Thank you bank

Some good news. Earlier today I had received a text message from the bank asking me to call them. This always fills me with a sense of dread, makes me feel ill and is normally to do with the fact that I owe them so much money. I did call them when I returned home from my support group meeting. It was, as I suspected, to do with the mortgage as the arrangement we have for the mortgage is about to run out. I wrote a while back that we had asked the CAB to intervene and send a letter on our behalf pleading for them to see sense and extend the arrangement until the end of February next year, when the rate changes significantly. This will mean us paying half the contracted amount, though we will just be paying the interest. It will though help enormously.
When I spoke with them, they did acknowledge that they had received the letter and after a brief chat with their manager, it was agreed that my account would be given the category of 'sensitive' and that we could continue paying the reduced amount.
It is difficult to convey the relief I now feel. This had been worrying me significantly and the fact that I can now spend Christmas not fretting over the mortgage is fantastic. It should be noted that my wife is equally relieved as me, particularly as she has to live with me and my fluctuating moods.
So thank you Halifax. It's a shame it had to take a letter from the Citizen's Advice Bureau and this long to sort out. It could have saved me a lot of unnecessary stress and anguish. But it's done now.
For others out there in a similar dilemma and unable to meet their mortgage payments, don't despair. You are not alone, there is always room for negotiation and if you need help, contact your local CAB. They are brilliant.

My first (baby) pepper

I've been trying to grow chilli peppers since the Spring and despite the plants growing well with strong stems and flowers, I've seen no sign of a single pepper. That was until this week when my wife pointed out to me that a tiny pepper had appeared on one of the plants.

My first pepper!

I don't know how much bigger it will become, though from experience of my watermelon project, I'm not expecting anything much! I'll keep a close eye on it and report back in a few weeks...

The tree is up!

Christmas is definitely here

Seeing Santa on the North Norfolk Railway

Today we took our Son to see Santa on the North Norfolk Railway. This has become something of a regular December event and it's something we really enjoy. My in-laws very kindly paid for all of  us to go this year and drove us there and back, so we didn't really have to pay for anything. Although I'm very grateful, I still feel an overwhelming sense of shame and embarrassment at not being able to contribute anything. The feelings were so acute this morning that I had what can only be described as an anxiety attack on the way there. My coping mechanism this time was to scratch at my wrist and right hand. I'd already cut my arm again the day previous after a bout of depression. Anyone who self harms will tell you that it is something they have to do to cope with a situation and that it actually makes them feel better. It is something they need to so. For me, it does seem to work. On this occasion, it was a reaction to being extremely anxious, wanting to be somewhere else and feeling judged. I felt really uncomfortable and trapped.

It wasn't until we boarded the train that my anxiety began to lift. My wife had sensed how I was feeling and did her best to calm me. The atmosphere was festive and there was much going on to take my mind off my feelings. We each (adults) received a very nice home made mince pie and a very nice sherry. The children received some chocolate and a soft drink.
As normal, the train was full. This is a very popular event on the NNR's calendar and clearly a major source of income for them. The train staff, all volunteers, really pulled out all the stops and made the journey to Weybourne very enjoyable with a mix of songs, balloon modelling and juggling.
At Weybourne, Santa and his elves greeted the train as it entered the station. This produced excited squeals amongst the children and it's always something I look forward to. I simply love the look on my Son's face and it makes me wish he didn't have to grow older.
Families left the train to see Santa a coach at a time, which was good as we didn't have to stand in the cold. The train was actually very warm. The vintage steam heating system was working very well.

The walk through to see Santa is a pleasant experience. There are displays to keep the children interested and it is well heated. Santa's grotto is very well done. It is clear to see the time and effort that goes into making this event happen each year, and the quality is excellent. There were real coal fires everywhere, including in Santa's grotto which really added to the scene perfectly. Santa was as always superb and our Son was given his gift and asked what he wanted for Christmas, to which he replied 'a bow and arrow'. Quite where he developed this fascination for archery from, I really don't know, and I could tell Santa was rather taken aback by his request.
A walk up and down the station and a few more photos and we were soon back on the train and in a few minutes were heading back to Sherringham, Santa and his elves waving frantically as the train pulled out of the station.
Once again, I have nothing but praise for the NNR and their merry band of volunteer staff. Without their enthusiasm each year, this event couldn't happen and it was good to see them getting involved in the festive fun as much as the parents and children. A huge thanks to them and a recommendation to anyone who wishes for an enjoyable trip by train to see Santa. It's a bonus if you have kids!
Well done again North Norfolk Railway... We'll see you again next year!

A Wonderful Rainbow

I have not long returned from Andrew Harrison's funeral at Nocton in Lincolnshire. I was struck by the huge number of people who attended, I counted 200 in front of me and there must have been a similar number behind. Some of them I knew, and others I didn't, but all had been touched by Andrew in some way during his life. The emotion was real and raw and the enormity of Andrew's loss was etched on the faces of all present.
The service was brief and alternative, in keeping with Andrew's wishes. The coffin was decorated with a rainbow pattern, in keeping with his alter ego, 'Captain Rainbow'. Everything was tastefully done and the applause given by those gathered whilst the coffin was lowered into the ground was fitting and appropriate.
It felt strangely wrong to walk away but I had an overwhelming sense that we were all off to carry on the great work Andrew had done until his passing. I feel confident he would wish us to carry on.
The drive home was solemn I discussed with my colleague how we could affiliate ourselves more closely with SHINE. This is something we are determined to do.
Something rather extraordinary happened as we neared Gedney. A wonderful bright orange sunset appeared behind us, where we had come from and in front of us was the arch of a wonderful rainbow. I looked at my colleague and said 'That's Andrew's work... He's done that'. My colleague smiled and told me she was about to say exactly the same thing.
Farewell Andrew. Thanks and rest in peace.

Needing A Day of Nothing

I'm feeling quite washed-out at the moment. Yesterday I attended an NHS event in transforming mental health services in Lincolnshire. It was a participatory event and provided an opportunity to contribute to NHS strategy. I was really impressed with this. I hadn't realised fully up to now just how much decision making involves members of the public and service users and I really felt a part of the process. Some of the Governors were present at the event and it was great being able to put faces to the names.

Today another NHS event was held in Lincoln on Personality Disorders. Despite the venue being very cold (on account of the hall owners forgetting the event was being held thus no heating), the event was excellent and contained real life testimony from Governors and service users. A talk was given on the illness and the current strategy and practises used to treat the condition. We were told that improvements were needed and that the quality of service available to patients isn't uniform across the county, but that a new strategy is currently being developed.
These events are great for networking and I got talking to many who have had experience of the condition. I was also asked if I would consider becoming a Governor. Apparently they are after more 'young blood' to influence and contribute to NHS mental health policy. I hadn't really considered this up to now, but the prospect of being able to contribute directly to mental health service provision and help shape strategy really appeals to me. Unfortunately I can't see myself being able to do it. For a start, I am rather wrapped up in my current role with Blue Skies, and my wife won't allow it given the fact that the position of Governor is unpaid, apart from expenses of course. Unless it's a full time job, she doesn't want to know. It's a real shame as I know it is where I want to be.
Tomorrow will be a good day. I was asked by my colleague earlier what it is I'll be doing. I replied gleefully, 'nothing... absolutely nothing'. Of course I'll be doing things, but I have nothing in my calendar so for me it will be a free day, to pretty much do what I want. I know I'll probably be tinkering with our funding bid, but I really want to keep the day free from stress if at all possible. I've had two full-on days and I need a little rest.
I did receive a message of encouragement and praise today in relation to our funding bid application. I had sent it to Lincolnshire CVS (Community Volunteer Service) for them to review and comment, and I received a message praising us on the quality of our application and pledging support for our project. I felt quite uplifted by this followed by a mix of emotions when I was reminded by my wife that I couldn't consider being a Governor for the NHS - despite my passion for improving mental health services, a passion which should be clear to see by now. Nevertheless, I replied to the message with thanks inviting them to come and see us at one of our group meetings.
We have until Friday to get the application and costs completed for submission. I am planning to send it by email last thing Thursday night. We're pretty much there, but we have been very slow and dis-organised in getting our costs together and deciding exactly the things we need to buy. We are bound to forget the odd item but I am hopeful we will have some change that we will be able to use to buy extras if needed.
So, I find myself looking forward to tomorrow, a chance to remain settled and an opportunity to recharge and reflect on where I am at the moment and where I want to be in the coming days.

Christmas Socks

Today I am able to wear for the first time this year my Christmas socks. It's quite an event for me as they have sat in my sock drawer all year long, ignored and pushed to one side as I've always considered it bad luck to wear them 'out of season', as it were.

For me, it does formerly mark the start of the festive season. It's difficult to work out how we have arrived here so quickly. A large part of me didn't think we would see another Christmas in this house, given the dire financial state we are in, so I'm especially grateful to still be here. It does mean also that I can dust off my Christmas music vinyl collection. I'm a staunch believer that before December 1st, very little should be made of Christmas and I begrudge seeing decorations and goods appearing in stores before this time. The worst for me are the people who insist on putting up their decorations and lights in October! In fact there are several homes like that not far from me here.
We've decided that next Saturday we will put up the tree and decorations. Despite my strict December policy for anything Christmas-related, I do like to see our home decorated. Of course, it's all for our son really. There's nothing better than seeing his excitement Christmas morning and receiving the things he has wished for.
We are very fortunate. There are many who this year will be struggling. That's not to say we're not finding it difficult, we are. We do though seem to manage and very rarely go without the essentials. My wife sees that the small wage she brings in each week is managed properly and apportioned appropriately. There is nothing left, no petty cash and no spare change to buy the odd packet of sweets, but we don't go without.
I listened intently this morning to the BBC Radio 4 Christmas Appeal. It has been running for more than 80 years and raises money for the St Martin In The Fields to provide shelter and help for homeless and vulnerable people. The programme highlighted the excellent work carried out by volunteers all year round to help the many who are forced to sleep on the streets of London. It provides a helping hand, offering protection and long term support but more importantly, it provides hope. I was truly humbled hearing the real life stories of those who have been given a lifeline by the Appeal and The Vicar's Relief Fund which each year provides much needed grants to people who are in severe financial difficulty.
I wish so much that I was in a position to be able to make a donation to the Appeal. The work they do is truly fantastic and has particular significance at this time of year, providing refuge, companionship, warm clothing and a hot meal to those who would otherwise be alone, cold and hungry. I'm fortunate to have my own home and I have family nearby, but there are many who don't and many who could find themselves homeless and in need of help through no fault of their own. The current economic crisis has taken away the assurance of job security and countless numbers up and down the country are asking themselves for the first time 'what if...'. There is uncertainty like never before, and sadly I don't see the situation improving for a long time to come.