Mr Purkiss

I read yesterday that my first school headmaster, Mr Purkiss passed away this week. He was in his 80's.
Mr Purkiss was headmaster of Raglan Road School during the early-mid 1980's when I attended as a pupil. Despite my age, I do still have vivid memories of my time there and recall clearly how Mr Purkiss would arrive each morning in his tiny blue Fiat camper van, driving through the school gates and negotiating his way across the playground to the staff car park. I remember the smell in the corridor as I approached the school office. It was a mix of instant coffee and cigarette smoke. Mr Purkiss was known to be a heavy smoker. I'm pretty sure he enjoyed the odd drink too and he would often take morning assembly with a deep red face and smelling of cigarettes and alcohol. Often he would play a us a record on a portable record player and he'd sit next to it on the stage as we all listened intently to a piece of classical music he had chosen. Other times, he would read to us. He had a gentle voice and he was always very kind and friendly. I understand he he was still headmaster for many years after.
I would have liked to have met him again, mainly to say 'thank you'. I never appreciated my time at Raglan Road. It's only now that I appreciate it and reminisce with fondness.
Mr Purkiss wrote a book upon the Centenary of Raglan Schools in 1989. I'd really like to track down a copy...
Rest in peace Mr Purkiss and Thank You from an appreciative former pupil.

Pets As Therapy

Today, my support group was introduced to a PAT dog. PAT stands for 'Pets As Therapy'. PAT is an organisation founded in 1983 that operates separate to the NHS but provides visits with animals for people suffering with mental illness, the elderly and children, at such places as hospitals, hospices, nursing and care homes, special needs schools and a variety of other venues

The dog we met today was called Harry, a Labrador cross breed who had a wonderful temperament and in no time at all managed to change the mood of the group.

It was clear that the dog had been very well trained. He immediately homed in on me as I have a Springer Spaniel bitch. He then moved to another member of the group who also has a dog. It was interesting to hear that cats are also used to great effect and there is even a rabbit!
We've arranged for Harry to come visit us every fortnight and for more information about their work, visit       http://www.petsastherapy.org

Harry was accompanied by our Volunteer Services Manager and we were thrown into a state of uncertainty and confusion as it turns out we may be forced to break away from the NHS Volunteer Service we currently operate under. It should be noted that up to now, our manager has encouraged us to apply for funding. Our work on a Thursday tales place at non-NHS premises and as such it is possible that we may not be insured. This has no bearing on whether or not we provide our services, but it will mean that we will be responsible for everything we do. There will be additional costs to consider such as public liability insurance, though hopefully we can build these into our funding bid costs for next year. There is another consideration and that is expenses. Currently, we are able to claim our expenses back from the NHS for travel but if we were to break away from them, we would no longer be able to claim. As the majority of those running the Group are on very low incomes, these expenses provide a level of relief and funding to enable us to do what we do. If this facility was withdrawn then it does throw into doubt our ability to self-fund our activities. I know this has got a few of our members worried but I think it's important to await the outcome of the meeting before we begin to panic.

A Tough Week

It's been a tough week. When someone you know dies, it throws you into a state of flux. When they take their own life, it fills you with a lot of different emotions. As well as feeling sad and distressed at his loss, I found myself feeling very angry, angry that it could have happened and angry that all the good work that he had done and the projects he had planned were now gone. I kept playing over in my mind how he could have been feeling and what led him to do it. Was the problem so great that there was no solution? Could anyone have helped prevent it? Perhaps he just wanted to go, no matter how much help and support was on offer. Perhaps he'd simply had enough and just didn't want to go on. Maybe we'll never know.
The void left by Andrew's death is huge. So many people knew him, from NHS executive through to support groups and mental health sufferers. For many he was their champion, someone who campaigned tirelessly for greater understanding and better services. Many have remarked how, if it hadn't been for Andrew, they wouldn't be here today. Andrew's legacy will live on through the people he has touched and the campaign he started. It will be up to the people Andrew knew to continue the good work he started and the various support groups to promote this work through training, awareness and fund raising.
Andrew's funeral is being held on Friday 7th December at Nocton Wood Burial Site, Lincoln. I will be attending with one of my support group colleagues on behalf of Blue Skies.

The week started quite badly with a visit to the bank, practically pleading with them to extend the arrangement we have with them for another three months to March next year, when the interest rate drops to 3.9% (we are currently on a fixed rate of 6.9%). Sadly, despite our pleas, the bank decided not to be as helpful as they could have been and as a result, we have had to seek the help once more of the Citizen's Advice Bureau. They have, as expected, been brilliant. They have written to the bank on our behalf in an attempt to make them see sense and I hope that we'll hear some good news soon. The alternative is a fine each month, harassing phone calls at all hours, and threatening letters. We were told by the adviser at the bank to expect this. This is despite being told by my wife of my poor mental health. The problem with banks, particularly the large ones, is that exceptions cannot be made for customers with specific needs. Unless you fit into one of their boxes, they don't want to know. Your circumstances trigger computer generated letters and harassing telephone calls from faceless call centres. They don't know you, they don't know your situation and they don't know how to deviate from the script in front of them or stuck to the side of their little partitioned cubicle. They don't care. It's not as if we're asking the earth, we're not - just three months leniency until we're able to take advantage of the new lower interest rate.
It's far to say that this is having a bearing on my mental state. I do worry about it constantly and if anything is going to drag me back down in the coming weeks, it is this.

I've been more busy than ever this last week with preparations for our funding bid application from the Mental Illness Prevention Fund. On Monday, I spend several hours going through the application at a colleague's place. Since then, I've been constantly updating things especially costs as we think up new items to add to the list. We're already at over £3,000!
On Tuesday, we visited the bank to start our application for a bank account. Whilst there, the bank manager opened up to us about her daughter, who suffers mental illness. In fact we spent most of the one hour appointment talking about this. The relief at having found a local support group was palpable. I should have been surprised, but I wasn't. Mental illness is everywhere. I was so glad that we'd been able to help and it was reassuring to know that we had the support of our bank manager!

Thursday was particularly stressful and I found myself feeling quite emotionally drained. Our members are in need, that is why they attend the group. The company of others, particularly those who understand and who have lived experience of their illness, is important to them. For many, they simply wouldn't get out of bed if they didn't have the group. Sadly, several were in a distressed state and in greater need of our support than normal. It is very sad to see them this way and I feel frustrated at not being able to help more. I've seen what desperation does and I'm doubly keen to ensure we offer all the support we can when it is needed and an assurance that it is there when it is not. To further the types of support we are able to offer, I would very much like for us to be trained in counselling skills. I have been asked for counselling and it would be great if we were able to offer this. For some the thought of having to see a 'professional' is very off-putting and it is very important that our members feel comfortable and at ease.

A difficult visit to my parent's this morning. I felt like a caged animal. I do whenever I'm with family. They don't talk to me (perhaps they don't know what to say to someone with mental illness), and I feel quite ostracised. The longer I'm there, the worse I feel. Paranoia soon sets in and I become anxious about what they are thinking and saying about me. It is horrible, I feel terrible and it's a situation I always try to avoid. Of course they don't understand and I get comments like 'you're not talking very much' and 'cat got your tongue?'. The people I work with do, they more than understand. They go through it every day, the same feelings just like me. I'm so glad I know them and I would be lost without them.

The weather is once again in the news. As I type this, I see that two people have so far lost their lives due to flooding and falling trees. It is worse in the West where flooding is the main problem due to burst rivers and breached defences. There was a time when flooding on this scale would have been a singular event and treated as a major crisis. Nowadays, it is all too common. Flooding is becoming a regular occurrence and it is becoming more and more difficult to accept those who claim that our weather patterns are not changing. It is clear that our weather is worsening and those living in flood hit areas of the country should expect more and more events such as those we have witnessed this week.

Andrew Harrison

A couple of hours ago, I learnt that Andrew Harrison of SHINE died Monday afternoon. Many will know him as 'Captain Rainbow' after his AOL email address.
Andrew had suffered with mental health issues for many years and used to work in the NHS until his illness forced early retirement. He decided to devote his time and energy to promoting mental health awareness and lobbied the NHS and health professionals regularly to provide funding and better care for the growing numbers of sufferers throughout Lincolnshire. Andrew did a lot of good work for a lot of people and there will be many this evening who will be shocked and distraught at his early death.
I had met Andrew a few weeks ago when I attended a course he was running at Renew+ in Lincoln with one of my colleagues. I came away in no doubt that Andrew was passionate about mental health, and though a little eccentric, he knew all there was to know on the subject. I was glad that we had had the opportunity to meet him and had begun to form connections between the SHINE Network and our group in South Holland. By working together, I was convinced we could do good things and extend the support we provide to a larger number of people.
It is so sad to think that someone who trained others to look after themselves and spot the signs of depression and mental illness, surrounded by so many supportive people, has himself decided to end his life. It is a reminder that mental illness can take the ultimate toll on anyone, even the best trained and best informed. Andrew's death is an enormous loss to the campaign for better mental health awareness and the fight against the path of destruction this government has set for the NHS and mental health services. I just hope that SHINE and the countless other organisations Andrew was involved with continue his work and maintain the fight for the growing number of people affected by mental illness.

I have sent a message of condolence on behalf of my support group, Blue Skies. Our thoughts and prayers are with Andrew's family, friends and colleagues at this tragic time.

RIP Andrew.

Involve@Lincoln have a dedicated page on Facebook where messages can be read and left;

www.facebook.com/pages/incolvelincoln

There is an Andrew Harrison Memorial site where messages of condolence can be left;
http://andrewmemorial.posterous.com/

A Quick Catch-Up

A few days since my last post. The fact is I've been quite busy with the support group, specifically our funding bid and other paperwork that needed completing. It's all getting quite serious now. Tomorrow morning we have an appointment with the NatWest to open an account for the group for any funding we're lucky to receive and fundraising monies. We have formed a committee, of which I am membership secretary. I really didn't want too much responsibility and I'll be quite happy sending out welcome packs and newsletters. That'll do me just fine.
Yesterday, we spent several hours at our secretary's home completing the funding application form. What I thought would take a couple of hours ended up taking more than five! In truth we did keep deviating from the task in hand but we managed to complete it in the end.
Another task has been putting together the costs for our project and activities. We are aiming to provide various art and craft related activities as well as computer skills training and Internet access. I'm managing to keep the cost of the computers down by using refurbished laptops and I have managed to keep the cost of everything so far to about £1.5k. With the art and craft materials, we are currently up to £2,800.
I really hope we are awarded some funding, though it would be brilliant if we could get the full amount we're requesting. We'll be able to provide so much for our members.

Last Thursday saw our first parent's evening with my son's new teacher. To be honest we had our doubts about her but came away feeling quite reassured and confident that our son was being taught well. I felt strangely odd sat on a chair built for a five year old and confess to feeling a little intimidated, much like the way I felt as a school kid.

A small computer job locally brought in a little money which paid for an urgent replenishment of my e-cig liquid. I just wish I could get a few more jobs like this to provide a meagre income.

We had to visit the bank today to discuss our own mortgage which we've had problems paying since I fell ill. We are currently on a high interest rate with them (6.9%) and this changes in March next year to (3.9%) which will reduce our payments considerably. We've been told we can switch to interest only which will bring our payments down further to a manageable level which will be great and will take enormous pressure off my wife who is struggling to pay everything from her tiny part time wage. The arrangement we currently have with the bank ends this month, so we asked if this could be extended until February. Sadly they have refused despite knowing our situation. This means we will have to go back to the Citizen's Advice Bureau to get help to plead our case to the bank in the hope they will see sense. Three months will make very little difference to what we owe and our mortgage arrears, and I would have thought it would make more sense for the bank to show a little leniency, but they've chosen not to.
There are other options open to us but I'm hoping we can avoid them and with the help of the CAB come to some agreement for the next three months.

Despite the worries with the bank, I seem to be holding up quite well. I've been on a 'high' for a few weeks now which has enabled me to produce a lot of documentation for the group. Whatever chemical that keeps my mood in the right place seems to be topped-up at the moment. I wish I knew what keeps it regulated.

As I'm typing this, I hear on BBC Radio 5 that the last typewriter to be produced in the UK will be in Wrexham by Brother. The electric typewriter is being given to the Science Museum. How sad it is that something that revolutionised the way we communicated has been relegated to a display cabinet in a museum. I still feel determined for my son to have one.

Finally a little tip for motorists at this time of year. Do take a few minutes to check your tyre pressure. I did and found to my amazement that each front tyre was 10 PSI lower than they should have been. Now that I've corrected this, steering is feather-light and more importantly, we are saving fuel!

You're not all bad, BBC

I imagine to many it would seem pretty odd to be heaping praise on the BBC given the 'crisis' that has befallen it and its current standing in British society. I do though feel I should thank them for a excellent hour of broadcasting this morning between 9 and 10am on Radio 5. The programme was on the subject of Schizophrenia and did more for awareness of this condition than any campaign has managed to date. The calls from sufferers and the families of sufferers provided a personal lived perspective and did so much to dispel some of the myth, rumour and stigma associated with this most debilitating mental illness.
So well done BBC, you're not all bad and most appropriate that such a broadcast is made on what is today the 90th anniversary of the BBC's first radio transmission.

The Fourth Utility & Being On-Hold

I've been without Internet service between 10am and 3pm today. I say 'Internet Service' rather than Broadband or ADSL as it was the service at fault rather the actual ADSL connection to the exchange. I know this as I know what to look for, plus of course my router tells me what's gone wrong. It is therefore so thoroughly frustrating and stressful when I am forced to report a fault to my provider TalkTalk (formerly Pipex). It should be noted that up until a couple of years ago when Pipex was swallowed-up by the TalkTalk / Carphone Warehouse empire, I had had not one single problem with my service.
TalkTalk insist on using an Indian based call centre. When you question them, they tell you they are in Delhi but they very cleverly make sure they know what's going on here including the weather conditions so they can have anyone believe they are in the same country. The people in Delhi are trained to ask a pre-set list of questions separated by the odd pleasantry. This is so frustrating, especially when I know what the problem is. The diagnostic tests are unnecessary and a waste of time. I can see the exchange, I have ADSL so the fault is at your end, not mine. The only thing that stops them and makes them begin to treat me as an IT professional of 15+ years is when I tell them I am 'ex BT'. This is the only way to get them to break away from their lists and diagnostic checks. They seem to recognise this. It is code to switch them from normal mode to expert mode, and it works for me every time. A word of advice though, if you are going to use this ploy then I'd suggest reading up on the terminology used by engineers including a basic description of how your local telephone exchange works. It does work though.
How strange it was then that mid-call, my Internet service suddenly sprang back to life... The router at Talk Talk Network Centre was doing its job once again and negotiating successfully with my Internet routing request bounced across the network from my little exchange here at Gedney Drove End. A little more than just coincidence me thinks. More likely to be someone spotting that a router had tripped or a repeater was down. I'm back and running once more. My withdrawal symptoms are receding and I feel connected once again. My relationship with TalkTalk has once again been stretched to near breaking point. Four hours without Internet service is not good, not in 2012. I should change provider, I know I should. But the effort and stress involved in doing so is preventing me from doing it. I know how much hassle is involved, and so do the providers. That's why they make it so difficult to switch. Once they have you, they pretty much know you'll stay with them no matter the service you receive. This is of course bad, very bad but is true of all main utilities. The industry needs to change and switching can be made so much easier, but it's not in the providers interest so they don't bother. I simply couldn't cope with being without my Internet services for up to a week. I'm far too addicted to my instant news, information and mail.

Finally, I'm afraid it's also Santander's turn for a moan. I have to call them each month around this time to pay a little off a loan I have with them. I was unable to make my contractual payments so I have an arrangement with them to pay a little each month. Rather than let me pay using Internet Banking, a swift, safe and guaranteed method used my millions, they insist I call and pay using my debit card. This is always a stressful process for me and it's a relief when I can pay them without being reminded of how heavily in debt I am with them and how bad I have been in falling ill and daring to default. I begrudgingly accept I have to do this each month but can I please request that they change their on-hold music. It is bloody awful and can only have one intention of causing maximum stress to the caller.
A short audio clip will appear here once I've worked out how to add it!

A Fine Course & A Broken BBC

A bit to catch up on in this post. My last week has been pretty good. I attended a Mental Health First Aid training course in Louth Thursday and Friday along with one of my support group colleagues. It was my first time in Louth since accidentally visiting it a few years ago in a desperate search for petrol one night. We were staying in Mablethorpe at the time.
The course was excellent. It was delivered by two of the finest mental health experts I know - Linda O'Hara and Jean Westcott. It covered every aspect of mental health first aid - the differing types of illness, causes, symptoms and treatments. They did very well to cram everything into two days and I found the course to be the most informative I have attended to date.
The attendees were made up of professionals, sufferers and parents - a real mix. During the introductions, the group found out that I help run a support group and this attracted considerable interest. I was reminded once again of the shortage of support services throughout the county. As a result, I was approached by two of the attendees - the first were parents who's son suffers with mental health problems. He is keen to find a support group in the area. The other is a chap who has served in the RAF for more than thirty years. He suffers PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and severe mental health problems. He too is keen to attend a support group, and doesn't mind travelling. I'm sure he will fit in very well, and I am confident the group will be able to provide the support and comfort he seeks.
We learnt a great deal, including how the government spending cuts are impacting on mental health services. It was worrying to hear that the Crisis Response Teams are only able to attend situations between the hours of 9-5 Monday to Friday. Anyone having a crisis outside of these times will have to wait until the service is next available. How terrible... I can honestly see a situation soon where trained volunteers will be required to provide these much needed services, much in the same way that David Cameron wishes to have a million trained Dementia Volunteers in the next couple of years to spot the early signs of Dementia.
It is very sad that the real sufferers of the government's spending cuts are those who most need the services that are being restricted and at worst, withdrawn completely. The cumulative effect can only be to increase fear and suffering, increase the risk of self-harm amongst the vulnerable, and increase further the number of needless suicides attributed to government health and welfare policy.
I nearly forgot to mention that we also came away from the course with our very first group fundraiser. She is the mother of a son who suffers, and she told me that she had decided to redirect all her fund raising activities to supporting our group. How wonderful and how kind that someone I hadn't met before has chosen to do this.

On the subject of Blue Skies, we now have our draft constitution which I need to edit slightly. We need this in order to open a bank account next week so we can deposit our funds and provide an account for any funding bid monies to be paid into. I'm not sure yet as the the position I will occupy on the Committee. I believe we need at least five committee members and we are required to meet regularly, similar to the way in which companies and CIC's operate. I should be in a better position to know what my duties and responsibilities will be next week.
I came away from the MHFA course with a load of leaflets and booklets on a broad range of mental health subjects. The information in them is very good so I have decided to set up a small library of documents and booklets available to the group. For the time being, it will need to be a mobile library that can be carried to each session. This will compliment what I already have available on my site.

I have to mention the crisis affecting the BBC. I do so as I'm actually quite fond of it and value greatly the quality and range of programming it makes available.
What is very clear to me is that a systemic failure has led to serious errors being made. The resignation of George Entwistle has been unavoidable given the lack of basic management that led to a film being shown accusing a senior public figure of one of the worst possible crimes. This film was shortly after transmission found to be wholly inaccurate and it beggars belief that such a film could have been shown unchecked and without being passed by someone in a senior management position. If I had been DG, I would certainly have requested that anything as high profile be shown to me first together with the supporting evidence. This clearly did not happen and I suspect George Entwistle won't be the last to fore go his position.
It really is so sad to see such an esteemed organisation as the BBC left open to such criticism and distrust, especially when the mistakes appear to be so rudimentary and basic. The live radio grilling by John Humphreys played a huge part in the events that led to Entwistle's resignation last night. It made for painful listening and it was clear that the damage caused by the on air mauling had been pretty massive.
Someone needs to take a firm hold of the BBC rudder to restore public confidence and instill a renewed code of ethics and editorial control.

Bug Free

Today I finally feel free of the bug that's taken me over these last four days. It has taken a long time to recover and even when I felt OK, the symptoms would return, as they did most of last night. I'm beginning to doubt as to whether I did contract Norovirus. Although the symptoms are identical, I'm inclined to believe I may have suffered severe food poisoning. I'm still at a loss though to know where I actually caught it, as I didn't eat anything out of the ordinary last week.
I can honestly say that whatever it was, I felt awful. The stomach cramps and continuous nausea were by far the worst symptoms which would continue well into the night. I am so glad to finally be free of it.

I now feel I'm back to 'normal service'. I attended my support group this morning at which we had a guest volunteer, studying for a PhD in Psychology. It was hit or miss at to whether I would attend. I felt ever so weak and not quite with it, but in the end it went well and I'm glad I made the effort (and it was an effort!).
I find myself now having to catch up on things. I've been detached for the last four days and I need to bring myself up to date with things.
This coming Thursday and Friday, I am attending a course in Louth with one of my colleagues. It's on the subject of Mental Health First Aid and it has been booked for some time. Despite this, I'm struggling to locate any course details so at the moment I have no idea of the venue, except for it being in Louth. I do know it starts at 10am so I won't have to leave too early, thank goodness.

Tomorrow, the US (and the rest of the World) will know if President Obama has another four years in office or whether Mitt Romney will be beginning his first term as the world's most powerful leader. The news is full of coverage from correspondents speculating the outcome. At the moment, the suggestion is that Obama has a slight lead and I personally would be very surprised if Obama is replaced. I'm not that concerned who wins, but I am reminded of Ronald Reagan each time I look at Mitt Romney, and with that my worries that he could develop similar policies to those we saw during the 1980's.

My Moodscope rating has taken a slight dip, given my recent state of health, but today I scored a respectable 64%. Not bad.

The first bug of the Winter

It's been a few days since my last post. There's a reason for this - I've been rather poorly. I have been visited by Norovirus, one of the worst illnesses I've ever known. Quite where I contracted it, I do not know though it's likely to be from a door handle or infected surface as is normally the case with this bug - it is highly infectious. I've had it once before, during our honeymoon cruise, and had to be confined to our cabin for three days whilst we visited Iceland. Sadly this doesn't grant you everlasting immunity. It was bad then but at least the ship's medical crew were able to swiftly administer an injection to my backside that made me sleep for two of the three days we were confined. This time round, there was no injection and no visit to the doctor. There is no choice but to ride it out. 

Anyone who has has Norovirus will be acutely aware of its effects and I won't go into any detail in this post, suffice to say that they are not nice. There is plenty of information available online for the curious.

Once past the worst stages, one finds oneself battling extreme fatigue and the most basic tasks are a monumental effort. I am fighting the urge to return to bed as I type this now.

I hope this is the first (and last) bug of this Winter, as I really think I've had more than my fair share!