Not with My Back & Musings on a Tuesday

With every bout of gardening or more rarely, decorating, comes the inevitable bad back. I've suffered with it for years and despite this I continue to push it to its limit and beyond. Today I am paying the price for my over-exertion. It's always the same - a day's gardening and a week's suffering and recovery. For anyone who doesn't suffer, it's difficult to understand. My wife is sympathetic as I groan and wince with every movement. But it's impossible to describe pain. You just learn to live with it and accept it as another limitation, which I do.

Like many, I have been appalled by the recent senseless loss of life in Afghanistan. Of course I refer to to the reported losses though I'm fully aware that there are countless numbers being lost on a daily basis, many of whom are innocent and literally the victims of ill-judged foreign policy. I don't really do politics, I don't have the time and frankly causes so much division in society. Instead, I remark on what I see as a failed mission for which its justification changes on a near daily basis. The longer we keep our people there, the more of them will sadly be lost, never to return to their families.
There is much talk currently regarding the gun-ho attitude of US troops and the atrocities committed by them in the name of 'American values'. Linked to this is the 'special relationship' we here in the UK are supposed to support and be proud of. I for one am beginning to question this relationship and wonder how much longer we can go on justifying it.

I attended my support group meeting earlier today. The talk was varied as normal but was more downbeat, covering such topics as financial hardship, benefit payments and employment support allowance. We also discovered that one of our members is a sufferer of IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome). It took great courage for her to open up to the group and I wonder if her tears were in part caused by the relief she must have felt in being able to discuss it. Just like depression, IBS is another illness that's been dragged into the open and is finally being discussed and better understood. I did also discover that a woman I had previously seen on many occasions driving erratically is in fact her.
Another of our members informed us that following a recent assessment of their illness, their employment support allowance is to be withdrawn forcing her to seek employment. Having spent some time in her company, I am in no doubt of her inability to work and fear that she is yet another victim of failed government health policy and unfair assessment.
Today was certainly a day of discovery. I informed the group of my visit to the bank and its outcome which I suppose could be called progress of sorts. After all, we still have our home.
The journey home was uneventful apart from finding that the car direction indicators stop after so many seconds use. I noticed this at a junction while I waited to turn left. The same seemed to happen when turning right. I suspect it may be a relay - the thing that does the tick-tick-tick sound. Sometimes these get hot and wear out. I remember having a similar problem with an old Volvo.
I stopped off at my parents on the way home. I'd received a couple of letters from Eon for their electricity incorrectly addressed to me. They've been doing this for a long time despite numerous requests to fix it. Once again I was met with a locked door and having to rouse them by repeatedly pressing the doorbell until one of them heard it. This does much to rile me and this was evident when I finally arrived home.

Weather today has been miserable, a blanket of grey and damp. I really had hoped to be able to spend some more time organising my plants for the Spring, but it wasn't to be sadly. Maybe tomorrow will be more conducive.

Finally for now, there could be no better advertisement for gay marriage (for which I am a supporter) than the site on the TV news today of David Cameron and Barrack Obama walking almost hand in hand toward the Whitehouse, jackets slung over their shoulders.

Back in the Saddle & Other Stuff

A bright Sunday morning and a positive feeling to the day. A real wrench from my slumbers this morning and Mirtazapine induced dreams. Deep dreams where all things are possible and where people and feelings are so real. It's a difficult thing to describe unless you've been there. My wife resents the fact that I get to sleep more than her. Our son has her up at around 6am and I know she wants to pull me from my bed but she knows that I do more than just sleep, it's more like a semi-coma. To forcibly remove me from this will often result in the onset of a deep low for the rest of the day. I hate this but that's the way it is. I'm much better if I'm allowed to make the step from my fantasy world to the real world myself. That's the way things are and as long as my doctor prescribes it, that's the way it will be for some time to come I suspect.
In my not-so-private life lately, the time came to confront our bank and go cap in hand to our local branch int he hope they would allow us drastically reduced payments toward our mortgage. My wife came with me despite the fact everything is in my name. We both felt like 'lambs to the slaughter' as we approached the bank and took a seat in the waiting area. I sat there wondering if the people wandering in and out had similar problems. I wondered if they were comfortably well off or had recently won the lottery. I sat there creating imaginary worlds for each person I saw. We both sat for some time feeling like common criminals with our dirty little secret. We didn't speak much, apart from remarking to each other how sweaty our palms had become.
To cut a long appointment short (it lasted over an hour), we were met with more sympathy than I thought we would be. In fact the advisor we met with was very understanding and very helpful, in fact credit to her for putting us at ease and for helping us come to a suitable arrangement. We're paying less than required, a lot less, but there's no other option. I think they could see that. They could also see that to anything else would cause considerable distress and probably make my illness worse than it is. It's a three month arrangement and of course can't go on indefinitely as we're paying nothing off the amount we owe. But it's salvation and for that I'm glad and grateful for their help, something I never thought I would be saying about a British bank in these times.
Something I am looking into is a rather large pension fund I'm sitting on. It's a pension I started paying into when I began working and it contains enough money to pay our mortgage or sort out the small mound of debt we have. Normally I wouldn't be able o do a thing with it until I am 55 but there may be a way of transferring the fund to our bank and in doing so may be able to use the fund to help us with our current problems. I've no idea if this is possible but we're going to seek some independent advice. I don't hold out much hope but it seems ridiculous that I'm sitting on a large pot of money and we owe money, but life is never this simple is it.

The problems in Syria are ongoing with more reports of atrocities and mindless violence. It really does seem to be turning into a repeat of the Kosovo crisis and the inactivity on the part of the UN and International Community to do anything to stop it. One glimmer of hope is the visit by Kofi Anan though I'll be surprised if this makes any difference to the mindset of those hell bent on perpetrating crimes against their own people.

Remaining on the international stage, I see that Putin has been re-elected President of Russia. No one should be surprised at this, it was a foregone conclusion and frankly any amount of voting wouldn't have affected the outcome.

I have another application to complete. It's for a council position and as they're not looking for any specific skills or experience, I've decided to go for it. It's one of those council-generated forms where you don't send your CV but essentially replicate it and explain why you feel you're suitable for the job. I much prefer sending my CV and a covering letter, but that's the way they want to do things. Again I hold out little hope given the current job climate. I was though delighted to hear that my sister has landed a job at a nearby hospital. It's only part time but it's something and I'm sure she'll do very well. In addition, she's always got something wrong with her so she'll be working in the right place!

I've re-discovered podcasting this week. Iain Lee produces a weekly podcast called 'The Pocket Radio Show' which I am finding very entertaining. Iain used to broadcast on Absolute Radio and has been on TV for many years. I've also started listening to Bayley's Banter, another podcast from an Australian who audio-blogs his daily life. And of course I continue to listen to Richard Vobes, the grand master of them all who has been podcasting for as long as I can remember.

I need to start work in the garden and I simply cannot put it off any longer. I have a load of pots that used to have things growing in them. There's now some kind of green fungi. I'm sure I have some onions and garlic somewhere too. My father gave me a load of seed this morning for various herbs and tomatoes so I'll try to get some of these planted today. I also have some hot peppers which I'll try to grow in the conservatory. I failed abysmally last year - perhaps I was too late.

It's a year on from the disaster in Japan and it feels like only yesterday that we witnessed the horrific scenes of whole towns being swept away on a huge tsunami and the worst nuclear disaster since Chernobyl. I wonder if anything so massive had befallen us here in the UK whether we would have coped so well.

It was good to see my sister and her family earlier today. We don't see enough of each other and it was great that our son was able to stay and play for a few hours. I'm going to attempt some more of that job application now. I simply have to be in the right frame of mind and 'in the zone' if I'm going to make a good job if it. There's no rush to get it submitted as the deadline is 26th March but I'm keen to get if done this week.

Right, blog updated. I'll update as things come to mind.

Planting

I've spent the last couple of days planting some of my seedlings in my vegetable plot. I've planted cucumbers, carrots, spinach, radish, lettuce and French beans. I've opted for neat rows but I was surprised at how quickly my little plot became full. I've left a small patch for me to stand on and just enough between each row for access when watering.
I made a huge mistake with my carrots, having grown the seedlings in trays. Transplanting them into the ground was very difficult and Ill be surprised if many, if any at all, have survived the ordeal. Next time, I will take my father's advice and plant straight into the ground.

A visit to my parents enabled me to gleen some invaluable advice from my father and a new supply of seeds ensuring a diverse crop in the coming months. The most exciting seeds I have are mixed chilli. I have always wanted to have a go at growing these and I'm hopeful they will grow well. My conservatory will provide the ideal climate as it already is for my herbs, all of which are growing very well.

Once they are large enough, I will be transplanting some of my herbs to a border location. Thyme is an ideal herb for border and rock planting though it can take a year to fully mature.

Of all my plants, I worry the most about my honeydew watermelon. They are still growing in their own propagator though they are now too tall for the lid to be put back on. I am keen to transplant these to a growbag or suitable trough as soon as I can, but they will need to remain in the conservatory to ensure the correct climate is maintained.

I forgot to mention that I've also planted some spring onion seeds. I've used a large decicated pot and though it's not the ideal time to grow from seeds, I'm assured they should still do well.

So, things are really starting to take off. I'm really enjoying the time I spend tending my vegetable plot and I'm beginning to understand why gardening and home growing is such a passion for so many. I just wish I had paid more attention to my father when I was young, during those long summer days spent on his allotment.
Oh well, better late than ever... I have a feeling he's secretly quite proud of my belated intersest in home growing. I hope I'm able someday to show him something I've grown.

Sunday update - Vlogs

I like blogging. It's a way for me to keep a record of the things I do and the things I think about. I also like v-logging but I really don't find it very easy to do. I'm a big fan of v-logs and watch several channels on YouTube run by everyday folk. They are interesting and it's possible to learn so much from them. The problem I have is that I'm not really any good at expressing myself on a video as I am here in text. I like making videos, particularly about my meagre efforts at self-sufficiency and of course my model railway hobby. I just don't like to see or hear myself in them. I suppose I'm a bit of a perfectionist. If I'm reading from a cue then that's fine, I'm quite comfortable with that, but freestyle and I'm all over the place. I suppose practice could possibly make perfect but I'm too impatient for that. I have tried reading from a cue - it works provided you like your videos very documentary-style. The thing about the videos I have seen posted on YouTube is the ease in which they've been made and the rapport between the 'presenter' and the camera. Maybe I should just practice some more...
Another important factor in all this is that the v-logs I watch are made by people who live alone. They also have very few distractions around them. Maybe that's where I'm 'going wrong'. I have family around me - my wife and son. We have a dog too but she doesn't get in the way at all and is probably used by now to hearing me talking to myself...
A channel on YouTube I'm enjoying a lot is 'rickvanman'. There are hundreds of videos on a range of interesting topics and they are made by a guy who some years ago decided to ditch his humdrum factory job for the life he now enjoys. It's well worth a look. It did take me a while to understand what this guy was all about but I think I now understand him and appreciate his videos all the more for it.
I'd really like to start looking seriously at expanding my self-sufficiency project and seeing if it's possible to grow some other vegetables. Cucumbers certainly interest me as do onions so I may look into starting these relatively soon.

My tomato plants have really shot up in the last week. There are new shoots, leaves and firmer looking stalks. A couple of the plants have also begun to flower which I'm really pleased about. There's an area of the garden I've been told by my wife I may be able to dig over for planting. Ideally I would really like to construct a large frame which I could then cover with plastic. We'll see. The ground will be challenge enough and a lot will depend on the quality of the soil.