Austerity Britain

So it's the last day of June and there is much talk about the effects of the economy on 'everyday people'. I've normally taken it with a pinch of salt, after all some are better off than others and the newspapers do like to exaggerate things. But I do actually believe that most people are beginning to feel the effects of lower income and higher food and fuel prices. For me, the signs are already here - we're short of bread, we're low on squash, we're out of kitchen towels, I've used the last of the eggs and I'm constantly reminded not to use too much washing-up liquid. These things may seem trivial but they are real signs that things are changing. I never used to worry about where the next loaf of bread was coming from and I would use three towels when one would do. I've run out of white paper in my printer so I have to use bright yellow and anything else spare provided it fits. Little things but sure signs that the money simply isn't there for the 'little extras'.
Things have never been quite like this before. I know for some, struggling to find the money for everyday essentials is normal. However, I think for many, this is a new phenomenon. I've a feeling though it's something we're all going to have to get used to.
The self-sufficient lifestyle is fast becoming more and more relevant. We pay £1 for six eggs at our local roadside fruit and veg stall. We eat a lot of eggs. I am particularly fond of them. So do we start keeping chickens? A lot of people in this area do and they are never short of eggs as a result, most choosing to sell the surplus. My tomato plants will in time provide enough fruit to keep us supplied each month. If successful, I intend to plant some more. I have ten plants currently.
To be honest, I would really like a polytunnel. This would enable me to grow all sorts of things but we don't really have the space unless I dig up one side of the garden. Then there's the cost and I don't think it's cheap.
Would be nice though...

Such a difference...

Being diabetic and suffering depression, I take a lot of tablets each day. The long-term effects of this daily cocktail are unknown - basically no one knows as they haven't been tested long enough. So I choose to place enormous trust in my doctor and other specialists, just as many thousands of other people do each day.
I don't really have a problem with this. I know by the look and tone of my diabetic nurse that there is a big risk of me developing complications. My life could end a lot earlier than normal - the estimate is ten years - and each visit places me one step nearer insulin. I'm currently on tablets to control the condition.
The depression has been something more difficult to control. It comes and goes of its own free will but the last few months have certainly seen a huge improvement - well I think so anyway. I think this is due largely to a couple of tablets I take each day. One in particular, Mirtazapine is a very effective little tablet. I used to take it last thing at night. I would be asleep within minutes but waking in the morning was difficult. It sends me into a very deep sleep with vivid almost life-like dreams. I would be tired all morning the following day and energy would be seriously lacking. But yesterday I was told by my specialist that I was taking the tablet at the wrong time of the day. Instead of late at night, I should be taking it early evening. That way the effects would not be felt the next day. So that's what I did and lo and behold I feel great. I didn't have to struggle out of bed this morning and for the first time in ages, I feel awake. In fact I'm so awake, I can type this blog entry.
So there we have it... such a big difference from a relatively small thing. Incredible.

Storms and little black midges

After a couple of humid sultry days, it's now cooler damp and stormy. Also there are hundreds of little black midges everywhere. I hate them. Somehow they work their way into every crevice and I can even see the buggers crawling inside my computer screen! How the hell did they get in there?
As I type this, a storm is overhead. I'm half expecting the power to go off so I'm saving as often as I can. I do have a big generator in the garden. It's big enough to power the house but the battery's dead. My wife tells me we don't have the money for a new one. The thunder is getting heavier and it's raining heavily. Little man will be inside this afternoon at big school. No field games today I'm afraid...

Lightning Detector

Heat

I'm really not enjoying this heat. We're simply not used to it in this country. It's a shock to the system when we get any significant sunshine. I just was not built for a warm climate. I cannot function properly. It is perfectly true that we're never happy. We moan when it's cool and we moan when it's hot. I do believe the weather is a British obsession. But one thing's for sure - I hate this oppressive heat. Tomorrow is supposed to be even warmer but we're forecast heavy rain and storms from 3pm onwards so some respite is in sight... I must sound terrible. I know there are people who simply love this kind of weather. They strip off and go about with as little on as they can get away with. Others light a BBQ at the first sign of sunshine (in-laws). I'm sweating now as I type this though I suspect it's more to do with my diabetes than the weather. I was force-fed a mini-pavlova earlier with fresh cream, decorated with raspberries and strawberries. I know I shouldn't, but there's a lot I shouldn't do but I do... life would be so boring otherwise.

V-log progress, good food & getting old

I'm making progress finally with my v-log. I've been having no end of problems with MS Movie Maker which seems to have a mind of its own. The constant crashing and freezing drove me mad so I just had to find something more stable and reliable. I eventually found it - Serif MoviePlus X5 - it really is superb with every special effect imaginable. It took a while to master but I've got the hang of the basics and I've nearly completed my first v-log. In fact it should be ready for uploading to YouTube tomorrow evening. There are two items in the v-log, my tomato plants and a small piece about my generator - both on the subject of self-sufficiency. I'm hoping it will be of interest to someone.

Probably the food retailer's best kept secret has to be Farmfoods. I began shopping there a few months ago more out of curiosity than anything else. The stores are basic but the quality and range of food is excellent. Prices are good too and £10 can really go a long way. So that's my recommendation to anyone looking to save money but not compromise on quality. Advertisement over.

There may be some good news regarding my lost money. I'd read recently that most purchases made using a credit card are protected under Section 75 of the Consumer Credit Act. Until recently this did not extend to debit cards but now it does. As my parents funded my training, they made an appointment with their bank and I understand it all went very well. We have some forms to fill in and I need to send copies of the various letters we have sent including stuff from the solicitor and the court. If they do refund the initial fee (£1,140) that'll be great. I will send details of the solicitor fees we had to pay (a further £1,000) in the hope taht they may look kindly on this also. Well, it's worth a try...

It's supposed to be getting hot apparently. Well not here yet. I'm by the Wash and it's been cloudy all day. OK it's been humid but nowhere near the sizzling temperatures predicted. Tomorrow is supposed to be properly hot... Call me boring but I hate it, especially that stifling heat you simply can't escape. The only thing I enjoy about hot weather is the inevitable storm that follows. I believe there are storms forecast for Tuesday.

I'm more sure than ever that I'm 'getting old'. I used to be able to do many things at the same time and listen to several things going on around me. Now though I just can't seem to cope with more than one thing. Quite often, my son will be having a grizzle about something in one ear and the TV news or something similar is going in the other. I find more and more that my head just cannot cope with it. I actually feel it overloading. OMG, I am becoming so much like my father. I make strange noises when I get up and down, I moan about the cost of everyday things, I don't like too much noise and my son's running about the lounge after dinner gives me indigestion. I'm 38 for goodness sake!

I want to go to Lowestoft tomorrow. There's a vintage bus rally down there organised by the East Anglia Transport Museum. But we can't go... I've been told by my wife that we can't afford it. The truth is the event is actually free but the petrol we certainly can't afford. It seems that days out and trips in the car are things of luxury. It's so sad that we now can't afford to travel, to see friends and family or to take a trip to somewhere different. It seems we're not alone, I heard on the radio that more and more people are cutting back on trips in the car. So sad...

I shot some footage today of the model railway I'm building. I've taken many photos but never taken any video. I'm quite pleased with the raw footage and after a bit of editing, I'm sure I can make it into short video for YouTube. I have a channel on YouTube, 'MattLincs' where I upload everything to. Wow, I am becoming creative...

Self-sufficiency mini-project

Today I finally got round to starting my mini self-sufficiency project. I have decided to start growing things and I'm starting with tomatoes. I'm keeping things simple to begin with by using a grow-bag. I've been told I just need to bed-in my tomato plants (kindly provided by my elite gardening father) and add water. To aid my plants, I have added a few bamboo poles for them to climb up. I'm really hoping my little venture will be productive. We probably spend about £5 a month on tomatoes so it would be nice if I could produce my own. I also have my eye on cucumbers and I'm about to research the best way to grow them. Cucumbers have always been a firm favorite and it's common for us to spend at least £5 on these also.
Gooseberries... now there's a fruit you don't see very much of these days. I used to eat them a lot when I was young. My father grew them on his allotment down in Kent. I recall with fondness how I would munch on them whenever I visited him tending his plot. I'll look into growing these too though I don't think it's the right time of year to begin. I'll update regularly on progress.

It was nice to be able to visit Peterborough with my friend again today. I've mentioned previously that he is disabled having suffered a stroke a few years ago and needs a wheelchair to get around. It's always a pleasure for me to take him out for a few hours. Being stuck indoors often makes him depressed so it was great to see him so happy as we drove across the fens. We visited again our favorite store 'Trains4u' situated at Fengate. We're guaranteed a warm welcome from the staff there and they always take a keen interest in our 32 ft model railway project. In the past, we would normally spend well over £100 on each visit but now we spend half that amount. It was sad to see that this country's current obsession of over-pricing has spread also to model railway accessories. Even the smallest items appear to have doubled in price making a once popular and modestly affordable hobby a luxury for the rich or those with huge amounts of money to spare.

I have yet to film my v-log for my YouTube channel. I've decided, incidentally, to call the channel 'From the Wash to the World'. I'm keen to promote the things I'm doing here in a remote corner of Lincolnshire and make them available to anyone interested wherever they are in the world. I've never actually thought that anything I do is remotely interesting to anyone but experience recently has shown that a guy in remotest Australia can have an audience on the other side of the world, interested in his projects to conserve water, grow vegetables and live to a budget. I'll give it a go tomorrow as I'll be on my own - apart from the dog - so should be able to produce a short film uninterrupted.

V-log, film review, Ambridge & 'lectric'

I've actually been rather stumped for a focus to my next blog entry. I know I keep harping on about the problems I'm having with finance and career. I don't want this turn into something boring suffice to say that there is a lot happening at the moment, especially on the consumer forums. A whole lot of people are affected by 1st Class Trucking Ltd and have all lost a lot of money. It will remain to be seen whether anyone gets their money back - the creditors need to be paid back first and then whatever's left over will be shared out to the poor customers. I'll update again once there's significant progress.

I'm toying with the idea of starting a v-log. I'm a huge fan of glen1040 on YouTube and enjoy very much his occasional uploads from his home in remotest Australia. The cost of living is among his latest topics of interest and how everyday items are becoming too expensive to buy. The same is of course true here and I'm quite keen to highlight what we pay for our groceries and how to make savings. Self-sufficiency is another thing that's becoming more relevant as the cost of living increases. Glen spends a lot of time nurturing his vegetable garden and the results are quite amazing given the arid conditions. I've taken a small step in the same direction and procured two tomato plants from my father, who - unlike me - is a very keen and accomplished gardener. So any v-log I produce will contain an update on my tomato growing progress. If I do manage it, I intend to publish it on YouTube under my ID 'mattlincs'.

There's lots going on at the moment about the pension age. Personally, I can understand fully the frustration of those who will now have to work longer before they can receive their pensions. They feel let down, mis-led and probably heartily sick of having their hopes dashed for retiring from a life of 9-5 office and factory work. I am lucky - I have a good private pension, well several actually from my previous employers. I don't have to worry when I reach 55 and if I'm not about, neither will my wife and son. But for those dependent on the state pension, they have every right to be angry and I hope this is reflected in the next round of voting in the general election. Personally, I am half-expecting to emigrate before the government can get their hands on my nest egg... Australia maybe...

I will update at the weekend on progress made with our model railway. I've been quite busy adding some nice little extras.

I've watched two films recently, 'Paul' and 'Unknown'. 'Paul' was actually quite good given the fact it's a comedy about an alien. I didn't really think it could work but Simon Pegg and Nick Frost managed to pull it off. 'Unknown' was another good film. It stars Liam Neeson in the lead role. Although it is very well made (anything with Liam Neeson in it normally is), I did find the storyline very frustrating. I get very easily confused and this film leads you down one road before doing a sharp u-turn and sending you in the other direction. Some would describe it as a 'twist in the tale'. I would call it bloody irritating. It was very good though nevertheless and I can thoroughly recommend it.

OK, that's my film review for this week! I could have gone further but I'd hate to spoil either of them for anyone.

Does anyone reading this listen to the Archers I wonder...? I do and I have to confess that I'm well and truly hooked. I've been listening on and off for years but since Christmas I haven't missed an episode. I miss Nigel, I find Elizabeth irritating to the extreme and cringe whenever Jolene and Kenton are together. There! Am I an Archers addict?

Finally... electricity. Our electricity bill has risen from £150 per month to a staggering £174 per month! I'm actually still in shock at reading the letter from Eon. We must be paying too much, surely... What do other people pay? Is it normal to pay so much each month?

OK, I'm going to have a think about my first v-log and I'll update again at the weekend. I have an appointment with my careers adviser tomorrow. I'm hoping she will be able to help me with financing my training course... We'll see.

Farewell my £1,400

I feel quite sick to the stomach as I write this. I have just read that 1st Class Trucking Ltd, who have £1400 of my money, have gone into receivership. A call to my ever helpful court in Boston confirmed my fears that the chances of me ever seeing my money again are practically non-existent.
What country allows a company to take your hard-earned money, provide you with nothing and then disappear through insolvency? There has to be something wrong.
Words cannot describe the way I am feeling at the moment. I know I am not alone in losing money to these criminals - it's all there to read at www.consumeractiongroup.co.uk
I'm heartily fed up with living in a lawless country that favours corrupt companies over honest trusting consumers.

I wonder if... I could write books

The tedium of daily life at the moment often leads me to think of new possibilities. My son brought home with him from playschool a small catalogue of children's books at discounted prices. Flicking through it, I did have to marvel at the range of books now available for children of my son's age. So many weird and wonderful looking creatures and different subjects. Some are proper books with stories, others are just pictures with captions. All of them though looked friendly and inviting, enticing the curious to look beyond the cover and get drawn into what ever wonderful world lay within.
'I could do that', I convinced myself - for all of five minutes. 'It can't be that difficult', I mused. The problem is, flicking through the catalogue, every subject seems to have been covered by a range of authors and illustrators, some familiar and some not so. What could I write about? A new odd looking monster? A boy who ends up in mysterious places? A man with a magic balloon perhaps? Nah... surely it's all been covered? It would be nice to write about a series of adventures. A boy who, at night, disappears to weird and wonderful places with his dog. Problem is, I could possibly write the first one but I'd soon run out of ideas...Nice idea but that's probably all it will ever be.

Pimple

I have a pimple on the end of my tongue. I don't know why it's there of how it got there, it's just there. Oh and it hurts. It's so bloody difficult to avoid. Of all the places it could have chosen, it found a home on the end of my tongue. Arrrrrgggghhhh!

Frustrating...

I really had hoped to have made some progress this week with either my loan request or with the courts in getting my money back from the bunch of crooks who currently have it. Unfortunately, I've made no headway with either hence the frustration. I've in fact had my loan request declined, even though it was for career training. This really surprised me given the fact I was led to believe that they would be able to help. I did have an appointment earlier today with an advisor at the local job centre. She told me that they have something known as the FSF (Flexible Support Fund) which they can use with discretion to assist people like me desperate to get back into work. The amount I am requesting is rather large though - £2000 to pay for my PCV training course. She did tell me she would approach her manager to see if it would be possible. I'm due to see her again on the 21st, next week when I'm hoping I will know either way. It was the first time I'd seen this particular advisor and she was very sympathetic and could see that I've done all I can to get the job I want. I was on a real downer yesterday because of it all. I seem to be taking one step forward followed by two steps back and it's beginning to take its toll a little now. Sunday only reinforced my determination to pursue my goal. There has to be a way...

Eastern Counties and a grand day out

Today marked the beginning of Norfolk Green's King's Lynn-Hunstanton services following their recent acquisition of First Eastern Counties services. This will mean very little to most people but for a bus enthusiast, it's quite a big deal. What made it more special was the laying-on of several free vintage bus services using vehicles from the preserved Eastern Counties fleet. These wonderful vehicles performed very well, though they did struggle with hills and their drivers often battled with their gearboxes. An enormous thank you to all the people involved. I know for Norfolk Green, today marked a proud moment in their history and puts them firmly on the map as one of the regions premier operators. I know that running vintage buses requires an enormous amount of effort and costs a lot of money. I take my hat off to the owners and all at Norfolk Green who gave their time for free to give us a day to remember!

Australia calling...

I like YouTube. It brings us things from around the world that we wouldn't normally see. Sounds and pictures are brought to us in seconds from all reaches of the globe - some in stunning high definition - if you have the bandwidth.
I was browsing YouTube the other day, not looking for anything in particular, when I stumbled across some uploads from a guy living in remote Western Australia. He has uploaded a set of v-logs - a kind of video blog - which provide a fascinating insight into his rural life and interests. Living in a remote part of the country, he doesn't have access to mainstream broadband (as he describes in one of the v-logs), therefore his uploads are quite sporadic with long periods in between. Nevertheless, I do find them uniquely interesting and I have already learnt so much simply from watching them. Something I didn't know previously was how to find out how much gas is left in a gas bottle. Apparently, if you pour boiling water over it, the part that remains wet and doesn't condense is where there is remaining gas, therefore giving an indication of the gas level.
I'm sure he won't be everyone's cup of tea but he's certainly worth a look. He can be found by searching 'glen1040' in YouTube.

The man who waves

Each time we take our son to playschool, we often pass a really nice old guy who always waves to us. He is always walking, wearing his luminous jacket and a walking stick. Whenever we pass, he always gives us a smile and waves. We've never met him but we know he's a nice old chap. You can tell by his cheerful expression. No matter the weather, he always seems to be there. He must walk up and down the same stretch of road for most of the day. We sometimes see him chatting to people so he must be well-known. A while back, he would be seen walking his dog. It was a black Labrador and we could tell it was getting on in years as it was always walking some way behind him. It was some time ago we noticed his dog was no longer with him and we deduced from this that his dog must have died. So he now walks alone, seemingly without a care in the world, each day greeting every passing motorist. I don't want to know anymore about him. He knows us and we know him. The smile and wave are enough. He may have fought in the war or worked the land, with hundreds of tales to tell of bygone Lincolnshire and Sutton Bridge. Or he may have some terrible secret to live with, hidden by his cheery exterior. I don't want to know. For me, he's the cheery old man who makes me feel good every day and lets me know that everything's 'alright' when my life is otherwise in 'turmoil'. He'll never know the difference he makes...

Cholesterol cake

We visited my mother this afternoon. If we don't visit regularly we get the usual remarks of 'we haven't seen a soul for weeks' or ' we could have died for all anyone cares'... and so it goes on. We always try to arrive before 4pm as my father has an irritating habit of locking the doors and getting into his PJ's. It's actually quite embarrassing for us but for him it's perfectly normal and he thinks nothing of it. That's the most annoying part.  By far the worst experience we've had to endure has to be the sight of my father in just a dressing gown and trying desperately to look elsewhere as he sits across the room from us in his favorite armchair. My wife and I laugh about it now but I know when we had first met, it really was a bit much to expect her to deal with...

We normally try to visit on a Sunday but this isn't always possible so we called in this afternoon on the way back from the library. My mum has always been a pretty good cook and the old saying of 'mum's is best' can certainly be applied to anything she bakes. We're often given the odd cup cake or slab of fruit cake when we visit but today we were given an enormous brick-sized lump of cake. We were told in no uncertain terms that 'it had to be eaten today' as she had made it yesterday having expected us to visit and that 'it has fresh cream inside so won't keep'. In actual fact the cake had about an inch of cream with strawberries sandwiched between two enormous layers of sponge. All I could think about was the number of calories and amount of sugar that had been used to produce it. I'm diabetic but I'm sure my mum forgets, and my wife and I could certainly do with shedding a few pounds. 'Don't worry, we'll find a way to get rid of it', whispered my wife as we left. If we did, I would certainly feel guilt-ridden and I'd have to lie the next time I saw her when she asked how the cake was. No, we'll have to eat some of it... 

School seemed to agree with my son and my son with it. We both gave a sigh of relief when he emerged smiling from the classroom door when we collected him earlier. He's looking forward to returning tomorrow which is great! It remains to be seen how he will cope with it full-time come September...

Big school

My son is excited. He's going to his new 'big school' this afternoon for a few hours. I on the other hand I am feeling quite nervous. I remember how I dreaded the prospect of leaving the safety and warmth of my infant school to embark on my journey into junior school. It all seemed new and strange, full of unknowns and people I hadn't met. The teachers were scary. Two in particular were known for their occasional bouts of rage. During lunch break, dinner ladies would patrol the playground. I recall there was no grass, just a very hard tarmac'd surface with strange lines and circles painted on it. Falling over would result in hideous bruises and bloody scrapes which would be treated with TCP and witch hazel. I always sought out the kindest dinner lady and soon befriended her. She had a new digital watch. I hadn't seen one before and it was amazing. I clung to her as much as I could. I felt safe with her and she protected me from the big boys.
I would hope against hope that the bell wouldn't ring and I wouldn't have to go back in to class. The route back took me up a flight of stairs unchanged from the day they were built at the turn of the last century. The brickwork was shiny and appeared to be sort of varnished.
Returning to class, I would take my seat once more unsure of what was in store for us. I had a good view of the clock. That was good, as I would have my eye on it a lot, willing the hands to move faster... but they never did.

A duck and a swim

Our neighbors are odd. They have their own farm in their front garden. They also seclude themselves away from society by having a very tall hedge encircling their property. They never prune it. It's over eight feet tall in places and it's a constant source of frustration for me that we're forever having to trim it.
Anyway, my normally mundane morning ablutions were interrupted by our neighbor shouting for her duck. This went on for a few minutes and then I heard her say 'there you are'. This was then followed by wailing. Between the cries I heard 'oh my poor duck' and 'that was my favorite'. At first I actually thought she had found her husband dead in the border. You see, the hedge between our respective properties is thick but voices are clearly audible - as is the constant barking of her dogs, but I digress... This woman was upset, really upset. The crying continued for a long time. I couldn't see anything but I had formed a mental image of her cradling her favorite duck, tears running down her face. It was a very sad thing to witness. She seemed to blame a cat for killing it though I couldn't work out whether it was her own. Given the number of ducks and assorted wildfowl she keeps, I can only imagine a cat would be the worst thing to have around the place.
What really got me was the affection this woman had for her duck. I know they are a reclusive couple and have communicated very little since they moved in about two years ago. Thinking about it, the chap who had the place before them was weird - he never communicated either. We do seem to attract people here who don't fit in anywhere else. People seem to cocoon themselves away up here - some on their own and others with wild animals to keep them comfortable.

This afternoon, the three of us went swimming at our local pool in Spalding. I wasn't exactly looking forward to it. I've always likened it to having a bath with a load of strangers, not that having a bath with friends would be any better... It wasn't busy - just a handful of people really. We spent most of the time in the kiddies pool. My son cannot swim yet and lacks confidence. The pool was about 0.8 meters deep and comfortably warm. I hadn't swam for a long time but I was pleasantly surprised to find that I could actually float. I'd always had my doubts given my considerable bulk and with a little more confidence I managed to both float and propel myself across the pool a few times. Wow, I was pretty proud of myself! My son soon gained more confidence and also managed to float a little with the aid of armbands. My wife showed off her swimming skills by diving under and pretending to be a shark. My son loved it, shrieking with excitement as her dark mass got nearer and nearer until she finally surfaced with a big splash. Oh what fun...
So despite my misgivings, I actually confess to having enjoyed myself. It looks like we'll be making a habit of it...

Tomorrow, my son experiences his new school for the first time. He's only there from 1.30 to 3.30 but I do find myself worrying whether or not he'll take to it. He does seem quite excited about it though so I don't think he's worrying nearly as much as me. I'm sure he'll be fine...

At odds with my in-laws

I think I have hinted at the fact that my in-laws have a very dim view of me. This hasn't always been the case. Back at the start when I was a high-flying executive, I couldn't have put a foot wrong. I was their golden boy and they were so proud of the fact that I would turn up in my flash car wearing a suit... It's only since I had my breakdown and decided on a totally new career path that their view of me has changed. I'm now the 'black sheep' of the family. I am derided as I have refused to work in the local factory to bring in some money and they are certain my illness was just an excuse for being lazy.
Things went a bit further this evening as my wife remarked that I do nothing to help my image with my in-laws. Apparently I hadn't joined them in the lounge when I had called to collect my son. The truth is I actually find it very difficult to be in their company. I know they talk about be when I'm not there and they love to gossip about how I do nothing to support my wife and son. Yes, we're in a financial mess (who isn't nowadays?), but I did work bloody hard for 15 years, earning a lot of money so I could insure us against the worst of it. We could be in a far greater mess. I suspect also that my determination to gain my PCV license also riles them. The truth is our backgrounds are completely different. They have been used to taking the first job that's offered and suffering it for a tiny wage. I on the other hand have been used to a lengthy career on the IT ladder finally reaching the top three years ago.

My new career choice is one I have longed to do for many years. I do so wish I had pursued it earlier but I had become 'trapped' - well comfortable - in my IT career and to be honest the money was good. Part of the problem is the fact it's taken such a bloody long time for me to get where I want to be. My first attempt at completing my training was scuppered by the training company after they stole my money. I'm now trying to raise the funds required to try again. I'm nearly there - I have the court trying to get my money back and I have also requested a loan. I'm hopeful I will hear something from both of them next week. As soon as I have the funds, I will book my course and I'll be behind the wheel of a coach driving round Peterborough.

The problems with my in-laws actually serve to make me more determined to prove to them that I can both drive a bus or coach and enjoy my work at the same time. I'm not happy with my current situation and each day I long for things to be different. But knowing how they feel about me has really started to make me quite angry, so much so that I did tell my wife that I didn't care what they thought and that I'll never do anything right by them. I could happily avoid them though I know this will be difficult to do. I feel very uncomfortable in their presence. I know I shouldn't but I feel as if I no longer know them. My wife will hate this but it's how I feel...

Memories of now

Being a father to a young boy can either be easy or difficult. It's what you make it. What spurs me on to do the best for my son is how I think he will remember these times in years to come. I know myself, I can remember a lot from my own childhood, some are good happy memories, and others are not. There are trips to the seaside that stand out and walks to the nearby park, where I recall spending a lot of time. My father back then had an allotment which I know he still misses. He used to spend most of his spare time at weekends tending to it and I would often accompany him. I suspect he thought I would take an interest in growing things and that it would stand me in good stead for the future. I didn't and it did not. It seems those things I was forced to enjoy such as gardening and football I simply rebelled against.
I do find myself thinking a lot about my actions and how they will be remembered by my son in the future. I want him to remember good things and to be fond of his childhood. I know he has started to take after me. He has an interest in buses and trains and has confidence to use a computer. He also likes football and thanks to my wife's side of the family, I know the opportunity to develop this will always be there.
He is intelligent and curious, but not overly so. I'm determined not to make him into something. I want him to develop into his own person.

He will start school soon, in fact he begins attending reception classes next week. I know it'll be good for him and that he will enjoy it. But I do so want him to have happy memories of his school days. Mine are so mixed. I was never brilliant and I was never really bad - I sort of sat in the middle much of the time. I was very rarely ever in trouble, except for towards the end of my secondary school days when I went off the rails a little. I actually feared school much of the time and I would pursue any opportunity to avoid attending. Secondary school was a good few miles from home and necessitated a bus journey. This for me was the best part of the whole experience. I would try to stretch it as much as I could by starting my journey far earlier than I needed to. A journey that would take fifteen minutes I would turn into a full hour. Every day as the school bus stop approached I would wish I could stay on the bus and not get off.

I never shout at my son. I have raised my voice a couple of times, especially when he chooses to ignore us. My wife is a lot firmer with him than me. She has shouted at him and I know she has smacked him once or twice - never hard though. My wife always says that he 'gets away with murder' when I'm with him and that I'm 'too soft'. I suppose I am. I remember what a nightmare I was as a child. In my early teens I ran away to London and spent the night on buses, finally ending up at about 2am outside East Croydon Station. My parents had called the police and they coaxed me off a bus and into the back of a police van. I spent the rest of the night in a cell to teach me a lesson to then be driven back home the next morning.

There are certainly times I remember for the wrong reasons. My dad did have a temper and this would be unleashed when he came home from work and upon hearing of my bad behavior from my mum. In a way, it's these bad memories that make me the person I am today - far more cautious and protective of my son and keen for him to never remember any bad times the way I can.
Trips out and about are easier today than they were then. My parents have never owned a car so we would have to rely on public transport to get about. I didn't mind this and didn't really know any different until I was much older. It did though restrict where we could go and when. Nowadays we're able to go practically anywhere and at any time. We take it for granted.

Another thing that's different today from when I was a child is our ability to record details and images of what we do. I'm forever saying what things were like 'when I was your age'. My son will have an enormous record of images, video and text to take with him into later life, to look back on and to share with his children.
With so much already recorded, maybe he won't need to remember so much...