A Helpless Watcher & RIP Whitney Houston

When I think about the current world situation, I feel helpless. The only other time I really felt like this was during the Yugoslavia conflict and civil war in 1991-95. Back then, the tragedy was worsened by the fact that countries of the UN stood back and did nothing. The killing of innocent men, women and children became an all too common sight on our TV screens and it soon became apparent that genocide was taking place practically on our doorstep. As now, much of what we saw on TV and through the media was filtered for mass consumption. But if you ventured further beyond the censored version of events, as I did, the real horror of what was happening could be found. The then young Internet showed photographs of charred remains of those who had become herded into rooms and set alight. I recall also photographs of those trying in vain to escape deliberately targeted in supposedly safe convoys, their charred bodies still sat in the mangled frames of the vehicles. I'll never forget the audio and video clips that found their way onto the Internet, or the patchy broadcasts from radio stations and their cries for help in between bombing raids. For this was a truly horrific time in our recent history and one for which those who governed at the time should be ashamed and accountable for their inaction.
This leads me to the present situation and Syria where the events witnessed all too close to home have a real danger of being repeated. Once again, we find ourselves looking on in sympathy as those opposed to a brutal regime are targeted along with the innocent, old and young. I am amazed that given the conflicts that have taken place on recent history, we have clearly learnt nothing. We have a United Nations which is powerless to act to prevent innocent people from being killed. Surely where there is indisputable proof of such atrocities, this should be justification alone for some form of intervention. Apparently not. So faced with no other option, the majority it seems simply turn a blind eye to what's going on. Is this how things should be? Simply ignore what is going on and hope it all goes away? Of course there is more to it than that and things are never that simple. There are players in this game who have a vested interest (and money) in what's going on. Russia have a significant base in Syria and continue to fund and provide arms to the regime. The biggest fear it seems is the reluctance to upset them, for we all know where this could lead. So we watch on helpless placing our faith in negotiators and hoping for a common sense outcome. The more I try to convince myself of this, the more I think about Yugoslavia and our collective impotence to do anything about it.

It seems that shocking news is becoming more common and I say this we have lost another music icon, Whitney Houston. This follows the death in the UK last year of another artist of the genre, Amy Winehouse. Of course there is much speculation as to the cause of her early death, but addiction is likely to have contributed. We'll learn more during the coming days, but whatever the cause, this is a tragic and shocking loss.

The Coldest Night

Temperatures here dropped to -16 degrees C least night making it the coldest night so far. This temperature was recorded at the Holbeach weather station, just a few miles from here. The intense cold coated everything in a thick white frost making for some stunningly beautiful scenes and transforming the landscape all around.

Long Sutton Church

B1359 Gedney Drove End

Road conditions are actually pretty good this year. I really think the message has finally gotten through to the council and greater priority is being given to keeping the roads clear of snow and ice. I know in previous years that roads have been left un-gritted and impassable and I believe lessons have certainly been learnt. Even the minor side roads are clear in most cases indicating a definite change in policy., which is good.

Photo of the Day 22

A further covering of snow...

Supporting People & Their Tech

I support technology, and I have done for a long time. This does have its benefits but more often than not, it makes you the repository for everything computer and Internet related. Now this is of course fine provided that the tech does what it's supposed to. Unfortunately too much of it is designed to go wrong. The upside is that it keeps people like me busy - not than I earn a penny from it - and countless IT engineers charging huge amounts per hour to resolve faults easily understood by them but perplexing for the average user. There is good money to be made from it, but none of it comes my way.
Of all the forms of support, help by phone has to be the worst. You are blind and are expecting the person at the other end to see what you need them to. This seldom ever works and is a constant source of frustration. I know only too well how difficult it is to talk someone through reconnecting their WIFI or installing a new device. It is painful and made all the worse as the pain has to be suppressed for the length of the call and no sign given of your frustration with the person at the other end. I have years of practise to rely on and I think I do it quite well.
The advances in technology over the last 10-20 years have been fantastic. We are able to do things now that could only have been dreamt of then. What we haven't done so well is the user help side of things. When a device disconnects itself from a network, the process for reconnecting it is not easy. It should be - especially for the user. For me, the process is relatively straight forward and something I can normally do within a few minutes. I've learnt to spot the signs and indicators. For the user, there really isn't much to help them and certainly nothing that will resolve the fault. The Help System is useless, even in the latest versions of Windows often stating the 'bleedin' obvious', things like 'is it plugged in?' or 'have you installed the correct driver?'. What's needed is inbuilt fault resolution, the ability for a device such as a WIFI adapter to work out what's wrong for itself and actually attempt to apply a fix. I've singled out WIFI as this is probably the most common source of faults nowadays and certainly one that I constantly find myself fixing.
I know that WIFI works and works very well if it setup correctly and not tampered with. I have two wireless networks - one I use for gaming and media, the other I use for Internet browsing and file sharing. This setup works very well. It is stable and very seldom ever causes me problems. The hardware isn't particularly new, I've had it for several years. It isn't the best and certainly not the most expensive, but it does the job.
Most of what I hear when I am asked to fix problems is 'it was working fine yesterday' or 'it started snowing and it stopped working'. The inference that the weather is in some way to blame for the problem is wrong, but it is something that on occasion I've been known to go along with, in the interests of my own sanity.
It is hugely frustrating to me when something I've spent time designing or installing suddenly goes wrong and stops working as it should. It's even worse when having spent half-an-hour on the phone trying to resolve a problem, the fault persists.I hate leaving things like this but having exhausted every telephone skill, I have little option. A visit is now required. I know that within just a few minutes, I will have it working again. It always happens. The shock and surprise etched into the face of the user is something I've grown used to. It's as if I've worked some kind of magic. In almost all cases, I have done exactly what I had described over the phone. I am reluctant to claim any special powers or to suggest ignorance on the part of the user, and I will normally just put it down to gremlins or simply admit that I'm at a loss to explain what had gone wrong. Perhaps the weather at the time had caused it to fail.
I grit my teeth so much that they are now in a terrible state. I find myself doing it more and more, the older I get. It simply isn't worth the hassle to do otherwise. I could explain how it is that I managed to reconnect the laptop to the wireless network in under a minute, but I choose not to. I instead accept explanation from the user as fact and show sympathy that their efforts were in vain.
And then there are those who claim to know far more than you. They confidently boast that they have bought a new drive for their modem or carried out an upgrade of the processor. These people can never be argued with, I know this from experience. I've tried and failed. When it's family members, you have no chance. Again I choose just to go along with them, my sanity intact.
Sometimes I wish they would call on someone else, but I just know that isn't going to happen...

A Different Venue

There was a different venue on Tuesday for my support group meeting. It was easy to get to being in Spalding and I arrived in good time. The welcome was warm and friendly and I was glad to see other members of my group there. I didn't know what to expect really but it was nothing like what I'm used to on a Tuesday. The event was to promote a small organisation involved in trying to raise awareness and understanding of depression. It seemed to me as if they were trying to bring together other support groups and try to centralise support and care services for those who suffer with the illness. Anything that raises awareness can only be a good thing and I was encouraged to see them taking the subject so seriously. Awareness is certainly key to it, the more people who understand the illness the better. There is such a taboo surrounding depression and I don't believe it is discussed or acknowledged as much as it should be. They could have helped themselves by displaying a sign at the entrance to the venue indicating they were there, or simply placed a small advertisement in the local newspaper. There was really nothing to indicate they were there. The only way I found out about it was through my own support group. In fact we only had one other member of the public venture in to find out more. She was severely disabled and her needs were great due being physically disabled and suffering bipolar disorder. She had no idea there were support groups in the area and that there were others like her prepared to provide a friendly ear and offer help. It was good to know that she would be joining us at our next group meeting.
I don't write about depression very much, though throughout my blog, there are references to my illness and an attempt to describe how I suffer and attempt to deal with it. I am actually quite open about it. I don't mind discussing it and I'm convinced that by talking about it, we begin to better understand it. I don't think we'll ever be able to prevent it. The illness has been around for a very long time, but never understood. It is only now that depression is an illness we are beginning to understand. More people have the confidence to talk about it because others are doing just that. I know myself that having found others prepared to discuss the illness and show an understanding of it, I now have the confidence to open up to others. Without the understanding and support of others, I would still be living with it in silence. I have been told many times to simply 'snap out of it' and to 'stop feeling so miserable'. In fact it still happens. If I had any control over it, would I choose to feel the way I do? I don't think so. There is no real warning to indicate the next bout of depression. It can be triggered all too easily by things going wrong or people saying things that hurt or make me feel bad about myself. This seems to set off a chain reaction which spirals out of control. It does though make people around me feel they should constantly 'walk on egg shells' fearful of saying or doing something that might set me off. This is of course a ridiculous situation to be in and places enormous strain on relationships. I know this to be true having had my marriage stretched to near breaking point on several occasions.
There is a real desire on the part of the sufferer to do things that bring feelings of good or pleasure. More often than not, this involves eating, drinking or smoking. In my case, I know I over-eat to compensate for my mood. I have also self-medicated on codeine as it made me feel better, albeit for brief periods of time. I stupidly took as many as ten tablets a day to keep the feeling there. Without my tablets, I would panic and do anything I could to procure more. I spent hundreds of pounds a year doing just that, buying from online chemists to keep my habit as anonymous as possible. My addiction as lessened thankfully but I do take tramadol regularly for a back problem and these have a similar effect to the codeine but I can take far less amounts for a similar effect. This suits me just fine at the moment. Other than my electronic cigarette, I have no other real vices. OK I have to be constantly attached to it, but this is more down to OCD which I've been reliably informed I also suffer from.
Routine is also important. I tend to do things in a certain order and at roughly the same time each day. This helps me to stay focused and prevents me from slipping into a depressive state or simply sleeping. There is an element of OCD to it. There are things I have to do, and in the right order, or the day is ruined. I don't think this is particularly unusual, there are lots of us that operate to a daily routine, mainly for work. For me, this routine holds things together, and holding together is basically what I do day to day.

Waking the Dead

A very bold and stark title granted, but this explains quite well a visit this afternoon to my parent's with my son. Just what is it with donning a dressing gown and slippers at 4pm? Is this an age thing? One things for sure, it irritates me, a lot,especially when I have to wait an eternity in the freezing cold for one of them to finally emerge and unlock the bloody front door. Abject misery would sum up our visit. I felt obliged as it had been two weeks since they had seen my son and my mother in particular will make a point at every opportunity to remind me of how long it's been since she last saw him. Of course two weeks is made to feel like a month or two and despite my reminding them of this fact, they will still claim that he's grown a foot in height or developed an advanced vocabulary. I know they are fond of my son and I'm keen for them to see him as often as possible. The fact is that they don't drive so it is incumbent upon me to take him to them. It irritates me hugely that they don't bother to call or make any effort whatsoever to visit. They would sooner fester in misery. Is it any wonder then that I feel so depressed at every visit? It's hard to describe the hard done by welcome we receive. It's something that frustrates my wife enormously and I know that her absence from our visit this week was duly noted. They know she isn't impressed with them, probably in the same way I don't respect my in-laws for their 'black and white' attitude to life and lack of understanding when it comes to my illness. I expect there are relationships like this the world over and that this is not an exceptional case.I wonder...

A Blanket of Whiteness

The snow has finally arrived here and by the Wash here in Lincolnshire, we have woken to a deep covering. We shouldn't be surprised though it's not that common to have heavy snow here, it has been forecast for days and the scenes of freezing white conditions in Europe and the East should have been warning enough.

It was particularly interesting to find that my conservatory has a leak...

In the news, the continuing and worsening violence in Syria is making the headlines and particularly the veto by Russia and China to a UN resolution to denounce President Assad and support the overthrow of his regime. Not surprisingly, the decision has provoked outrage and further soured already tense relations. I suspect this issue will run and run for some time to come.

If the weather hadn't been so bad, we would have visited my parents today with our Little Man. They haven't seen him for more than two weeks now and have lamented the fact. The roads really don't look safe enough to drive so it looks like we'll be staying here.

On the job front, nothing has yet transpired and we continue to struggle on. I've received no response to any of the recent applications I've made. I did yesterday apply for a new role that's appeared very locally. It's for an IT Assistant and the role appears to be pretty basic, but that doesn't bother me at all. The fact that it's so local really appeals to me. I won't be holding my breath though.