Photo of the Day 1

OK, here's my first 'photo-a-day'. It's my son's advent train. We've told him the chocolate pixies visit every night and put a chocolate in the draw - provided he's been good that is. He now wakes-up before 6 each morning and races downstairs to see if something's been left for him.
I really like this. It's very well made and a really good alternative to the usual advent calendars found in supermarkets which seem to get more prolific each year.

A Photo a Day

I'm going to start a little project, a photo a day. Basically I'll take a photo each day and post on my blog. I can't say what the photos will be of as I plan for them to be random. They may have some relevance to that particular day, or they may not. Complete randomness, that's the aim. I want to start tomorrow so I expect to have the first one up sometime tomorrow evening. We'll see how it goes...

Thoughts on Sunday

Christmas has certainly arrived at Asda. The store is decorated and the staff are all wearing Santa hats. I doubt whether this is optional judging by the look on some of their faces. Shoppers are definitely in that Christmas frenzy mood. They have no consideration for anyone or anything else. They are now simply programmed to get whatever is on their lists and at all costs. The ones in Asda today probably all had the same idea - to shop early in case anything runs out. It was busy, verging on overcrowded. If more than one person stopped in in aisle this would cause a bottleneck. Yet supermarkets are very much like roads. People drive about like idiots. They meander about in their own little worlds, their eyes fixed on their target - a box of sage and onion stuffing or the current two for one offer. I was glad to get out. I can stand those places for a limited amount of time I'm afraid and my clock was ticking.
Argos was pretty much the same but a little less organised. The store layout lends itself to chaos with people crossing each other and others just looking confused. Today we had a clear objective. We had to collect a toy dinosaur our son had set his heart on. It had been out of stock for a long time at all the local stores and it was only by chance that I was able to reserve one last week - the only one remaining. It has become so rare that examples have begun to pop up on eBay at ridiculous prices, £80 being the highest I've seen so far. The toy is just £39 normally. We also bought a nice portable CD radio which I don't think he's expecting. So I'm quite pleased with our work today.

No matter how hard I try, I simply cannot escape the fact that Christmas is almost upon us. For some, it is already time for celebration. My wife had threatened to begin putting up the decorations and assembling the tree this afternoon. This would have entailed a visit to the loft and the precarious job of balancing on the ladder whilst wrestling with boxes and bags of tinsel and other paraphernalia. It's looking likely that we'll do this on Wednesday. Our Son can help us after school - he'll love that.
It feels as if we've had just a couple hours of daylight today for it's now beginning to get dark once more. I do have a sense of what it must feel like for people who are affected by the lack of daylight. I really don't mind it too much. I preferred it when I was working as this would herald the winding down of the working day and home time. For me it was a 45 mile drive back from the outskirts of Lincoln. I loved the drive, it was the best part of the day.

It looks like we could see our first snow of the winter this coming week. According to the forecast, the temperature will fall and snow will begin creeping further and further south. They've already had a covering in many parts of Scotland. It'll be nice if it arrives in time for our trip on the Santa Express at Sherringham next Sunday.

It's a slow news day. The top story is the arrival of two Pandas from China, on loan to an Edinburgh zoo. It is ridiculous how much coverage is being given to this. People have been lining the route from the airport - as if they will be sitting in an open car waving at onlookers. With everything that's happening in the world at the moment, I suppose it's the only real bit of good news so I suppose we should enjoy it while we can. I'm sure it'll be back to doom and gloom tomorrow.

I won't give much time to this but I read an article in the Mail on Sunday and The Express newspapers regarding an attack on a toddler. In fact it is so horrendous that I won't repeat the article in any detail suffice to say that it sickened me to the bone and produced a feeling of anger and disgust I've seldom experienced before now. All I will say in response to this article is this. If there was ever a reason needed to justify the use of capital punishment, then this is it. I only wish that our pathetic justice system had the powers to inflict the same level of pain and suffering these people have inflicted. But it doesn't and the tragedy is that these scum will be served a slap on the wrist and be released into society. These 'people' are not human, they are wild animals and should therefore be treated as such.

Forever Children

Something happened earlier this week at our son's school. It was during the time the parents wait around and the children run around like mad things waiting for the bell to go. I wasn't there this time. My wife was. I can't recall what I was doing exactly but that doesn't matter. Apparently one of the children said something to another to make her cry. She sobbed terribly so whatever was said must have caused great distress. The child ran crying to her mum for comfort and told her what had happened. Well you'd imagine a sorry would be said and hat would be it. Instead, a war has been unleashed between the mother of the hurt child and that of the aggressor. For that afternoon, there were 'words' said in the playground which amounted to a threat which left the mother of the aggressor in tears. A few of us were spectators to this and although you try to distance yourself from it all, you can't help but want to hear what's being said.
Now all this must repeat itself in school playgrounds right across the land. But what has made this so significant is the reaction and the way in which something relatively mundane has exploded into a war of words between two parents.
Things were a bit calmer this morning. I heard that a teacher had discussed the situation with them both acting as a diplomat. But there was a distance between them this morning he size of a continent and it was difficult to know where to place oneself as my wife and I are on friendly terms with both. Surely we shouldn't be taking sides at our age...?
I really think that we are 'forever children'. The bickering and name calling in he playground as youngsters never leaves us. It just becomes more grown-up in its use of words, threats and the force with which it is delivered. The animosity between these two parents is so reminiscent of the fights and disagreements I knew as a child. So the playground this morning was frosty in more ways than one. I wonder how long it will take for them to start talking again? I suspect though that the damage has been done and these 'grown-ups' will forever be in a state of simmering conflict. Oh what fun!

A Meeting of The Like-Minded

I attended my first meeting this morning at 'Depressives Anonymous', a support group for sufferers of depression and anxiety. I was a little aprehensive at first but it was recommended that I attend, so I did. There were a lot fewer there than I'd expected. Half the group were made up of volunteers, who themselves suffer or had at some time suffered from depression.
It really was a classic support group setting and reminds me a little of the group featured in the BBC comedy 'Dear John'. If the aim of the group was to put everyone in a good mood, it sadly failed. Some of the talk was quite disturbing and one very troubled member of the group spoke of how his father had abused his sister. My problems paled into insignificance. These people had real problems and real reasons for their depression. I had just had a breakdown brought on by stress and my inability to continue doing my job.
There was something said that really put into prespective the suffering this guy had to endure. That was his wish to spend his life in prison. In his view, he would be secure there and would not have to worry about having to do the things we all have to do as members of society. He really wanted to be put away. He would be protected from himself. How awful it was to hear this. I felt almost as if I didn't belong in the group. It's voluntary that I attend, and I probably will again. It's good to talk and it's even better to talk with people who really understand. These people have all been through a similar experience. Some are free of it, others suffer in waves, just like me.
Lately, depression has been in the news. Gary Speed, the Welsh Football Captain took his own life in an apparent suicide at his home on 27th November. It's not known why he committed suicide or whether he had suffered from depression and his death remains a mystery. But it is widely speculated that depression was the cause and we discussed this in our group. We all agreed that depression is an illness suffered by countless numbers of people who either choose to live with it or for whom the condition is undiagnosed. I know myself that I suffered with depression for many years prior to my diagnosis a couple of years ago. Even now, despite powerful medication, I still suffer bouts of 'black cloud' syndrome. They come and go without warning and in no set pattern. The medication I think reduces their duration and their overall effect, but does have the side-effect of making me very tired - almost constantly so. But sleep is when I feel safest, the most relaxed and the most secure. It's a common theme amongst 'people like this'.
Apparently depression is now 'socially acceptable' and no longer frowned upon. But I still feel very awkward talking about it or admitting that I suffer from it. It's a very private illness and at the same time a very selfish illness by the fact it's so destructive, affecting all those around the sufferer. The fact is that everyone suffers.
So will I attend the next meeting? I expect so. If people have gone to the effort to arrange a support group then it is right to attend and offer my perspective. I hope to learn more about the illness. I've learnt so far that there are different levels of suffering. I've seen how extreme this can be and the pain it causes. I've learnt that I'm not alone and that there are people who genuinely care, people I have never met before who are interested in what I have to say. This is good, for the thing people often seek is a sympathetic ear.

A Dangerous Game

I was criticised for being pessimistic last week. I have a very bleak view of the future and this is compounded by the financial mess affecting many parts of the world and the stresses being placed on our lives.
I now find myself concerned at events in the world that could lead us into new conflicts and confrontations. For it seems to me that we could be heading into a very dangerous game of brinkmanship brought about mainly by the actions of the US. The 'game' I refer to is the placing of a missile defence shield close to the border with Russia. The US claim this shield is to counter any offensive missile strike from rogue states in the Middle East or from North Korea. Russia do not believe this to be the sole reason and rightly suspect that it is targeting them. In an attempt to calm their fears, a request for participation in the project has been rejected and further to this, an assurance from the US that the system will not be used to target Russia has not been given. So just what exactly are the US playing at? Since the fall of the Berlin Wall and the former Soviet Union, we have enjoyed relative security amidst mutual assurances, smiles and cordial meetings.So why seek to destroy this and plunge us into a new cold war? It makes no sense.
I don't believe I'm a loan voice. There have been murmurings across the Internet and in the press, expressing fear that we are on a path to confrontation. Many suggest that opposition to intervention in Syria or Iran will trigger either China or Russia to step in. If this were to happen then the outcome would be cataclysmic.
So who's calling the shots? Some suggest the European Missile Defense Shield is Pentagon driven, others that it is an arms industry hell bent of profiteering from a new arms race. I suspect that money is involved somewhere along the line - it normally is. Someone out there keen to make millions from making two superpowers push each other to the brink. Or am I just being overly pessimistic and bleak? Possibly... but I don't think it will be long before the threats turn into actions and make it from the columns to the front page.
We can only hope that common sense prevails. This will be a game with no winners.

A Few More Words

A pretty uneventful week. We creep nearer and nearer to Christmas and the pressure is on to buy the gifts that everyone want. I had an appointment with my specialist earlier int he week and he got the impression that my optimism is very low. He recommended I attend a session each Tuesday where a group gathers for counselling. I've agreed in the hope that this may help. I'll find out on Tuesday. It's only a couple of hours so I'll give it a go.
I did make a DVD for Mum as a gift for Christmas. It's a compilation of all the videos I have of years gone by. They feature loved ones who have long since passed and feature my sister and I when we were youngsters. I suspect it's been forgotten that I was almost constantly attached to my video camera. It's a good job I was as little did I know then just how valuable those films would become.
I've stumbled across a vacancy again at a local(ish) school for IT Systems Manager. The money isn't that great and it's quite a distance to drive each day but beggars can't be choosers so I've decided to apply. It's one of those Lincolnshire Council forms and they don't want to see your CV. I'm about half way through it and need to get the application in by the 5th of December. Worth a try I suppose, but I suspect it'll be a 'thanks but no thanks' like all the others have been.

I nearly acquired an electric organ yesterday. I discovered it on my way to collect my wife from work. It was sitting outside a property with a sign saying 'free'. It did look very well looked after, but also very heavy. If I'd had my Chrysler Voyager I would have taken it there and then without a second thought. But as I only have my wife's little Fiesta, there was no chance. I don't think my wife was as enthusiastic as me though. She's always the cautious one and the voice of reason in our relationship. So I suspect it's either still there getting damp or someone has given it a new home.

It's wonderful to see the excitement on my Son's face whenever Christmas is mentioned. We're going to help him to write his letter to Santa soon listing all the presents he would like. He will be 5 on the 27th of December so he receives two sets of gifts. We're also giving him a party on the 18th where he has invited his school friends. It's at the local Fun Farm so everything is taken care of and the children have a great time climbing about and sliding into the ball pit. I'm really keen for him to have the best Christmas yet. It's really important for me that he enjoys himself and gets the things he wants. It will be a struggle this year and the pressure is once again on my wife to provide, but we'll scrape through with the support of family and friends - to whom I will be eternally grateful.

Earlier today we helped him to decorate a plastic tub which we've been asked to fill with sweets for his school tombola this Christmas. I resisted the urge to design it and left it to him while I helped with the glue. Apparently his school has a pantomime and Christingle event which I'm looking forward to. I'm hoping too that they will have a carol service. It always makes Christmas more complete I think.
It's always the little things that make Christmas what it is. Of course, it's different for everyone. This year, it will be all about my Son and his unstinting belief in Santa and the magic that gets his presents from Lapland, down our chimney and arranged into piles on the lounge floor each Christmas morning. Long may he carry on believing...