Thinking-Up Titles

I did think we would have to call off today's Group meeting as so few were able to attend. A combination of things were responsible for this morning's low turn-out and it was left to myself and two other group members to make the most of the time we had in the relative warmth and convenience of our venue.
Despite there being just the three of us, we did manage to while away the time talking about various issues that either troubled us, interested us or gave us cause for concern. In fact when we get going, we can often talk for hours.

I do seem to be in a better frame of mind today. The last couple of days have been quite stressful and I do feel as if things are settling down a little. There is still the complaint to deal with, currently residing with NPower but I'm hopeful we will be able to come to some kind of arrangement. Frankly, we'll have to.
I have been a little troubled by dreams. Mine are vivid and it's unusual if I don't dream each night. This is a side-effect of the Mirtazapine medication I am on and its sedative properties. The dreams are rarely joyful and positive experiences. Mostly they involve me being in some kind of office environment, often closed-in and suffocating. I am almost always in a position of varying responsibility but in almost all cases, I am responsible for something that goes wrong. This produces a strong feeling of guilt and failure that will often seep from my dream state into my conscious state and can stay with me for as much as a whole day afterwards.
I dare say those who as well as me believe in some symbolic connection between dreams and real life will agree that there is a link between the events in my sleep and failings in my past. This is pretty obvious. The clarity of the dreams and the real feelings they produce is something I find both interesting and troubling.

We are told we are heading out of the freezing weather period we have been experiencing here in the UK for the last couple of weeks. Here is the East, we are forecast to see a final parting gift tomorrow night of several inches of prolonged heavy snow which is anticipated to make Saturday morning 'challenging'. As with all forecasts, I tend now to take them with a large pinch of salt especially as we haven't seen anywhere near the amount of snow that has been forecast up to now. If it's as bad as the forecast predicts, I will post a photograph here on Saturday.

As I type this, shouts of excitement and schoolboy fun filter over my Herb Alpert and Friends LP. My son has his friend over to play and it sounds as though they are battling it out on the Wii ably refereed by my wife. I wrote of my 'wasted' trip to NHS Bracebridge Heath on Monday. It transpires that the meeting had been previously cancelled due to lack of interest but my original acknowledgement hadn't been passed-on to the organiser. The upshot is that I have received an apology and kind offer of reimbursement for my travel expense, which is nice. Despite the obvious clerical error, I do actually have tremendous respect for the people organising the meeting. The work they do and their motives for arranging the meeting in the first place are entirely Honourable. I have asked them to contact me when another meeting is arranged as they, like me, are keen that it should still go ahead. Any discussion regarding mental health services in Lincolnshire has to be a priority.

I'm quite looking forward to a few hours to myself tomorrow. I already plan to record an entry for my audio journal. I do though have a diabetic clinic appointment at 1.30 which I'm not looking forward to. My blood glucose levels are often a lot higher than they should be despite trying to maintain a low sugar diet. I think I may already know what the outcome will be.

It's strange. I find I can write about things very easily but the hardest part of maintaining a blog is thinking-up a title for each post. In fact, it often takes me longer to think up the title than it does to type the whole post entry!

My Moodscope score today is 51%

Such a difference...

Being diabetic and suffering depression, I take a lot of tablets each day. The long-term effects of this daily cocktail are unknown - basically no one knows as they haven't been tested long enough. So I choose to place enormous trust in my doctor and other specialists, just as many thousands of other people do each day.
I don't really have a problem with this. I know by the look and tone of my diabetic nurse that there is a big risk of me developing complications. My life could end a lot earlier than normal - the estimate is ten years - and each visit places me one step nearer insulin. I'm currently on tablets to control the condition.
The depression has been something more difficult to control. It comes and goes of its own free will but the last few months have certainly seen a huge improvement - well I think so anyway. I think this is due largely to a couple of tablets I take each day. One in particular, Mirtazapine is a very effective little tablet. I used to take it last thing at night. I would be asleep within minutes but waking in the morning was difficult. It sends me into a very deep sleep with vivid almost life-like dreams. I would be tired all morning the following day and energy would be seriously lacking. But yesterday I was told by my specialist that I was taking the tablet at the wrong time of the day. Instead of late at night, I should be taking it early evening. That way the effects would not be felt the next day. So that's what I did and lo and behold I feel great. I didn't have to struggle out of bed this morning and for the first time in ages, I feel awake. In fact I'm so awake, I can type this blog entry.
So there we have it... such a big difference from a relatively small thing. Incredible.