Forcing Myself

There are days when I don't feel like doing much. These days are wasted, I know that and some would say that every day should be lived to the full and that once they're gone, they're gone. Fine, but if your heart really isn't in it, then is it worth it? I often have to force myself to do things. It's normally the starting that's the problem, a bit like getting out of bed. It's the getting out that is the major hurdle. The walk to the bathroom then comes naturally and gradually energy and motivation increases. Well that's the theory. For someone suffering depression, it's often impossible to get past the first hurdle. The motivation simply isn't there and it can be a constant struggle to get things done, for yourself or for others.
Yesterday was one of those days when I should have done more, but I didn't. The day started well enough taking my wife to work for 8am and driving my mum into town for her Saturday morning shop. But that seemed to exhaust my motivation reserves and I spent the remainder of the day doing very little apart from searching for music I wanted for my collection on the Internet. On a Saturday afternoon, I would normally visit my friends and Godparents to my son. I tend to spend a few hours there either chatting or working on a huge model railway layout I'm building. I usually treat it as me-time and in that respect it's always valuable to me as a form of escape from the usual stresses, worries and strains of life. It actually does me the world of good. But, as with everything, I have to be in the mood or the right frame of mind. Yesterday I was not. To make matters worse, it was my friend's Birthday on Friday and apart from sending a message on Facebook, I haven't visited.  I shouldn't worry too much, they forgot my Birthday last year.
This morning I felt much the same. I didn't feel like doing anything much and really didn't want to go out. Instead, my wife encouraged me to go swimming. She could tell that I wasn't interested and she knows me well enough to be used to my wavering interest and motivation. She also knows that when I get there, I appear to enjoy it. I prefer to think that I simply get on with it, for the sake of others.

A Small Victory

I had some good news yesterday. I finally heard back from the Financial Ombudsman regarding a dispute I had with a credit card company. I had originally lodged the complaint over a year ago and wasn't that optimistic but they finally ruled in my favour ordering the credit card company to write of my debt and reinstate my credit rating. I'm really very pleased with the outcome.
The whole situation had arisen from a PPI claim I had with them following my breakdown and inability to work. Although they were ware of my circumstances and the fact I had a PPI policy in place, they defaulted my account and passed it to a debt collection agency. This was after weeks of harassment and calls at all hours of the day and night causing much distress and anxiety. All my letters and requests were either ignored or disregarded. In the end I had no option but to refer the matter to the Financial Ombudsman, though I had very little faith that they would see that I was in the right.
So I am proof, if any is needed, that it is possible to stand up to the banks and win!

My Mobile History

For as long as I can remember, I've always had a mobile phone. I'm not a heavy user and never have been. I've sent probably two or three texts and hardly ever receive any calls. I remember very well how in the early 1990's, the mobile phone began to emerge as a must-have executive toy, much like the laptop did. I recall my manager at work getting one and seeing it forever in his hand and placed in front of him at team meetings. It was a status symbol, much like a badge of rank. Marketing people did a similar thing with laptops. They simply had to have one and it would be carried everywhere - to lunch, to meetings and to exhibitions. But seldom were they ever used - or even charged come to that - I know that from experience.
Back then of course, phones were relatively bulky but soon began to get smaller and being in one of the UK's largest companies at the time, we were amongst the first recipients, our mobile contract anxious to sell us the latest models. I remember quite well my first mobile phone. Back then there were only two networks and coverage was by no means anywhere near 100%. It wasn't even 50%. If you got a signal, you were lucky. I joined a network that wasn't truly digital. It was called CellNet and run at the time by BT. I had an analogue mobile phone. I recall it well, a Bosch with a flip open microphone and antenna you pulled out. It was smart and spoke 'Star Trek' every time I used it. How sad I was then to have left it on top of my car and driven off only for it to fall onto the road behind me and under the wheels of a truck. It was a short union sadly, and I miss my first phone deeply. Nothing since has managed to come close to its appeal.
Nowadays of course, mobile phones are akin to mini computers. The phone element of the device has been pushed to oneside making room for HD video, games and 10 mega pixel photography. How amazing it is that in just a few years, these devices have been transformed. Yet despite my fascination with these devices, I am not under their influence unlike much of the population it seems. I can happily be apart from my phone and though it goes with me when I leave the house, I would only ever think of using it in an emergency. I must frustrate my mobile network provider enormously. I have the same number I had way back then, insisting I keep it for use on my pay as you go tariff. It's one of the original numbers and I'm more attached to it than the phone. Yet it's seldom ever used. The love affair with the mobile phone never really took off, and probably never will. I'd much prefer a pager. I used to have one at work years ago and still have a couple knocking round the house. I preferred them as you could respond as soon as it was convenient rather than feeling compelled to answer there and then. It didn't cause you to swerve across the road as you fumbled to answer it. You could simply read the message on the display when you reached your destination or pulled over. But those days are gone, sadly.

Whatever Next...?

I was horrified to read a report in our local Spalding Guardian today that a sheep has actually been butchered in an open field in Spalding. What makes this all the worse, as if it could be, is that the sheep was pregnant and all its four feet had been removed along with some of its innards. How absolutely appalling. Have we really allowed our society to go full circle and return to the days of barbarism and savage acts of wilful depravity? The carcase will no doubt be doing the rounds locally being offered for sale to someone idiot enough to buy it with no questions asked. What they won't know is that the sheep was pumped full of medication to assist it through the lambing phase. This makes it totally unfit for human consumption. It seems the sheep has had the last laugh, well bleat....

Catch these inhuman, savage and feral idiots and lock them up for good.

Just Not Quite News

On this day of loss, it's worth remembering that we don't know everything. What I mean is that there is much going on everywhere, but we only know about things we hear about in the media. The big news stories of the day and front page headlines are the sum total of our awareness of events around us. What is today's news will soon be consigned to history. Take for instance the Costa Concordia and the plight of those who perished, unable to get out fast enough trapped below deck, some still to be found. What has happened? Is the ship still there? Did they find everyone? And what of the captain? The only way to find out these things is to troll the Internet or to find an Italian newspaper report. It would seem we are no longer interested. Unless the ship sinks beneath the waves or breaks in two, we'll hear no more about it. It is old news, no longer of any interest. But I'm still interested.
People, those who are familiar to us and those who are not pass away every day. We don't hear about them. Even those who have given so much, starred in so many films, appeared on so many stages, and those who's voices are familiar, pass away quietly, unreported. A case in point is Frederick Treves.

His name will nothing to most people, but look at his photograph and straight away scenes from Miss Marple, Poirot. The Jewel in the Crown, The Naked Civil Servant and countless other dramas and films will spring to mind. Simply enter his name in the Internet Movie Database and you'll see he is credited with starring in many of the best films ever made.He was quite simply a superb and highly talented actor.
I would not have known about his passing until the next roll call of the deceased at the BAFTA's. I'm always shocked to see someone has passed on, and that I'm the last to know about it. Would Frederick's passing be reported if there was no other news? I somehow doubt it. It probably doesn't score highly enough. It's so sad. So I now find myself relying more and more on the likes of Wikinews and other sites for my news, the news I want to know about, and the news that matters to me. I wonder if I'm alone? I doubt it, sadly.

A Helpless Watcher & RIP Whitney Houston

When I think about the current world situation, I feel helpless. The only other time I really felt like this was during the Yugoslavia conflict and civil war in 1991-95. Back then, the tragedy was worsened by the fact that countries of the UN stood back and did nothing. The killing of innocent men, women and children became an all too common sight on our TV screens and it soon became apparent that genocide was taking place practically on our doorstep. As now, much of what we saw on TV and through the media was filtered for mass consumption. But if you ventured further beyond the censored version of events, as I did, the real horror of what was happening could be found. The then young Internet showed photographs of charred remains of those who had become herded into rooms and set alight. I recall also photographs of those trying in vain to escape deliberately targeted in supposedly safe convoys, their charred bodies still sat in the mangled frames of the vehicles. I'll never forget the audio and video clips that found their way onto the Internet, or the patchy broadcasts from radio stations and their cries for help in between bombing raids. For this was a truly horrific time in our recent history and one for which those who governed at the time should be ashamed and accountable for their inaction.
This leads me to the present situation and Syria where the events witnessed all too close to home have a real danger of being repeated. Once again, we find ourselves looking on in sympathy as those opposed to a brutal regime are targeted along with the innocent, old and young. I am amazed that given the conflicts that have taken place on recent history, we have clearly learnt nothing. We have a United Nations which is powerless to act to prevent innocent people from being killed. Surely where there is indisputable proof of such atrocities, this should be justification alone for some form of intervention. Apparently not. So faced with no other option, the majority it seems simply turn a blind eye to what's going on. Is this how things should be? Simply ignore what is going on and hope it all goes away? Of course there is more to it than that and things are never that simple. There are players in this game who have a vested interest (and money) in what's going on. Russia have a significant base in Syria and continue to fund and provide arms to the regime. The biggest fear it seems is the reluctance to upset them, for we all know where this could lead. So we watch on helpless placing our faith in negotiators and hoping for a common sense outcome. The more I try to convince myself of this, the more I think about Yugoslavia and our collective impotence to do anything about it.

It seems that shocking news is becoming more common and I say this we have lost another music icon, Whitney Houston. This follows the death in the UK last year of another artist of the genre, Amy Winehouse. Of course there is much speculation as to the cause of her early death, but addiction is likely to have contributed. We'll learn more during the coming days, but whatever the cause, this is a tragic and shocking loss.

The Coldest Night

Temperatures here dropped to -16 degrees C least night making it the coldest night so far. This temperature was recorded at the Holbeach weather station, just a few miles from here. The intense cold coated everything in a thick white frost making for some stunningly beautiful scenes and transforming the landscape all around.

Long Sutton Church

B1359 Gedney Drove End

Road conditions are actually pretty good this year. I really think the message has finally gotten through to the council and greater priority is being given to keeping the roads clear of snow and ice. I know in previous years that roads have been left un-gritted and impassable and I believe lessons have certainly been learnt. Even the minor side roads are clear in most cases indicating a definite change in policy., which is good.