Thoughts on Last Week

Last week was for me pretty amazing. At the beginning of the week, during one of our group sessions, a member of the group asked if I could spare ten minutes and drove me off to a remote part of Spalding. I had absolutely no idea where I was being taken or for what purpose other than the fact that I was going to be shown something incredible. We pulled into a yard which consisted of a couple of barns, a stable and some stacks of farm pallets. I was led between the pallets and there looking rather sorry for itself and a little weather beaten was a double decker bus - a Leyland Olympian to be exact - as I know my buses. I was shown around the bus and I was told that the bus belonged to our group member and friend and that he wanted to donate it to the group and he wanted me to look after it and get it back on the road. Well, it has been some time since I was really shocked and lost for words but on this occasion, I was absolutely dumbfounded. When I think of how long I have wanted a bus to work on, to restore and to get back on the road, and a person we have helped through our support group has in effect given us a bus - just like that - to be honest I must have experienced some of the feelings and emotions that occur when the lottery jackpot is won. Just looking round the bus, I could see its potential straight away. OK it needs some TLC and the paintwork (adhesive vinyl) needs to be removed. I was told the inside has been completed to a very high standard and was used as an exhibition and training vehicle. I was keen to see the inside, but our friend hadn't brought the keys with him but promised he would do so on Thursday when we would next meet.
I couldn't wait, and the bus was on my mind constantly until Thursday afternoon, when after our group meeting, he took myself and our group treasurer to see the bus again - and this time he had brought the keys.

Stepping inside was like entering the Tardis. In fact, once inside you wouldn't know you were in a bus for the quality of the fittings and workmanship is nothing short of excellent. Everything has been thought of and provided right down to a kitchen area complete with fridge, sink, storage, toilet and numerous power points all round. Upstairs is fitted to a class room standard complete with work benches all round and power points for multiple laptops. There is air conditioning upstairs and down and an emergency hatch built in to the floor, ideal for getting equipment to the upper deck. In the front of the bus on the top deck, there is a small office big enough to seat two people with desk space and room for filing and storage.

Every section of the bus is separated by a fire door with a round window and roller blind - for they've thought of everything.
The bus is equipped with its own fresh water supply courtesy of an on-board water tank expertly hidden under the staircase and it has its own diesel generator hidden in the front of the bus where the entrance would normally be - capable of running two average sized homes. There is even a disabled lift to bring wheelchair users on to the bus and an awning for those hot summer days.
Again, I was dumbstruck but this time I became quite emotional as I found it impossible to express my feelings in words. Our treasurer who had accompanied me was also quite emotional and knowing how much I have longed for my own bus, she too had a sense of how I was feeling. I really was thinking that I would wake at any moment from one of my Utopian dreams and that it would all have been a fantasy.
As reality began to sink in, it was obvious that the bus could be used for a variety of different projects and could even earn us some money if we were able to get it to a state whereby it could be hired out.
We left the bus feeling a little numb, the sort of feeling you get when you step off a fast fairground ride. Before we left, I was given the key to the bus. I was told that I should make a copy and that from this day forward, I would be responsible for the bus, all works undertaken and its primary driver.
We bid a more than grateful farewell to our friend and drove home, still in shock and unable to fully comprehend what we had just seen and heard.
Since Thursday, the bus has been on my mind and the enormity of the project has me wondering just how on earth we will do everything that's needed to get her on the road again. I did yesterday take my wife and son to see the bus. My son now has a real bus to play with in the Summer Holiday and my wife has just been very quiet. Today we attended the Peterborough Bus Rally and seeing all the buses there, each of them an individual restoration project, has made me all the more determined to see our bus on the road, repainted and looking like new. I have set myself a goal of getting the bus ready for next year's rally when I will be entering it. I have longed for the day when I would be able to drive my own bus to a rally and exhibit it and events have always got in the way or made it simply impossible. Perhaps now, it can be a reality.
I have set up a new blog for everything bus-related. Here you can follow my progress in getting the bus fully restored and back on the road. You can find it at http://ourbusproject.blogspot.com

Last week was also significant due to a visit to our group by Charles Cooke of Lincolnshire CDA, and fellow Shine Ambassador. Charles was interested in finding out all he could about the group and we discussed a variety of different topics including funding, a possible gardening project and potential sponsors for our bus project. We were grateful to Charles for his time.

A committee meeting for the Ivo Centre, where we hold our group meetings, was held Wednesday evening and this was an excellent opportunity to network and to discuss a broad range of issues with other committee members. There are some exciting plans for the building, which if they materialise, could turn the place from a 'day centre' to a training and resource centre.
It was also very nice to be thanked by the Chairman and other committee members for the AV system we have installed for the use of everyone. I felt really proud for having set out to achieve something, achieving it and for being able to give something back.

It was certainly a week I won't forget...

Foraging for Vinyl Gems and a Truly Private Record

It's nearly a week since my last post and I would like to be able to say that something significant has happened in the past week. I'm afraid there hasn't, apart from the transition from January to February.
Group has been very poorly attended this week and I worry that if we are successful in our funding bid, we will have insufficient numbers to justify the money we have requested. We are really going to have to look at increasing our numbers somehow though I'm aware there are members of the Group who are uncomfortable with new people joining. I can understand this. It has taken them time to build the trust and confidence to feel able to discuss anything they wish in a secure environment. When new people join the group, there is a tendency for members to become reserved and reticent to discuss things openly.
There is a lack of energy generally at the moment. Group meetings have been quite downbeat and moods have been lower than normal. I too have felt this and it is becoming increasingly difficult to raise any enthusiasm for tasks. My writing is the only thing that really keeps me afloat, besides my music of course which can certainly influence mood. I feels almost as if the January 'blues' are a little late this year. Weather may be a factor. Whilst we had the snow, there was something interesting happening. We now seem to be in a bit of a lull but there is severe weather forecast for next week which threatens a return of the snowy conditions of last month. I suspect in a week or two, I will feel different.
I wouldn't normally be here on a Saturday afternoon. I'm normally to be found at my dear friends Roy and Jan. I'm suffering again with my back today having strained it sifting through some records in a second hand shop this morning. It has the effect of lowering my mood so I've taken the precaution of staying at home this afternoon and have sent my apologies via email.
My rummage through the second hand shops this morning unearthed a number of vinyl gems among them a twin LP set of Bob Newhart and a 'Joe Loss Plays Glen Miller' LP. Others were of popular music from the 70's and early 80's. In one of the shops, there were so many records there simply wasn't the time to go through them all and frankly I would have crippled myself if I had attempted to. Instead, I left some boxes and shelves for the following week having taken note of a Tijuana Brass box set featuring Herb Alpert destined to join my collection in week's time. So all in all, a very successful morning.

I'm making good use of my typewriter. I have decided to begin keeping a 'paper' diary. I've never really been very fond of writing and I have always preferred to type. Since I have a nice 'new' Imperial 80 typewriter, I have decided to use it for the purpose of typing my diary. The reason for doing so is so that I can leave something physical for whoever is interested when the time eventually comes. I know my blog and other digital musings and ditties will drift around Cyberspace for the rest of time but it is nice to have something that is really 'private' and that no one else will see until the day it is discovered. In this digital age, it really is difficult and almost impossible to label something as 'private', but I know that with my paper diary, I can, and that is hugely reassuring.

Still the Rain Falls - Mid-Week Update

It is still raining and there is no sign of it letting-up, except for a brief glimpse of the sun now and then. It is raining as I type this. Everything I can use as a container in the garden is now full of rainwater. My water butt is overflowing and as soon as I empty something to water my plants, it fills straight back up again. I'm by no means moaning, but I do find it slightly ironic given the fact that it wasn't so many days ago that we were beginning to panic and worry about water restrictions and a prolonged drought.

I have spent a worrying amount of time following the Levison Enquiry on TV. They have been questioning James and Rupert Murdoch in light of the phone hacking scandal and press ethics. One advantage of being a 'stay at home' dad is that I get to watch things like this. Though to be honest, if I was at work, I would be stealing myself away to watch TV via the Internet. I do find these things fascinating and I am grateful we live in an open society where these things are public. It wasn't so long ago that inquiries such as this would have been conducted behind closed doors.

I have a little job. My mother-in-law is giving me a laptop to repair. It belongs to one of her work colleagues and it sounds as if the keyboard has become damaged as some of the keys have stopped working. I'm pretty confident I'll be able to fix it. I'll remove the keyboard and remove any liquids and give it a thoroughly good clean. I do enjoy things like that, fixing faults and getting things working again. It was pretty much all I did with my little company a few years ago. The problem was two fold - I didn't charge enough and what I did charge, people didn't want to pay. So in the end, it was costing me money so I had to stop doing it. Shame really as I did enjoy working for myself.

My father had his dressings removed from his face and neck on Monday. He also received the 'all clear' meaning they had removed everything they needed to. He has been told to exercise extreme care from now on and told that on no account should he spend any time in direct sunlight. This is a shock. He loves the sun and always has, perhaps a little too much. He spends all of his spare time in his garden and it shows. Nothing will change this, but he must heed advice and cover up. He's had a scare, we all have, and he must follow the advice he has been given.

My wife is at home today. She woke up feeling poorly and I called her boss to let her know this morning. It's quite unusual for my wife to have any time off work. She's normally very healthy, despite suffering with Asthma. Tiredness is perhaps her main problem, which is no wonder given the hours each week she spends on her feet. She seldom ever gets time for lunch or even a coffee break. It's rather odd to have her at home. I am conscious of her being here and I do feel a little as if I'm under her watchful gaze, eager to know what I get up to when she's not about. The truth is, I actually get up to very little. I try to keep to a routine - breakfast, job hunt, lunch etc. I've pretty much kept to this routine punctuated by frequent checks to see how my wife is feeling and whether I can bring her a cup of tea.

I have given some thought as to whether I can sustain both a written and spoken blog. The truth is that I do find the addition of a daily audio journal very difficult to maintain and wonder whether a weekly version would be more appropriate. The main problem is committing to a regular schedule of recording the journal, particularly when I need to take about 10-15 minutes out of each day alone with my recorder. This is frequently easier said than done. A written journal provides the ability to record my thoughts more easily I feel and without the same level of fuss.

I have a joke. I don't take the credit for it as I stumbled across it on Twitter. It goes like this;
'I bought a dog from an Ironmonger the other day. As soon as I got it home, it made a bolt for the door. '

I'll get my coat...

Optimism

Firstly, I am glad that I can type. I am glad that I can spell and that I have the confidence to put my thoughts into words. I've been able to do this since I was very young. I had a typewriter from a very young age and very quickly learnt how to use it. By the time I reached my mid-teens, I had an electronic typewriter and soon after that a very basic (by today's standards) word processor. For all my life, I have never been too far from a keyboard and to do so would most probably cause me to have another breakdown. The keyboard is my output and a vessel by which my thoughts pour like water onto a page. A lot of what I type, particularly here in my blog, I don't talk about openly. People around me tend to go about their lives either oblivious to what's going on around them or prefer to keep their thoughts or worries to themselves. This is fine, they have more important things to think about. I don't request an audience. I consider myself fortunate if anyone else finds my thoughts the remotest bit interesting. My blog is my way of recording my thoughts, and I hope that sometime in the future, by way of it, my son will better understand his father.

I was asked recently whether I am optimistic, about anything. I quickly replied that I am not. In fact I see no future beyond the next day. Of course the reason for this primarily is my financial situation and not knowing where we will be in a month or two from now. But in general, I do find myself fearing for the future - especially for my son and other young people. On the one side, there is the worsening economic situation and the worry as to whether there will be jobs for everyone or whether people who are lucky enough to work can afford housing. On the other side, there is what I see as a worrying escalation in conflict around the world and where the current disputes might lead.
I do think it is inevitable that we will see some form of military escalation in Iran and possibly Syria. I of course would prefer a diplomatic outcome but with each day that passes I think this becomes less likely. The involvement of China and Russia and their opposition to a military response in Iran or Syria will I think send us down one of two paths. The first would be for the Western forces to back down faced with a possible Chinese or Russian military standoff or for the West to attack Iran and intervene in Syria and face the consequences. Some would argue that Russia is in fact supporting the Syrian regime's attack on its own people as they continue to supply arms in the face of mounting condemnation. The estimated $1 billion trade in arms is simply too valuable to Russia and they would not stand by and see this taken away from them.
As for China, there are already rumblings on the Internet that they are preparing for possible military conflict and despite knowing relatively little about their precise capabilities, it would be wrong to assume that their response would be anything but massive.
And then there's Israel and their apparent threat to be preparing an attack on Iran's nuclear facilities to take place in the coming months assuming the US don't do it first.
All of this makes for a very dangerous situation. The cost of oil has risen in recent days due to the embargo on Iranian crude oil exports and Iran's refusal to supply EU member states. The prospect of rising fuel costs on top of a weakening economic situation could have dire consequences here in the UK pushing living standards to a critical level.
I've always been very pessimistic, but the situation as I see it is one that is fast nearing crisis proportions. Unless a last minute solution can be found to the situation in Iran and Syria, then I fully expect to see a new Middle East conflict by the end of this year. The outcome of this conflict will depend ultimately on whether or not it could be contained. My guess is that it would not.
The coming months will be critical in deciding the path taken. Of course we have very little or no influence whatsoever on the outcome. We can only hope and pray that common sense will prevail coupled with a realisation that any fire lit in the Middle East would spread way beyond the borders of Iran and Syria.
2012 will certainly be a decisive year, whatever happens.

Journler... What Am I Doing Wrong?

I'm having real problems at the moment trying to update my blog using Journler on my Mac. I don't like having to be tied to the same computer and really like the Journler interface. Journler has a tool which is supposed to upload the journal entry to either Blogger or LiveJournal. It requires the account details - login and password - and the address of the blog. But each time I try to upload an entry it fails. I'm getting really frustrated with it now and I suspect that the newest version of Journler will solve the problem. The problem I have is that I'm running an old Mac OS so I'm restricted to certain older releases.
I don't suppose anyone out there is having the same problem, I Suspect I'm pretty unique in wanting to use an old Mac as well as PC and laptop...

A New Friend

A pretty good day. I had a support group meeting this morning. It was much more lively than normal and we were introduced to a new member of our group. I'm the only male member in the group but for me this isn't a problem. I'm quite comfortable whatever the setting. Our new member really did very well considering for her it was a major step forward. Things started off slow but the group leader soon managed to make her feel at ease and I think she eventually became quite comfortable with our informal and friendly banter. I'm sure over the weeks she will become more comfortable and feel able to contribute. It was really interesting to learn how the illness had affected her and how she had lived with it for most of her life.
It really struck me today how I seem to have become a regular fixture of the group and how for me it has formed an important and valuable event in my sparse weekly schedule.
We discussed various things today from benefits to blogs. I mentioned that I use a blog as a vent for my feelings, thoughts and concerns. I did say that I post semi-anonymously but anyone determined enough could easily locate it and associate it to me. Everyone seemed interested and I explained that it seemed to work for me, which it does. Of course some prefer to keep diaries, sometimes written. I've tried all sorts but I always had a problem ensuring I updated it daily and I do find the blog far easier to use and maintain. As well as being a very loose record of what I've done and what I think, it will someday assist me to remember things. It will also be useful for me son one day to find out about his father and perhaps understand gain an insight into things I would normally keep hidden. Maybe.