by my wife for us to contact the council regarding our council tax payments and our electricity provider Eon regarding the ridiculous amount they are changing for our lighting and heating.
I had been dreading the prospect of having to speak with them but thankfully my wife had dealt with the council before I arrived home from Group. I find more and more that my anxiety kicks in and frankly makes me feel quite ill. I much prefer to type letters. It is one of the few things I am still able to do with any level of confidence.
I finally mustered the courage and explained our situation to the chap in their call centre. To his credit, he was actually quite helpful and having explained that there was no way we could afford to pay £360 per month, he set about changing our payment arrangement. This still leaves the £800 odd debt we've somehow managed to accrue since joining them last year. This still needs to be resolved and a complaint has been raised with a dedicated team who should be contacting us in a couple of days time. Of particular concern is how our monthly energy consumption could have leaped from £126 to £196 and why they emptied our bank account at the beginning of January to pay off some of what we owed - without consulting us beforehand. This may sound minor and trivial to many but when you have very little or no income, it's pretty major.

Suicide is in the news again. The BBC have an article on their news site which highlights the increase in the number of people taking their own lives. This is tragic and sad, but not unexpected. I've written at length about how stress, depression and their causes such as debt, redundancy and the squeeze on living standards caused by Government policy is making life unbearable for many. An increasing number are being pushed to the limit, and in some cases, beyond.
In my local newspaper, the Spalding Guardian, I see that there was another successful suicide attempt in Spalding. The body of Andrew Lyons, aged just 33 was discovered next to the railway line. What drove Andrew to this act is unknown but it is a sad fact that more and more people in their 30's are choosing the ultimate way out and freedom from the pain and misery of debt and redundancy. Why? is something many will be asking. Was help available to Andrew or had he sought help? IS there anything anyone could have done to make his situation easier or provide hope, enough for him to see that there is a reason for carrying on? Perhaps we'll never know, but Andrew is a reminder to us all of how suicide is difficult to predict and to prevent in someone determined enough.
I always feel anger when something like this happens. I feel angry that no one was able to help. I feel angry that Andrew felt so desperate and alone, that his problems couldn't be resolved or worked out. If help had been provided and there was hope, what would Andrew have become and achieved in his life? Whatever pushed Andrew to the limit and beyond could have been made easier with support and help from others, particularly those who have been where Andrew had been, people who understand how it is to feel there is no way out of a situation and to make the ultimate choice. People like this are in a unique position to empathise and provide the support needed to convince someone like Andrew that there is another way out. When someone is depressed and at their wits end, it is impossible to see, but it is there, of this I am convinced. If only...
My Moodscope score today is 47%

Final Thoughts on Savile & More Volunteering

The extent of the alleged abuse perpetrated by Jimmy Savile has been made public in a report published today. Though we've known for some months of the crimes claimed to have been committed by the late presenter and personality, one cannot fail to be shocked by the details that have emerged. Jimmy Savile is dead and cannot answer for his crimes and it should be remembered that these are allegations and though there is no reason to doubt any of the testimonies, they cannot be proved.
Good has to come out of something like this. There have clearly been major failings that allowed the alleged abuse to carry on unchecked and unchallenged. The warnings voiced by certain individuals were ignored. The question being asked by so many people is 'why?'. It is difficult to understand how nothing was done, with the most recent opportunity lost in 2009 when the Crown Prosecution Service dropped a case against him, clearly failing in their duty.
Hopefully there will be a greater emphasis from now on to investigate rumours and allegations and to take children seriously.

This afternoon I responded to a plea sent out from SHINE Lincolnshire for volunteer PEAT (Patient Environment Action Team) inspectors. Apparently they are very short of volunteers, who's role it is to go visit inpatient hospital departments and inspect levels of cleanliness and hygiene among other things. As with most things nowadays, there is no reward apart from having expenses paid, but there's always the possibility of it leading to something more concrete.

I had my pre-diabetic clinic blood test this morning. I always have to take a wee sample with me which they check there and then. Unsurprisingly they found sugar in it so it's been sent off to be analysed at King's Lynn QEII Hospital. They very kindly booked me a diabetic clinic appointment for the 25th, a Friday. I expect I will be advised to move onto an injectable form of medication rather than the (many) tablets I currently take each day.

Two more sleeps...

I'm feeling very festive. It's taken a while but was probably brought about by a party we held for my son earlier. He will be 6 years old on the 27th but we decided to have his party a few days early at our village hall. Despite the panic to ensure that everything went well and that there was enough food to go round, the whole thing was a rip roaring success. Most of the credit should go to the parents who all chipped in and of course the wonderful chap who did the disco. He really is the best and ensured that the kids were kept entertained throughout with various party games. In fact, he really made the party and I can't recommend him enough! I was on kitchen duty, making countless cups of tea and coffee for the adults. In fact, I was in my element and it's something I'm very used to doing each week at my support group meetings.

My son's excitement is clearly beginning to build and he now knows he has just two more sleeps until Santa brings his presents. My wife has done a sterling job this year and has managed once more to work miracles with the relatively small amount of money we have spare. Unlike previous years, it will just be the three of us here for Christmas. My parents are spending Christmas with my sister and my in-laws are playing host to their sons and their families. This is fine, I'm very comfortable with this and it will nice not to have to worry about catering for others and having to the do inevitable taxi runs here and there. We've even done the exchange of gifts, so we're actually ahead of schedule for the first time.
As far as remaining gifts are concerned, we're just waiting on some calendars, a yearly tradition whereby we collate the best of the year's photos of our son. I'm hopeful they will arrive tomorrow as they have been dispatched. We're also waiting for one last gift for our son. He's really into Lego at the moment, as I was when I was his age. We've bought him some of the Lego City range this year and to top it off, we have ordered for him a rather nice helicopter which Tesco have very kindly reduced from £34 to just £23. It has a delivery estimate of the 28th, though I'm hopeful it will arrive at our local store for collection late tomorrow.
I do also need to buy a little something for my wife. We did decide some months ago not to buy for each other as money is so short. It turns out though that my wife has spent some money on something for me, so I must do the same. Luckily I have tomorrow afternoon to find something suitable.

I have a Blue Skies meeting in the morning for a couple of hours. It was decided we would meet Christmas Eve as otherwise the wait between meetings would be too great. We're going to have a few festive nibbles and treats and I'm hoping as many as possible will attend.

In the news, we have more flooding affecting parts of the UK. This time rail routes have been affected and there are severe flood warnings, particularly in the West. More rainfall is predicted and this is likely to cause further flooding in the coming days. Indeed, many of the dykes here in South Holland are almost full and the fields around and about are heavily waterlogged. This is the worst I have seen them in ten years.
Another story, which simply won't go away, is the Andrew Mitchell 'who said what to who plebgate affair'. Stepping back, I find the whole thing utterly ridiculous compared to other things going on in the World. There is talk of investigation after investigation and repeated denials which frankly will simply run on and on. The fact is that no one recorded what was said and it's one word against another. Just draw a line under it and move on. There are more important things we should be concerning ourselves with such as helping those who cannot afford to heat their homes or feed their families.

Finally, it did look as if I'd had a little luck on Friday when I received a remittance advice note from the NHS for my volunteer expenses. The amount paid to me was £422, way higher than it should be. When I checked my November expenses, I'd travelled a total of 420 miles. At 40p per mile, this is £168. I'm rather hoping that it is some kind of Christmas good will bonus of some kind, but I doubt it very much. Being the honest guy I am, I'm going to have to phone up tomorrow and ask if they have made a mistake. Needless to say, in my mind I have already spent every penny of it!

I'll try to get another post in before the big day, but if I don't Happy Christmas to you all and thanks so much for taking an interest in my random thoughts and ramblings.

Not quite feeling it yet...

I'm in a good place at the moment. Things are pretty steady and we can face Christmas without worrying too much about the mortgage. It's a good feeling to know that things are OK but I'm acutely aware of how quickly things can change. I'm always expecting a letter to arrive with a final demand or a bailiff letter threatening all sorts of horrible things. I dread the post as a result and seldom ever open anything just in case. I see how quickly things can change with myself and I see it with others I know. Keeping busy certainly helps and I am heavily involved with running Blue Skies. I also have this blog, my website and the Blue Skies Facebook page, all of which I try to keep updated regularly. Anxiety is something I find more and more difficult to control, as evidenced last Sunday when I caused a lot of damage to my right hand and wrist. I've decided that part of the reason for doing this was the inability for me to use my e-cigarette. It was quite a long journey and I am never without my 'stick' when driving normally. Being in my in-law's car meant that I couldn't use it and this added to my anxiety and feeling of overwhelming frustration. The people I know and support understand perfectly. They've seen the state of my hand. They know. My family do not, and never will. It is only possible to understand acute anxiety by experiencing it.

I don't know if it's just me, but I do feel there is a lot of death at the moment. So many people have died lately, people of note - personalities and people who have made a difference. As I type this, I see that Kenneth Kendal has passed away aged 88. I grew up during the 1970's and 80's when Kenneth was a regular TV news reader. I also remember his appearances on Channel 4's Treasure Hunt.
There is often tragedy at this time of year. Just before Christmas, it isn't unusual for their to be a disaster of some kind and major loss of life. Indeed, as I am typing I hear that there has been a shooting incident in Conneticut, US at an elementary school. There are reports that as many as 27 have been shot and killed. So tragic and a reminder of what guns can do in the wrong hands. It does seem that very little has changed in the US and gun laws remain lax enabling practically anyone to have access to firearms. All the while the law allows this to happen, so we will sadly continue to see events such as this.

I'm not really feeling that festive at the moment. We do have one or two Group events such as Secret Santa and our Christmas meal next week. I have received a number of cards and a couple of presents have appeared under the tree. I've even played a few of my Christmas records. Maybe next week, I'll start to feel it but today has been much like a typical October day with rain and strong winds having taken over from days of freezing fog and ice.

Our volunteer services manager visited our group on Thursday. He was there to discuss our relationship with the NHS Trust. It seems the NHS are trying to do away with groups such as ours and also end the practice of referring new members. It should be noted that our membership is by referral only so quite how things will work in the future I don't know. It may be that we do end up breaking away, especially if we procure funding but it's important we retain our connections with the NHS. There certainly appears to be an element within the NHS hierarchy that doesn't favor support groups such as ours. It's a shame as we're here to stay and our membership of the Shine Network carries much clout within the mental health circles in Lincolnshire. Added to this, I have called upon our local NHS Governor who I'm hoping will visit one of our group meetings soon. Their support should bolster our cause and ensure we continue to provide a much needed bridge between psychiatric services and the community.

Needing A Day of Nothing

I'm feeling quite washed-out at the moment. Yesterday I attended an NHS event in transforming mental health services in Lincolnshire. It was a participatory event and provided an opportunity to contribute to NHS strategy. I was really impressed with this. I hadn't realised fully up to now just how much decision making involves members of the public and service users and I really felt a part of the process. Some of the Governors were present at the event and it was great being able to put faces to the names.

Today another NHS event was held in Lincoln on Personality Disorders. Despite the venue being very cold (on account of the hall owners forgetting the event was being held thus no heating), the event was excellent and contained real life testimony from Governors and service users. A talk was given on the illness and the current strategy and practises used to treat the condition. We were told that improvements were needed and that the quality of service available to patients isn't uniform across the county, but that a new strategy is currently being developed.
These events are great for networking and I got talking to many who have had experience of the condition. I was also asked if I would consider becoming a Governor. Apparently they are after more 'young blood' to influence and contribute to NHS mental health policy. I hadn't really considered this up to now, but the prospect of being able to contribute directly to mental health service provision and help shape strategy really appeals to me. Unfortunately I can't see myself being able to do it. For a start, I am rather wrapped up in my current role with Blue Skies, and my wife won't allow it given the fact that the position of Governor is unpaid, apart from expenses of course. Unless it's a full time job, she doesn't want to know. It's a real shame as I know it is where I want to be.
Tomorrow will be a good day. I was asked by my colleague earlier what it is I'll be doing. I replied gleefully, 'nothing... absolutely nothing'. Of course I'll be doing things, but I have nothing in my calendar so for me it will be a free day, to pretty much do what I want. I know I'll probably be tinkering with our funding bid, but I really want to keep the day free from stress if at all possible. I've had two full-on days and I need a little rest.
I did receive a message of encouragement and praise today in relation to our funding bid application. I had sent it to Lincolnshire CVS (Community Volunteer Service) for them to review and comment, and I received a message praising us on the quality of our application and pledging support for our project. I felt quite uplifted by this followed by a mix of emotions when I was reminded by my wife that I couldn't consider being a Governor for the NHS - despite my passion for improving mental health services, a passion which should be clear to see by now. Nevertheless, I replied to the message with thanks inviting them to come and see us at one of our group meetings.
We have until Friday to get the application and costs completed for submission. I am planning to send it by email last thing Thursday night. We're pretty much there, but we have been very slow and dis-organised in getting our costs together and deciding exactly the things we need to buy. We are bound to forget the odd item but I am hopeful we will have some change that we will be able to use to buy extras if needed.
So, I find myself looking forward to tomorrow, a chance to remain settled and an opportunity to recharge and reflect on where I am at the moment and where I want to be in the coming days.

A Tough Week

It's been a tough week. When someone you know dies, it throws you into a state of flux. When they take their own life, it fills you with a lot of different emotions. As well as feeling sad and distressed at his loss, I found myself feeling very angry, angry that it could have happened and angry that all the good work that he had done and the projects he had planned were now gone. I kept playing over in my mind how he could have been feeling and what led him to do it. Was the problem so great that there was no solution? Could anyone have helped prevent it? Perhaps he just wanted to go, no matter how much help and support was on offer. Perhaps he'd simply had enough and just didn't want to go on. Maybe we'll never know.
The void left by Andrew's death is huge. So many people knew him, from NHS executive through to support groups and mental health sufferers. For many he was their champion, someone who campaigned tirelessly for greater understanding and better services. Many have remarked how, if it hadn't been for Andrew, they wouldn't be here today. Andrew's legacy will live on through the people he has touched and the campaign he started. It will be up to the people Andrew knew to continue the good work he started and the various support groups to promote this work through training, awareness and fund raising.
Andrew's funeral is being held on Friday 7th December at Nocton Wood Burial Site, Lincoln. I will be attending with one of my support group colleagues on behalf of Blue Skies.

The week started quite badly with a visit to the bank, practically pleading with them to extend the arrangement we have with them for another three months to March next year, when the interest rate drops to 3.9% (we are currently on a fixed rate of 6.9%). Sadly, despite our pleas, the bank decided not to be as helpful as they could have been and as a result, we have had to seek the help once more of the Citizen's Advice Bureau. They have, as expected, been brilliant. They have written to the bank on our behalf in an attempt to make them see sense and I hope that we'll hear some good news soon. The alternative is a fine each month, harassing phone calls at all hours, and threatening letters. We were told by the adviser at the bank to expect this. This is despite being told by my wife of my poor mental health. The problem with banks, particularly the large ones, is that exceptions cannot be made for customers with specific needs. Unless you fit into one of their boxes, they don't want to know. Your circumstances trigger computer generated letters and harassing telephone calls from faceless call centres. They don't know you, they don't know your situation and they don't know how to deviate from the script in front of them or stuck to the side of their little partitioned cubicle. They don't care. It's not as if we're asking the earth, we're not - just three months leniency until we're able to take advantage of the new lower interest rate.
It's far to say that this is having a bearing on my mental state. I do worry about it constantly and if anything is going to drag me back down in the coming weeks, it is this.

I've been more busy than ever this last week with preparations for our funding bid application from the Mental Illness Prevention Fund. On Monday, I spend several hours going through the application at a colleague's place. Since then, I've been constantly updating things especially costs as we think up new items to add to the list. We're already at over £3,000!
On Tuesday, we visited the bank to start our application for a bank account. Whilst there, the bank manager opened up to us about her daughter, who suffers mental illness. In fact we spent most of the one hour appointment talking about this. The relief at having found a local support group was palpable. I should have been surprised, but I wasn't. Mental illness is everywhere. I was so glad that we'd been able to help and it was reassuring to know that we had the support of our bank manager!

Thursday was particularly stressful and I found myself feeling quite emotionally drained. Our members are in need, that is why they attend the group. The company of others, particularly those who understand and who have lived experience of their illness, is important to them. For many, they simply wouldn't get out of bed if they didn't have the group. Sadly, several were in a distressed state and in greater need of our support than normal. It is very sad to see them this way and I feel frustrated at not being able to help more. I've seen what desperation does and I'm doubly keen to ensure we offer all the support we can when it is needed and an assurance that it is there when it is not. To further the types of support we are able to offer, I would very much like for us to be trained in counselling skills. I have been asked for counselling and it would be great if we were able to offer this. For some the thought of having to see a 'professional' is very off-putting and it is very important that our members feel comfortable and at ease.

A difficult visit to my parent's this morning. I felt like a caged animal. I do whenever I'm with family. They don't talk to me (perhaps they don't know what to say to someone with mental illness), and I feel quite ostracised. The longer I'm there, the worse I feel. Paranoia soon sets in and I become anxious about what they are thinking and saying about me. It is horrible, I feel terrible and it's a situation I always try to avoid. Of course they don't understand and I get comments like 'you're not talking very much' and 'cat got your tongue?'. The people I work with do, they more than understand. They go through it every day, the same feelings just like me. I'm so glad I know them and I would be lost without them.

The weather is once again in the news. As I type this, I see that two people have so far lost their lives due to flooding and falling trees. It is worse in the West where flooding is the main problem due to burst rivers and breached defences. There was a time when flooding on this scale would have been a singular event and treated as a major crisis. Nowadays, it is all too common. Flooding is becoming a regular occurrence and it is becoming more and more difficult to accept those who claim that our weather patterns are not changing. It is clear that our weather is worsening and those living in flood hit areas of the country should expect more and more events such as those we have witnessed this week.

Andrew Harrison

A couple of hours ago, I learnt that Andrew Harrison of SHINE died Monday afternoon. Many will know him as 'Captain Rainbow' after his AOL email address.
Andrew had suffered with mental health issues for many years and used to work in the NHS until his illness forced early retirement. He decided to devote his time and energy to promoting mental health awareness and lobbied the NHS and health professionals regularly to provide funding and better care for the growing numbers of sufferers throughout Lincolnshire. Andrew did a lot of good work for a lot of people and there will be many this evening who will be shocked and distraught at his early death.
I had met Andrew a few weeks ago when I attended a course he was running at Renew+ in Lincoln with one of my colleagues. I came away in no doubt that Andrew was passionate about mental health, and though a little eccentric, he knew all there was to know on the subject. I was glad that we had had the opportunity to meet him and had begun to form connections between the SHINE Network and our group in South Holland. By working together, I was convinced we could do good things and extend the support we provide to a larger number of people.
It is so sad to think that someone who trained others to look after themselves and spot the signs of depression and mental illness, surrounded by so many supportive people, has himself decided to end his life. It is a reminder that mental illness can take the ultimate toll on anyone, even the best trained and best informed. Andrew's death is an enormous loss to the campaign for better mental health awareness and the fight against the path of destruction this government has set for the NHS and mental health services. I just hope that SHINE and the countless other organisations Andrew was involved with continue his work and maintain the fight for the growing number of people affected by mental illness.

I have sent a message of condolence on behalf of my support group, Blue Skies. Our thoughts and prayers are with Andrew's family, friends and colleagues at this tragic time.

RIP Andrew.

Involve@Lincoln have a dedicated page on Facebook where messages can be read and left;

www.facebook.com/pages/incolvelincoln

There is an Andrew Harrison Memorial site where messages of condolence can be left;
http://andrewmemorial.posterous.com/

On a high... But for how long?

We had a good meeting yesterday at the NHS T&D Centre in Sleaford. It was a good job my two colleagues and I attended or there would have been just one other there. I had expected a conference room full of volunteer staff, instead we had a small meeting room and board table. It would have made more sense I think to have had one big meeting with volunteer staff from all parts of Lincolnshire, but being such a vast county there would have been many for whom the trek there would have been too much.
We did manage to come away with some new information and also had the opportunity to spend some time discussing our Mental Health Prevention Fund bid and apportion parts of the bid application to each of us to complete.
It was also useful to find out that we are able to use the venue for any group committee meetings we hold in the future. Apparently we need to meet monthly, particularly if we go for charity status, which is becoming more likely given the fact we will be requesting more than £1k.
It was actually very enjoyable, not just the meeting, but the opportunity for the three of us to go somewhere different and spend some time together. It was clear to me that over the last few months, we had all developed a bond of friendship with each other which I feel will be strong and lasting. This makes me feel good.
My mood had lifted slightly, well I felt it had. My Moodscope rating yesterday was 10% again, but I'm not sure if it accurately reflected my mental state. I certainly felt more active and interested in what was going on around me and the deep depression of the last few days had definitely lifted.
Today I actually felt almost free from depression, though my Moodscope rating this morning was actually just 9% - one of my lowest scores so far. So although the symptoms of despair were there, they hadn't manifested themselves into a low mood. Interesting...
At today's Support Group, we had a guest speaker - a CPN (Community Psychiatric Nurse) who came to tell us a little about his job and give a Q&A session. It was all very interesting and I was curious to know how he had got into the role and what had led him there.
We also had a new (male) member join us today and he was well received by all. I'm hopeful he will come again as I very much enjoyed his input and I'm sure he can benefit from the Group. We do still need to increase our numbers and it would be nice if we could attract more men though it is acknowledged that men are the least likely to seek help and therapy in the form that we provide.
I need to work some more on the Blue Skies leaflet tomorrow with a view to completing it. I need to take the final proof with me on Thursday. Hopefully we'll soon be able to get them printed. I'll also finish off the poster so we can get it put up in waiting rooms and medical centres.
I certainly feel on a high at the moment and such a contrast to the last week. I'm interested in doing things and I have been busy typing letters, something I very much enjoy, mainly to banks. I just hope this surge of energy and high spirits lasts, but knowing my condition, I'll soon be back in my pit of despair. That's what makes me think I'm bi-polar and why others think I am too.

Improvement & Focus

A better day today. My Moodscope rating is 10%, which although very low is an improvement on yesterday. Compared to yesterday, I do feel a lot better. I'm more interested in doing things and I have my appetite back. Therapy suggest that keeping away from the things that cause or might cause another depressive low is the right course of action, so that is what I'll do.
I am beginning to wonder if I am becoming bi-polar. This was dismissed soon after my breakdown, but the roller coaster effect of my depression lends itself to this condition.
Depression is something that is fully understood only by those who suffer with the condition. Depression is indiscriminate and affects the people around and close to the sufferer. It is a destructive illness. Its damage is long lasting and in some cases permanent and at worst fatal.
Depression has taken me to some dark places. On at least one occasion, it took somewhere I very nearly didn't return from. Its pull is relentless. It never actually stops. The trick is to keep pulling in the other direction but it takes strength, lots of it.
I don't believe depression is something that simply goes away. It's always there and gets worse when it wins the fight. When I was young, it was easier to win over and keep at bay. As I've got older, it's been more and more difficult to control and severe episodes are painful and crippling.
I have been thinking about my earliest recollections of being affected by depression. Knowing what I do now, it is clear to me that I was suffering with depression in my teens. It was certainly undiagnosed back then and if anyone did know that I was suffering with it, then nothing was done. So much of my time was spent sleeping just to while away the hours. I would often drink myself to sleep and mix with painkillers. When I was working, I'd keep the depression at bay until I came home and I would spend the evening in bed feeling worthless and alone. This was the cycle for a long time.
In some ways things were worse then as there was no control. No one knew about it and the low moods just felt normal the way things were. Now there is some level of control. The medication prevents the worst effects from occurring. There are people around me aware of the condition and aware that I suffer with it. These people are dear to me and keep me going.

Tomorrow is my first NHS Volunteer's Meeting. I'm quite looking forward to it and it's a chance to meet with others from around the county who give so much of their time and energy to help and support others. I'm hoping I'll be able to find out more about the group funding bid process as it all does seem rather involved. As we are asking for more than £1000, there is a lot more work involved and possibly a requirement for the group to hold charity status. That will certainly be my focus for tomorrow, and this will hopefully keep the dark clouds at bay.

Fully Inducted

Yesterday I attended my Induction Course with the NHS in Sleaford. As a volunteer, it is mandatory for anyone working within the NHS to attend an Induction session to formerly introduce them to the organisation and to make them aware of various policies, procedures and regulations.
I was asked if I would provide a lift for another volunteer who lives in Spalding and this provided me some company on my journey.
I had become quite anxious before the course, similar to the anxiety attacks I would suffer before leaving for work at my previous job. I was more worried about not getting there on time or getting lost, as I have been known to do so in the past. My companion would have been of little use as it was her first visit. I really needn't have worried as we arrived with ten minutes to spare only to find that the course was almost twenty minutes late starting.
There were fifteen of us on the course, each of us working in various parts of the Trust as volunteers, our duties varied. The training was very informal and with plenty of coffee breaks, and a nice cold buffet was provided at lunch time.
The agenda for the day was quite lengthy and covered various topics such as life support, safeguarding and infection control. Not everything would apply to everyone, but it was all very interesting.

I particularly enjoyed the life support session. This involved the traditional use of a dummy to simulate the procedure for resuscitating someone who has stopped breathing.  It's surprised me just how tiring it can be to give thirty chest compressions and the weight needed to sufficiently depress the chest.
The safeguarding session was a reminder to us all of how much work goes on in the community to support and protect vulnerable children and adults. We were told of some recent cases where the safeguarding team have been involved and of the immense amount of work and attention paid to each individual. A lot of this work goes unseen and it was comforting to know that services such as this exist in the community.

Another enjoyable session was on infection control. We were shown how germs can remain on our hands despite vigorous washing and the effects that poor hygiene can have in a hospital environment. To demonstrate, we were asked to apply a soap to our hands and ensure we rubbed it in, especially between our fingers. We were then asked to place our hands into a box that shone a special light on our hands to indicate where germs were still present. The results were very interesting and showed that despite our attempts, our hands were still not completely free from germs.

The final session was to do with management of violence and aggression. We were told that on hospital wards, it is not uncommon for patients to lash out or become aggressive toward staff. On dementia wards, this is more common due to the mental state of the patient. Specialist training is now provided to all staff and volunteers as a result and this was a very enjoyable end to the days proceedings. I chose (wisely) not to take part in the physical part of the tuition, opting to sit and watch the demonstrations. It was quite a lot of fun, though we did all learn some simple manoeuvres to repel a would be attacker.

The whole day was very enjoyable. It was nice to meet others who give their time generously to help others. Most if not all have had first hand experience of mental health issues and they, like me had decided to give something back in the form of volunteer work within the Trust.

A Tearful Appreciation & A Commons Grilling

I have just returned from my son's school leavers & awards assembly, and very emotional it was too. What struck me straight away was how well attended it was by parents. The largest room at the school was full with the children squashed onto the floor in front of the parents.
Awards were given by the head teacher for performance and for reading skill. In addition, there was an attendance certificate which my son was chuffed to receive for zero absence. He also received a rather nice reading medal.
I've attended a couple of these events as a parent and I've been struck each time by the level of dedication shown by the teachers and how much they are affected when the time comes for their pupils to move on. I suppose it should come as no surprise really given that most of their time is spent with them, preparing them for the journey of life and finding their way in society as we know it. I am always so respectful of teaching staff. The amount of work, care and attention that goes into their work cannot be underestimated. A great many, like carers and nurses will describe their jobs as a vocation. This is easy to understand.
So there were certainly tears, from pupils, parents and teachers. But there was also a feeling of tremendous pride for all the children had achieved and an appreciation for the teachers we trust our children to.

As I type this, we are surrounded by storms locally and the power has already had a small blip so I half expect everything to go off as I continue typing. Having said that, our weather is actually set to improve and this is to be the last day of the wet spell we've endured for the last few weeks. It is actually very warm and conditions are set to improve further next week with the promise of sunshine.
The weather lately has certainly taken its toll. Numerous events have been cancelled due to water-logged fields and their have been deaths due to flooding and landslips. The latest event to be cancelled locally was the Sacrewell Farm Bus Rally, which we attend every year.

There is one week to go until the opening ceremony of the 2012 Olympic Games. Despite the assurances that the country is prepared, we have discovered that huge gaps in the security contingent are having to be filled by police officers and army. Stories are also emerging regarding poor training and I read today that our failings have begun to appear in the foreign press with Germany printing a particularly damning article.
I do think there will be further problems to emerge from what is when all is said and done, an enormous event, but I really don't see anything interfering with the actual running of the games themselves. The problems I envisage will be more to do with transportation and the sheer numbers of people expected to attend.
One person wishing he was somewhere else has to be the current target of the country's anger, Nick Buckles - Chief Exec of G4S, the firm contracted to provide security for the numerous events taking place across the country in the coming weeks. It is clear that G4S have failed in their obligation to provide sufficient numbers of security staff and the publicity surrounding the fiasco will have done irreparable damage. Yesterday he faced a Commons Select Committee like a naughty child in front of a row of seething headmasters and the whole spectacle was quite agonising to watch. I see that he's been called to appear before them again in September when the games will be part of British history, so I suspect Nick Buckles will have many sleepless nights ahead of him. I have to confess that part of me does actually feel sorry for him. He has clearly bitten off more than his company can chew and in pursuit to be the best, like so many others, he's come unstuck.

We had a great visit yesterday to our group by Linda O'Hara of Healthy Hub and representing mental health services within the NHS here in Lincolnshire. I had asked her to come and see us to make her aware of the work we do here in South Holland and ways in which we could attract new members to the group and publicise what we are doing. We are the only group in this area to be providing support and Linda was keen for us to be recognised. It was also clear that funding is available for such groups and related initiatives so we will certainly be producing a bid for funds in September. We're not looking for anything as big as a minibus, more materials for drawing, painting and crafts. I would also like for the group to have access to computers so I can provide training and, using Skype, set up meetings online with other groups in the region. My suggestions were I felt very well received and I hope that we will be seen as part of the overall county provision for mental health support and awareness. So that's all good...

I met with my psychiatrist yesterday to check my progress and she was pleased (I think) to find me well and involved in helping others. I did ask about the medication I'm taking as one of the tablets I take, Mirtazapine, though it has a calming sedative effect, often knocks me out so I fall asleep during the evening. I was told sadly that this couldn't be changed for the foreseeable future, so I will have to endure it.
I was also reminded of my weight and the fact that exercise and a healthy diet would further help my condition. I do unfortunately take little advice on this subject. I know I am unhealthy and despite wishing I was more athletic, I simply cannot summon the enthusiasm or motivation. Depression does that. It's a struggle to do things sometimes and today, frankly, I consider it an achievement that I was able to run the vacuum cleaner round. This is of course where psychiatrists and doctors generally lack the understanding of what it is to actually live with the condition, and how it controls how you feel on a near daily basis. I've often mentioned about 'being in the mood' to do things, and this is exactly what it is like. If I'm not in the right mood or frame of mind, I won't do it. It's like writing my blog. If I'm not engaged then the words simply won't come out. Today just happens to be one of those days when I feel in a writing mood, and I expect it shows... I now have to think up an appropriate title - often the most difficult bit!

A Family Sized Challenge

I had a family christening to attend today, the youngest daughter of my sister-in-law. For me, it was another one of those awkward family gatherings that I used to cope so well with. Now it is just a struggle, something I never really enjoy and hours of wishing I was somewhere else. I do wonder if I manage to hide how I really feel. I've never really been any good at small talk and prefer for others to speak to me. I'm OK when that happens, but I simply don't have the courage any more to start a conversation myself. The confidence I once had has all but gone. This is how I am in 'family' situations. How different it is at my Tuesday A&D support group. I'm at ease there and I feel able to start a conversation and keep it going. I'm amongst friends there, people who were a few months ago complete strangers, but people who now know more about me than my family. I know this sounds mad, but it is true. For there is so much I am able to discuss with my friends that I wouldn't dream of mentioning in the presence of family. I know my friends feel the same way, so perhaps it is more common than I'd realised.
Alcohol does give me a degree of temporary false confidence, but it doesn't mix well with the tablets and I soon find myself becoming very drowsy and often get a headache. I do find that since my illness, I am left pretty much to myself and rarely does anyone attempt a conversation with me. I think this is a natural reaction - some people prefer to steer clear.
How relaxed I feel now I am set free and back in the safety of my own home. I can be myself here and jig my leg as much as I want without stares from those who like to judge. I can feel like this in one other place, each Tuesday amongst those who understand me and accept me. Why can't family be like this and why does it feel so foreign to be amongst them?

I have my father-in-law's notebook computer to repair. He's managed to get some kind of virus on to it. I know when he calls what to expect. It's always something to do with his computer, and my heart sinks at the prospect of having to help him. It's not so much the task, it's more the explaining why it has happened. How do I tell him he's simply downloading too much junk? How do I tell him not to click the download button on every game he comes across? It's such a dilemma and being the only 'IT guy' in the family, it's a burden I simply cannot escape.

We had a mini-tornado here last Thursday. The weather has been freaky all week and local events have been cancelled due to the heavy rain. I managed to capture the twister on my camera phone on the way back from a visit to the library. It had caused some damage which was evident from the number of roof repairs taking place the following day. It's not something you see every day...

I have a date for my NHS Volunteer Service interview - it's on the 3rd of July and being a Tuesday I'll be at the venue anyway. It's all a formality really as I've been in the role for some time, and like any similar role, a CRB check has to be completed.

Finally, it's an evening dominated by football once more and the roads around here are wonderfully quiet. Oh how I wish they could be like this all the time. Followers will know by now that I'm not exactly a fan of football, perhaps another reason why I feel so awkward around my football-loving family. I'll be checking the score of course, and if it goes Italy's way then tomorrow is sure to be a day of misery... If we do well, then we face Germany, and part of me does get ever so slightly excited by the prospect - but that's all!