It feels wrong to celebrate...

It does feel somewhat wrong to be preparing to celebrate Christmas when their are 27 shattered families and relatives on the other side of the Atlantic, their lives devastated.
Many would say that life has to go on. I suppose they are right, but for the families involved, they must be feeling their world has come to an end.
I listened last night to BBC Radio 5's Stephen Nolan Show. It's a phone in discussion programme and the main topic was the tragedy in Connecticut. I normally listen to just a few minutes, depending on the subject, but last night I felt compelled to stay with the programme until 1am.
A couple of the calls were from the area affected. One was from an English teacher who worked at a school in a neighbouring state. He talked about how school teachers and children are trained for situations such as those seen on Friday. The training is mandatory and as he explained what he would have done in a similar situation, he began to break down. His thoughts had turned to the children in his charge and the realisation that it could easily have been his class that had been lost.
Another call was from a father in the UK. He simply could not understand how it could be right for a member of the public to have access to weapons normally seen only in the military. He too broke down and sobbed as he tried to articulate his feelings, the anger clear in his broken voice. The weapons used by the lone gunman on Friday are designed to cause maximum damage and injury. They are death machines and can be found in use by the Navy and those serving in Afghanistan. Why, he asked, are such weapons so widely available? 'There has to be something seriously wrong with a country that allows this'. How right he is.
Something that dis stick in my mind was a quite from a law official in the US who informed us that there are in use in the US more than one gun per head of the population. That is a huge number of weapons, all of which are in use. Is it any wonder tragedies like this occur?
As more detail emerges, so too we will hopefully begin to answer the big question, 'why?'. The police have announced they have found evidence that shines a light on this question and may go some way to provide a motive for the gunman to have done what he did. This will be of no consolation to the parents of those killed, but may in some way help to prevent something like this ever happening again. It may help those in contact with children and young adults to recognise the signs before it is too late. It is more likely than not that the signs were there. They may have manifested themselves in odd behaviour, a reluctance to mix with others or a hatred for teachers or figures of authority. It is possible these things could have been pushed aside and put down to the actions of a normal adolescent, finding his place in society. It's likely we will never know.
It would be so wrong for nothing of any real good to come from this tragedy. There has to be progress on all fronts, progress in restricting gun ownership and the penalties for illegally using firearms and progress in understanding how and why young men are driven to commit such acts. 

Another tragic waste...

Yet again, we see another tragedy involving guns in the United States. This time, 27 innocent lives have been taken in the most horrific way, at an elementary school in Connecticut. Twenty of those killed are children, all aged between 5 and 10 years. My son is nearly 6. As a parent, my heart breaks as I try to imagine the overwhelming sense of grief and loss that the parents must be feeling at the moment. I know with some certainty that if anything happened to my son, I would not be able to live without him and I would shortly follow him.
Again, the gun law policies in the US are under the spotlight. Surely, enough is enough and this latest 'massacre' has to be a turning point. Restrictions simply have to be implemented on who can legally own and use a gun, of any description. There have to be age restrictions and a complete ban on anyone owning a firearm if they have suffered mental health problems. There is speculation that the perpetrator suffered mental illness. Here in the UK, people find an outlet for their illness by self-harming. In the US, a firearm provides an outlet that turns the effects of their illness onto others, in the most lethal of ways.
For as long as the gun laws in the US remain unchallenged and unchanged, we will continue to see incidents such as the one we have witnessed.
Yesterday we all saw a president wipe tears from his eyes. His words were sincere and the words of a parent. But he is in a unique position to prevent this from happening again. I really hope he does.

Not quite feeling it yet...

I'm in a good place at the moment. Things are pretty steady and we can face Christmas without worrying too much about the mortgage. It's a good feeling to know that things are OK but I'm acutely aware of how quickly things can change. I'm always expecting a letter to arrive with a final demand or a bailiff letter threatening all sorts of horrible things. I dread the post as a result and seldom ever open anything just in case. I see how quickly things can change with myself and I see it with others I know. Keeping busy certainly helps and I am heavily involved with running Blue Skies. I also have this blog, my website and the Blue Skies Facebook page, all of which I try to keep updated regularly. Anxiety is something I find more and more difficult to control, as evidenced last Sunday when I caused a lot of damage to my right hand and wrist. I've decided that part of the reason for doing this was the inability for me to use my e-cigarette. It was quite a long journey and I am never without my 'stick' when driving normally. Being in my in-law's car meant that I couldn't use it and this added to my anxiety and feeling of overwhelming frustration. The people I know and support understand perfectly. They've seen the state of my hand. They know. My family do not, and never will. It is only possible to understand acute anxiety by experiencing it.

I don't know if it's just me, but I do feel there is a lot of death at the moment. So many people have died lately, people of note - personalities and people who have made a difference. As I type this, I see that Kenneth Kendal has passed away aged 88. I grew up during the 1970's and 80's when Kenneth was a regular TV news reader. I also remember his appearances on Channel 4's Treasure Hunt.
There is often tragedy at this time of year. Just before Christmas, it isn't unusual for their to be a disaster of some kind and major loss of life. Indeed, as I am typing I hear that there has been a shooting incident in Conneticut, US at an elementary school. There are reports that as many as 27 have been shot and killed. So tragic and a reminder of what guns can do in the wrong hands. It does seem that very little has changed in the US and gun laws remain lax enabling practically anyone to have access to firearms. All the while the law allows this to happen, so we will sadly continue to see events such as this.

I'm not really feeling that festive at the moment. We do have one or two Group events such as Secret Santa and our Christmas meal next week. I have received a number of cards and a couple of presents have appeared under the tree. I've even played a few of my Christmas records. Maybe next week, I'll start to feel it but today has been much like a typical October day with rain and strong winds having taken over from days of freezing fog and ice.

Our volunteer services manager visited our group on Thursday. He was there to discuss our relationship with the NHS Trust. It seems the NHS are trying to do away with groups such as ours and also end the practice of referring new members. It should be noted that our membership is by referral only so quite how things will work in the future I don't know. It may be that we do end up breaking away, especially if we procure funding but it's important we retain our connections with the NHS. There certainly appears to be an element within the NHS hierarchy that doesn't favor support groups such as ours. It's a shame as we're here to stay and our membership of the Shine Network carries much clout within the mental health circles in Lincolnshire. Added to this, I have called upon our local NHS Governor who I'm hoping will visit one of our group meetings soon. Their support should bolster our cause and ensure we continue to provide a much needed bridge between psychiatric services and the community.