Busy Bee

I've a lot on at the moment, which is good in one way as it keeps me healthy and has a positive effect on my well-being. At the moment, I am busy writing a funding application for the support group I help run. Each year, a pot of money is made available for groups that promote mental health and support people who suffer with mental illness. Last year, we were awarded a significant amount of money which paid for arts, crafts and computer based projects. This year, we have decided to focus on outdoor activities and an a new Open Space Garden project at our base in Spalding. The project will provide a working garden and greenhouse enabling our members to grow their own herbs, fruit and vegetables. At the same time, they can learn about raising produce from seed and the the health benefits of eating fruit and vegetables. It is a project likely to go down well with our funders and I'm hoping also that funds will be made available for us to provide a comfortable, welcoming space in which our members can relax and enjoy the garden they have created for themselves. We won't know if we have been successful until September/October, but the application has to be submitted by the end of this month. We have made a start on the project in the hope that we will secure further funding. With the weather so good (at the moment), we're keen to get out there and make a start.
I'm pleased to say that I'm on course for having everything ready for submission on Friday by the 5pm deadline. We (the committee) had a very good meeting yesterday and agreed everything I have done so far. I just need a few lines written about one of the projects we're proposing and for someone to get back to me with one or two prices. Our costs are already over £9,000 and I still need to sort out the insurance for the bus which will cover public liability and when it's on the road and in storage. There's quite a bit yet to do, but I'm quite used to doing these applications now and I have a routine that seems to work for me so that's all good.

Another school half term break is upon us. I really can't remember having this many breaks when I was at school - in fact all I can remember is the long summer holiday. My son will be spending a lot of time with me this coming week and when I'm busy with group, he'll be with his mum at work or with his nanny and granddad.

I normally have to moan about something nowadays. I'm sure it's part of growing older and my wife would happily tell you I've turned it into something of a hobby... At the moment I'm moaning about the lack of service we are receiving from our telephone provider. Since Thursday we have been without a working land line phone. I'm sure it has something to do with the storms we had on Thursday, though although the phone doesn't work, we still have working broadband on the same line. It's all pretty odd. It's now the third day and our service provider has done nothing. It's only when I complain on Facebook or Twitter do I get a response. They don't like it as they don't want the rest of the world to know how bad they are, but should we really have to revert to shaming them? Is that how to get value for money and the service we pay for nowadays? It would seem so. It's certainly the only way to get them to respond and I'm sure they have people whose job it is to monitor social media, for a response can often appear in seconds. If only they could learn to value their customers, now that really would be something... Moan over.

A phone call I'd never want to make...

I really wouldn't have liked to have been the driver explaining this to his depot manager... Easily done though.

Woes

My wife left for work in the car this morning for the final time. She

will be taking it to the mechanic tonight with her dad and we're hoping

he'll give us something to take it off our hands. It's all very sad. I

hate to see a car go. It's over ten years old and holds so many

memories for us. If it was in any way possible, we'd keep it, but there

simply isn't the money.

To compound things, my in-laws are blaming me for what's gone on. They

don't say so much in words, but I know what they think and I know they

blame me for the dire financial situation we're in. They are forking

out the money for a replacement car, but it is clear to me that they

don't wish to involve me so I am keeping well out of it. It is there

money and until we can pay them back - which won't be until April at

present - it will be their car. I don't even want to drive it. It's

purpose is to get my wife to and from work. I will somehow find a way

to manage with the bus. It does run to here even though we're remote

but it's one of those services you need to book well in advance. It

doesn't run to any kind of timetable but it is supposed to meet the

main services to Spalding and King's Lynn. I really don't mind using it

provided I don't end up stranded anywhere for too long.

All this has sent me into a major bout of depression, the worst I have

known in a long time. I lack energy and enthusiasm and in the evenings

I just want to go to bed. I also lack any appetite for food and frankly

typing this has taken every ounce of my will power.

I called my Mum last night to tell her the car would be going this

evening. It means that she too will have to rely entirely on the bus

service as I used to see her on a Friday and take her into town every

Saturday morning. I also won't be able to visit my dear friend to help

with his model railway layout. This has always been my escape and

refuge from the stresses and strains of life currently. It was a place

where I could think and feel almost free from everything. They'll

understand I'm sure.

I will certainly be steering well clear of my in-laws. I was to have

gone with them tonight to hand over the car, but I really don't feel

like being anywhere near them. I know what they think and how they feel

about me. The way they are with me speaks volumes and I just wish so

much to be able to tell them all where to go. They have absolutely no

understanding of what I've been through, and continue to have to deal

with on a near daily basis. They will never understand and will remain

ignorant. I just wish that some kind of good fortune would come our way

so we can no longer have to be dependent on others, especially them. I

hate the fact that we've had to borrow money from them. I really hate

it. Something has to change.

Where do I want to be?

I want to wake in the morning looking forward to the day ahead. I will get ready, don my uniform, grab some breakfast and bid farewell to my wife and son. I will drive to the depot, park the car and collect my running sheet from the office. I will bid a good morning to the others and find my bus. It's had a wash and looks great. The inside has been vacuumed and the washer fluid filled. I carry out my safety checks. It has a full tank of diesel. I enter my bus, putting my bag in the cab and starting the engine. I change the destination and wait for the air pressure to build and the light change from red to green. I feel the bus rise as the suspension levels. We're ready to go. I close the door and I'm off. I run empty to my first stop where I see my regular early morning passengers. They bid me a good morning and I return the compliment. They sit in their usual seats. I drive on picking up people I recognise and those I don't. They are all different, some heading to the shops, some heading to the factory or to see family and others off to catch a train. I may see them later, I may not. But I will see them again - my regulars. The day sails past, just like empty stops. As my shift nears its end, my bus slowly empties as I near my final stop. I'm on-time. I change the display to 'Not In Service' and drive to the depot. I park the bus ready for it to be cleaned and serviced for the following day and take the day's takings into the office with my Wayfarer ticket machine to be tallied-up. I bid a farewell the office staff and head home where my son is waiting for me. He has a new toy he's pushing round the lounge floor - a bus... I look at him and smile.