Paralympic Welcome, Tentative York & Longing for Security

Once again, we produced an epic opening ceremony, this time for the Paralympic Games. Though not on quite the same scale as the Olympic opening ceremony, it was nonetheless fully attended and watched by millions across the country. Channel 4 have the broadcast rights to the Paralympics and though their coverage was very good, much criticism has been made of the decision to include numerous advertisement breaks during the event. Twitter was awash with comments deploring Channel 4 for the decision and I have to admit that I was one of those contributing to the protests. Being one of the largest and most significant events Channel 4 has broadcast since it launched in 1982, I would really have expected the channel to forgo the revenue from the numerous car ads in favour of showing the whole event uninterrupted.
For me, the event was very moving. The sight of hundreds of disabled athletes, proud to be representing their countries and being celebrated was magnificent. The choreography was world class and complimented with a commentary by Stephen Hawking. The athletes were proud the be there, and it showed.

Tomorrow, we had hoped to be taking our son to York for the first time. My wife and I have been to York on a couple of occasions and have enjoyed it very much. There's something about the place that you can't quite put your finger on, but I do have a particular fondness for the history, architecture and of course the wonderful Railway Museum.
I've mentioned before the prohibitive cost of rail travel and the return fare being £145 for the three of us. Now, to me this seems expensive. Perhaps I'm simply out of touch with current public transport costs. But when I compare this to the cost of travelling by car, about £35, it really does seem excessive. We are rather hoping that my in-laws will lend us the money until my expenses arrive for my NHS work. This would allow us to get there and back, and a packed lunch would negate the need to buy food. It's touch and go at the moment whether we'll go or not but if we're able to, I know my son will love it.

I've written about having to keep a diary noting activities and my anxiety and depression levels. This is for the CBT therapy I'm having in Spalding. I'm a little concerned that when I have my next session on the 18th September (when my therapist returns from her holiday to Mexico), there won't be a great deal for her to analyse. I've actually been feeling quite good for the last few weeks. I certainly haven't had any depressive episodes and my anxiety levels have been pretty much level. This may be due to the fact that I'm finding things to occupy me, or simply that there haven't been any triggers to set me off. The one constant thing on my mind is the Bank and whether they will allow us to continue contributing to the mortgage. I worry daily that there will either be a letter or phone call requesting me to contact them. If and when it comes, I will need to ask them to extend the period further. My biggest fear is that they will say no. I may be worrying for no reason as I've been told by so many people that provided we are paying something, they cannot do anything and as the house value is decreasing, they are unlikely to try to turf us out to sell on. Common sense tells me this is the likely outcome but I still worry. At least this time round I can tell them I am officially an NHS Volunteer, so I'm doing something productive. Although I'm not being paid anything - just my expenses - I am hopeful that it will develop into something permanent. Working in some kind of mental health support role within the NHS is my current aim. The question is how long we can survive for until something happens?

Will My Son Be As Fascinated...?

I remember when I was young having a fascination for things electrical. I was very curious to understand how things worked and on many occasions I would take things apart to see what was inside. This included the 26" family TV set in the lounge which I would remove the back from and poke around whenever I was left home alone. At that time I was oblivious to the enormous voltages circulating just inches from me and on one occasion, I did poke too far and received an electric shock large enough to propel me across the room. Thankfully I escaped unscathed though my screwdriver had been significantly reduced in length.

I was fascinated also by video and I would sit watching schools programmes wondering not how the human body functioned, but how the pictures got from the cassette to the TV screen. I remember hounding my parents so much that they finally gave in sometime around 1985 and I received for Christmas my first video recorder, albeit rented from Granada - as it was then. Having been familiar with cine film (I at that time had a small projector), I had always assumed the video tape to be like film with individual framed images printed on it. Of course, it is very similar to audio tape.
How ancient these things seem nowadays with our DVD's and digital downloads. Despite the digital age we all now live in, I still have a fondness for the past. I miss the fact that you can't now see something working, like tape spools rotating. I miss that.

Sound recording was another thing I had a fascination for. I would create my own sound effects and splice the tape, physically editing the soundtrack by joining the two ends and physically feeding the tape past the play heads. I used to splice the effects together for a local amateur dramatics society I had a brief liaison with  around 1990. At home, I had several machines and many reels of tape and soon I had mastered the art. All the machines and tapes have long gone. I can't actually remember what happened to them, but I would do anything to have one of them here again.

The audio cassette was most people's preferred audio medium during the 70's and 80's. I still, like many people, have boxes of old cassettes. I keep meaning to transfer everything to CD but I've never got round to it and suspect I will go to my grave still not having done it. They will all be left to my son. On a few occasions he has asked me what they are. He is so used to seeing discs for everything that he cannot imagine how music is played from it. He must see everything as so ancient, much like I did with the old formats.
I'm hoping he will grow up with a degree of respect for technology and how it has evolved over the years. Just because something is old does not mean it should be consigned to the history books. Like VHS, it can still perform and it would be a shame to scrap everything that became obsolete. I still have a couple of VHS recorders, and I still use them. I have lots of VHS tapes and it is nice to watch some of the old programmes and home movies again. I did once have a Betamax machine and a great many tapes. Woolworth's were selling them off cheap so I bought as many as I could. Sadly I only have one left and I wish I had a machine I could play it on. My wife would never allow it especially as now they command such a high price on eBay, a sure sign of their rarity.

I have already been successful in introducing my son to vinyl records and he enjoys playing with my horned gramophone. I have quite a collection of 78's which he knows to be careful with. I think there is already an acceptance of sorts. Of course when he is my age, the DVD and hard drives will have been superseded and we will have solid state storage devices with no moving parts.
I hope very much that alongside these devices, there will still be space for the VHS recorder, the reel to reel tape deck and the record deck.

A Trip to 'Skeggy'

I admit it, I like Skegness. I've been there a few times, and with each visit I become a little fonder. There's no explanation for it. Yesterday was my wife's Birthday and I found myself once again unable to buy her a gift and instead, I bought her a nice card with a message inside promising I will make it up to her one day.

Getting back to the subject of this post, we decided to go out for the day. We had planned to take my son to York but the ridiculous cost of train travel from Peterborough (£145 return) simply makes it prohibitive.
It was a toss up between Great Yarmouth and 'Skeggy' and on this occasion, Skeggy won.
The journey was easy enough though it was the longest journey our little car had done since we got it in January. Sometimes I actually enjoy the journey to and from a place more than the place itself. Sounds odd I know but I've always enjoyed driving though I enjoyed it more with my beloved old Chrysler Voyager, bless her.
Skegness was busy and it took some time to find a parking space. Thankfully we were right on the sea front, just a short walk over some sand dunes and we were on the beach. Where we were, it wasn't too busy, most people opting for the 'middle bit' of the beach near to the amusements. There were a few people, most had children and were enjoying the warm weather building sandcastles or paddling in the sea. A few had actually ventured into the water and were swimming. I managed a paddle and it was freezing, so the swimmers must have been devoid of any sense or feeling.
One of the things I like about Skegness is the beach. It is very clean and very well maintained. The view has now been blighted by what seems is an ever growing number of wind turbines. Not content with ruining the countryside with them, they are now putting them out at sea.
Luckily we had taken a wind breaker as there was quite a strong breeze. Being very sunny, we did well to apply some sun cream though I omitted to put any on my face so I am now a very bright shade of red. I never learn, it happens every time. It's no wonder I choose to stay out of the sun most of the time.
Skegness was full of locals and many who had ventured down from further north. You can tell instantly by their accents and their loudness. They don't hold back and often don't mind what they say or who they say it to. There was a real mix of ages but in my middle years, I am noticing more and more the inappropriately dressed and whereas I would not normally comment, I am finding myself doing so more and more. I am definitely getting old. My wife says the same. It seems nowadays that people really don't care what they wear or how they look. It seems that anything goes.
Skegness attracts the best and the worst of society, but what remains common is the love for the place. It's why people keep coming year after year. Very little changes in Skegness. The shops are the same, selling the same things. The amusements are the same. The mechanical grabbers have the same soft toys in them that were there last year, only they've faded a little in the sunlight. I don't think anyone ever manages to win one. We tried and on each of the fifteen tries, the troy slipped out of the grabber's arms as if it was too heavy or dare I say it, artificially weighted. Those toys will be there next year.
I find myself a little more sensitive to noise. The amusement arcades with their magnetism to the young seem almost unbearable now. The noise seems constant and piercing. Shrill sirens, bells and whistles break the relentless rhythm of the latest dance track. Yet, part of me enjoys being there. I like trying my luck on the 2p shuffle, hoping that a slight nudge in the right place will dislodge a mountain of coins sending them cascading out of the machine into the coin tray. Of course it seldom happens and I look across with envy at the OAP who has just bagged herself £20 in 2p's.
Leaving the amusements, all our loose change spent, we head for an eatery. It has to be fish and chips. We're at the seaside, it would be sacrilege not to. On the short walk, we pass rock and fudge shops with their bright pink display and little openings selling fresh hot doughnuts. People shuffle past gripping cuddly toys and eating ice creams, wearing inappropriate shorts, white socks and sandals, their stomachs overspilling and sunburnt.
There's definitely something about fish and chips at the seaside. It's one of those British things. We do it because it feels right. Our parents and grandparents did it, so we should too. Personally I love it. Many had the same idea, the restaurant was full to capacity and I suspect it had been full all day.
Skegness empties as quickly as it fills. The arcades remain open long into the evening and the screams from the roller coaster continue long into the night. The hardy head for a stroll along the beach while we look for the car, wishing we'd parked closer.
We'll be back again, and we'll expect it to be the same. We like it that way.

CBT and Me

For the past three weeks, I have been attending a CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) session each Tuesday in Spalding. It's supposed to help people who suffer with anxiety and depression to control their thoughts and behaviour, the thinking being that this will in turn control periods of depression and anxiety. I decided to approach the sessions with an open mind having heard both good and bad things from others who have had the therapy.
I've had three sessions so far and I'm still not really convinced that it's helping. A lot of it is about analysing thoughts, feelings and emotions. I am required to do some homework which consists of keeping a detailed diary of my activities and how I feel at the time together with my thoughts. Any 'spikes' where my anxiety levels are high or if I have a bout of depression, these are analysed and picked apart to understand why they happened and how they can be prevented from reoccurring.
I don't really see CBT as a cure. It won't stop me from worrying or from getting depressed. It will help me to identify the cycle that leads to my anxiety and depression. I do know that CBT certainly isn't for everyone. I spend time with people for whom CBT wasn't helpful and they stopped attending after a couple of sessions. I suppose I'm rather hopeful that something will be found that leads me to understand why I suffered a breakdown and why since then I have begun to suffer with anxiety and depression.
A lot of the analysis so far points towards me feeling an acute sense of failure and guilt. I don't provide and rely on my wife for pretty much everything.This fills me with a daily sense of worthlessness and no amount of CBT is really going to reduce this. The situation is the same and there is no magic wand to make everything right again.
I can't really say if the sessions have benefited me so far. I do have a greater understanding of the 'worry cycle' and why I get anxious about the same things over and over, such as the bank and debt. I can't though ever see a situation where I could simply dismiss a problem such as that.
I have a two week break from the sessions as the therapist is on holiday in Mexico. Maybe in a few weeks I'll be in a better position to judge its benefits.

Those Photos

There is currently a furore over a couple of photos doing the rounds on the Internet of Prince Harry. The reason for all the fuss is that the Prince is shown in 'high jinx' wearing nothing. There can be no doubt that this is in fact the 3rd in line to the British throne. But what of the fuss?
The pictures have been published in the US on a celebrity website. The website is easily accessible and since being first published, the pictures have spread around the Internet and are easily found through Google or Yahoo!. The UK newspapers have chosen not to publish them, though so far one Irish publication has done so. This is despite a request from The Palace that the media show restraint.
People can of course choose not to look at them. I have seen them, in fact I have them in front of me now as I type this. Despite the initial shock, I don't really think there is any possibility of these photos affecting Prince Harry's status in any way and it they certainly won't have an adverse affect on the monarchy, though some of the older members of the family will certainly not be very happy. If anything, I think this is another jolt to the monarchy in forcing them to be more modern, open and accessible to people of all ages. Prince Harry will certainly have found favour in the young. I don't doubt that he will have attracted a strong following amongst many a young lady with dreams of being led down the aisle of St Paul's. It will not have done Prince Harry any harm amongst the younger generation. I would though not have wanted to be in his shoes (or bare feet) as he was forced to explain himself to the older members of the family. A bit of me can imagine Charles giggling away to himself secretly, as his sense of humour is well known to many. But I suspect his grandparents, aunts and uncles won't be so forgiving.
Many have called it just a 'bit of fun'. Others have been damning in their condemnation. I say that he should be allowed to have his fun but certainly be more careful. After all, where were his security staff?

Tony Nicklinson, RIP

Tony Nicklinson who has suffered with 'Locked-In Syndrome' and constant pain for many years passed away earlier today. Whilst this is very sad and a tragic loss for his family, friends and relatives, there is also relief that finally Tony is free from pain and at rest. I like to think that Tony has passed on to a better place, though none of us can predict the afterlife. He is now where he wanted so much to be and I can't help thinking that his suffering could have been curtailed a lot sooner if those in power had the courage to make the right decisions and place responsibility with the person concerned.
Rest In Peace Tony, and may we learn from your life and help others in similar situations.

Another Bit of Me Not Working...

I had an appointment with my GP this morning. He had contacted me requesting I attend following a recent blood test. In truth it has been a while since I last saw him. He's actually a very good doctor, but I'm acutely aware like many that I don't do everything I should regarding my health and I am often criticised for it.
This morning he told me that my blood test had shown that I have significantly reduced Thyroid function, and that this is probably due to my Diabetes. He asked me if I'd been feeling tired and lacking energy. I replied that I have, I'm tired almost every day and I have nowhere near the energy I once had, even a couple of years ago. He also told me the slowed metabolism will cause weight gain - he only has to look at me to see that is true - and he poked my stomach with a grin.
It has all meant another tablet. This time, it's Levothyroxin and I need to take one daily. This should gradually  return things to their normal level but if not, he told me I would need a course of hormone replacement therapy.
I collected my tablets and I need to see him in a few weeks time after another blood test to see if the tablets have had any effect.
I don't know how I feel at having something else wrong with me. It does explain how I've been feeling most days and how I can easily fall asleep in the afternoon and evening. I'm thankful the tablet is quite tiny as I doubt if there is much room left in my daily tablet dispenser. As it is, I already warrant a NHS carrier bag when I collect my prescription every few weeks.
My GP retires Christmas Eve later this year. I didn't actually think he was that old, but I made a point of looking at him today. He's Chinese and I always think they never really age in the same way we do. He does look young and I would certainly not put him in the 55-60 years bracket. I wish him well and it will be sad to see him go. He's a great GP and he's seen me at my best and at my worst, helping me and convincing me that I had a future after my breakdown.
I've looked up my newly diagnosed condition and it's called Hypothyroidism. If nothing else, I suppose it will be something to talk about at my next Support Group Meeting.

Tony Nicklinson

I took my time before writing my thoughts on this and it's something I feel quite passionate about. Tony Nicklinson has been living with 'Locked-In Syndrome' for seven years following a massive stroke in 2005. Today, Tony took his case to the High Court to grant permission for his life to be ended by doctors without fear of prosecution. Sadly, he lost his case and was distraught at hearing the news. He is appealing the decision.
None of us can imagine what it must be like to suffer with Locked-In Syndrome. Although Tony has lost the use of his body, his mind is active and he is able to articulate his thoughts through a computer aided speech device.

This is a very difficult issue. Tony has no quality of life. He has made this very clear and is in the process of writing a book which he wants to complete. For me, I struggle with any situation where suffering is prolonged. Tony is suffering daily - he has told us this.
I am trained to prevent suicide, yet I do believe there are situations where life can be unbearable for some who suffer chronic illness with no hope of recovery. Every day is a struggle and the pain is constant. Many are house-bound and totally reliant on others to carry out tasks such as washing and eating. They have no dignity. Life is literally a living hell.
If a dog or cat falls ill or is in pain, we put them down. The same is true of horses where an injury as small as a paper cut can justify a vet's stun gun.
I strongly believe there are cases where the choice to end life should be granted. Tony wants to end his life, but he cannot do it himself. He needs help, and it is because of this that this option has been taken from him. He is forced to live in agony until an appeal can be raised. Surely this cannot be fair? There is of course Dignitas in Switzerland, but why should he have to travel hundreds of miles only to end his life on the edge of an industrial estate? He wants to die at home, and shouldn't this be his right? His basic human right?
I hear arguments that we will set a dangerous precedent if we allow people such as Tony to end their lives. I would counter this by saying that there should be strict guidelines in place which include input from more than one doctor or specialist, family members and where possible the individual concerned. Quite how this should be structured isn't for me to say, but we mustn't lose sight of the person concerned. There is a real danger that we forget that at the centre of this is an individual who is suffering. A human being of sound mind for whom life has no benefit. The law must be amended.

Tomatoes Forever!

I love tomatoes and my tomato plants are starting to mature nicely. In fact, I've been able to harvest a few and was particularly pleased to find some more had ripened enough for picking this morning...

...and very nice they are too! Today I removed some seeds from a couple of cherry tomatoes my wife had bought for me from a supermarket. I'll plant these probably tomorrow once the seeds are dry and weather permitting I may be able to nurture some more before the summer is out.

A Fully Inclusive Games... We're Nearly There

So that's it. Like many, I watched the closing ceremony last night and although it wasn't on the same scale as the opening ceremony, it was a spectacle to remember.
Still to come is the Paralympics which begin on the 29th in a couple of weeks time. The Olympic Games, besides being a showcase of athletic excellence, will be remembered for its diversity and inclusion - the first Olympic Games to include women from all countries of the world.
We still have some way to go, sadly. We still relegate disabled athletes to their own event, far removed from the main games. In my view, the most worthy are left to last, and this has to be wrong. Why can they not perform alongside the able-bodied and their achievements be recognised and awarded on the world stage?
The fact the the word 'paralympic' is derived from the Greek preposition 'para' meaning parallel or alongside, makes it all the more odd that the event isn't run in tandem with the main Olympic Games.

Sir Ludwig Guttmann organised the first recognised event for disabled athletes known as the 'Wheelchair Games' in 1948. Dr. Guttman's aim was to create an elite sports competition for people with disabilities that would be equivalent to the Olympic Games.

I will certainly be watching the Paralympic Games and I hope a similar level of attention is afforded the event as we have witnessed over the last seventeen days. For me the achievements of a disabled athlete are far greater given their handicap, and this deserves special merit. 

I just hope it isn't too long before all athletes, regardless of ability, are able to compete together. Now that really would be great...

Fixed It!

This will seem relatively trivial to many but I've been meaning to do something about an irritating problem we've had with the car. The indicators have for several weeks worked only intermittently requiring a sharp whack to the dashboard at junctions etc. A temporary solution for the last week has been to stuff a rolled up piece of paper between the little box of tricks that does the indicating and the next one. Yesterday I decided to do something about it. Having looked on eBay, it is possible to purchase a new one, but why spend £20 when I could fix the one we have. I was pretty certain the problem had to be a loose connection inside the relay itself, as it worked perfectly well when the correct pressure was applied.
Removing it was very easy, it simply plugs into a board and has three pins that fit into a socket, similar to a domestic three pin plug. I have all the gear I need at my mate's and removing the cover revealed a simple device that clicks on and off when power is applied. These are commonly referred to as solenoids. It wasn't long before I'd identified the problem. There are three soldered joints and these had worked themselves loose probably through the natural movement of the car over time.

Three dabs of solder on the affected joints and the relay was as good as new and working fine. A simple fix with enormous benefit.

Kindle & Car In Harmony

Thoughts on Trains & Their 'Customers'

When, I wonder, did the rail passenger become a customer. I understand that the term 'passenger' is no longer used by the rail companies in favour of the more appropriate term of 'customer'. So when did this come about? Was it as a result of years of neglect? Did someone wake up one morning and realise that passengers were in fact paying for a service? We'll probably never know but I'd like to think there was a sea change in thinking and a long overdue reaction to genuine and growing public discontentment.

A keen Twitter user, I am fed a constant stream of updates from various railway operating companies all around the country. In all cases, they refer to customers rather than passengers. I could be argued that communication has improved considerably. Twitter now provides the means for direct and instant messaging between operators and 'customers'. Only today there were messages sent every few minutes regarding a power failure at Kings Cross which was affecting all trains in and out. On other days, I have read about problems with flooding caused by the freakish rain we've been having. These messages instill a degree of comfort. There's someone out there who knows what is happening, and more importantly, they care.
A lot of their knowledge comes from the passengers - sorry, 'customers' who now have a link to someone in control. From their mobile phones and Internet connected devices, they feed them information about packed trains, late trains and blocked toilets. In this case, the interaction between customer and supplier is instant. This has to be a good thing.

There is another type of message I see all too often on my Twitter feed. These are the messages apologising for cancelled services due to a person being hit by a train. I see these almost daily and it bewilders me to think that so many people are able to stray onto our railway network and in so many cases end up under a moving train. There can be no doubt that a great many of these are intentional suicide attempts, and every one causes pain, anguish and distress to all involved especially the driver, passengers and emergency services. It is sad, but Twitter allows me to know about everything that's going on.

As I type this, a tweet has popped up from Greater Anglia telling me that there is a 'generally good service' and to reply if they can be of any help. This is service, good service. But it is a level of service we seem to struggle to provide on a personal level. Maybe it's something about the culture of this country. Rather than being asked in person if we think the service is satisfactory, we prefer to do it electronically. Despite our shyness, it is still a valuable thing and a channel between the customer and the supplier.
Has customer service improved, or has Twitter simply made communication easier?

Hole In The Wall

Customers and staff of Barclays Bank in Long Sutton arrived this morning to find it had been turned into a drive thru after thieves removed the cash machine in the small hours.

We can only hope that there was very little cash in the machine, that dye stain rendered it unusable, and that the perpetrators are caught and dealt justice.