I don't really know what to make of my appointment earlier today. I probably expected to hear something different. For the first time, I was seen by the top guy there. He was sympathetic as I supposed he has to be but seemed to imply that I could control the amount of stress I expose myself to and in a similar way control how I deal with it. The only thing of any real use was a suggestion that my medication could be adjusted. The only problem with this is the fact that I'm either going to be more tired and sedated than normal or not be sedated enough to sleep properly.
I'm pretty certain that diagnosis can vary tremendously from doctor to doctor. I never seem to hear the same thing - it always varies in some way. It's simply impossible to tell someone being treated for depression to 'cheer up' and 'get on with things'. But I suppose that's how I felt about the advice I received this morning. My wife accompanied me this time as she saw first hand how bad things were last week and as normal, she had to endure me in such a terrible state. I'm sure she felt frustrated too at not quite being able to get across the seriousness of my most recent episode. There is I think always a communication issue between patient and doctor. This may be contentious but it's something we're all aware of. When doctors and specialists are of a different ethnicity, this can be a particular problem. The language isn't so much the issue - often their use of English is better than most people I know. It's the nuances and common phrases that aren't often interpreted fully. This can lead to a lack of full understanding and it's exactly that which contributed to my feeling of disappointment with this morning's session.
I applied for another job today. It's for an ICT technician based locally to service schools and businesses in the area. I've heard nothing from the others I've applied for recently, par for the course I'm afraid. It's hugely demoralising and really does begin to get you down after a while. But I'm determined to find something so I'll just carry on until my luck changes. It's pretty obvious to any followers by now that my driving ambition is temporarily on hold while I try to save us from homelessness and possible bankruptcy.
I haven't yet mentioned the outcome of the 'to do' in Sutton St James the other night. Sadly it isn't good and a once peaceful village is now traumatised and shocked. The guy involved in an armed stand-off with police decided to take his own life. A very sad ending and a loss to his family friends and neighbours who knew him.
I'm hoping to get some nice wintry photos over the coming days. It is clear at the moment though we have had the odd flake or two of snow today. It is though very cold and we're expecting a sharp frost overnight. Thankfully we have ample wood and coal.
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