Thank you bank

Some good news. Earlier today I had received a text message from the bank asking me to call them. This always fills me with a sense of dread, makes me feel ill and is normally to do with the fact that I owe them so much money. I did call them when I returned home from my support group meeting. It was, as I suspected, to do with the mortgage as the arrangement we have for the mortgage is about to run out. I wrote a while back that we had asked the CAB to intervene and send a letter on our behalf pleading for them to see sense and extend the arrangement until the end of February next year, when the rate changes significantly. This will mean us paying half the contracted amount, though we will just be paying the interest. It will though help enormously.
When I spoke with them, they did acknowledge that they had received the letter and after a brief chat with their manager, it was agreed that my account would be given the category of 'sensitive' and that we could continue paying the reduced amount.
It is difficult to convey the relief I now feel. This had been worrying me significantly and the fact that I can now spend Christmas not fretting over the mortgage is fantastic. It should be noted that my wife is equally relieved as me, particularly as she has to live with me and my fluctuating moods.
So thank you Halifax. It's a shame it had to take a letter from the Citizen's Advice Bureau and this long to sort out. It could have saved me a lot of unnecessary stress and anguish. But it's done now.
For others out there in a similar dilemma and unable to meet their mortgage payments, don't despair. You are not alone, there is always room for negotiation and if you need help, contact your local CAB. They are brilliant.

A Tough Week

It's been a tough week. When someone you know dies, it throws you into a state of flux. When they take their own life, it fills you with a lot of different emotions. As well as feeling sad and distressed at his loss, I found myself feeling very angry, angry that it could have happened and angry that all the good work that he had done and the projects he had planned were now gone. I kept playing over in my mind how he could have been feeling and what led him to do it. Was the problem so great that there was no solution? Could anyone have helped prevent it? Perhaps he just wanted to go, no matter how much help and support was on offer. Perhaps he'd simply had enough and just didn't want to go on. Maybe we'll never know.
The void left by Andrew's death is huge. So many people knew him, from NHS executive through to support groups and mental health sufferers. For many he was their champion, someone who campaigned tirelessly for greater understanding and better services. Many have remarked how, if it hadn't been for Andrew, they wouldn't be here today. Andrew's legacy will live on through the people he has touched and the campaign he started. It will be up to the people Andrew knew to continue the good work he started and the various support groups to promote this work through training, awareness and fund raising.
Andrew's funeral is being held on Friday 7th December at Nocton Wood Burial Site, Lincoln. I will be attending with one of my support group colleagues on behalf of Blue Skies.

The week started quite badly with a visit to the bank, practically pleading with them to extend the arrangement we have with them for another three months to March next year, when the interest rate drops to 3.9% (we are currently on a fixed rate of 6.9%). Sadly, despite our pleas, the bank decided not to be as helpful as they could have been and as a result, we have had to seek the help once more of the Citizen's Advice Bureau. They have, as expected, been brilliant. They have written to the bank on our behalf in an attempt to make them see sense and I hope that we'll hear some good news soon. The alternative is a fine each month, harassing phone calls at all hours, and threatening letters. We were told by the adviser at the bank to expect this. This is despite being told by my wife of my poor mental health. The problem with banks, particularly the large ones, is that exceptions cannot be made for customers with specific needs. Unless you fit into one of their boxes, they don't want to know. Your circumstances trigger computer generated letters and harassing telephone calls from faceless call centres. They don't know you, they don't know your situation and they don't know how to deviate from the script in front of them or stuck to the side of their little partitioned cubicle. They don't care. It's not as if we're asking the earth, we're not - just three months leniency until we're able to take advantage of the new lower interest rate.
It's far to say that this is having a bearing on my mental state. I do worry about it constantly and if anything is going to drag me back down in the coming weeks, it is this.

I've been more busy than ever this last week with preparations for our funding bid application from the Mental Illness Prevention Fund. On Monday, I spend several hours going through the application at a colleague's place. Since then, I've been constantly updating things especially costs as we think up new items to add to the list. We're already at over £3,000!
On Tuesday, we visited the bank to start our application for a bank account. Whilst there, the bank manager opened up to us about her daughter, who suffers mental illness. In fact we spent most of the one hour appointment talking about this. The relief at having found a local support group was palpable. I should have been surprised, but I wasn't. Mental illness is everywhere. I was so glad that we'd been able to help and it was reassuring to know that we had the support of our bank manager!

Thursday was particularly stressful and I found myself feeling quite emotionally drained. Our members are in need, that is why they attend the group. The company of others, particularly those who understand and who have lived experience of their illness, is important to them. For many, they simply wouldn't get out of bed if they didn't have the group. Sadly, several were in a distressed state and in greater need of our support than normal. It is very sad to see them this way and I feel frustrated at not being able to help more. I've seen what desperation does and I'm doubly keen to ensure we offer all the support we can when it is needed and an assurance that it is there when it is not. To further the types of support we are able to offer, I would very much like for us to be trained in counselling skills. I have been asked for counselling and it would be great if we were able to offer this. For some the thought of having to see a 'professional' is very off-putting and it is very important that our members feel comfortable and at ease.

A difficult visit to my parent's this morning. I felt like a caged animal. I do whenever I'm with family. They don't talk to me (perhaps they don't know what to say to someone with mental illness), and I feel quite ostracised. The longer I'm there, the worse I feel. Paranoia soon sets in and I become anxious about what they are thinking and saying about me. It is horrible, I feel terrible and it's a situation I always try to avoid. Of course they don't understand and I get comments like 'you're not talking very much' and 'cat got your tongue?'. The people I work with do, they more than understand. They go through it every day, the same feelings just like me. I'm so glad I know them and I would be lost without them.

The weather is once again in the news. As I type this, I see that two people have so far lost their lives due to flooding and falling trees. It is worse in the West where flooding is the main problem due to burst rivers and breached defences. There was a time when flooding on this scale would have been a singular event and treated as a major crisis. Nowadays, it is all too common. Flooding is becoming a regular occurrence and it is becoming more and more difficult to accept those who claim that our weather patterns are not changing. It is clear that our weather is worsening and those living in flood hit areas of the country should expect more and more events such as those we have witnessed this week.

A Quick Catch-Up

A few days since my last post. The fact is I've been quite busy with the support group, specifically our funding bid and other paperwork that needed completing. It's all getting quite serious now. Tomorrow morning we have an appointment with the NatWest to open an account for the group for any funding we're lucky to receive and fundraising monies. We have formed a committee, of which I am membership secretary. I really didn't want too much responsibility and I'll be quite happy sending out welcome packs and newsletters. That'll do me just fine.
Yesterday, we spent several hours at our secretary's home completing the funding application form. What I thought would take a couple of hours ended up taking more than five! In truth we did keep deviating from the task in hand but we managed to complete it in the end.
Another task has been putting together the costs for our project and activities. We are aiming to provide various art and craft related activities as well as computer skills training and Internet access. I'm managing to keep the cost of the computers down by using refurbished laptops and I have managed to keep the cost of everything so far to about £1.5k. With the art and craft materials, we are currently up to £2,800.
I really hope we are awarded some funding, though it would be brilliant if we could get the full amount we're requesting. We'll be able to provide so much for our members.

Last Thursday saw our first parent's evening with my son's new teacher. To be honest we had our doubts about her but came away feeling quite reassured and confident that our son was being taught well. I felt strangely odd sat on a chair built for a five year old and confess to feeling a little intimidated, much like the way I felt as a school kid.

A small computer job locally brought in a little money which paid for an urgent replenishment of my e-cig liquid. I just wish I could get a few more jobs like this to provide a meagre income.

We had to visit the bank today to discuss our own mortgage which we've had problems paying since I fell ill. We are currently on a high interest rate with them (6.9%) and this changes in March next year to (3.9%) which will reduce our payments considerably. We've been told we can switch to interest only which will bring our payments down further to a manageable level which will be great and will take enormous pressure off my wife who is struggling to pay everything from her tiny part time wage. The arrangement we currently have with the bank ends this month, so we asked if this could be extended until February. Sadly they have refused despite knowing our situation. This means we will have to go back to the Citizen's Advice Bureau to get help to plead our case to the bank in the hope they will see sense. Three months will make very little difference to what we owe and our mortgage arrears, and I would have thought it would make more sense for the bank to show a little leniency, but they've chosen not to.
There are other options open to us but I'm hoping we can avoid them and with the help of the CAB come to some agreement for the next three months.

Despite the worries with the bank, I seem to be holding up quite well. I've been on a 'high' for a few weeks now which has enabled me to produce a lot of documentation for the group. Whatever chemical that keeps my mood in the right place seems to be topped-up at the moment. I wish I knew what keeps it regulated.

As I'm typing this, I hear on BBC Radio 5 that the last typewriter to be produced in the UK will be in Wrexham by Brother. The electric typewriter is being given to the Science Museum. How sad it is that something that revolutionised the way we communicated has been relegated to a display cabinet in a museum. I still feel determined for my son to have one.

Finally a little tip for motorists at this time of year. Do take a few minutes to check your tyre pressure. I did and found to my amazement that each front tyre was 10 PSI lower than they should have been. Now that I've corrected this, steering is feather-light and more importantly, we are saving fuel!

Ups & Downs

I find myself feeling a little odd today. I should be busy but following the last week, I can't help feeling I should be due a rest. The last week has certainly had its ups and downs. The ups are certainly related to my volunteering work and having gained approval for a leaflet I've produced along with a poster for displaying in GP surgeries and waiting rooms. I've also come up with a name for our group, 'Blue Skies'. I didn't really spend very much time researching it, a few minutes on the Internet was all it took. Again, I have approval for this too and the group now feels more official and as having a formal identity.
I hadn't really set out to do all this myself. I have to be in a creative mood and last weekend I felt inspired to start work on a leaflet describing the group with a view to making it sound appealing for anyone interested in joining. I am aware of many groups dotted around the county who have done similar things and having seen their leaflets, I was convinced that we could do the same.
I need to do just a little more work on it before emailing it off to our volunteer services manager for final approval. I am rather hoping he will arrange for them to be printed.
So that's all been rather good. Our volunteer services manager did pay us all a visit on Thursday where he discussed with us funding and getting involved with a project run in Lincoln called ArtLinc. It just so happens that we have been looking at art & craft activities and this fits rather well. Added to this, we have two semi-professional artists within the group who could look after this. I have charged myself with setting up computer classes for anyone interested, and this will be my baby.
The week has certainly had its downs. Once again I have been pushed to the brink of despair by my bank, who knowing my situation have allowed me to pay a reduced contribution towards my mortgage. They called me to let me know that this arrangement had run out and that they were prepared to extend it until the end of November. They also made a point of reminding me of the arrears.
The whole thing just served to plunge me into a deep depressive low. At the time, I could see no way out, a reminder of how I used to feel and the desperation that would take me to some very dark places. Added to this, my accountant chose the worst possible time to remind me that my tax return was soon due meaning more expense as he does this for me. Although it is all zeros as I haven't received a penny all year, I still end up paying about £150 for the privilege of letting HMRC know!
I know that things with the bank look worse than they probably are and that I'll still be sat here typing my blog this time next year. Anxiety and depression make you see the worst of a situation. You worry about the worst possible outcome and despite being told that things will be different, you simply cannot see things that way. It is nothing less than a mind controlling illness, producing irrational fear and dread. For a non-sufferer, it is impossible to understand the mind of someone affected. I spend a lot of time with other people who encounter the illness on a near daily basis. I need not explain to them how I feel when the bank get in touch - they know. In a way, this is a comfort. I am not alone. They cannot help with my situation - the fact still remains that I cannot pay the bank what I owe them, well not right now anyway. Wait a few more years until I'm 55 and they can have every penny with interest, courtesy of my private pension.
It's this constant fear of the unknown that keeps me on this roller coaster of emotions. I cannot now see beyond November and I fear that we will spend Christmas with the prospect of losing our home in the new year. That is unless we are able to sort something out between now and then. There are certain 'rescue schemes' I have read about where the council can buy your home from you and you then pay a reduced rent to continue living in it. This might be an option if the worst comes to the worst.
It's the worry also. It's always there. It's the first thoughts that enter my head when I wake in the morning - the dire situation we're in and the guilt at having created and being responsible for the situation. This is the worst time of the day for me. The realisation that it's not all a dream, it's real.
I'm constantly told to focus on the good things, and to turn negatives into positives. Sometimes it's just easier said than done.

Is CBT the Answer...?

I've begun to understand what CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) is all about. The penny has dropped, as it were. I had my latest session yesterday. It had been three weeks since my last one and I had hoped that my therapist would have forgotten all she had asked me to do. There is a lot of homework with CBT, you are expected to record so much about how you are feeling and what you are doing. When you suffer with anxiety and depression it is often the last thing you want to do. It is just another thing to worry about.

I do wonder if CBT can be a solution. I've been asked to record things I worry about together with my thoughts and actions to better understand why I begin to worry in the first place and to look at the actions I need to take to reduce the worry. The whole thing sort of makes sense. I can see how worrying about the same things - specifically in my case, money and diabetes - often end up in a spiral starting with worry and anxiety and ending up in a depressive low. CBT teaches you to break the cycle, but is it that easy?

If I take yesterday, I received a text from the bank, a text I had been expecting and dreading, ironically whilst I was waiting for my CBT session. The text asked me to call them and I knew it was about the payment arrangement I have for the mortgage. The arrangement has come to the end of its agreed three month period. The anxiety and worry set in immediately, and I was able to use my CBT session to focus on this.  The solution apparently is to analyse why I worry and become anxious and how these reactions will affect the outcome. It's obvious that getting worried isn't going to solve anything and avoiding things will only lead to a worst outcome. I recognise all this. But I find it impossible not to worry. I owe money to the bank, which I don't have at the moment.

I understand what CBT does. I also understand that it isn't a cure, rather it helps to explain why I react in certain ways and to therefore reduce the impact of an event or something that causes distress. I have to ask if I think it is doing me any good. Probably not. I came home from my CBT session worrying that I had to call the bank. The response by the bank to my dilemma was not as good as I had hoped for. Specifically they are prepared to extend my payment arrangement until December after which I'm required to pay the full amount of £950 a month. I've managed to buy a little more time but having to plead with them yesterday took all my strength. Did CBT help me? The answer is definitely no, as I'm now worrying about the next phone call in December.

Paralympic Welcome, Tentative York & Longing for Security

Once again, we produced an epic opening ceremony, this time for the Paralympic Games. Though not on quite the same scale as the Olympic opening ceremony, it was nonetheless fully attended and watched by millions across the country. Channel 4 have the broadcast rights to the Paralympics and though their coverage was very good, much criticism has been made of the decision to include numerous advertisement breaks during the event. Twitter was awash with comments deploring Channel 4 for the decision and I have to admit that I was one of those contributing to the protests. Being one of the largest and most significant events Channel 4 has broadcast since it launched in 1982, I would really have expected the channel to forgo the revenue from the numerous car ads in favour of showing the whole event uninterrupted.
For me, the event was very moving. The sight of hundreds of disabled athletes, proud to be representing their countries and being celebrated was magnificent. The choreography was world class and complimented with a commentary by Stephen Hawking. The athletes were proud the be there, and it showed.

Tomorrow, we had hoped to be taking our son to York for the first time. My wife and I have been to York on a couple of occasions and have enjoyed it very much. There's something about the place that you can't quite put your finger on, but I do have a particular fondness for the history, architecture and of course the wonderful Railway Museum.
I've mentioned before the prohibitive cost of rail travel and the return fare being £145 for the three of us. Now, to me this seems expensive. Perhaps I'm simply out of touch with current public transport costs. But when I compare this to the cost of travelling by car, about £35, it really does seem excessive. We are rather hoping that my in-laws will lend us the money until my expenses arrive for my NHS work. This would allow us to get there and back, and a packed lunch would negate the need to buy food. It's touch and go at the moment whether we'll go or not but if we're able to, I know my son will love it.

I've written about having to keep a diary noting activities and my anxiety and depression levels. This is for the CBT therapy I'm having in Spalding. I'm a little concerned that when I have my next session on the 18th September (when my therapist returns from her holiday to Mexico), there won't be a great deal for her to analyse. I've actually been feeling quite good for the last few weeks. I certainly haven't had any depressive episodes and my anxiety levels have been pretty much level. This may be due to the fact that I'm finding things to occupy me, or simply that there haven't been any triggers to set me off. The one constant thing on my mind is the Bank and whether they will allow us to continue contributing to the mortgage. I worry daily that there will either be a letter or phone call requesting me to contact them. If and when it comes, I will need to ask them to extend the period further. My biggest fear is that they will say no. I may be worrying for no reason as I've been told by so many people that provided we are paying something, they cannot do anything and as the house value is decreasing, they are unlikely to try to turf us out to sell on. Common sense tells me this is the likely outcome but I still worry. At least this time round I can tell them I am officially an NHS Volunteer, so I'm doing something productive. Although I'm not being paid anything - just my expenses - I am hopeful that it will develop into something permanent. Working in some kind of mental health support role within the NHS is my current aim. The question is how long we can survive for until something happens?

The Call to the Bank

There is very little (besides spiders) that fills me with absolute dread, but today I had to call the bank. I woke this morning knowing I had to call the bank and frankly I've spent the entire day worrying about it. My wife left for work this morning without mentioning it and I must admit that part of me had hoped she had forgotten. But my hopes were to be in vain. My wife returned home from work at about 3pm this afternoon and immediately asked me if I had remembered to call the bank. I felt the colour rush out of my face and had all the feelings I last experienced just before a school exam or telling my maths teacher I hadn't done my homework. I knew it had to be done and there was no escaping it.
The call to the bank is to make a 'token' payment towards our mortgage arrears. Since I fell ill and lost my job, we have been unable to meet the payments though until recently we did have an insurance policy that paid the contracted amount each month. Sadly this was only for a limited period so we were faced with paying it ourselves. Being unable to pay the full amount, we negotiated a payment arrangement with the bank, who at the time were very understanding and dare I say it, synpathetic.
The amount we pay is nowhere near the full amount, not even half. Despite the arrangement being in place, I cannot help but feel guilt and anxiety. My mind fills with 'what if's' and thoughts of them being less unerstanding or demanding we pay the full amount. My biggest fear is that we are forced to sell the house, or have it reposessed. I really don't know how I would cope with that, if at all.
My wife placed the phone in front of me with the number I had to call. I should have done it there and then, but I couldn't instead finding things to tinker with on my website. This went on for a good half hour until I had thought through several times the likely course of events and every scenario possible. I decided I would try to bargain with them by offering my pension as security. There's certainly enough in it to cover the mortgage totally.
So with sweat beginning to form all over me and my heart beginning to race, I picked up the phone and called them. A familiar recorded voice giving me menu options finally directed me to a real person and I was asked for my role number in a strong Scottish accent. I read out the long number and I was then asked a series of mandatory security questions. I've done this so many times now, the answers just roll out. After a brief silence, I was told that my mortgage was in arrears and by how much. This bit I really hate. I don't want to hear how much I owe. I know it's a lot and I dearly wish I could pay it, but to be reminded is just so very painful.
I told the chap that I wanted to make a payment for the amount agreed in our arrangement. I gave my card details and scribbled down the authorisation code. I've never had to do anything with it, but I write it down every time as if I should.
I was then asked if my situation had changed. 'No, sadly not', was my reply. I did go on to say that I had volunteered at my local NHS Trust and was hoping tha in time this would perhaps materialise into something permanent and more importantly, paid. He made a note of this and he seemed to accept this as proof that I am trying to do something to get out of the hole I'm in. I felt a little better.
Next, he asked if he should set up another arrangement, to which I replied 'yes please'. Of course I want another arrangement - there's no way I can afford to pay the full monthly amount, or the arrears. He said he'd set up another three month arrangement and asked how much I could afford. I replied that it would need to be for the same amount. After all, it's all we can squeeze out of my wife's meager part time wage.
He asked if we were in debt to other creditors and I told him that we are but that the payments had been reduced in favour ensuring as much as possible could be paid toward the mortgage. He seemed to sound very sympathetic and again I felt a degree of reassurance.
He told me the arrangement had been set up and that I should pay the next amount by the 20th of next month, giving me an extra three days. I was grateful for this and thanked him for his help and understanding.
We said our goodbyes and hung up. It was done and I felt huge relief but also depressed at having had to call practically begging for help, and at having the whole sorry situation read out to me. It's a depression that hopefully won't last too long and the very thing that's prompted me to write this account. As I've said before, writing about my experiences and thoughts really seems to help. I suppose it's a way of venting some of what's festering inside and making me feel so bad.
I should feel relieved. I have negotiated us another three months. The arrangement will be reviewed in August, and thinking about this makes me realise just how quickly this year is passing. By then I really hope things will have changed. They have to. But despite the relief and the somewhat false feelings of security, I do wonder if things will ever get better. To call every three months is, in reality, an admission of failure. I've broken my agreement with the bank and failed to raise the necessary funds to balance my account with them. I know there are thousands, possibly millions of people in a similar position, and though this makes me feel that I'm not the only one, a name in bold red font in some debters ledger, I still feel alone in having to deal with it. That's why this blog is so important to me. It's a kind of sounding board, a way of expressing what I'm going through. That it is read by anyone is of no conseqence. It lets me translate my anxieties into words, and by doing so, makes me feel just that little bit better.

Back in the Saddle & Other Stuff

A bright Sunday morning and a positive feeling to the day. A real wrench from my slumbers this morning and Mirtazapine induced dreams. Deep dreams where all things are possible and where people and feelings are so real. It's a difficult thing to describe unless you've been there. My wife resents the fact that I get to sleep more than her. Our son has her up at around 6am and I know she wants to pull me from my bed but she knows that I do more than just sleep, it's more like a semi-coma. To forcibly remove me from this will often result in the onset of a deep low for the rest of the day. I hate this but that's the way it is. I'm much better if I'm allowed to make the step from my fantasy world to the real world myself. That's the way things are and as long as my doctor prescribes it, that's the way it will be for some time to come I suspect.
In my not-so-private life lately, the time came to confront our bank and go cap in hand to our local branch int he hope they would allow us drastically reduced payments toward our mortgage. My wife came with me despite the fact everything is in my name. We both felt like 'lambs to the slaughter' as we approached the bank and took a seat in the waiting area. I sat there wondering if the people wandering in and out had similar problems. I wondered if they were comfortably well off or had recently won the lottery. I sat there creating imaginary worlds for each person I saw. We both sat for some time feeling like common criminals with our dirty little secret. We didn't speak much, apart from remarking to each other how sweaty our palms had become.
To cut a long appointment short (it lasted over an hour), we were met with more sympathy than I thought we would be. In fact the advisor we met with was very understanding and very helpful, in fact credit to her for putting us at ease and for helping us come to a suitable arrangement. We're paying less than required, a lot less, but there's no other option. I think they could see that. They could also see that to anything else would cause considerable distress and probably make my illness worse than it is. It's a three month arrangement and of course can't go on indefinitely as we're paying nothing off the amount we owe. But it's salvation and for that I'm glad and grateful for their help, something I never thought I would be saying about a British bank in these times.
Something I am looking into is a rather large pension fund I'm sitting on. It's a pension I started paying into when I began working and it contains enough money to pay our mortgage or sort out the small mound of debt we have. Normally I wouldn't be able o do a thing with it until I am 55 but there may be a way of transferring the fund to our bank and in doing so may be able to use the fund to help us with our current problems. I've no idea if this is possible but we're going to seek some independent advice. I don't hold out much hope but it seems ridiculous that I'm sitting on a large pot of money and we owe money, but life is never this simple is it.

The problems in Syria are ongoing with more reports of atrocities and mindless violence. It really does seem to be turning into a repeat of the Kosovo crisis and the inactivity on the part of the UN and International Community to do anything to stop it. One glimmer of hope is the visit by Kofi Anan though I'll be surprised if this makes any difference to the mindset of those hell bent on perpetrating crimes against their own people.

Remaining on the international stage, I see that Putin has been re-elected President of Russia. No one should be surprised at this, it was a foregone conclusion and frankly any amount of voting wouldn't have affected the outcome.

I have another application to complete. It's for a council position and as they're not looking for any specific skills or experience, I've decided to go for it. It's one of those council-generated forms where you don't send your CV but essentially replicate it and explain why you feel you're suitable for the job. I much prefer sending my CV and a covering letter, but that's the way they want to do things. Again I hold out little hope given the current job climate. I was though delighted to hear that my sister has landed a job at a nearby hospital. It's only part time but it's something and I'm sure she'll do very well. In addition, she's always got something wrong with her so she'll be working in the right place!

I've re-discovered podcasting this week. Iain Lee produces a weekly podcast called 'The Pocket Radio Show' which I am finding very entertaining. Iain used to broadcast on Absolute Radio and has been on TV for many years. I've also started listening to Bayley's Banter, another podcast from an Australian who audio-blogs his daily life. And of course I continue to listen to Richard Vobes, the grand master of them all who has been podcasting for as long as I can remember.

I need to start work in the garden and I simply cannot put it off any longer. I have a load of pots that used to have things growing in them. There's now some kind of green fungi. I'm sure I have some onions and garlic somewhere too. My father gave me a load of seed this morning for various herbs and tomatoes so I'll try to get some of these planted today. I also have some hot peppers which I'll try to grow in the conservatory. I failed abysmally last year - perhaps I was too late.

It's a year on from the disaster in Japan and it feels like only yesterday that we witnessed the horrific scenes of whole towns being swept away on a huge tsunami and the worst nuclear disaster since Chernobyl. I wonder if anything so massive had befallen us here in the UK whether we would have coped so well.

It was good to see my sister and her family earlier today. We don't see enough of each other and it was great that our son was able to stay and play for a few hours. I'm going to attempt some more of that job application now. I simply have to be in the right frame of mind and 'in the zone' if I'm going to make a good job if it. There's no rush to get it submitted as the deadline is 26th March but I'm keen to get if done this week.

Right, blog updated. I'll update as things come to mind.