A Fine British Send-Off

The agreement documents for our (Blue Skies) funding arrived the end of last week. They just needed to be signed and sent back to Lincolnshire Partnership NHS Foundation Trust with an invoice for the £2,500 first payment we are set to receive. It's hard to believe that we will soon have the money we need to get off the ground two projects that will provide huge benefit to our members. For me, it is also an opportunity to deliver computer skills training once more and to demonstrate how computers and the Internet can really be put to the best use. I suspect we will receive the money by next week, and frankly I'm looking forward to spending it!

I spent this morning watching the funeral of Margaret Thatcher live on TV. For me, things like this are always an excuse to use my home cinema and I was more interested in the ceremony and the detail than anything else. I wasn't a fan of Thatcher though I do recognise her achievements and the way her policies have shaped the country. It is only now that I am able to appreciate why life was the way it was as I grew up in the 1980's.
The funeral was very well done. We are so good at putting on a show, whatever the occasion and this morning proved that once again. I think it struck the right balance. There are of course those who disagree and would rather have seen a private funeral, privately funded.
It was good that the much hyped anti-Thatcher protests didn't materialise and were confined to the odd 'boo' and shout. Any protests were very much the minority and a tiny one at that.
Credit should certainly go to the coffin bearers whose job it was to delicately convey Margaret Thatcher's heavy casket up the steep steps of St Paul's and the way they did this with such grace and without fault.

Common Sense

I do seem to find myself becoming increasingly frustrated and angered whenever I drive anywhere in South Holland. The habits of drivers in this area are no longer limited to speeding and poor indicator use. A large number it seems do not know when it is appropriate to use their lights.
Take today for instance, most of the area around Spalding is blanketed by a thick layer of dense fog. Visibility is very poor as a consequence and on the faster roads, it is impossible to spot vehicles until they are just a hundred feet away or less. Why therefore are there so many drivers who choose to make themselves impossible to see by not using their headlights? I have this afternoon driven back from Spalding and I have honestly lost count of the number of cars without lights, front or rear. It's not just the older cars at fault, most of the offenders are the new larger cars such as Land Rovers and Mercedes. For some reason best known to them, they don't seem to need lights. Perhaps it is just too much effort for them. What would their excuse be I wonder when explaining to a police officer why they hit a car pulling out from a junction on a 60 mph road? It is just this type of driver and their plain ignorance and lack of basic common sense that puts other road users in danger and causes accidents. Headlight use should be mandatory and the penalty for failing to use them should be severe. There can be no excuse.

Continuing in a similar vein, the funeral is being held in Sutton Bridge this afternoon for the two young sisters tragically killed a couple of weeks ago on the A47 near Wisbech. Apparently the two young girls attended the Westmere School in Sutton Bridge - which is federated with my son's school. There is no indication of what caused the accident but it serves as a stark reminder of how dangerous our roads can be.

A Tough Week

It's been a tough week. When someone you know dies, it throws you into a state of flux. When they take their own life, it fills you with a lot of different emotions. As well as feeling sad and distressed at his loss, I found myself feeling very angry, angry that it could have happened and angry that all the good work that he had done and the projects he had planned were now gone. I kept playing over in my mind how he could have been feeling and what led him to do it. Was the problem so great that there was no solution? Could anyone have helped prevent it? Perhaps he just wanted to go, no matter how much help and support was on offer. Perhaps he'd simply had enough and just didn't want to go on. Maybe we'll never know.
The void left by Andrew's death is huge. So many people knew him, from NHS executive through to support groups and mental health sufferers. For many he was their champion, someone who campaigned tirelessly for greater understanding and better services. Many have remarked how, if it hadn't been for Andrew, they wouldn't be here today. Andrew's legacy will live on through the people he has touched and the campaign he started. It will be up to the people Andrew knew to continue the good work he started and the various support groups to promote this work through training, awareness and fund raising.
Andrew's funeral is being held on Friday 7th December at Nocton Wood Burial Site, Lincoln. I will be attending with one of my support group colleagues on behalf of Blue Skies.

The week started quite badly with a visit to the bank, practically pleading with them to extend the arrangement we have with them for another three months to March next year, when the interest rate drops to 3.9% (we are currently on a fixed rate of 6.9%). Sadly, despite our pleas, the bank decided not to be as helpful as they could have been and as a result, we have had to seek the help once more of the Citizen's Advice Bureau. They have, as expected, been brilliant. They have written to the bank on our behalf in an attempt to make them see sense and I hope that we'll hear some good news soon. The alternative is a fine each month, harassing phone calls at all hours, and threatening letters. We were told by the adviser at the bank to expect this. This is despite being told by my wife of my poor mental health. The problem with banks, particularly the large ones, is that exceptions cannot be made for customers with specific needs. Unless you fit into one of their boxes, they don't want to know. Your circumstances trigger computer generated letters and harassing telephone calls from faceless call centres. They don't know you, they don't know your situation and they don't know how to deviate from the script in front of them or stuck to the side of their little partitioned cubicle. They don't care. It's not as if we're asking the earth, we're not - just three months leniency until we're able to take advantage of the new lower interest rate.
It's far to say that this is having a bearing on my mental state. I do worry about it constantly and if anything is going to drag me back down in the coming weeks, it is this.

I've been more busy than ever this last week with preparations for our funding bid application from the Mental Illness Prevention Fund. On Monday, I spend several hours going through the application at a colleague's place. Since then, I've been constantly updating things especially costs as we think up new items to add to the list. We're already at over £3,000!
On Tuesday, we visited the bank to start our application for a bank account. Whilst there, the bank manager opened up to us about her daughter, who suffers mental illness. In fact we spent most of the one hour appointment talking about this. The relief at having found a local support group was palpable. I should have been surprised, but I wasn't. Mental illness is everywhere. I was so glad that we'd been able to help and it was reassuring to know that we had the support of our bank manager!

Thursday was particularly stressful and I found myself feeling quite emotionally drained. Our members are in need, that is why they attend the group. The company of others, particularly those who understand and who have lived experience of their illness, is important to them. For many, they simply wouldn't get out of bed if they didn't have the group. Sadly, several were in a distressed state and in greater need of our support than normal. It is very sad to see them this way and I feel frustrated at not being able to help more. I've seen what desperation does and I'm doubly keen to ensure we offer all the support we can when it is needed and an assurance that it is there when it is not. To further the types of support we are able to offer, I would very much like for us to be trained in counselling skills. I have been asked for counselling and it would be great if we were able to offer this. For some the thought of having to see a 'professional' is very off-putting and it is very important that our members feel comfortable and at ease.

A difficult visit to my parent's this morning. I felt like a caged animal. I do whenever I'm with family. They don't talk to me (perhaps they don't know what to say to someone with mental illness), and I feel quite ostracised. The longer I'm there, the worse I feel. Paranoia soon sets in and I become anxious about what they are thinking and saying about me. It is horrible, I feel terrible and it's a situation I always try to avoid. Of course they don't understand and I get comments like 'you're not talking very much' and 'cat got your tongue?'. The people I work with do, they more than understand. They go through it every day, the same feelings just like me. I'm so glad I know them and I would be lost without them.

The weather is once again in the news. As I type this, I see that two people have so far lost their lives due to flooding and falling trees. It is worse in the West where flooding is the main problem due to burst rivers and breached defences. There was a time when flooding on this scale would have been a singular event and treated as a major crisis. Nowadays, it is all too common. Flooding is becoming a regular occurrence and it is becoming more and more difficult to accept those who claim that our weather patterns are not changing. It is clear that our weather is worsening and those living in flood hit areas of the country should expect more and more events such as those we have witnessed this week.