Throwing Stones

This past week, I have had to explain to my son why there are nasty people in the world who want to throw things at other countries. It is not an easy conversation to have and one I really don't enjoy. I have limited my explanation so my son likens any threat to something akin to the canon ball launchers he has with his Imaginext play castle. After all, he is only six and really isn't ready for the full horror of what inter-continental ballistic missiles are capable of. That is really what his schooling is for.
In the past week, words have been used which no one would want to hear used in media news broadcasts. Words such as nuclear and strike have been used in the same sentence along with anti-missile and defence. During the 70's and 80's the use of such words would have sent a chill through the population and prompted the circulation of 'protect and survive' leaflets. Since those days, freedom of information means that we now know how futile any form of advice would be and it is now accepted that there would be little or no protection from a nuclear exchange.
Just how much of this is just words? I suspect rather a lot. I listened with interest to a piece on this morning's Broadcasting House where we heard that domestic television news in North Korea barely mentions any kind of crisis and places more importance on the publication of a book about 'The Great Leader' and an exhibition of photography. If North Korea are building up to war then it would appear the populous is blissfully unaware. So is it all a show? Quite possibly. After all, they have done it on numerous occasions before. What is more dangerous than the 'crisis' in relations is the talk about nuclear war. This can lead to misunderstandings and mistakes. A game of threats is not one to be playing when those involved have the means to trigger a conflict from which there would be no return.
This last week, if nothing else, has been a stark reminder of how quickly international affairs can deteriorate to a point whereby we begin talking about the use of nuclear weapons.
I keep hearing in the media whether we should be worried. I don't think so. The retaliation to anything fired at us would be massive. What we should be worried about is the wider effect of any military action between North and South Korea. The inevitable involvement of the US and military build up in the region would not be tolerated by China, as they have made clear, and would risk it adopting a defencive stance. Any accidents or mistakes could easily result in a far wider conflict developing, and it's this that should worry us.

Thank you bank

Some good news. Earlier today I had received a text message from the bank asking me to call them. This always fills me with a sense of dread, makes me feel ill and is normally to do with the fact that I owe them so much money. I did call them when I returned home from my support group meeting. It was, as I suspected, to do with the mortgage as the arrangement we have for the mortgage is about to run out. I wrote a while back that we had asked the CAB to intervene and send a letter on our behalf pleading for them to see sense and extend the arrangement until the end of February next year, when the rate changes significantly. This will mean us paying half the contracted amount, though we will just be paying the interest. It will though help enormously.
When I spoke with them, they did acknowledge that they had received the letter and after a brief chat with their manager, it was agreed that my account would be given the category of 'sensitive' and that we could continue paying the reduced amount.
It is difficult to convey the relief I now feel. This had been worrying me significantly and the fact that I can now spend Christmas not fretting over the mortgage is fantastic. It should be noted that my wife is equally relieved as me, particularly as she has to live with me and my fluctuating moods.
So thank you Halifax. It's a shame it had to take a letter from the Citizen's Advice Bureau and this long to sort out. It could have saved me a lot of unnecessary stress and anguish. But it's done now.
For others out there in a similar dilemma and unable to meet their mortgage payments, don't despair. You are not alone, there is always room for negotiation and if you need help, contact your local CAB. They are brilliant.

Starting to get CBT

I had my fifth CBT session on Tuesday and I was told I have just three more to go before my course of therapy comes to an end. I think I am finally beginning to understand what it's all about, but I do still doubt whether it is the answer to everything.  It doesn't tackle the route causes of my anxiety and depression. They are still there. It does make me analyse problems and when I do worry, CBT makes me try to understand why I worry and how this gets worse through not doing anything to combat it.
It's easier said than done. I still fear the post. It's irrational I know but the arrival of the post brings on palpitations and sweating. I will not open it. Certain emails also have this effect and I have to ask my wife to read them for me. Utterly ridiculous I know.
CBT isn't the answer to everything. I have learnt how to understand better why I worry and how my anxiety can spiral out of control causing a severe bout of depression if not tackled. I'm aware of this. But applying the CBT methodology to every worry and fear is not possible.
I think I'm to begin focusing on assertiveness in the next session. That will be interesting. My years in middle and senior management taught me all I needed to know. But my breakdown three years ago took a lot from me including any degree of assertiveness I once had. In my view, you can only be assertive if you feel strong, and that's something I haven't been for a very long time.

Is CBT the Answer...?

I've begun to understand what CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) is all about. The penny has dropped, as it were. I had my latest session yesterday. It had been three weeks since my last one and I had hoped that my therapist would have forgotten all she had asked me to do. There is a lot of homework with CBT, you are expected to record so much about how you are feeling and what you are doing. When you suffer with anxiety and depression it is often the last thing you want to do. It is just another thing to worry about.

I do wonder if CBT can be a solution. I've been asked to record things I worry about together with my thoughts and actions to better understand why I begin to worry in the first place and to look at the actions I need to take to reduce the worry. The whole thing sort of makes sense. I can see how worrying about the same things - specifically in my case, money and diabetes - often end up in a spiral starting with worry and anxiety and ending up in a depressive low. CBT teaches you to break the cycle, but is it that easy?

If I take yesterday, I received a text from the bank, a text I had been expecting and dreading, ironically whilst I was waiting for my CBT session. The text asked me to call them and I knew it was about the payment arrangement I have for the mortgage. The arrangement has come to the end of its agreed three month period. The anxiety and worry set in immediately, and I was able to use my CBT session to focus on this.  The solution apparently is to analyse why I worry and become anxious and how these reactions will affect the outcome. It's obvious that getting worried isn't going to solve anything and avoiding things will only lead to a worst outcome. I recognise all this. But I find it impossible not to worry. I owe money to the bank, which I don't have at the moment.

I understand what CBT does. I also understand that it isn't a cure, rather it helps to explain why I react in certain ways and to therefore reduce the impact of an event or something that causes distress. I have to ask if I think it is doing me any good. Probably not. I came home from my CBT session worrying that I had to call the bank. The response by the bank to my dilemma was not as good as I had hoped for. Specifically they are prepared to extend my payment arrangement until December after which I'm required to pay the full amount of £950 a month. I've managed to buy a little more time but having to plead with them yesterday took all my strength. Did CBT help me? The answer is definitely no, as I'm now worrying about the next phone call in December.