Perfectly put...

Says it all really... Perfectly.

Working Full Time

I've been incredibly busy these three weeks with Blue Skies, the anxiety and depression support group I help run. In fact it's been almost like a full time job, the difference being I don't get paid a penny for my efforts. The role of Secretary has meant that I'm dealing with just about everything including publicity and keeping the website and Facebook page up to date. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind it. I like being busy and having things to keep my mind occupied.

I was in Sleaford on Wednesday this week at an NHS managed Care Network event showcasing groups who have successfully bid for money from the Mental Illness Prevention Fund. The event was very well attended and perhaps a little on the small size for the number of groups present. We didn't have a stand - our opportunity will come at the next event as we are a wave 2 group. I was able to leave some leaflets scattered about the place and some of the new business cards I've had printed. Many of the usual faces were there, such as our friends from SHINE and NHS Lincolnshire Partnership Foundation Trust. There were also representatives of the many groups, similar to ours, dotted around the county, groups such as 'Beyond the Blues' at Sleaford and 'New Life Craft & Social Club' in Spilsby. These fine groups are all doing their bit, helping people with mental illness, providing support and friendship and providing opportunity to acquire new skills and hobbies.
To bring all these groups together and to provide a single voice for mental health in Lincolnshire, we have the SHINE network of which we (Blue Skies) are proud to be ambassadors promoting their good work from our Spalding site. Never before has the focus on and attention given to mental health in Lincolnshire been greater. I get a real sense that people are talking about it more and in so doing, more people are beginning to come forward to seek help and support.

We have already seen an increase in our membership and we are beginning to see more referrals from within our local NHS. This is all great and we are anxious for it to continue.
The money given to Blue Skies and other similar groups is testament to how much the NHS and local authorities value the work we are doing. We are in our small way preventing those in our membership from falling ill and and needing the services of health care professionals.

This last week has been devoted to getting our new website online. We now own the domain blueskieslincs.org.uk - this was the cheapest of the variations on Blue Skies that were on offer. The domain enables us to have a website and to have an unlimited number of mailboxes for our committee and group members. I now have the bare bones published and I am hoping to add more content in the coming weeks. As a group, we are planning to make our own cards and other craft items to sell through our eBay shop and via our website. Much of it will be made to order and I will be developing the means for people to buy online.

We've been told that we need to spend all of the money we receive and I'm pleased to say that as far as the first payment is concerned, we have done just that. £2,500 sounds like a lot of money, but in less than two months, we have managed to spend the lot.  We do have a lot to show for it - a huge amount of arts and crafts material and a projector, screen and sound system enabling us to run our own training sessions, watch films or play Wii games. This installation wopuld alone have cost around £2,000 to complete though through the good will and generosity of a number of people, this has been done for free. All of this is aimed at reducing mental illness and encouraging our members to take an interest in an activity and stay well.

We're not alone in what we are doing. There are groups such as ours all over Lincolnshire. Occasionally, we come together at various NHS run events and it's an opportunity for us to find out what the others are doing and to showcase our project. Success can be judged by the people we are helping, their eagerness to come to each session and their individual testament to how they have benefited from what we are doing. It is this information that will help to build a quarterly report showing how the funding has been used to benefit people who suffer with mental illness. I'm expecting to produce our first report in July and I am looking forward to the opportunity to document our own success stories.

There's only problem with this funding and I have to reflect the good as well as the bad- it's the fact that the money has to be spent on the proposed projects and only the proposed projects. Although the projects are there to prevent mental illness, should any of our members fall ill and are at risk through lack of personal funds, we cannot help them by giving them the money for a meal or to pay a bill. It would seem to me that there are limitations when it comes to preventing mental illness and I have been witness to a case recently whereby we could easily have helped someone from reaching crisis point (an NHS term) and being admitted to Boston's Pilgrim Hospital. We had the money, but we couldn't help. Nothing is ever all that it seems sadly and it is a shame that we cannot help those that this whole thing is designed to do.

Being 40 and a Successful Evening

I turned 40 last Thursday. There, I've said it. I really didn't want to make a big deal of it and thankfully the day passed with the minimum of fuss. I had been secretly dreading it - I don't know why as most of the people I work with are in their 40's and 50's, some even older. Most are in good health physically and some act as if thy were twenty or thirty years younger.
Being 40 doesn't make me feel much different to how I felt when I was 39. I still have the same aches and pains and I don't gain any sort of additional entitlement having advanced an extra year. I suppose it does give me license to grunt more and to tut at the prices of every day items and food staples. On a brief visit to my parents earlier, I heard my father bemoan the fact that the local newspaper now costs 'thirteen shillings'. This is apparently 65 pence in new money. Oh how I am beginning to sound like him, for I said a similar thing in Asda only the other day to nods of agreement from other shoppers within my new age group.
What makes me feel old is being able to remember when things were cheap and when you went home with a full shopping bag and change from a ten pound note.

Last Friday evening was our Surfing the Waves event - an evening of mental health awareness. In truth the whole thing had been organised by a colleague. We (Blue Skies) were there to promote our activities and exhibit some of our artwork. Attendance was good and the talks well received. I learnt an awful lot about Cannabis, much of it reinforcing my conviction to steer well clear of it. There are conflicting views on whether it aids or worsens mental health conditions and a lot is still unknown. Cannabis is something I have tried once before. All it did for me was to reduce me to fit of giggles which lasted for hours and left me feeling very hungry. We were treated to a talk from one of our local NHS Governors who informed us of the good work being done in Lincolnshire to streamline mental health services. Our host also gave a brief talk for which she can be justly proud. It takes a lot of courage to stand in front of a group of strangers and talk in intimate detail about your struggle with poor mental health.
It was nice to meet some new people too, particularly the SHINE ambassador who, I found out to my utter disbelief, hadn't been informed of Andrew Harrison's passing last year. I was mortified at having been the one to break the news to her and once she had calmed down and composed herself once more, managed to give a good talk about SHINE to the gathered audience.
It was a good evening for Blue Skies also, and we attracted a lot of interest from not just the visiting public but the local press also. Our art display was their main focus of attention and grabbing the largest of our paintings, the photographer insisted we have our photograph taken. I didn't have the heart or the nerve to tell him we hadn't painted it and if anything is said we will claim it is a copy! After all, it isn't signed. As soon as the photo is published, I'll insert it into this post.
Our Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/blueskies.lincs has had a few more 'likes' since Friday and a couple of nice comments have appeared.
So for our first evening of mental health awareness, we can certainly claim it a success. Now we've 'done' one, perhaps we should do another later in the year?

Final Thoughts on Savile & More Volunteering

The extent of the alleged abuse perpetrated by Jimmy Savile has been made public in a report published today. Though we've known for some months of the crimes claimed to have been committed by the late presenter and personality, one cannot fail to be shocked by the details that have emerged. Jimmy Savile is dead and cannot answer for his crimes and it should be remembered that these are allegations and though there is no reason to doubt any of the testimonies, they cannot be proved.
Good has to come out of something like this. There have clearly been major failings that allowed the alleged abuse to carry on unchecked and unchallenged. The warnings voiced by certain individuals were ignored. The question being asked by so many people is 'why?'. It is difficult to understand how nothing was done, with the most recent opportunity lost in 2009 when the Crown Prosecution Service dropped a case against him, clearly failing in their duty.
Hopefully there will be a greater emphasis from now on to investigate rumours and allegations and to take children seriously.

This afternoon I responded to a plea sent out from SHINE Lincolnshire for volunteer PEAT (Patient Environment Action Team) inspectors. Apparently they are very short of volunteers, who's role it is to go visit inpatient hospital departments and inspect levels of cleanliness and hygiene among other things. As with most things nowadays, there is no reward apart from having expenses paid, but there's always the possibility of it leading to something more concrete.

I had my pre-diabetic clinic blood test this morning. I always have to take a wee sample with me which they check there and then. Unsurprisingly they found sugar in it so it's been sent off to be analysed at King's Lynn QEII Hospital. They very kindly booked me a diabetic clinic appointment for the 25th, a Friday. I expect I will be advised to move onto an injectable form of medication rather than the (many) tablets I currently take each day.

Not quite feeling it yet...

I'm in a good place at the moment. Things are pretty steady and we can face Christmas without worrying too much about the mortgage. It's a good feeling to know that things are OK but I'm acutely aware of how quickly things can change. I'm always expecting a letter to arrive with a final demand or a bailiff letter threatening all sorts of horrible things. I dread the post as a result and seldom ever open anything just in case. I see how quickly things can change with myself and I see it with others I know. Keeping busy certainly helps and I am heavily involved with running Blue Skies. I also have this blog, my website and the Blue Skies Facebook page, all of which I try to keep updated regularly. Anxiety is something I find more and more difficult to control, as evidenced last Sunday when I caused a lot of damage to my right hand and wrist. I've decided that part of the reason for doing this was the inability for me to use my e-cigarette. It was quite a long journey and I am never without my 'stick' when driving normally. Being in my in-law's car meant that I couldn't use it and this added to my anxiety and feeling of overwhelming frustration. The people I know and support understand perfectly. They've seen the state of my hand. They know. My family do not, and never will. It is only possible to understand acute anxiety by experiencing it.

I don't know if it's just me, but I do feel there is a lot of death at the moment. So many people have died lately, people of note - personalities and people who have made a difference. As I type this, I see that Kenneth Kendal has passed away aged 88. I grew up during the 1970's and 80's when Kenneth was a regular TV news reader. I also remember his appearances on Channel 4's Treasure Hunt.
There is often tragedy at this time of year. Just before Christmas, it isn't unusual for their to be a disaster of some kind and major loss of life. Indeed, as I am typing I hear that there has been a shooting incident in Conneticut, US at an elementary school. There are reports that as many as 27 have been shot and killed. So tragic and a reminder of what guns can do in the wrong hands. It does seem that very little has changed in the US and gun laws remain lax enabling practically anyone to have access to firearms. All the while the law allows this to happen, so we will sadly continue to see events such as this.

I'm not really feeling that festive at the moment. We do have one or two Group events such as Secret Santa and our Christmas meal next week. I have received a number of cards and a couple of presents have appeared under the tree. I've even played a few of my Christmas records. Maybe next week, I'll start to feel it but today has been much like a typical October day with rain and strong winds having taken over from days of freezing fog and ice.

Our volunteer services manager visited our group on Thursday. He was there to discuss our relationship with the NHS Trust. It seems the NHS are trying to do away with groups such as ours and also end the practice of referring new members. It should be noted that our membership is by referral only so quite how things will work in the future I don't know. It may be that we do end up breaking away, especially if we procure funding but it's important we retain our connections with the NHS. There certainly appears to be an element within the NHS hierarchy that doesn't favor support groups such as ours. It's a shame as we're here to stay and our membership of the Shine Network carries much clout within the mental health circles in Lincolnshire. Added to this, I have called upon our local NHS Governor who I'm hoping will visit one of our group meetings soon. Their support should bolster our cause and ensure we continue to provide a much needed bridge between psychiatric services and the community.

A Wonderful Rainbow

I have not long returned from Andrew Harrison's funeral at Nocton in Lincolnshire. I was struck by the huge number of people who attended, I counted 200 in front of me and there must have been a similar number behind. Some of them I knew, and others I didn't, but all had been touched by Andrew in some way during his life. The emotion was real and raw and the enormity of Andrew's loss was etched on the faces of all present.
The service was brief and alternative, in keeping with Andrew's wishes. The coffin was decorated with a rainbow pattern, in keeping with his alter ego, 'Captain Rainbow'. Everything was tastefully done and the applause given by those gathered whilst the coffin was lowered into the ground was fitting and appropriate.
It felt strangely wrong to walk away but I had an overwhelming sense that we were all off to carry on the great work Andrew had done until his passing. I feel confident he would wish us to carry on.
The drive home was solemn I discussed with my colleague how we could affiliate ourselves more closely with SHINE. This is something we are determined to do.
Something rather extraordinary happened as we neared Gedney. A wonderful bright orange sunset appeared behind us, where we had come from and in front of us was the arch of a wonderful rainbow. I looked at my colleague and said 'That's Andrew's work... He's done that'. My colleague smiled and told me she was about to say exactly the same thing.
Farewell Andrew. Thanks and rest in peace.

Andrew Harrison

A couple of hours ago, I learnt that Andrew Harrison of SHINE died Monday afternoon. Many will know him as 'Captain Rainbow' after his AOL email address.
Andrew had suffered with mental health issues for many years and used to work in the NHS until his illness forced early retirement. He decided to devote his time and energy to promoting mental health awareness and lobbied the NHS and health professionals regularly to provide funding and better care for the growing numbers of sufferers throughout Lincolnshire. Andrew did a lot of good work for a lot of people and there will be many this evening who will be shocked and distraught at his early death.
I had met Andrew a few weeks ago when I attended a course he was running at Renew+ in Lincoln with one of my colleagues. I came away in no doubt that Andrew was passionate about mental health, and though a little eccentric, he knew all there was to know on the subject. I was glad that we had had the opportunity to meet him and had begun to form connections between the SHINE Network and our group in South Holland. By working together, I was convinced we could do good things and extend the support we provide to a larger number of people.
It is so sad to think that someone who trained others to look after themselves and spot the signs of depression and mental illness, surrounded by so many supportive people, has himself decided to end his life. It is a reminder that mental illness can take the ultimate toll on anyone, even the best trained and best informed. Andrew's death is an enormous loss to the campaign for better mental health awareness and the fight against the path of destruction this government has set for the NHS and mental health services. I just hope that SHINE and the countless other organisations Andrew was involved with continue his work and maintain the fight for the growing number of people affected by mental illness.

I have sent a message of condolence on behalf of my support group, Blue Skies. Our thoughts and prayers are with Andrew's family, friends and colleagues at this tragic time.

RIP Andrew.

Involve@Lincoln have a dedicated page on Facebook where messages can be read and left;

www.facebook.com/pages/incolvelincoln

There is an Andrew Harrison Memorial site where messages of condolence can be left;
http://andrewmemorial.posterous.com/