The first weekend of the Winter

Winter is here and I've decided I want to get my son a typewriter for Christmas. This may sound odd, but I had a typewriter at a very young age and it was by using it that I learnt how to spell. I don't wish for him to have anything too big or complicated, just a simple portable model that he can learn on. I recall I used to copy large sections from books and as I came across a word I didn't know the meaning of, I would look it up. It was by using a typewriter that I learnt how to type letters and how to arrange them so they looked professional.
I don't want to force my son down this route. He has expressed an interest in having one and learning to use one and maybe he will become as enthusiastic as I did when I was his age. It would be nice if perhaps from this he began to be interested in words and their meanings. It's worth a try. After all, a typewriter isn't expensive - there are literally hundreds of them on eBay for as little as £10 or £20.

Friday last week and I was training again, this time in Lincoln at Involve in Mint Lane. I was with one of my group colleagues who drove us there for a 9.30 start. Although the course was on the subject of mental health, it was difficult (and still is) to understand exactly what the course is about. So far, we have looked at ways in which we can support ourselves personally if we are affected with Anxiety or Depression related mental illness. There are only two others attending the course so it's a jolly good job we turned up! The second part of the course is this coming Friday. So far the course has been unique.
We were invited to join the Renew Group who hold their gatherings at Involve - so we both joined which means we are now able to make use of their facilities as and when we wish. Being a similar type of support group ourselves, it was useful to become affiliated with them and I'm sure good things will come from it.

Earlier today I discovered a rather nice photograph in my parent's kitchen. It had appeared over the last week and it is one I hadn't seen before. It shows my mother, father, my nan and granddad and their daughter in law at Hastings on the East Sussex Coast. It was clearly taken sometime in the 1960's at a spot I'm quite familiar with. The quality of the photograph is excellent so I took a copy straight away.

The hairstyles are quite wonderful and clearly of a different era!

In the news, the Jimmy Savile scandal continues to steal the headlines and this morning, Paul Gadd (aka Gary Glitter) was arrested as part of the police investigation into abuse allegations. I'm pretty sure he won't be the last and it is probably of little surprise that he's been the first.
In the US, the presidential election approaches and with it a huge storm which is bearing down on the East Coast. There is a possibility that Hurricane Sandy will hit New York in the next few days and preparations are being made for the worst should it come.

It is half term and my son has a whole week off school. He had his Harvest Festival on Thursday at our church in Dawsmere. It was very well attended and like last year, we were entertained with a selection of readings and songs performed by the children. This year, the harvest gifts were presented to Agape Food Bank Spalding, a clear indication of the struggle facing many families in the current economic climate.

My mental health has been steady for a couple of weeks now. Today I scored on Moodscope 62% which is my highest recorded so far. The graph clearly shows a steady increase in my mood but it's difficult to know what has caused it. I suspect that my being discharged from CBT has something to do with lowering my anxiety levels. I used to worry constantly about the next session and it really wasn't doing me any good. I'm careful not to over analyse things as this can cause a shift in mood. I'm just making the most of it while it lasts.

Finally, the clocks changed last night and we are now in Greenwich Mean Time. Everything feels a little odd. I've just glanced at my office clock and it says 5.45. Outside, it is getting quite dark but I've realised I haven't put my clock back an hour! Arrrrggghhh!!! Why can't they leave them alone?!

This time of year...

I have for a long time believed that the weather has a direct effect on a person's mental health. Having said that, I've always doubted to what extent I am affected by it.
This week, the weather has been pretty awful. It has been damp, grey and misty. The roads, especially around here, are covered in mud making any attempt to maintain a clean car utterly futile. Anyone suffering from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) will be finding it particularly difficult. I know people who live in dread of the Winter months. Light boxes go some way to lessen the effects and many insist on keeping lights on day and night. It's how they cope.
For me, the current weather conditions do certainly impact on my mood, though I couldn't say by how much. There is an enormous difference between feeling simply down and missing the sun to feeling the effects of clinical depression and the crippling despair that this brings. There is seldom ever a unique trigger that sets off a bout of depression. I suspect it is normally a combination of things that contribute to creating a chemical imbalance. Once started, the effects of the imbalance are impossible to reverse - one just has to ride it out and hope it doesn't last too long.
People I know suffer this condition. I see when they are on a high and I see them when they are at their lowest. There is nothing I can do to lessen the effects or make them feel better. I can only empathise with them. I understand what they are going through.
There are others I know who find the change from long warm Summer days to shorter colder Winter days difficult to cope with. Often sports and other recreational activities with friends are curtailed until the following season and hours normally occupied in such pursuits are instead spent alone. It is very easy to become low and despondent. Add to this Seasonal Affective Disorder and this can be a tough time for many.

Non-event Monday

It's one of those Monday's when I just can't get motivated. I'm active - I've done the washing-up, cooked breakfast and vacuum cleaned all over. I feel as if I should be doing things and I'm sure there are things waiting to be done, but I just can't get started.
My wife is at home for another week recovering from what is probably a kidney infection. She's on a cocktail of pain killers which are making her very tired. It's a bot odd having her about at the moment, and I must remember not to burst into song, forgetting she is in the other room.
Weather is horrible. It is grey, misty and damp - typical 'leading up to Winter' weather.
I could be doing some work on our group funding bid. I have about a third of the application form to complete, but I really don't feel in the mood. I have to be in the right frame of mind to do things, as I've mentioned before.
I do need to reply to a Psychology student who wishes to gain some experience by joining our support group as a volunteer. I will ask her to come along Tuesday 30th. Perhaps she could do a little talk about her studies  and what has made her interested in mental health.
Yesterday wasn't too bad. If I go down, it's normally on a Sunday. I managed to busy myself fixing a friend's WIFI. She lives in Spalding so it wasn't too far to go. It didn't take me long to get things up and running for her and we sat and talked for a while, which was nice.
In the news, the Jimmy Savile 'scandal' seems to have felled its first TV executive. Peter Rippon has stepped aside whilst the BBC investigation continues. Peter is editor of Newsnight and was responsible for dropping the Jimmy Savile story when its own investigation revealed allegations into his conduct. I doubt very much if Peter will be the last and more revelations are expected following a special Panorama programme tonight on BBC1.
My Moodscope rating is 26% today, not bad at all and a true reflection I think.

CBT and an Eastern Front

Not a bad day really. A little shopping in Wisbech and it was the first time our new little car had been used. It performed very well, very well indeed in fact.
I had my CBT assessment in Spalding at 2pm. It was just a load of questions about the problems I have and how they affect me. I scored quite high on the depression and anxiety grade and the woman who assessed me did remark that I may benefit from some different medication. She said she would make a note for my doctor.
I did have some difficulty locating the place at first. I had thought it was on the main road, but it happened to be tucked away down an alley way. I did in fact notice one of my support group members departing the place and that was how I managed to locate the entrance. Despite having the assessment today, there's a long waiting list for the CBT service and it could be many months before I am next seen. It was suggested that I try to find a book called 'CBT for Dummies' at my local library. I'll do this on my next visit.
A bit of a to do in Sutton St James today. Someone has taken a shot at a police officer and armed police have now closed the village and access to surrounding roads. It's an ongoing situation as I type this and negotiations are apparently underway to bring the situation to a peaceful end. It's really strange when you see a local village on the TV news. My sister lives in the next village at Tydd St Mary just a few miles from there.
We are once again being warned of some severe weather. It's possible we will have some heavy snow over the weekend but it's by no means certain at the moment. The weather system is coming from the East where temperatures across Russia and Eastern Europe are as low as -30 degrees C. It's looking at the moment as if this could be the worst winter in many years. We'll see...

Photo of the Day 5

This photo was taken this morning at the Long Sutton Medical Centre here in Lincolnshire. The Diabetic Retinopathy Screening vehicle visits at least once a year and my father and I have our eyes photographed to make sure there is no damage to the blood vessels. Any damage can be an early indication of possible blindness so it's very important to attend regularly.

Because the weather is getting more and more freaky at the moment, I've included a bonus photo. This was taken mid-afternoon and shows a storm front as it worked its way down from the north-west. A wall of cloud literally turned the blue winter sky an orange-grey and brought with it strong winds and horizontal rain.

A New Season

Today is the first day of Winter. The clocks went back last night 1 hour and you get that strange feeling as if the time isn't right each time you look at the clock. It'll take a while to get used to but we'll all have to get used to the darker late afternoons for some time to come. This year though, Winter seems to fill people with dread. We've been warned to expect a severe Winter with snow, ice and cold. Problem is, it's still quite mild. We're being tricked into a false sense of security and the snow and ice will no doubt catch us all out again - as it seems to every year despite the warnings and countless predictions. Maybe it's what it is to be British...?

I find myself using analogies quite a lot, especially to describe situations. I find them very useful and an excellent way of enabling others to understand. For instance, I would describe my current situation as being likened to a train heading towards the buffers at the end of a long line. Each day, the buffers draw closer and the train shows no sign of slowing down. A set of points could save the train if they switched, but they don't. An injection of cash or a win of some kind could slow the train or stop it completely, but it doesn't. Or the buffers could be removed and replaced with more track, in effect giving me more time. I love analogies.

It's Hallowe'en tomorrow. It's the latest 'festival' to become over commercialised here in the UK. I'm amazed at how much has appeared in the shops aimed at youngsters - costumes, make-up, black cats, broomsticks, pumpkins and decorations. We bought my son a witches costume the other day. He's going to wear it tomorrow afternoon and visit family. I expect they will make a fuss of it at school tomorrow. Oh how his week off has flown by... It will soon be firework night and already rockets can be heard in the evening popping in the distance. As if anyone has the spare cash to spend on them. Apparently my in-laws are planning a firework party of sorts next weekend. They did one last year which was quite pleasant. Of course it's all for the youngsters really but I do confess to enjoying it somewhat.

In the news this last week has been Europe and a rescue plan to prevent the Euro from going bust. A vote for an EU referendum was quashed earlier in the week which could have seen a vote for whether we stay in the EU. And the week ended with the very sad news that Sir Jimmy Savile had passed away. For many youngsters nowadays, he will mean little to them but for me and many others my age, Jimmy Savile was part of our Saturday evening for many a year. The opening and closing credits of Jim'll Fix It symbolised fish fingers, crispy pancakes or perhaps bath-time for so many youngsters wishing that perhaps one day their dreams would come true and that someone would fix it for them.

I've watched Night Mail and I am now watching Terminus while I type this. I say watching it, it's playing on another monitor to the side of me. Terminus is one of the most fantastic films ever made and launched its director John Schlessinger into his prestigious film career.

My son is making cakes and they are now beginning to bake in the oven. What a wonderful smell...

I may be heading toward teaching. My lack of sufficient funds prevent me from gaining my PSV license and I really am well and truly stuck in a rut at the moment. I have been contacted by RDS who provide courses for would-be teachers and this may be a route I will take. As I may have mentioned before now, teaching is just about the only other thing I can see myself doing with any confidence. I've done a little in the past and really enjoyed it. The problem nowadays is the requirement for recognised teaching qualifications regardless of what experience or skills you possess.

I am adding a large extension to my friend's train layout. The plan is for a new branch line to circle a harbour and fishing village. The line will rise steadily until it is high enough to cross an existing line and then be carried on a bridge across a small town eventually connecting with the other end of the layout. I can't help but wonder if I've bitten off more than I can chew with this one. It's certainly ambitious and I've no idea if it will work.
I do enjoy my time working on the layout. It takes me away briefly from the stresses and strains of reality. It's a means of escape and I can immerse myself in the world of OO and 1/76th scale models. More importantly for me, it's something I have built and it's something I'm proud of.

Saving My Tomatoes & Providing Support

I decided to remove the remaining tomatoes from my outdoor plant. Apparently the temperature is set to drop to just above freezing by the end of the week and it's unlikely they will survive in the open. I managed to collect a punnet's worth, so not bad at all.

While I was picking, I was joined by a large Red Admiral butterfly. It looked stunningly beautiful and was a welcome late visitor to the garden and a sign that we're not yet fully in the grip of winter. It lingered long enough for me to take a snap as it sat in the sunshine.

I have mentioned in previous posts my fondness for a You Tube channel, 'Glen1040'. I really enjoyed his videos and I was fascinated by his efforts at self-sufficiency. I notice that his channel has now been closed and I have been unable to discover where he has gone. It's really quite sad and I worry whether something has befallen him.
My watermelons are now the size of small lemons and growing fast. I've had to provide some support for them and being quite high on the plant, I have decided to use tights as suggested previously. For one, I've created a hammock of sorts and for the other, I've supported in from the roof of the conservatory. All very Heath Robinson but it seems to be doing the job.

There will be a degree of despondency from me over the coming weeks as things begin to get difficult. We are lucky to have an insurance policy which protects our mortgage payments, but this claim period will end in February next year. By that time, I need to have found suitable employment and be able to cover the payments. If this doesn't happen then, frankly, the worst will happen. I must admit to trying not to think about it too much. Depression is one of those things that can be triggered very easily and I really don't want to suffer another bout. But as the weeks pass, I (we) will need to start thinking seriously about what we're going to do. I've always said that I never want to return to an IT career, but it is what I know and as I am still unable to complete and achieve my full PCV license due to lack of funds, it may be my only option.
That is the stark reality at the moment...

Dark Mornings, Dark Evenings

Winter is well and truly on its way. The mornings are darker and the sun disappears beneath the horizon earlier by the day. There's a chill in the air. I wore my winter coat today. It made me look huge, well bigger than I already am.
It won't be long before we begin buying wood for the fire. We need to have the chimney swept first. We use a local chap, Peter Warrick who is well known in the area. He kindly attended our wedding with his son, dressed in classic Victorian chimney sweeps' attire. They looked great. I'll never forget them.

My son sang a song this evening. As he sang, it felt familiar to me and I realised it was a song I used to sing at primary school many years ago. I remembered the chorus and sang with him 'So we musn't forget, no we mustn't forget to say a great big thank you, we mustn't forget'. How marvellous that my son was able to jog my memory this way.

It was Mum's Birthday today. She is 69. We visited this afternoon after we'd collected our son from school. She had prepared a small buffet which was nice and the lounge was warm and cosy. The log burner was lit and glowed in the hearth. Mum never makes a fuss of her Birthdays but she always makes sure everyone is looked after and has plenty to eat and drink. My Nan was very much like that, always giving. We stayed for a couple of hours.

We have some new curtains. I know this isn't front page news, but it's significant as the previous set had been up for 9 years. It's strange how you get used to things and never give them a second thought. But when they are gone, you really notice it. The new curtains are very nice. My wife has impecable taste when it somes to home furnishings. They match the furniture perfectly and I actually find myself admiring them.

In the news today there is criticism of the government who have met today with energy industry leaders to discuss ways of helping consumers in the current economic climate who are struggling to afford crippling bills. Apparently they have managed to achieve absolutely nothing except to remind us (as if we're idiots) to make sure we compare prices and switch suppliers(!) Are these people really in charge of the country?
I fear for us all...

Happy Birthday Mum, love from us all xxx