Back in the Saddle & Other Stuff

A bright Sunday morning and a positive feeling to the day. A real wrench from my slumbers this morning and Mirtazapine induced dreams. Deep dreams where all things are possible and where people and feelings are so real. It's a difficult thing to describe unless you've been there. My wife resents the fact that I get to sleep more than her. Our son has her up at around 6am and I know she wants to pull me from my bed but she knows that I do more than just sleep, it's more like a semi-coma. To forcibly remove me from this will often result in the onset of a deep low for the rest of the day. I hate this but that's the way it is. I'm much better if I'm allowed to make the step from my fantasy world to the real world myself. That's the way things are and as long as my doctor prescribes it, that's the way it will be for some time to come I suspect.
In my not-so-private life lately, the time came to confront our bank and go cap in hand to our local branch int he hope they would allow us drastically reduced payments toward our mortgage. My wife came with me despite the fact everything is in my name. We both felt like 'lambs to the slaughter' as we approached the bank and took a seat in the waiting area. I sat there wondering if the people wandering in and out had similar problems. I wondered if they were comfortably well off or had recently won the lottery. I sat there creating imaginary worlds for each person I saw. We both sat for some time feeling like common criminals with our dirty little secret. We didn't speak much, apart from remarking to each other how sweaty our palms had become.
To cut a long appointment short (it lasted over an hour), we were met with more sympathy than I thought we would be. In fact the advisor we met with was very understanding and very helpful, in fact credit to her for putting us at ease and for helping us come to a suitable arrangement. We're paying less than required, a lot less, but there's no other option. I think they could see that. They could also see that to anything else would cause considerable distress and probably make my illness worse than it is. It's a three month arrangement and of course can't go on indefinitely as we're paying nothing off the amount we owe. But it's salvation and for that I'm glad and grateful for their help, something I never thought I would be saying about a British bank in these times.
Something I am looking into is a rather large pension fund I'm sitting on. It's a pension I started paying into when I began working and it contains enough money to pay our mortgage or sort out the small mound of debt we have. Normally I wouldn't be able o do a thing with it until I am 55 but there may be a way of transferring the fund to our bank and in doing so may be able to use the fund to help us with our current problems. I've no idea if this is possible but we're going to seek some independent advice. I don't hold out much hope but it seems ridiculous that I'm sitting on a large pot of money and we owe money, but life is never this simple is it.

The problems in Syria are ongoing with more reports of atrocities and mindless violence. It really does seem to be turning into a repeat of the Kosovo crisis and the inactivity on the part of the UN and International Community to do anything to stop it. One glimmer of hope is the visit by Kofi Anan though I'll be surprised if this makes any difference to the mindset of those hell bent on perpetrating crimes against their own people.

Remaining on the international stage, I see that Putin has been re-elected President of Russia. No one should be surprised at this, it was a foregone conclusion and frankly any amount of voting wouldn't have affected the outcome.

I have another application to complete. It's for a council position and as they're not looking for any specific skills or experience, I've decided to go for it. It's one of those council-generated forms where you don't send your CV but essentially replicate it and explain why you feel you're suitable for the job. I much prefer sending my CV and a covering letter, but that's the way they want to do things. Again I hold out little hope given the current job climate. I was though delighted to hear that my sister has landed a job at a nearby hospital. It's only part time but it's something and I'm sure she'll do very well. In addition, she's always got something wrong with her so she'll be working in the right place!

I've re-discovered podcasting this week. Iain Lee produces a weekly podcast called 'The Pocket Radio Show' which I am finding very entertaining. Iain used to broadcast on Absolute Radio and has been on TV for many years. I've also started listening to Bayley's Banter, another podcast from an Australian who audio-blogs his daily life. And of course I continue to listen to Richard Vobes, the grand master of them all who has been podcasting for as long as I can remember.

I need to start work in the garden and I simply cannot put it off any longer. I have a load of pots that used to have things growing in them. There's now some kind of green fungi. I'm sure I have some onions and garlic somewhere too. My father gave me a load of seed this morning for various herbs and tomatoes so I'll try to get some of these planted today. I also have some hot peppers which I'll try to grow in the conservatory. I failed abysmally last year - perhaps I was too late.

It's a year on from the disaster in Japan and it feels like only yesterday that we witnessed the horrific scenes of whole towns being swept away on a huge tsunami and the worst nuclear disaster since Chernobyl. I wonder if anything so massive had befallen us here in the UK whether we would have coped so well.

It was good to see my sister and her family earlier today. We don't see enough of each other and it was great that our son was able to stay and play for a few hours. I'm going to attempt some more of that job application now. I simply have to be in the right frame of mind and 'in the zone' if I'm going to make a good job if it. There's no rush to get it submitted as the deadline is 26th March but I'm keen to get if done this week.

Right, blog updated. I'll update as things come to mind.

Bailed Out

Everyone seems to be bailing out someone or something. It's become the phrase of the moment - bailout. First the banks were bailed out, an act required to prevent an economic crisis here in the UK. Northern Rock was the first and our memories are of customers queueing for hours on end to withdraw their savings fearing they would be lost. Then of course it was the bigger banks, Lloyds and famously RBS which, questionably, form part of the country's foundations.
In Europe, we hear about Greece being bailed-out by the European Central Bank and being lent obscene amounts of money in the mistaken hope that it will all one day be paid back. A similar fate awaits Spain and Portugal.
Nearer to home and I hear from my friends that they have had to bailout their son who has been served a huge solicitor's bill for a short consultation and a handful of letters. This is money he simply doesn't have and once again his parents come to his aid, bailing him out and putting pay to any prospect of a threatened 8% interest charge.
And then there's myself and I've forgotten how many times over the last year or so when I've had to be bailed out. The latest bailout was courtesy of my in-laws who lent us the money for a new car.
It seems that wherever we look, people and companies are being bailed out. I suppose you could argue that it is in fact rescue, saving people, organisations and even countries from a fate worse than debt. But surely any bailout is simply delaying the inevitable. Or is the alternative so bad to contemplate that to not bail out would itself be deemed wreckless?
My own doctor's opinion is to simply accept that there are people all around us prepared to help, to bail us out. This was his response to my recent plight, to simply accept the fact that I couldn't do anything about it and accept charity from whatever source possible. The fact that it made me feel bad to have to go cap in hand to people wasn't important. It was help and it simply had to be accepted.
I fear that recent events both nationally and internationally will eventually give rise to a feeling generally that no matter the problem, there is always the option of a bailout. Will this make people less responsible as a result and are our children to learn that debt needn't be such a problem? I learnt things the hard way. I had a very good salary and became complacent, not having to worry about bills and direct debits. They just got paid each and every month. I also borrowed and thought nothing about paying it all back or the consequences of paying just a little each month. But I was lucky, I chose to insure everything and little did I know back then just how important that monthly premium payment would be. But although I fell ill, I don't absolve myself of my errors. I made huge mistakes and had a childlike attitude towards money. I knew very little about how credit actually worked and chose to live for too long beyond my means. But it can't go on forever and when your income stops, not only do you have to worry about the day to day things, there's the money you've borrowed also.
If anything, I regret not learning more about money at school. The reality was that this was never taught to us. The closest we came to understanding money was by selling jacket potatoes during break times and using our profits to buy more potatoes.
At least now I have the opportunity to ensure that my own son doesn't grow up with a similar lack of appreciation for money, credit and debt. I know what it's like when it all goes wrong. Of course he's oblivious to it all at the moment, and that's the way it should be. He's too young to understand. But before he's able to borrow and manage money of his own, there are lessons I will definitely share with him. I just hope that greater awareness can help him avoid similar mistakes.

Comfort Zones

The first part of this month has certainly been manic. Europe seems to be slowly destroying itself, Occupy London protestors have setup camp at St Paul's Cathedral, the economy of this country and many others are stagnating and we saw a devastating accident on the M5 motorway which claimed the lives of seven people. The economic catastrophe is one that closely mirrors my own. I am in debt and heading for financial ruin if nothing changes in the next few months. I wonder like many if the economies of Europe will ever recover. All we seem to read about is how much debt each country is in and how much more money they are borrowing to pay it off. But surely it is exactly the same as me using a credit card to pay off my debt. All it amounts to is moving debt from one place to another. It never gets paid off, it just gets worse. So what a mess and what needs to be done? Have the Occupy London protestors got it right? Is capitalism a failed system? The richer get richer and the poorer get poorer. How much longer can we go on like this and how much more can people stand before they start looking for a way out? Isn't this how radical political groups seize power? There seems absolutley no alternative but to begin looking for something different and I echo some of the things I have heard from those protesting in London. Maybe they are right.
As we approach Christmas, the pressure increases. There is enormous financial pressure this year on families up and down the land. If we are in any way typical of a UK family then I extend my sympathy and more importantly my empathy. People are looking for cheaper alternatives, ways to make the pound in their pocket go further than ever and to settle for second best. I know this as the things we have on eBay are selling. In the past we have struggled to attract any level of interest. Now, things are different. People are desperate and probably like me wonder what the future holds. I am frankly fearful of where we are heading. When your dreams are constantly better than reality, you know things are bad. The waking up each morning and the realisation that reality really is that bad. It's not good. I worry for my son. What will things be like for him and can I tell him with any confidence that he has a wonderful future ahead of him? The truth is I cannot. I would be misleading him. Luckily he's not old enough to know what's going on around him. We put on a brave face and try to act as if nothing's wrong. He'll have a marvellous Christmas and he'll get all the toys he's asked for. This year, it's all about him and so it should be.
So where do comfort zones come in? Well I am out of my comfort zone and I guess this is true also for many thousands of people. The feeling of knowing that I have £10 or £20 in my wallet, that the bills are all taken care of and that this will be home next year, all things that provide comfort and security. That is no more and I think it's fair to say that no one really feels as secure as they did a year ago. Many are wondering (and worrying) if they will have their job next year. The people providing those jobs are wondering of they can continue paying salaries and offering wage increases.
So I, the people I know and the family of Europe are all out of the comfort zone. The question has to be not how long it will last but how long can it last...
Better news next time?

The CAB

It's comforting to know that when life throws up problems, there are people out there to help. I'm referring of course to the Citizen's Advice Bureau. I am in a good position to praise them - I've called upon their help, more than once in fact and I was there earlier today with my wife. We needed help with a debt plan. Of course, it isn't a completely stress free experience. You have to lay yourself bare and be honest about everything. Your income and outgoings are scrutinised so there can be no hiding anything. But it's all worth it. They are helpful, they listen, they are sympathetic and they do not judge. They see thousands of people each year who are in financial difficulty, many worse than us. We were told this, of a client who has a mortage three times the size of ours. Ours is £111,000... Of course it's not over, it won't be for a long time. We have a lot to pay back but we have to justify what we can afford to pay our creditors and that's the purpose of the CAB in helping to draft a new financial statement.
So, to anyone out there needing help, I say turn to your local CAB. You're not alone and they really help.