Throwing Stones

This past week, I have had to explain to my son why there are nasty people in the world who want to throw things at other countries. It is not an easy conversation to have and one I really don't enjoy. I have limited my explanation so my son likens any threat to something akin to the canon ball launchers he has with his Imaginext play castle. After all, he is only six and really isn't ready for the full horror of what inter-continental ballistic missiles are capable of. That is really what his schooling is for.
In the past week, words have been used which no one would want to hear used in media news broadcasts. Words such as nuclear and strike have been used in the same sentence along with anti-missile and defence. During the 70's and 80's the use of such words would have sent a chill through the population and prompted the circulation of 'protect and survive' leaflets. Since those days, freedom of information means that we now know how futile any form of advice would be and it is now accepted that there would be little or no protection from a nuclear exchange.
Just how much of this is just words? I suspect rather a lot. I listened with interest to a piece on this morning's Broadcasting House where we heard that domestic television news in North Korea barely mentions any kind of crisis and places more importance on the publication of a book about 'The Great Leader' and an exhibition of photography. If North Korea are building up to war then it would appear the populous is blissfully unaware. So is it all a show? Quite possibly. After all, they have done it on numerous occasions before. What is more dangerous than the 'crisis' in relations is the talk about nuclear war. This can lead to misunderstandings and mistakes. A game of threats is not one to be playing when those involved have the means to trigger a conflict from which there would be no return.
This last week, if nothing else, has been a stark reminder of how quickly international affairs can deteriorate to a point whereby we begin talking about the use of nuclear weapons.
I keep hearing in the media whether we should be worried. I don't think so. The retaliation to anything fired at us would be massive. What we should be worried about is the wider effect of any military action between North and South Korea. The inevitable involvement of the US and military build up in the region would not be tolerated by China, as they have made clear, and would risk it adopting a defencive stance. Any accidents or mistakes could easily result in a far wider conflict developing, and it's this that should worry us.

It feels wrong to celebrate...

It does feel somewhat wrong to be preparing to celebrate Christmas when their are 27 shattered families and relatives on the other side of the Atlantic, their lives devastated.
Many would say that life has to go on. I suppose they are right, but for the families involved, they must be feeling their world has come to an end.
I listened last night to BBC Radio 5's Stephen Nolan Show. It's a phone in discussion programme and the main topic was the tragedy in Connecticut. I normally listen to just a few minutes, depending on the subject, but last night I felt compelled to stay with the programme until 1am.
A couple of the calls were from the area affected. One was from an English teacher who worked at a school in a neighbouring state. He talked about how school teachers and children are trained for situations such as those seen on Friday. The training is mandatory and as he explained what he would have done in a similar situation, he began to break down. His thoughts had turned to the children in his charge and the realisation that it could easily have been his class that had been lost.
Another call was from a father in the UK. He simply could not understand how it could be right for a member of the public to have access to weapons normally seen only in the military. He too broke down and sobbed as he tried to articulate his feelings, the anger clear in his broken voice. The weapons used by the lone gunman on Friday are designed to cause maximum damage and injury. They are death machines and can be found in use by the Navy and those serving in Afghanistan. Why, he asked, are such weapons so widely available? 'There has to be something seriously wrong with a country that allows this'. How right he is.
Something that dis stick in my mind was a quite from a law official in the US who informed us that there are in use in the US more than one gun per head of the population. That is a huge number of weapons, all of which are in use. Is it any wonder tragedies like this occur?
As more detail emerges, so too we will hopefully begin to answer the big question, 'why?'. The police have announced they have found evidence that shines a light on this question and may go some way to provide a motive for the gunman to have done what he did. This will be of no consolation to the parents of those killed, but may in some way help to prevent something like this ever happening again. It may help those in contact with children and young adults to recognise the signs before it is too late. It is more likely than not that the signs were there. They may have manifested themselves in odd behaviour, a reluctance to mix with others or a hatred for teachers or figures of authority. It is possible these things could have been pushed aside and put down to the actions of a normal adolescent, finding his place in society. It's likely we will never know.
It would be so wrong for nothing of any real good to come from this tragedy. There has to be progress on all fronts, progress in restricting gun ownership and the penalties for illegally using firearms and progress in understanding how and why young men are driven to commit such acts. 

Another tragic waste...

Yet again, we see another tragedy involving guns in the United States. This time, 27 innocent lives have been taken in the most horrific way, at an elementary school in Connecticut. Twenty of those killed are children, all aged between 5 and 10 years. My son is nearly 6. As a parent, my heart breaks as I try to imagine the overwhelming sense of grief and loss that the parents must be feeling at the moment. I know with some certainty that if anything happened to my son, I would not be able to live without him and I would shortly follow him.
Again, the gun law policies in the US are under the spotlight. Surely, enough is enough and this latest 'massacre' has to be a turning point. Restrictions simply have to be implemented on who can legally own and use a gun, of any description. There have to be age restrictions and a complete ban on anyone owning a firearm if they have suffered mental health problems. There is speculation that the perpetrator suffered mental illness. Here in the UK, people find an outlet for their illness by self-harming. In the US, a firearm provides an outlet that turns the effects of their illness onto others, in the most lethal of ways.
For as long as the gun laws in the US remain unchallenged and unchanged, we will continue to see incidents such as the one we have witnessed.
Yesterday we all saw a president wipe tears from his eyes. His words were sincere and the words of a parent. But he is in a unique position to prevent this from happening again. I really hope he does.

Not quite feeling it yet...

I'm in a good place at the moment. Things are pretty steady and we can face Christmas without worrying too much about the mortgage. It's a good feeling to know that things are OK but I'm acutely aware of how quickly things can change. I'm always expecting a letter to arrive with a final demand or a bailiff letter threatening all sorts of horrible things. I dread the post as a result and seldom ever open anything just in case. I see how quickly things can change with myself and I see it with others I know. Keeping busy certainly helps and I am heavily involved with running Blue Skies. I also have this blog, my website and the Blue Skies Facebook page, all of which I try to keep updated regularly. Anxiety is something I find more and more difficult to control, as evidenced last Sunday when I caused a lot of damage to my right hand and wrist. I've decided that part of the reason for doing this was the inability for me to use my e-cigarette. It was quite a long journey and I am never without my 'stick' when driving normally. Being in my in-law's car meant that I couldn't use it and this added to my anxiety and feeling of overwhelming frustration. The people I know and support understand perfectly. They've seen the state of my hand. They know. My family do not, and never will. It is only possible to understand acute anxiety by experiencing it.

I don't know if it's just me, but I do feel there is a lot of death at the moment. So many people have died lately, people of note - personalities and people who have made a difference. As I type this, I see that Kenneth Kendal has passed away aged 88. I grew up during the 1970's and 80's when Kenneth was a regular TV news reader. I also remember his appearances on Channel 4's Treasure Hunt.
There is often tragedy at this time of year. Just before Christmas, it isn't unusual for their to be a disaster of some kind and major loss of life. Indeed, as I am typing I hear that there has been a shooting incident in Conneticut, US at an elementary school. There are reports that as many as 27 have been shot and killed. So tragic and a reminder of what guns can do in the wrong hands. It does seem that very little has changed in the US and gun laws remain lax enabling practically anyone to have access to firearms. All the while the law allows this to happen, so we will sadly continue to see events such as this.

I'm not really feeling that festive at the moment. We do have one or two Group events such as Secret Santa and our Christmas meal next week. I have received a number of cards and a couple of presents have appeared under the tree. I've even played a few of my Christmas records. Maybe next week, I'll start to feel it but today has been much like a typical October day with rain and strong winds having taken over from days of freezing fog and ice.

Our volunteer services manager visited our group on Thursday. He was there to discuss our relationship with the NHS Trust. It seems the NHS are trying to do away with groups such as ours and also end the practice of referring new members. It should be noted that our membership is by referral only so quite how things will work in the future I don't know. It may be that we do end up breaking away, especially if we procure funding but it's important we retain our connections with the NHS. There certainly appears to be an element within the NHS hierarchy that doesn't favor support groups such as ours. It's a shame as we're here to stay and our membership of the Shine Network carries much clout within the mental health circles in Lincolnshire. Added to this, I have called upon our local NHS Governor who I'm hoping will visit one of our group meetings soon. Their support should bolster our cause and ensure we continue to provide a much needed bridge between psychiatric services and the community.

Bug Free

Today I finally feel free of the bug that's taken me over these last four days. It has taken a long time to recover and even when I felt OK, the symptoms would return, as they did most of last night. I'm beginning to doubt as to whether I did contract Norovirus. Although the symptoms are identical, I'm inclined to believe I may have suffered severe food poisoning. I'm still at a loss though to know where I actually caught it, as I didn't eat anything out of the ordinary last week.
I can honestly say that whatever it was, I felt awful. The stomach cramps and continuous nausea were by far the worst symptoms which would continue well into the night. I am so glad to finally be free of it.

I now feel I'm back to 'normal service'. I attended my support group this morning at which we had a guest volunteer, studying for a PhD in Psychology. It was hit or miss at to whether I would attend. I felt ever so weak and not quite with it, but in the end it went well and I'm glad I made the effort (and it was an effort!).
I find myself now having to catch up on things. I've been detached for the last four days and I need to bring myself up to date with things.
This coming Thursday and Friday, I am attending a course in Louth with one of my colleagues. It's on the subject of Mental Health First Aid and it has been booked for some time. Despite this, I'm struggling to locate any course details so at the moment I have no idea of the venue, except for it being in Louth. I do know it starts at 10am so I won't have to leave too early, thank goodness.

Tomorrow, the US (and the rest of the World) will know if President Obama has another four years in office or whether Mitt Romney will be beginning his first term as the world's most powerful leader. The news is full of coverage from correspondents speculating the outcome. At the moment, the suggestion is that Obama has a slight lead and I personally would be very surprised if Obama is replaced. I'm not that concerned who wins, but I am reminded of Ronald Reagan each time I look at Mitt Romney, and with that my worries that he could develop similar policies to those we saw during the 1980's.

My Moodscope rating has taken a slight dip, given my recent state of health, but today I scored a respectable 64%. Not bad.

50 Years

It was my parent's 50th Wedding Anniversary yesterday. I think about what life could have been like 50 years ago. There is much to remind us, most of which can now be found online in various media. It was clearly very different to today. On this day in 1962, the world stood on the brink of nuclear war. The Cuban Missile crisis was being fought out between Kruschev and Kennedy and many must have wondered if they would live to see the next day. I have broached this subject with my parents with a view to discovering how they felt at this time and whether the crisis permeated into normal everyday life. Their recollections seem pretty vague and I wonder if there was much concern at the time amongst the general public. Perhaps it wasn't reported fully until the crisis had passed? We know that news of world events took time to reach the TV and press. There was no instant live news reporting as we know it now. Perhaps the general public were really oblivious to what was going on and just how perilous things were?
I do begin to wonder if the reason my parents were married during one of the most traumatic weeks in our modern history could be down to the fact that people really didn't know what would happen so rushed to have their weddings as soon as they could. I wonder if statistics would bare this out, an increase in ceremonies taking place during this week in 1962?
This period in history really does fascinate me. The fact that two men were deciding the futures of countless millions of people. Was there still a 'stiff upper lip' war years spirit that prevented the panic we would see today should a similar situation occur? As there were many who had lived through WWII, was there a false sense of security that we would somehow 'win' and come out unscathed? Only this would be much much different.
Unlike today, very little was known about how the country would defend itself and I suspect the public were kept in the dark about the workings of the government and the military. They had heard that Britain 'had the bomb' and knew that it was being tested in remote parts of the world, but that was probably the limit of their knowledge. Most remained ignorant to its destructive force and effects.
Just what was society like then and did people really know how high the stakes really were? Would society react in the same way today? Somehow I very much doubt it...

An Acceptable Risk...?

During the last visit to my diabetic clinic, I was asked to consider a new medication known as 'Victoza'. It is administered using an injection pen, once daily and it is known to work very well at lowering blood sugar levels and is also helpful in controlling weight.
I had for a long time been against any form of regular injection to help control my diabetes, viewing it as failure on my part. Having read the booklet I was given, it wasn't long before I was accepting the need for something more effective and seeing as I would need to inject just once a day, the idea began to gain favour with me.
As with all medication, I do like to do some research on the Internet to find out more about the tablets I take. I am particularly interested in finding out about how medicines are used in other countries and whether any adverse health risks resulting from taking them have been identified.

I have researched Victoza or Liraglutide as it is more commonly known and I have found a lot of information from various sources about its effectiveness in controlling blood sugar levels in Type 2 diabetics. This is good, but I have also found an alarming amount relating to the risk associated with thyroid cancer. It turns out that during tests on animals, an increase in the instances of thyroid cancers was detected. As a result, the medication in the US carries a 'Black Box' warning of the possible risk to humans of developing thyroid cancer. It is pointed out that the risk to humans has not been proved as no testing has been carried out and the medication hasn't been in use long enough for the results to be known. The FDA have however demanded that a 15 year study is undertaken amongst users of Victoza to detect any recorded increase in thyroid cancers.

Now, I worry about the slightest things, so you can imagine how this has me feeling at the moment. My relief at having been recommended a new medication to control my increasing blood sugar levels has now been replaced with a fear that, if the diabetes doesn't get me then thyroid cancer will. I know it sounds ridiculous but how much faith should I place in something that hasn't been properly tested? Should I take the medication knowing the risk, as the benefits outweigh the probability? It's very likely that should I develop thyroid cancers later on in life, no link would be made to my use of Victoza, and those that prescribed it would be long gone anyway, absolving themselves of any responsibility or blame.
I'm rather worried that when I visit my GP, he will claim to have no knowledge of the reported risks, and will look at me blankly when I raise it with him. He has done this before and it frustrates me immensely that I seem to be the only one prepared to do any research and to find out all I can about the tablets I put in me. I fear that the information I have discovered will again be dismissed as just rumour and speculation, but I am determined this time to press the point that a risk has been identified and that takers of Victoza are in effect live guinea pigs.
If I do consent to take the medication then I will insist that I am regularly tested for any abnormalities. I believe this is mandatory practise in other countries where Victoza has been approved, so it should be here in the UK.
Am I worrying needlessly? Most probably, but whilst there is sufficient concern, enough to warrant a FDA warning in the US then I can't help but be concerned.

Not with My Back & Musings on a Tuesday

With every bout of gardening or more rarely, decorating, comes the inevitable bad back. I've suffered with it for years and despite this I continue to push it to its limit and beyond. Today I am paying the price for my over-exertion. It's always the same - a day's gardening and a week's suffering and recovery. For anyone who doesn't suffer, it's difficult to understand. My wife is sympathetic as I groan and wince with every movement. But it's impossible to describe pain. You just learn to live with it and accept it as another limitation, which I do.

Like many, I have been appalled by the recent senseless loss of life in Afghanistan. Of course I refer to to the reported losses though I'm fully aware that there are countless numbers being lost on a daily basis, many of whom are innocent and literally the victims of ill-judged foreign policy. I don't really do politics, I don't have the time and frankly causes so much division in society. Instead, I remark on what I see as a failed mission for which its justification changes on a near daily basis. The longer we keep our people there, the more of them will sadly be lost, never to return to their families.
There is much talk currently regarding the gun-ho attitude of US troops and the atrocities committed by them in the name of 'American values'. Linked to this is the 'special relationship' we here in the UK are supposed to support and be proud of. I for one am beginning to question this relationship and wonder how much longer we can go on justifying it.

I attended my support group meeting earlier today. The talk was varied as normal but was more downbeat, covering such topics as financial hardship, benefit payments and employment support allowance. We also discovered that one of our members is a sufferer of IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome). It took great courage for her to open up to the group and I wonder if her tears were in part caused by the relief she must have felt in being able to discuss it. Just like depression, IBS is another illness that's been dragged into the open and is finally being discussed and better understood. I did also discover that a woman I had previously seen on many occasions driving erratically is in fact her.
Another of our members informed us that following a recent assessment of their illness, their employment support allowance is to be withdrawn forcing her to seek employment. Having spent some time in her company, I am in no doubt of her inability to work and fear that she is yet another victim of failed government health policy and unfair assessment.
Today was certainly a day of discovery. I informed the group of my visit to the bank and its outcome which I suppose could be called progress of sorts. After all, we still have our home.
The journey home was uneventful apart from finding that the car direction indicators stop after so many seconds use. I noticed this at a junction while I waited to turn left. The same seemed to happen when turning right. I suspect it may be a relay - the thing that does the tick-tick-tick sound. Sometimes these get hot and wear out. I remember having a similar problem with an old Volvo.
I stopped off at my parents on the way home. I'd received a couple of letters from Eon for their electricity incorrectly addressed to me. They've been doing this for a long time despite numerous requests to fix it. Once again I was met with a locked door and having to rouse them by repeatedly pressing the doorbell until one of them heard it. This does much to rile me and this was evident when I finally arrived home.

Weather today has been miserable, a blanket of grey and damp. I really had hoped to be able to spend some more time organising my plants for the Spring, but it wasn't to be sadly. Maybe tomorrow will be more conducive.

Finally for now, there could be no better advertisement for gay marriage (for which I am a supporter) than the site on the TV news today of David Cameron and Barrack Obama walking almost hand in hand toward the Whitehouse, jackets slung over their shoulders.

Optimism

Firstly, I am glad that I can type. I am glad that I can spell and that I have the confidence to put my thoughts into words. I've been able to do this since I was very young. I had a typewriter from a very young age and very quickly learnt how to use it. By the time I reached my mid-teens, I had an electronic typewriter and soon after that a very basic (by today's standards) word processor. For all my life, I have never been too far from a keyboard and to do so would most probably cause me to have another breakdown. The keyboard is my output and a vessel by which my thoughts pour like water onto a page. A lot of what I type, particularly here in my blog, I don't talk about openly. People around me tend to go about their lives either oblivious to what's going on around them or prefer to keep their thoughts or worries to themselves. This is fine, they have more important things to think about. I don't request an audience. I consider myself fortunate if anyone else finds my thoughts the remotest bit interesting. My blog is my way of recording my thoughts, and I hope that sometime in the future, by way of it, my son will better understand his father.

I was asked recently whether I am optimistic, about anything. I quickly replied that I am not. In fact I see no future beyond the next day. Of course the reason for this primarily is my financial situation and not knowing where we will be in a month or two from now. But in general, I do find myself fearing for the future - especially for my son and other young people. On the one side, there is the worsening economic situation and the worry as to whether there will be jobs for everyone or whether people who are lucky enough to work can afford housing. On the other side, there is what I see as a worrying escalation in conflict around the world and where the current disputes might lead.
I do think it is inevitable that we will see some form of military escalation in Iran and possibly Syria. I of course would prefer a diplomatic outcome but with each day that passes I think this becomes less likely. The involvement of China and Russia and their opposition to a military response in Iran or Syria will I think send us down one of two paths. The first would be for the Western forces to back down faced with a possible Chinese or Russian military standoff or for the West to attack Iran and intervene in Syria and face the consequences. Some would argue that Russia is in fact supporting the Syrian regime's attack on its own people as they continue to supply arms in the face of mounting condemnation. The estimated $1 billion trade in arms is simply too valuable to Russia and they would not stand by and see this taken away from them.
As for China, there are already rumblings on the Internet that they are preparing for possible military conflict and despite knowing relatively little about their precise capabilities, it would be wrong to assume that their response would be anything but massive.
And then there's Israel and their apparent threat to be preparing an attack on Iran's nuclear facilities to take place in the coming months assuming the US don't do it first.
All of this makes for a very dangerous situation. The cost of oil has risen in recent days due to the embargo on Iranian crude oil exports and Iran's refusal to supply EU member states. The prospect of rising fuel costs on top of a weakening economic situation could have dire consequences here in the UK pushing living standards to a critical level.
I've always been very pessimistic, but the situation as I see it is one that is fast nearing crisis proportions. Unless a last minute solution can be found to the situation in Iran and Syria, then I fully expect to see a new Middle East conflict by the end of this year. The outcome of this conflict will depend ultimately on whether or not it could be contained. My guess is that it would not.
The coming months will be critical in deciding the path taken. Of course we have very little or no influence whatsoever on the outcome. We can only hope and pray that common sense will prevail coupled with a realisation that any fire lit in the Middle East would spread way beyond the borders of Iran and Syria.
2012 will certainly be a decisive year, whatever happens.

A Dangerous Game

I was criticised for being pessimistic last week. I have a very bleak view of the future and this is compounded by the financial mess affecting many parts of the world and the stresses being placed on our lives.
I now find myself concerned at events in the world that could lead us into new conflicts and confrontations. For it seems to me that we could be heading into a very dangerous game of brinkmanship brought about mainly by the actions of the US. The 'game' I refer to is the placing of a missile defence shield close to the border with Russia. The US claim this shield is to counter any offensive missile strike from rogue states in the Middle East or from North Korea. Russia do not believe this to be the sole reason and rightly suspect that it is targeting them. In an attempt to calm their fears, a request for participation in the project has been rejected and further to this, an assurance from the US that the system will not be used to target Russia has not been given. So just what exactly are the US playing at? Since the fall of the Berlin Wall and the former Soviet Union, we have enjoyed relative security amidst mutual assurances, smiles and cordial meetings.So why seek to destroy this and plunge us into a new cold war? It makes no sense.
I don't believe I'm a loan voice. There have been murmurings across the Internet and in the press, expressing fear that we are on a path to confrontation. Many suggest that opposition to intervention in Syria or Iran will trigger either China or Russia to step in. If this were to happen then the outcome would be cataclysmic.
So who's calling the shots? Some suggest the European Missile Defense Shield is Pentagon driven, others that it is an arms industry hell bent of profiteering from a new arms race. I suspect that money is involved somewhere along the line - it normally is. Someone out there keen to make millions from making two superpowers push each other to the brink. Or am I just being overly pessimistic and bleak? Possibly... but I don't think it will be long before the threats turn into actions and make it from the columns to the front page.
We can only hope that common sense prevails. This will be a game with no winners.

One wedding and a funeral

It was only yesterday that the news was full of speculation regarding the royal newlyweds' honeymoon plans. This morning we woke up to the news that Bin Laden had been found and killed by US forces. It's news overload at the moment and I'll be happy when things return to normal - the usual political bickering and more debate regarding the 'alternative vote' system.
Personally, I think this period of rejoicing and celebration will be shortlived and I'm sure we haven't seen the end to deadly campaigns of hate. Just how do I explain things like 9/11 to my 4 year old son...?