Duldrums

It's fair to say I feel bottom of the heap at the moment. It's one

thing to feel like it but to be treated like it is another thing. I

feel bad that my wife has had to go cap in hand to her parents for help

with a new car. That's the sort of thing I should be doing, paying for

and finding a replacement car. But instead, my father-in-law is doing

all the work. It's not that we don't have the money - we do - but we

can't get our hands on it until April. The tax people owe it to us for

underpaying us the last year. So my father-in-law will get his money

then. Now in normal circumstances I suppose this would be fine but my

wife isn't having a say at all in the type of car he's getting her her.

So far, he's suggested and nearly bought a Citroen Saxo. Now I've

nothing against Citroen, in fact I admire the C5 a lot and hope one day

to have one myself. But he's chosen a 3 door tiny car, smaller than her

last car, with an engine that's underpowered and a European N-Cap

Rating to send any safety conscious person running. He's even admitted

to me on several occasions that he knows nothing about cars. So what in

the hell's going on? What he's forgetting is that we have a family, so

a tiny car with an engine to match and just 3 doors simply will not do.

We struggled enough with the old car, a Fiesta. Whatever he buys we

will be stuck with for at least the next couple of years. So what

should we do, just grin and bare it? My wife seems quite content to let

him just get on with it. She's failed to realize how I might be feeling

about it all. If she were to ask, if anyone were to ask, they'd find

out that I'm feeling left out, ignored and made to feel worthless. But

instead, I have to go round feeling grateful and happy that my

father-in-law has come to our rescue. I'm afraid I can't. So how should

I be feeling at the moment? Am I being ungrateful? It's fair to say

that the car troubles this last week have near sent me over the edge.

It was just another thing in a long line of mishaps and misfortune to

contend with. The onus should be on me to sort this kind of ting out, I

always have done in the past and it right to expect me to do so again.

But I simply cannot. I do not have the funds and everyone knows it. I

actually wish we had spent a little more time and looked elsewhere for

the funds. I'm sure my family or a friend would have happily lent the

money on the guarantee of us receiving a rebate from the tax people in

April. But no, it's my in-laws who have another opportunity to make me

feel useless. I know what they think of me. 'If only you worked hard

like us', I hear them say.