So sad it was to wake up this morning to the news that Robin Gibb of the Bee Gees had lost his fight against cancer. Once again, we have lost some very unique talent though we can take comfort in knowing that the music he produced has been recorded to be enjoyed for years to come. I wonder how many of us have been whistling or humming the tunes to some of their many tracks? I know I have.
RIP Robin.
I've been a little disjointed these last few days, busy trying to update my website and spending hours trying to fix a problem I have with the navigation bars. I'd rather not publish the site if part of it isn't working so it is down for maintenance until I manage to fix everything.
I'm hoping to hear something about my volunteering for the NHS in Spalding soon. In the meantime, I've applied for a new role that I discovered on the King's Lynn NHS website for an ambulance driver and carer. It involves driving disabled and vulnerable patients between the hospitals and home and providing basic care where required. There's a lot of training provided and the mix of driving and care would I think be very enjoyable. Early days of course but I'm as always hopeful.
Monday, 21 May 2012
Wednesday, 16 May 2012
The Call to the Bank
There is very little (besides spiders) that fills me with absolute dread, but today I had to call the bank. I woke this morning knowing I had to call the bank and frankly I've spent the entire day worrying about it. My wife left for work this morning without mentioning it and I must admit that part of me had hoped she had forgotten. But my hopes were to be in vain. My wife returned home from work at about 3pm this afternoon and immediately asked me if I had remembered to call the bank. I felt the colour rush out of my face and had all the feelings I last experienced just before a school exam or telling my maths teacher I hadn't done my homework. I knew it had to be done and there was no escaping it.
The call to the bank is to make a 'token' payment towards our mortgage arrears. Since I fell ill and lost my job, we have been unable to meet the payments though until recently we did have an insurance policy that paid the contracted amount each month. Sadly this was only for a limited period so we were faced with paying it ourselves. Being unable to pay the full amount, we negotiated a payment arrangement with the bank, who at the time were very understanding and dare I say it, synpathetic.
The amount we pay is nowhere near the full amount, not even half. Despite the arrangement being in place, I cannot help but feel guilt and anxiety. My mind fills with 'what if's' and thoughts of them being less unerstanding or demanding we pay the full amount. My biggest fear is that we are forced to sell the house, or have it reposessed. I really don't know how I would cope with that, if at all.
My wife placed the phone in front of me with the number I had to call. I should have done it there and then, but I couldn't instead finding things to tinker with on my website. This went on for a good half hour until I had thought through several times the likely course of events and every scenario possible. I decided I would try to bargain with them by offering my pension as security. There's certainly enough in it to cover the mortgage totally.
So with sweat beginning to form all over me and my heart beginning to race, I picked up the phone and called them. A familiar recorded voice giving me menu options finally directed me to a real person and I was asked for my role number in a strong Scottish accent. I read out the long number and I was then asked a series of mandatory security questions. I've done this so many times now, the answers just roll out. After a brief silence, I was told that my mortgage was in arrears and by how much. This bit I really hate. I don't want to hear how much I owe. I know it's a lot and I dearly wish I could pay it, but to be reminded is just so very painful.
I told the chap that I wanted to make a payment for the amount agreed in our arrangement. I gave my card details and scribbled down the authorisation code. I've never had to do anything with it, but I write it down every time as if I should.
I was then asked if my situation had changed. 'No, sadly not', was my reply. I did go on to say that I had volunteered at my local NHS Trust and was hoping tha in time this would perhaps materialise into something permanent and more importantly, paid. He made a note of this and he seemed to accept this as proof that I am trying to do something to get out of the hole I'm in. I felt a little better.
Next, he asked if he should set up another arrangement, to which I replied 'yes please'. Of course I want another arrangement - there's no way I can afford to pay the full monthly amount, or the arrears. He said he'd set up another three month arrangement and asked how much I could afford. I replied that it would need to be for the same amount. After all, it's all we can squeeze out of my wife's meager part time wage.
He asked if we were in debt to other creditors and I told him that we are but that the payments had been reduced in favour ensuring as much as possible could be paid toward the mortgage. He seemed to sound very sympathetic and again I felt a degree of reassurance.
He told me the arrangement had been set up and that I should pay the next amount by the 20th of next month, giving me an extra three days. I was grateful for this and thanked him for his help and understanding.
We said our goodbyes and hung up. It was done and I felt huge relief but also depressed at having had to call practically begging for help, and at having the whole sorry situation read out to me. It's a depression that hopefully won't last too long and the very thing that's prompted me to write this account. As I've said before, writing about my experiences and thoughts really seems to help. I suppose it's a way of venting some of what's festering inside and making me feel so bad.
I should feel relieved. I have negotiated us another three months. The arrangement will be reviewed in August, and thinking about this makes me realise just how quickly this year is passing. By then I really hope things will have changed. They have to. But despite the relief and the somewhat false feelings of security, I do wonder if things will ever get better. To call every three months is, in reality, an admission of failure. I've broken my agreement with the bank and failed to raise the necessary funds to balance my account with them. I know there are thousands, possibly millions of people in a similar position, and though this makes me feel that I'm not the only one, a name in bold red font in some debters ledger, I still feel alone in having to deal with it. That's why this blog is so important to me. It's a kind of sounding board, a way of expressing what I'm going through. That it is read by anyone is of no conseqence. It lets me translate my anxieties into words, and by doing so, makes me feel just that little bit better.
The call to the bank is to make a 'token' payment towards our mortgage arrears. Since I fell ill and lost my job, we have been unable to meet the payments though until recently we did have an insurance policy that paid the contracted amount each month. Sadly this was only for a limited period so we were faced with paying it ourselves. Being unable to pay the full amount, we negotiated a payment arrangement with the bank, who at the time were very understanding and dare I say it, synpathetic.
The amount we pay is nowhere near the full amount, not even half. Despite the arrangement being in place, I cannot help but feel guilt and anxiety. My mind fills with 'what if's' and thoughts of them being less unerstanding or demanding we pay the full amount. My biggest fear is that we are forced to sell the house, or have it reposessed. I really don't know how I would cope with that, if at all.
My wife placed the phone in front of me with the number I had to call. I should have done it there and then, but I couldn't instead finding things to tinker with on my website. This went on for a good half hour until I had thought through several times the likely course of events and every scenario possible. I decided I would try to bargain with them by offering my pension as security. There's certainly enough in it to cover the mortgage totally.
So with sweat beginning to form all over me and my heart beginning to race, I picked up the phone and called them. A familiar recorded voice giving me menu options finally directed me to a real person and I was asked for my role number in a strong Scottish accent. I read out the long number and I was then asked a series of mandatory security questions. I've done this so many times now, the answers just roll out. After a brief silence, I was told that my mortgage was in arrears and by how much. This bit I really hate. I don't want to hear how much I owe. I know it's a lot and I dearly wish I could pay it, but to be reminded is just so very painful.
I told the chap that I wanted to make a payment for the amount agreed in our arrangement. I gave my card details and scribbled down the authorisation code. I've never had to do anything with it, but I write it down every time as if I should.
I was then asked if my situation had changed. 'No, sadly not', was my reply. I did go on to say that I had volunteered at my local NHS Trust and was hoping tha in time this would perhaps materialise into something permanent and more importantly, paid. He made a note of this and he seemed to accept this as proof that I am trying to do something to get out of the hole I'm in. I felt a little better.
Next, he asked if he should set up another arrangement, to which I replied 'yes please'. Of course I want another arrangement - there's no way I can afford to pay the full monthly amount, or the arrears. He said he'd set up another three month arrangement and asked how much I could afford. I replied that it would need to be for the same amount. After all, it's all we can squeeze out of my wife's meager part time wage.
He asked if we were in debt to other creditors and I told him that we are but that the payments had been reduced in favour ensuring as much as possible could be paid toward the mortgage. He seemed to sound very sympathetic and again I felt a degree of reassurance.
He told me the arrangement had been set up and that I should pay the next amount by the 20th of next month, giving me an extra three days. I was grateful for this and thanked him for his help and understanding.
We said our goodbyes and hung up. It was done and I felt huge relief but also depressed at having had to call practically begging for help, and at having the whole sorry situation read out to me. It's a depression that hopefully won't last too long and the very thing that's prompted me to write this account. As I've said before, writing about my experiences and thoughts really seems to help. I suppose it's a way of venting some of what's festering inside and making me feel so bad.
I should feel relieved. I have negotiated us another three months. The arrangement will be reviewed in August, and thinking about this makes me realise just how quickly this year is passing. By then I really hope things will have changed. They have to. But despite the relief and the somewhat false feelings of security, I do wonder if things will ever get better. To call every three months is, in reality, an admission of failure. I've broken my agreement with the bank and failed to raise the necessary funds to balance my account with them. I know there are thousands, possibly millions of people in a similar position, and though this makes me feel that I'm not the only one, a name in bold red font in some debters ledger, I still feel alone in having to deal with it. That's why this blog is so important to me. It's a kind of sounding board, a way of expressing what I'm going through. That it is read by anyone is of no conseqence. It lets me translate my anxieties into words, and by doing so, makes me feel just that little bit better.
Monday, 14 May 2012
A Miracle Marathon and Needless Loss
Another week has passed, all too quickly. The past week has been a mix of political shambles, who said what to who, more Euro crisis and tragedy.
We did start the week on a high. Claire Lomas, paralysed from the chest down following a horse riding accident completed the London Marathon in 16 days. She was assisted by a pair of robotic legs which literally enabled her to walk. This is an amazing achievement and I am struggling to find the words to describe the admiration I have for someone so determined to succeed. The look on Claire's face as she reached the finish line said it all and it was deeply moving to see so many people present to congratulate her. The only sadness I have is the refusal of the Marathon organisers to award Claire a medal. Apparently some ridiculous rule requires the participant to complete the course the same day. I understand though that many fellow participants had graciously offered Claire their own medals in recognition. What a wonderful good news story.
In the news, this week will be remembered again for the Leveson Inquiry and the appearance of Andy Coulson and Rebecca Brooks. Once again we were treated to many hours of questioning and cross examination in light of the ongoing investigation into phone hacking and press ethics at the News of the World. At times, the questioning did become quite frosty and I do actually find these things very entertaining. I do consider myself a shroud judge of character and whether the truth is being told. Needless to say, I considered much of the responses given to questioning to be lacking in sincerity and honesty.
I am, like many, eagerly awaiting the appearance of Jeremy Hunt MP. This guarantees to be a very interesting event with enormous repercussions.
Europe has again been in the news and the increasing likelihood of Greece leaving the Euro. The inability of the current president to form a government will certainly result in fresh elections, but of greatest fear is the rise on popularity of the far right neo-fascist groups. These groups are firmly anti-austerity and more alarmingly, anti-immigrant. Should they reach the echelons of government then I fear very much for the future and whether such a movement could be confined to just Greece. I say this as there is an alarming trend toward anti-austerity developing with France being the latest country to reject the German led austerity plan.
At the moment, I can see no way out for Greece. The choice is to stay in the Euro and abide by the austerity agreement thus benefiting from further bail-out or reject the plan, default on their loan agreement and leave the Euro. The repercussions of the latter are being planned for at the moment by the major banking institutions, such is the belief that this is where the country is headed. It is uncharted territory as no country has before now ever left the Euro and returned to their former currency. Quite what effect this would have on an already fragile union is unknown, but it can't be good.
The last week will be remembered for tragedy which came to Derby in the form of a house fire claiming the lives of six children. Now, I really struggle with things like this. I simply cannot understand how, in 2012, house fires can still occur and moreover how a house fire could claim lives. Surely we live in an age now where things are designed not to burn rapidly? Surely we live in an age where every house must be fitted with smoke alarms by law? This was a council house, a well known council house having appeared on TV for a documentary made by Anne Widdecombe. At the very least, shouldn't the council have fitted smoke alarms and checked them regularly? I really struggle to understand. Of course, it is shocking beyond all comprehension at the loss of so much young life, their hopes, dreams and aspirations ahead of them.
I actually find myself feeling angry, angry that this kind of thing can still happen. The police are investigating of course, and if this was perpetrated by some sick individual, then I would wish nothing less than the ultimate penalty. If this was an accident, I still find it inexcusable that sufficient safeguards were not in place to prevent a fire from taking hold or to alert occupants to the danger. After all, this property was over-occupied and if the local authorities were aware of this, then responsibility is with them to ensure safety for all concerned.
I continue to work on my website. It has begun to evolve into a technology-focused site but with off-shoots to such things as railway modelling and gardening. I'm even thinking of a section devoted to road safety as thins is something I am passionate about. I'm hoping there will in time be at least something of interest to the visitor. Aware that a great many e-books are in the public domain, I have started listing some from my collection for download. So there's a great deal to keep me occupied at the moment, which is good. I've decided to continue producing a weekly audio journal which I'll record either Friday or Saturday of each week. This will be uploaded to the site each weekend.
We did start the week on a high. Claire Lomas, paralysed from the chest down following a horse riding accident completed the London Marathon in 16 days. She was assisted by a pair of robotic legs which literally enabled her to walk. This is an amazing achievement and I am struggling to find the words to describe the admiration I have for someone so determined to succeed. The look on Claire's face as she reached the finish line said it all and it was deeply moving to see so many people present to congratulate her. The only sadness I have is the refusal of the Marathon organisers to award Claire a medal. Apparently some ridiculous rule requires the participant to complete the course the same day. I understand though that many fellow participants had graciously offered Claire their own medals in recognition. What a wonderful good news story.
In the news, this week will be remembered again for the Leveson Inquiry and the appearance of Andy Coulson and Rebecca Brooks. Once again we were treated to many hours of questioning and cross examination in light of the ongoing investigation into phone hacking and press ethics at the News of the World. At times, the questioning did become quite frosty and I do actually find these things very entertaining. I do consider myself a shroud judge of character and whether the truth is being told. Needless to say, I considered much of the responses given to questioning to be lacking in sincerity and honesty.
I am, like many, eagerly awaiting the appearance of Jeremy Hunt MP. This guarantees to be a very interesting event with enormous repercussions.
Europe has again been in the news and the increasing likelihood of Greece leaving the Euro. The inability of the current president to form a government will certainly result in fresh elections, but of greatest fear is the rise on popularity of the far right neo-fascist groups. These groups are firmly anti-austerity and more alarmingly, anti-immigrant. Should they reach the echelons of government then I fear very much for the future and whether such a movement could be confined to just Greece. I say this as there is an alarming trend toward anti-austerity developing with France being the latest country to reject the German led austerity plan.
At the moment, I can see no way out for Greece. The choice is to stay in the Euro and abide by the austerity agreement thus benefiting from further bail-out or reject the plan, default on their loan agreement and leave the Euro. The repercussions of the latter are being planned for at the moment by the major banking institutions, such is the belief that this is where the country is headed. It is uncharted territory as no country has before now ever left the Euro and returned to their former currency. Quite what effect this would have on an already fragile union is unknown, but it can't be good.
The last week will be remembered for tragedy which came to Derby in the form of a house fire claiming the lives of six children. Now, I really struggle with things like this. I simply cannot understand how, in 2012, house fires can still occur and moreover how a house fire could claim lives. Surely we live in an age now where things are designed not to burn rapidly? Surely we live in an age where every house must be fitted with smoke alarms by law? This was a council house, a well known council house having appeared on TV for a documentary made by Anne Widdecombe. At the very least, shouldn't the council have fitted smoke alarms and checked them regularly? I really struggle to understand. Of course, it is shocking beyond all comprehension at the loss of so much young life, their hopes, dreams and aspirations ahead of them.
I actually find myself feeling angry, angry that this kind of thing can still happen. The police are investigating of course, and if this was perpetrated by some sick individual, then I would wish nothing less than the ultimate penalty. If this was an accident, I still find it inexcusable that sufficient safeguards were not in place to prevent a fire from taking hold or to alert occupants to the danger. After all, this property was over-occupied and if the local authorities were aware of this, then responsibility is with them to ensure safety for all concerned.
I continue to work on my website. It has begun to evolve into a technology-focused site but with off-shoots to such things as railway modelling and gardening. I'm even thinking of a section devoted to road safety as thins is something I am passionate about. I'm hoping there will in time be at least something of interest to the visitor. Aware that a great many e-books are in the public domain, I have started listing some from my collection for download. So there's a great deal to keep me occupied at the moment, which is good. I've decided to continue producing a weekly audio journal which I'll record either Friday or Saturday of each week. This will be uploaded to the site each weekend.
Sunday, 6 May 2012
May Bank Holiday Weekend
I received a letter in the post on Friday. It is from Lincolnshire NHS asking me to become an NHS Volunteer. There is a form I need to complete and details regarding an interview, induction and training to take place in Sleaford. That's all rather good. I am very keen to do more, particularly in the area of mental health and stroke recovery. I haven't completed the form yet, I need to be in the right frame of mind and currently my head is full of things such as content for my blog and my review of the Amazon Kindle Touch. Once I've off-loaded this, I will be able to concentrate fully on another task. I expect I'll do it tomorrow.
Deep down, I'm hoping very much that my involvement will eventually lead to a paying role. I know one of the questions asked is whether I have any skills I feel would be appropriate to bring to the role. In answer to this, I would suggest my experience in caring for and providing assistance to a stroke sufferer, my experience of anxiety and depression and my more than sixteen years in IT and computing. I have already suggested that a chaperon should be provided for new members of our support group. I know how daunting it can be to be thrust into a group of people, alien to you and anxious to know all about you. I've been there. It can be very difficult and any help in overcoming that 'first hurdle' can often prove invaluable and an enormous sense of comfort to the person involved. So this is something I hope I will be able to provide. I also wouldn't mind getting back into computer tutoring. It's something I used to do a few years ago through a local college, and I enjoyed it very much. So we'll see how that develops.
I've mentioned my new Kindle and I intend to write a full review about it on my PC Knowledge Blog. I was rather sceptical at first regarding its benefits. But having played with it for a few days, I have now managed to find a niche for it in as much as it provides my daily newspapers. These are downloaded automatically each morning and appear on the device ready for me to read. I do like to stay in touch with news and current affairs from home and abroad and the Kindle provides an up to the minute source of news which is easy to read and navigate my way through.
Books take second place strangely. I do enjoy books and I have downloaded a few to the device. These happen to be rather old books of ghost stories and creepy tales, rather a penchant of mine. They appear on the device in their original print format together with the cover and other illustrations. I've also sourced a number of books for my son, again with illustrations though my wife has yet to download any. There is an inbuilt text to speech facility allowing for books to be read to you. This works rather well though I am anxious to see if the default male and female voices can be changed. I understand there are people out there looking at this though a way has yet to be found.
All in all, I'm rather impressed with it. It's by no means perfect - there are a number of things I will be suggesting to Amazon - but as a book reader and news reader, it does what it says on the tin. It's also surprisingly easy to use. The appearance of text on-screen is as good if not better than printed text. It is incredibly clear and the ability to adjust font size and spacing is very useful. Though the screen approximately 6 x 4 inches, the device does appear small but it is surprising just how much text can be displayed.
I'll write more in my technical blog, but my overall impression of the Kindle Touch is a positive one and I certainly recommend it. It by no means replaces books, it merely makes books more accessible.
I see that our beloved Weetabix, so long a staple of the British breakfast table, has been majority bought by a China owned company, Bright Food. It is of course the latest in a long line of UK brands to be bought or majority owned by foreign owned companies. I did see a tweet asking if 'Weetabix would now come with a set of free chopsticks in every box'... I doubt it, but an interesting image nevertheless.
There is a wonderful series on BBC2 looking back and documenting the 1970's. It's appropriately called 'The 70's' and is presented rather well by Dominic Sandbrook, a historian and new face to TV. I have found the series so far quite fascinating, made all the more so due to the fact that I grew up during the period. Yet, I actually recall very little and certainly nothing of the events that shaped the decade. I was quite shocked to discover just how difficult life was during the period and how much of it was spent without the guarantee of running water, electricity, fuel and food. The conflict between miners and the government of the day threatened on more than one occasion to bring the country to its knees and the Pound came very close to collapsing, making our current troubles pale into insignificance in comparison.
Women's rights was something else that surprised me and the fact that equal rights for women has been a relatively recent consideration says something of the madness of our society back then. There were even shops in London where women were not served. I find it incredible that this sort of thing even went on, and if it wasn't for our well documented history, I doubt whether future generations would believe it.
Lastly, I have stumbled across some audio-visual gems from a bygone age when we as a country were proud of what we did and how we did it - and didn't mind shouting about it. The films can be found at the website of the British Council and can be watched online in all their glory. I understand the films were made for a foreign audience and used to sell the country to overseas nations. As such, most if not all the films have never been seen before but they do each provide a wonderful glimpse of how life used to be and the pride we once had in our country and the people who ran it. I dare say a great many lessons could be learnt from these films. I thoroughly recommend a visit.
Deep down, I'm hoping very much that my involvement will eventually lead to a paying role. I know one of the questions asked is whether I have any skills I feel would be appropriate to bring to the role. In answer to this, I would suggest my experience in caring for and providing assistance to a stroke sufferer, my experience of anxiety and depression and my more than sixteen years in IT and computing. I have already suggested that a chaperon should be provided for new members of our support group. I know how daunting it can be to be thrust into a group of people, alien to you and anxious to know all about you. I've been there. It can be very difficult and any help in overcoming that 'first hurdle' can often prove invaluable and an enormous sense of comfort to the person involved. So this is something I hope I will be able to provide. I also wouldn't mind getting back into computer tutoring. It's something I used to do a few years ago through a local college, and I enjoyed it very much. So we'll see how that develops.
I've mentioned my new Kindle and I intend to write a full review about it on my PC Knowledge Blog. I was rather sceptical at first regarding its benefits. But having played with it for a few days, I have now managed to find a niche for it in as much as it provides my daily newspapers. These are downloaded automatically each morning and appear on the device ready for me to read. I do like to stay in touch with news and current affairs from home and abroad and the Kindle provides an up to the minute source of news which is easy to read and navigate my way through.
Books take second place strangely. I do enjoy books and I have downloaded a few to the device. These happen to be rather old books of ghost stories and creepy tales, rather a penchant of mine. They appear on the device in their original print format together with the cover and other illustrations. I've also sourced a number of books for my son, again with illustrations though my wife has yet to download any. There is an inbuilt text to speech facility allowing for books to be read to you. This works rather well though I am anxious to see if the default male and female voices can be changed. I understand there are people out there looking at this though a way has yet to be found.
All in all, I'm rather impressed with it. It's by no means perfect - there are a number of things I will be suggesting to Amazon - but as a book reader and news reader, it does what it says on the tin. It's also surprisingly easy to use. The appearance of text on-screen is as good if not better than printed text. It is incredibly clear and the ability to adjust font size and spacing is very useful. Though the screen approximately 6 x 4 inches, the device does appear small but it is surprising just how much text can be displayed.
I'll write more in my technical blog, but my overall impression of the Kindle Touch is a positive one and I certainly recommend it. It by no means replaces books, it merely makes books more accessible.
I see that our beloved Weetabix, so long a staple of the British breakfast table, has been majority bought by a China owned company, Bright Food. It is of course the latest in a long line of UK brands to be bought or majority owned by foreign owned companies. I did see a tweet asking if 'Weetabix would now come with a set of free chopsticks in every box'... I doubt it, but an interesting image nevertheless.
There is a wonderful series on BBC2 looking back and documenting the 1970's. It's appropriately called 'The 70's' and is presented rather well by Dominic Sandbrook, a historian and new face to TV. I have found the series so far quite fascinating, made all the more so due to the fact that I grew up during the period. Yet, I actually recall very little and certainly nothing of the events that shaped the decade. I was quite shocked to discover just how difficult life was during the period and how much of it was spent without the guarantee of running water, electricity, fuel and food. The conflict between miners and the government of the day threatened on more than one occasion to bring the country to its knees and the Pound came very close to collapsing, making our current troubles pale into insignificance in comparison.
Women's rights was something else that surprised me and the fact that equal rights for women has been a relatively recent consideration says something of the madness of our society back then. There were even shops in London where women were not served. I find it incredible that this sort of thing even went on, and if it wasn't for our well documented history, I doubt whether future generations would believe it.
Lastly, I have stumbled across some audio-visual gems from a bygone age when we as a country were proud of what we did and how we did it - and didn't mind shouting about it. The films can be found at the website of the British Council and can be watched online in all their glory. I understand the films were made for a foreign audience and used to sell the country to overseas nations. As such, most if not all the films have never been seen before but they do each provide a wonderful glimpse of how life used to be and the pride we once had in our country and the people who ran it. I dare say a great many lessons could be learnt from these films. I thoroughly recommend a visit.
Wednesday, 2 May 2012
School Years - Memories of PE
I have been prompted to recollect my memories of physical education during my school years in the 1980's. There was an excellent piece on BBC Radio 5 Live this morning inviting people to call in to discuss their memories of being taught PE and how, in some cases, this has affected their outlook on physical exercise and sport in general. For some, it was a wonderful experience but for the majority, the experience was frankly horrific and has literally scarred them for life.
My own experience is one of being forced to do something I didn't want to do. I hated sport. I was always amongst the last to be chosen for teams and though I wasn't in any way overweight, it was my skills with a ball that were obviously lacking. I wasn't part of the 'gang' either so this relegated me to the lower ranks and if I was chosen it was more to do with making up numbers.
PE was a humiliating experience. We invariably ended up running round a freezing cold field or were forced to play football or rugby. I didn't understand how to play either nor did I have any interest in learning. If the ball did happen to pass my way, I would panic and hope that I was kicking it in the right direction. It was important to keep moving though as this was the only way to keep warm.
We would be made to do indoor PE if the weather was particularly bad. More often than not this would involve climbing ropes or jumping over padded boxes. I remember well the green rubber backed mats we would fall onto and the course surface that could easily remove skin. I remember the smell. I can smell it now as I type this. The equipment we used was standard school issue and found in any educational establishment at the time, no doubt descended from an army design. Used properly, they were fine. But make a mistake or land awkwardly and my goodness, they could do serious damage to a teenage body.
The changing room filled me with dread. There was no privacy and the benches were squashed and lacked any comfort. Keeping your clothes together was essential else you could spend the remainder of the day with just one sock or perhaps none at all. You needed your wits about you.
Showering was compulsory. Mr Jennings or Mr Matthews would herd us in one end and after a couple of minutes usher us out the other end. Avoiding the shower was done at your peril. If your hair was dry, you got dragged in. It wasn't very nice.
Staying dry was the main objective though this was made almost impossible by the person next to you dripping all over your clothes. Invariably I would leave the place wet, my school uniform covered in wet patches. But I was free, and that was the most important thing.
Before long, it would become normal to escape PE at any cost. I tried to get out of it every week and when I was diagnosed with an irregular heart beat at around the age of 14, this came as a Godsend. I now had a valid excuse to miss all PE sessions. It was wonderful. I remember well sitting out the period in the hall with a handful of others in this 'special group'. We would pretend to study or swat for tests. This was the norm for a very long time.
Bullying was rife. It always had been. The bullying wasn't just amongst the boys, it was also systemic amongst the teachers. They could be very nasty. One teacher got into trouble for it after a pupil made an official complaint. Another was sent to prison after being reported for paying 'innapropriate' attention to boys at the school. I had witnessed and been a victim of this during my time at school. Yet my parents, then as now, remain ignorant to what had been going on.
I remember a music lesson run by this particular teacher who for some reason insisted on all of stripping to our underwear and one by one walking up to him so he could check the see the label inside our pants. None of us at the time thought one moment to question what was happening or why he was doing this. It's only really now that I look back at the utter madness of the whole thing and wonder why nothing was done.
Did our parents have any idea of what things were like and what went on? No. They either didn't want to know or were completely ignorant, that's my conclusion.
Swimming lessons are another example of where things went badly wrong. I recall that I wasn't as fearful as others and I soon learnt it was better to show as little fear as possible. If you showed fear, you were picked on - by the instructor no less - and thrown into the water. No regard was given to whether or not you were able to swim, you were simply thrown it. I witnessed this and soon decided it was better for me to put my own head under the surface than to provoke the instructor to do it. I hated it, and to an extent it has had a long lasting effect on me and something I always revisit in my mind whenever we go swimming as a family.
Luckily, my PE 'horror' was relatively short lived, thanks to my medical 'excuse' and being signed-off all future sessions. But I did endure enough of it to turn me completely off sport of any kind. If things had been different, then maybe I may have warmed to it a little more. I will always associate sport with my experiences at school during the 1980's, and sadly I will always fear a little for my son. I am hopeful that things are different nowadays and that the mistakes made during my time at school simply cannot be repeated. My memories will never go away. If anything, they become clearer and thanks to this blog, more permanent than ever.
My own experience is one of being forced to do something I didn't want to do. I hated sport. I was always amongst the last to be chosen for teams and though I wasn't in any way overweight, it was my skills with a ball that were obviously lacking. I wasn't part of the 'gang' either so this relegated me to the lower ranks and if I was chosen it was more to do with making up numbers.
PE was a humiliating experience. We invariably ended up running round a freezing cold field or were forced to play football or rugby. I didn't understand how to play either nor did I have any interest in learning. If the ball did happen to pass my way, I would panic and hope that I was kicking it in the right direction. It was important to keep moving though as this was the only way to keep warm.
We would be made to do indoor PE if the weather was particularly bad. More often than not this would involve climbing ropes or jumping over padded boxes. I remember well the green rubber backed mats we would fall onto and the course surface that could easily remove skin. I remember the smell. I can smell it now as I type this. The equipment we used was standard school issue and found in any educational establishment at the time, no doubt descended from an army design. Used properly, they were fine. But make a mistake or land awkwardly and my goodness, they could do serious damage to a teenage body.
The changing room filled me with dread. There was no privacy and the benches were squashed and lacked any comfort. Keeping your clothes together was essential else you could spend the remainder of the day with just one sock or perhaps none at all. You needed your wits about you.
Showering was compulsory. Mr Jennings or Mr Matthews would herd us in one end and after a couple of minutes usher us out the other end. Avoiding the shower was done at your peril. If your hair was dry, you got dragged in. It wasn't very nice.
Staying dry was the main objective though this was made almost impossible by the person next to you dripping all over your clothes. Invariably I would leave the place wet, my school uniform covered in wet patches. But I was free, and that was the most important thing.
Before long, it would become normal to escape PE at any cost. I tried to get out of it every week and when I was diagnosed with an irregular heart beat at around the age of 14, this came as a Godsend. I now had a valid excuse to miss all PE sessions. It was wonderful. I remember well sitting out the period in the hall with a handful of others in this 'special group'. We would pretend to study or swat for tests. This was the norm for a very long time.
Bullying was rife. It always had been. The bullying wasn't just amongst the boys, it was also systemic amongst the teachers. They could be very nasty. One teacher got into trouble for it after a pupil made an official complaint. Another was sent to prison after being reported for paying 'innapropriate' attention to boys at the school. I had witnessed and been a victim of this during my time at school. Yet my parents, then as now, remain ignorant to what had been going on.
I remember a music lesson run by this particular teacher who for some reason insisted on all of stripping to our underwear and one by one walking up to him so he could check the see the label inside our pants. None of us at the time thought one moment to question what was happening or why he was doing this. It's only really now that I look back at the utter madness of the whole thing and wonder why nothing was done.
Did our parents have any idea of what things were like and what went on? No. They either didn't want to know or were completely ignorant, that's my conclusion.
Swimming lessons are another example of where things went badly wrong. I recall that I wasn't as fearful as others and I soon learnt it was better to show as little fear as possible. If you showed fear, you were picked on - by the instructor no less - and thrown into the water. No regard was given to whether or not you were able to swim, you were simply thrown it. I witnessed this and soon decided it was better for me to put my own head under the surface than to provoke the instructor to do it. I hated it, and to an extent it has had a long lasting effect on me and something I always revisit in my mind whenever we go swimming as a family.
Luckily, my PE 'horror' was relatively short lived, thanks to my medical 'excuse' and being signed-off all future sessions. But I did endure enough of it to turn me completely off sport of any kind. If things had been different, then maybe I may have warmed to it a little more. I will always associate sport with my experiences at school during the 1980's, and sadly I will always fear a little for my son. I am hopeful that things are different nowadays and that the mistakes made during my time at school simply cannot be repeated. My memories will never go away. If anything, they become clearer and thanks to this blog, more permanent than ever.
Tuesday, 1 May 2012
Getting More Involved
We have a new member at our Tuesday Depression Support Group. Her name is Emma and she has joined as a volunteer and sufferer. It's really nice to have someone new in the group and her input will be very welcome. In addition to this, I was asked if I would volunteer to support the group and help to bring new members into the group. I had given thought to this previously but was uncertain as to whether I would be able to commit. But I've decided that this is really something I would like to do and I'm hopeful that it may in time develop into something more permanent. I do like talking with people and my own experiences of depression and anxiety should help with providing support and an understanding ear to anyone needing assistance.
As if to start me off on my new role, I was asked if I would make contact with a possible new member of the group by introducing myself and suggesting they attend next Tuesday. I didn't quite know what to expect but the chap was very friendly and dare I say it very pleased to receive my call. I suggested he attend next Tuesday and explained a little about what we do. I also suggested that he asks for me when he arrives and I'll come to collect him so we can join the group together. My thoughts are that by doing this the whole thing should be less daunting and will go some way to 'breaking the ice'. So that's all good.
So it looks as if I may be able to turn my experiences of anxiety and depression into something that may benefit others, and I feel good about that. I like spending time with people and discussing their problems. I already spend a lot of time each week with my close friend who became paralysed following a stroke. Frankly if I can do anything that makes someone feel better then that's great.
The keyboard for the laptop I've been repairing arrived today and in a couple of minutes I had it fitted and working as it should, all keys fully functional. I gave it a good clean and buff and its owner came and collected it earlier this evening. I made £10 for the job which is better than nothing and is frankly the first work I have done in over two years. It did make me feel good though. It's a good feeling. The chap collecting the computer did ask if I could put Excel on another machine he wants me to have a look at. I had to tell him provided he had a licensed copy then of course I could. I did though get the distinct impression he wanted me to provide a 'dodgy' unlicensed copy, which of course I will not do. So I think I made myself clear there... The fact that he didn't take the laptop back to be repaired under warranty spoke volumes, so we'll leave it at that.
A good day all in all. I feel purposeful and of use. It'll be nice if things can develop into something more substantial and meaningful. We'll see...
As if to start me off on my new role, I was asked if I would make contact with a possible new member of the group by introducing myself and suggesting they attend next Tuesday. I didn't quite know what to expect but the chap was very friendly and dare I say it very pleased to receive my call. I suggested he attend next Tuesday and explained a little about what we do. I also suggested that he asks for me when he arrives and I'll come to collect him so we can join the group together. My thoughts are that by doing this the whole thing should be less daunting and will go some way to 'breaking the ice'. So that's all good.
So it looks as if I may be able to turn my experiences of anxiety and depression into something that may benefit others, and I feel good about that. I like spending time with people and discussing their problems. I already spend a lot of time each week with my close friend who became paralysed following a stroke. Frankly if I can do anything that makes someone feel better then that's great.
The keyboard for the laptop I've been repairing arrived today and in a couple of minutes I had it fitted and working as it should, all keys fully functional. I gave it a good clean and buff and its owner came and collected it earlier this evening. I made £10 for the job which is better than nothing and is frankly the first work I have done in over two years. It did make me feel good though. It's a good feeling. The chap collecting the computer did ask if I could put Excel on another machine he wants me to have a look at. I had to tell him provided he had a licensed copy then of course I could. I did though get the distinct impression he wanted me to provide a 'dodgy' unlicensed copy, which of course I will not do. So I think I made myself clear there... The fact that he didn't take the laptop back to be repaired under warranty spoke volumes, so we'll leave it at that.
A good day all in all. I feel purposeful and of use. It'll be nice if things can develop into something more substantial and meaningful. We'll see...
Monday, 30 April 2012
Boycotting the Post & In Praise of the Kindle
Today, my Royal Mail boycott has begun. I am really not happy at all with the increase in postage cost and I refuse to pay 60p for a 1st Class stamp. If I do need to send anything to anyone, it will be scanned and e-mailed or faxed. The only occasion on which it will be posted will be if there is a a Freepost address or if the postage is prepaid.
I have spent some of this afternoon tinkering with my friend's new Kindle and helping them to connect it to their WiFi. The network settings are hidden away in a sub menu and it took a while to get it all setup. Next came the job of getting a book onto the device. This can be achieved in several ways though in the end we plumped for the USB connection. It is possible to download books on the move using either the WiFi or 3G connectivity.
From what I've seen of it, I'm actually very impressed with the Kindle. There is far more to it than meets the eye including the ability to interface with Facebook and Twitter. E-mails can be sent directly to the device and it also has a web browser. Something else I found very useful is the MP3 compatibility and the ability to listen to music and audio books. Add to this a battery that lasts three months, and you have a very clever device. So, it's all good. What's even better is the fact that I will have my own Kindle very soon. My dear friends have very kindly bought me one and I am absolutely delighted. I will use it for catching up on news whereas my son can use it to help with his reading and my wife can download her favourite books. It will certainly be used and I will write more about it over the coming weeks.
What a difference a day makes... today's weather has been wonderful - the complete opposite to what we had to endure yesterday. Here by the Wash we've had blue skies and bright sunshine for most of the day, and it was mild enough for me to get a lot done in the garden and the conservatory, including planting some more seeds for herb and tomato plants.
I have spent some of this afternoon tinkering with my friend's new Kindle and helping them to connect it to their WiFi. The network settings are hidden away in a sub menu and it took a while to get it all setup. Next came the job of getting a book onto the device. This can be achieved in several ways though in the end we plumped for the USB connection. It is possible to download books on the move using either the WiFi or 3G connectivity.
From what I've seen of it, I'm actually very impressed with the Kindle. There is far more to it than meets the eye including the ability to interface with Facebook and Twitter. E-mails can be sent directly to the device and it also has a web browser. Something else I found very useful is the MP3 compatibility and the ability to listen to music and audio books. Add to this a battery that lasts three months, and you have a very clever device. So, it's all good. What's even better is the fact that I will have my own Kindle very soon. My dear friends have very kindly bought me one and I am absolutely delighted. I will use it for catching up on news whereas my son can use it to help with his reading and my wife can download her favourite books. It will certainly be used and I will write more about it over the coming weeks.
What a difference a day makes... today's weather has been wonderful - the complete opposite to what we had to endure yesterday. Here by the Wash we've had blue skies and bright sunshine for most of the day, and it was mild enough for me to get a lot done in the garden and the conservatory, including planting some more seeds for herb and tomato plants.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Lynda Bellingham
I was shocked to hear of the passing of Lynda Bellingham on Sunday. I had known she was terminally ill, but I really thought, as did man...
-
I was shocked to hear of the passing of Lynda Bellingham on Sunday. I had known she was terminally ill, but I really thought, as did man... -
Once I post something, I'm aware it's on the Internet for ever more. Wow, what a thought... So for my first post, I'm going to g... -
I really love this story on the BBC News site of a letter box that's mysteriously appeared in a bridge at Sonning-On-Thames, Berkshire. ...