Getting Through the Day

I've written before about my struggle with depression and anxiety, and the fact that some days are simply better than others. It's impossible to know how I will feel one day to the next, so I just take each day as it comes and try to get through it. Not working means spending a lot of time alone and it's these times that are the most challenging. The answer is to do things that keep me active and prevent me from drifting into thought - the kind of thoughts that remind me of failure and how I got to where I am now, having been active in the past earning a very good wage and paying my fair share of the bills. To start thinking about these things just sends me into a downward spiral and the result is a depressive bout for me and abject misery for everyone around me.
Thankfully, I've managed to keep myself out of my 'pit of despair' as I like to call it. There is a glimmer of hope that the only real assets I own, my private pension fund, may in some way be used to benefit us now rather than waiting until I'm 55. We really cannot wait that long and frankly we need the money now rather than later on.
I don't know yet if this is possible but I see there are numerous schemes all over the Internet claiming to be able to unlock pension funds. The way they do it is to invest your pension once you've transferred it to them into overseas funds or various other schemes thus making them money. In the meantime, they lend you the money you need and this is secured against your pension. But there are risks, big risks and you could end up paying back far more than you borrow. The same is true with any kind of lending, but with this you are dealing with large amounts of money. So I don't know if this will be possible for us. We are going to see a pension advisor so hope to find out more then.
Some days, despite wanting to do so much and achieve at least something, I end up doing nothing. The enthusiasm I woke up with that morning fizzled out over breakfast or whilst I read the news headlines. These days simply fill me with guilt and regret. Yes I've done things, but nothing practical or beneficial. I may have researched something on the Internet and discovered something I didn't already know, but this is of no benefit to me or mankind. I can't out this newly gained knowledge to any practical use, say to invent something new perhaps. These are zero days and count for very little in the grand scheme of things.
I saw the topic of depression appear on Twitter today. Peter Serafinowicz tweeted about a blog written by a sufferer and also mentioned that he too struggled with it. Again, I'd learnt something new. I had no idea he suffered with depression. When he's on the TV, he's always funny so why should I? But it's the same with all sufferers of depression. We don't wear labels or badges stating that we suffer with it. We don't turn a different colour when the next depressive bout descends. It is hidden. It happens a lot behind closed doors where we can't be seen. By its nature, it's very seldom on display in public. It doesn't travel well.
I don't know if there will ever be a cure. It would be nice if they could produce a tablet that prevented it, but everyone who suffers with depression seem to be different. Different things set them off and different things make them feel better. Some bouts last for a day, others for a week or more. It is far from straight forward and doubt whether fixing it for everyone will be that easy.

In the news, I see that the maniac hell bent on killing innocent men, women and children in France has been stopped. The fact that he was shot and killed by the police will be a comfort to all those affected by his killing spree. Personally, I would have liked to have seen him captured and made to face justice for his crimes, but this was clearly an unlikely outcome given the ferocity of of his attempt to evade capture and I accept that the police had no other option.

We've all been forced to accept the latest budget from our coalition government and the realisation that for many, life will become more difficult than it already is. Those who have worked all their lives and saved for a comfortable retirement appear to be hardest hit and I suspect their collective response will be felt come the general election.

Budget Eve

Firstly, I've added my Twitter feed to my blog. It's constantly updating and provides snippets of my day to day activities and thought on the events of the day. It basically runs as a supplement to my blog.

Tomorrow is budget day here in the UK and we will discover just how much more difficult our caring government is going to make our lives. For some people, things can't get much worse. I heard earlier today on the radio how some are unable to eat properly having to restrict themselves to just two meals a day. Others are unable to travel finding the rising cost of fuel prohibitive. And at my regular Tuesday support group, I heard how life becomes more difficult by the day with benefits just barely covering the cost of basic necessities. So I'll be watching tomorrows budget statement with interest, as will I suspect many around the UK worried about how they will pay for the next week's food, the car repairs, the phone bill, their electricity charges and gifts for their child's birthday. A detrimental budget statement tomorrow will I fear provoke a public backlash as I really feel the majority of people will simply not be able to cope with any more hardship...

Doing fine on a budget & Kwik Fit

Like many, we have been living on a budget for some time now. It's easy to assume that having a limit to the amount you can spend on food and consumables would be restrictive and force us to do without things. In fact the opposite is true. There are things certainly that we no longer buy but these are unhealthy foods and things that we really didn't need. In fact our new buying habits have enabled me to lose 6lbs in two weeks. I now actually enjoy being the careful shopper, hunting out bargains and trying to get the most for every penny. We now buy a lot of the things that are good for us and I'm really getting to enjoy the new healthy lifestyle. This has been helped in part by healthy eating money off vouchers which are now available in most supermarkets.
So out have gone the crisps and the fatty, sweet snacks and in are the crisp bread, the cracker and the granary loaf. We're eating just as well, feeling full, and shedding pounds. So all's good.

We had cause to get a new tyre fitted to the car yesterday. The inside rear had worn on the outer edge and it really needed doing. So we popped to our Spalding Kwik Fit and on arrival found all the bays full with cars. Fearing a long wait, my wife and son popped to a local store for some bits and pieces while I stayed at the garage. Before I knew it, the car was on the ramp, a space having been made almost immediately and the new tyre was being fitted. The whole thing too just 10 minutes by which time my wife and son had arrived back from their short trip. I'm not normally very complimentary when it comes to customer service but on this occasion, Kwik Fit are certainly worthy of my praise. A job very well done and worth all of the £55 spent.

I haven't mentioned the outcome of my medical examination last Thursday for my new job. This is mainly because, I haven't heard from my prospective employer though I was informed I had passed by the doctor I saw. It is true I'm not in perfect working order and do have to take some medication daily to control a few things, but I am physically fit and able to drive any size of vehicle safely. So I'm hopeful I'll hear something soon. I know they were checking my references last Friday as I had a call asking for my RBS employee number.

My vegetable plot is coming on nicely and things have begun to take root and start growing. I am having real problems with slugs for which there appear to be thousands all over the garden. I am using two beer traps and these have been very effective though I suspect the buggers have staggered into them after munching their way through my cucumber plants...

I've managed to transplant my honeydew watermelon plants from their propagator to a grow bag in my conservatory. I'm hopeful this will provide the ideal conditions needed, but time will tell.

There's a lot in the news at the moment about unrest across London sparked by the shooting in Tottenham last Thursday. There can be no justification whatsoever for the mindless violence and willful destruction we have witnessed. The investigation should be allowed to proceed and a full inquiry should take place to discover who was at fault. If the police are found to be at fault, then justice should be served according to law and there should be transparency at every stage.