The first weekend of the Winter

Winter is here and I've decided I want to get my son a typewriter for Christmas. This may sound odd, but I had a typewriter at a very young age and it was by using it that I learnt how to spell. I don't wish for him to have anything too big or complicated, just a simple portable model that he can learn on. I recall I used to copy large sections from books and as I came across a word I didn't know the meaning of, I would look it up. It was by using a typewriter that I learnt how to type letters and how to arrange them so they looked professional.
I don't want to force my son down this route. He has expressed an interest in having one and learning to use one and maybe he will become as enthusiastic as I did when I was his age. It would be nice if perhaps from this he began to be interested in words and their meanings. It's worth a try. After all, a typewriter isn't expensive - there are literally hundreds of them on eBay for as little as £10 or £20.

Friday last week and I was training again, this time in Lincoln at Involve in Mint Lane. I was with one of my group colleagues who drove us there for a 9.30 start. Although the course was on the subject of mental health, it was difficult (and still is) to understand exactly what the course is about. So far, we have looked at ways in which we can support ourselves personally if we are affected with Anxiety or Depression related mental illness. There are only two others attending the course so it's a jolly good job we turned up! The second part of the course is this coming Friday. So far the course has been unique.
We were invited to join the Renew Group who hold their gatherings at Involve - so we both joined which means we are now able to make use of their facilities as and when we wish. Being a similar type of support group ourselves, it was useful to become affiliated with them and I'm sure good things will come from it.

Earlier today I discovered a rather nice photograph in my parent's kitchen. It had appeared over the last week and it is one I hadn't seen before. It shows my mother, father, my nan and granddad and their daughter in law at Hastings on the East Sussex Coast. It was clearly taken sometime in the 1960's at a spot I'm quite familiar with. The quality of the photograph is excellent so I took a copy straight away.

The hairstyles are quite wonderful and clearly of a different era!

In the news, the Jimmy Savile scandal continues to steal the headlines and this morning, Paul Gadd (aka Gary Glitter) was arrested as part of the police investigation into abuse allegations. I'm pretty sure he won't be the last and it is probably of little surprise that he's been the first.
In the US, the presidential election approaches and with it a huge storm which is bearing down on the East Coast. There is a possibility that Hurricane Sandy will hit New York in the next few days and preparations are being made for the worst should it come.

It is half term and my son has a whole week off school. He had his Harvest Festival on Thursday at our church in Dawsmere. It was very well attended and like last year, we were entertained with a selection of readings and songs performed by the children. This year, the harvest gifts were presented to Agape Food Bank Spalding, a clear indication of the struggle facing many families in the current economic climate.

My mental health has been steady for a couple of weeks now. Today I scored on Moodscope 62% which is my highest recorded so far. The graph clearly shows a steady increase in my mood but it's difficult to know what has caused it. I suspect that my being discharged from CBT has something to do with lowering my anxiety levels. I used to worry constantly about the next session and it really wasn't doing me any good. I'm careful not to over analyse things as this can cause a shift in mood. I'm just making the most of it while it lasts.

Finally, the clocks changed last night and we are now in Greenwich Mean Time. Everything feels a little odd. I've just glanced at my office clock and it says 5.45. Outside, it is getting quite dark but I've realised I haven't put my clock back an hour! Arrrrggghhh!!! Why can't they leave them alone?!

This time of year...

I have for a long time believed that the weather has a direct effect on a person's mental health. Having said that, I've always doubted to what extent I am affected by it.
This week, the weather has been pretty awful. It has been damp, grey and misty. The roads, especially around here, are covered in mud making any attempt to maintain a clean car utterly futile. Anyone suffering from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) will be finding it particularly difficult. I know people who live in dread of the Winter months. Light boxes go some way to lessen the effects and many insist on keeping lights on day and night. It's how they cope.
For me, the current weather conditions do certainly impact on my mood, though I couldn't say by how much. There is an enormous difference between feeling simply down and missing the sun to feeling the effects of clinical depression and the crippling despair that this brings. There is seldom ever a unique trigger that sets off a bout of depression. I suspect it is normally a combination of things that contribute to creating a chemical imbalance. Once started, the effects of the imbalance are impossible to reverse - one just has to ride it out and hope it doesn't last too long.
People I know suffer this condition. I see when they are on a high and I see them when they are at their lowest. There is nothing I can do to lessen the effects or make them feel better. I can only empathise with them. I understand what they are going through.
There are others I know who find the change from long warm Summer days to shorter colder Winter days difficult to cope with. Often sports and other recreational activities with friends are curtailed until the following season and hours normally occupied in such pursuits are instead spent alone. It is very easy to become low and despondent. Add to this Seasonal Affective Disorder and this can be a tough time for many.

Non-event Monday

It's one of those Monday's when I just can't get motivated. I'm active - I've done the washing-up, cooked breakfast and vacuum cleaned all over. I feel as if I should be doing things and I'm sure there are things waiting to be done, but I just can't get started.
My wife is at home for another week recovering from what is probably a kidney infection. She's on a cocktail of pain killers which are making her very tired. It's a bot odd having her about at the moment, and I must remember not to burst into song, forgetting she is in the other room.
Weather is horrible. It is grey, misty and damp - typical 'leading up to Winter' weather.
I could be doing some work on our group funding bid. I have about a third of the application form to complete, but I really don't feel in the mood. I have to be in the right frame of mind to do things, as I've mentioned before.
I do need to reply to a Psychology student who wishes to gain some experience by joining our support group as a volunteer. I will ask her to come along Tuesday 30th. Perhaps she could do a little talk about her studies  and what has made her interested in mental health.
Yesterday wasn't too bad. If I go down, it's normally on a Sunday. I managed to busy myself fixing a friend's WIFI. She lives in Spalding so it wasn't too far to go. It didn't take me long to get things up and running for her and we sat and talked for a while, which was nice.
In the news, the Jimmy Savile 'scandal' seems to have felled its first TV executive. Peter Rippon has stepped aside whilst the BBC investigation continues. Peter is editor of Newsnight and was responsible for dropping the Jimmy Savile story when its own investigation revealed allegations into his conduct. I doubt very much if Peter will be the last and more revelations are expected following a special Panorama programme tonight on BBC1.
My Moodscope rating is 26% today, not bad at all and a true reflection I think.

Art & Appreciation

A good day. Arts & crafts was the theme at our Support Group earlier today. We all tried our hand at painting in acrylics, the second time we've created some art. I'm pretty sure we get better each time we do it and we were fortunate to have with us my dear friend Janet who assisted with her professional skills and tips.
I've put our latest creations online in the Arts & Crafts section of my website.
We're going to see the people at ArtLinc a week this Friday with a view to bringing the initiative to South Holland. I'm hopeful they may be able to assist with funding and exhibiting.

My mood today has been pretty good. My leaflet for the Group was very well received and I received considerable praise for my efforts. It's great to feel valued once more and praise of any kind does wonders for the spirit, especially mine.
The next step is to get the leaflet (and poster) over to our Volunteer Services Manager for him to approve and arrange to get printed for us.
My Moodscope rating today is 15%, an increase on yesterday and a fair reflection of how I'm feeling today. If I can keep it going through tomorrow then I'll be very pleased with myself. The weather often has an effect on my mood and I'm concerned that is is very grey and dull at the moment. It's the sort of grey blanket I've written about before. I'll continue to make the most of my good mood while it lasts!

A Tearful Appreciation & A Commons Grilling

I have just returned from my son's school leavers & awards assembly, and very emotional it was too. What struck me straight away was how well attended it was by parents. The largest room at the school was full with the children squashed onto the floor in front of the parents.
Awards were given by the head teacher for performance and for reading skill. In addition, there was an attendance certificate which my son was chuffed to receive for zero absence. He also received a rather nice reading medal.
I've attended a couple of these events as a parent and I've been struck each time by the level of dedication shown by the teachers and how much they are affected when the time comes for their pupils to move on. I suppose it should come as no surprise really given that most of their time is spent with them, preparing them for the journey of life and finding their way in society as we know it. I am always so respectful of teaching staff. The amount of work, care and attention that goes into their work cannot be underestimated. A great many, like carers and nurses will describe their jobs as a vocation. This is easy to understand.
So there were certainly tears, from pupils, parents and teachers. But there was also a feeling of tremendous pride for all the children had achieved and an appreciation for the teachers we trust our children to.

As I type this, we are surrounded by storms locally and the power has already had a small blip so I half expect everything to go off as I continue typing. Having said that, our weather is actually set to improve and this is to be the last day of the wet spell we've endured for the last few weeks. It is actually very warm and conditions are set to improve further next week with the promise of sunshine.
The weather lately has certainly taken its toll. Numerous events have been cancelled due to water-logged fields and their have been deaths due to flooding and landslips. The latest event to be cancelled locally was the Sacrewell Farm Bus Rally, which we attend every year.

There is one week to go until the opening ceremony of the 2012 Olympic Games. Despite the assurances that the country is prepared, we have discovered that huge gaps in the security contingent are having to be filled by police officers and army. Stories are also emerging regarding poor training and I read today that our failings have begun to appear in the foreign press with Germany printing a particularly damning article.
I do think there will be further problems to emerge from what is when all is said and done, an enormous event, but I really don't see anything interfering with the actual running of the games themselves. The problems I envisage will be more to do with transportation and the sheer numbers of people expected to attend.
One person wishing he was somewhere else has to be the current target of the country's anger, Nick Buckles - Chief Exec of G4S, the firm contracted to provide security for the numerous events taking place across the country in the coming weeks. It is clear that G4S have failed in their obligation to provide sufficient numbers of security staff and the publicity surrounding the fiasco will have done irreparable damage. Yesterday he faced a Commons Select Committee like a naughty child in front of a row of seething headmasters and the whole spectacle was quite agonising to watch. I see that he's been called to appear before them again in September when the games will be part of British history, so I suspect Nick Buckles will have many sleepless nights ahead of him. I have to confess that part of me does actually feel sorry for him. He has clearly bitten off more than his company can chew and in pursuit to be the best, like so many others, he's come unstuck.

We had a great visit yesterday to our group by Linda O'Hara of Healthy Hub and representing mental health services within the NHS here in Lincolnshire. I had asked her to come and see us to make her aware of the work we do here in South Holland and ways in which we could attract new members to the group and publicise what we are doing. We are the only group in this area to be providing support and Linda was keen for us to be recognised. It was also clear that funding is available for such groups and related initiatives so we will certainly be producing a bid for funds in September. We're not looking for anything as big as a minibus, more materials for drawing, painting and crafts. I would also like for the group to have access to computers so I can provide training and, using Skype, set up meetings online with other groups in the region. My suggestions were I felt very well received and I hope that we will be seen as part of the overall county provision for mental health support and awareness. So that's all good...

I met with my psychiatrist yesterday to check my progress and she was pleased (I think) to find me well and involved in helping others. I did ask about the medication I'm taking as one of the tablets I take, Mirtazapine, though it has a calming sedative effect, often knocks me out so I fall asleep during the evening. I was told sadly that this couldn't be changed for the foreseeable future, so I will have to endure it.
I was also reminded of my weight and the fact that exercise and a healthy diet would further help my condition. I do unfortunately take little advice on this subject. I know I am unhealthy and despite wishing I was more athletic, I simply cannot summon the enthusiasm or motivation. Depression does that. It's a struggle to do things sometimes and today, frankly, I consider it an achievement that I was able to run the vacuum cleaner round. This is of course where psychiatrists and doctors generally lack the understanding of what it is to actually live with the condition, and how it controls how you feel on a near daily basis. I've often mentioned about 'being in the mood' to do things, and this is exactly what it is like. If I'm not in the right mood or frame of mind, I won't do it. It's like writing my blog. If I'm not engaged then the words simply won't come out. Today just happens to be one of those days when I feel in a writing mood, and I expect it shows... I now have to think up an appropriate title - often the most difficult bit!

Car Worries & Other Stuff

The car is going in for its MOT tomorrow morning. No matter how much I try to reassure myself that it's running fine and has nothing wrong with it, I'm resigned to the fact that there's probably something nasty lurking under the bonnet or something worn out that we can't see. There's money set aside just in case, but as normal it's money we've borrowed. I just know it's going to be a nightmare of a day. A friend is following me there and taking me back to theirs until the car is ready to collect again. My wife will be at home nervously awaiting my phone call to let her know the outcome. Whatever happens, we'll have to deal with it. It's not that it's a flash expensive car. Far from it. I used to own and drive nice cars and spend literally hundreds on MOT's and services. I look back now and cringe at the huge amounts of money I wasted. Now of course things are very different. We drive a basic little car. It isn't the cleanest, it isn't the fastest and it certainly isn't the biggest. But it gets us from A to B relatively inexpensively. Above all, it's reliable, very reliable. It starts first time whatever the weather.
So it's pointless worrying. We're fortunate to know the guy doing the MOT quite well and he knows the car. He's also honest. I know this to be true.

A busy Sunday. My son had a party today at the Funfarm in Spalding. It's a very popular venue and takes all the hassle out of arranging and hosting children's parties. The kids love it and the parents can sit in relative comfort whilst keeping a watcfull eye on their offspring. The allocated two hours is plenty, for the kids and the adults. Definately.

I'll write soon about music. I need to be in the right frame of mind and I'm currently stressed. I enjoy listening to a varied range of music, modern and old. But what's important for me and I suspect many others are the things that we associate to the music. The things we remember when we listen and the emotions certain tracks seem to trigger. I always treat music as a type of medicine or drug. It can have an enormous effect on mood, which for some is a very useful thing.

Something new, and I'm going to journal my viewing habits. I watch a lot of TV and much of it is obtained via the Internet. So here goes, and it's by no means an exhaustive list.

Stuff I've been watching...

Sherlock (BBC1 and current series now finished)
Bones (fantastic series from the US and downloaded via wonderful BitTorrent)
Criminal Minds (ditto)
Grim (ditto)
Rizzoli and Isles (ditto)
Person of Interest (ditto)
Call the Midwife (BBC)
Celebrity Coach Trip (Channel 4)
Idiot Abroad (Sky)
Dancing On Ice (ITV1)

Last film I've watched...

Hangover 2 - not as good as the first but still funny. I'd give it 8/10.

Stuff I'm eagerly awaiting...

Whitechapel (ITV1)

Stuff I'm listening to...

The Archers (of course)
Dad's Army (original radio series)
Sherlock Holmes - The House of Silk (BBC Radio)

So there we are. I suppose I'm a bit of a media junkie!