Getting Through the Day

I've written before about my struggle with depression and anxiety, and the fact that some days are simply better than others. It's impossible to know how I will feel one day to the next, so I just take each day as it comes and try to get through it. Not working means spending a lot of time alone and it's these times that are the most challenging. The answer is to do things that keep me active and prevent me from drifting into thought - the kind of thoughts that remind me of failure and how I got to where I am now, having been active in the past earning a very good wage and paying my fair share of the bills. To start thinking about these things just sends me into a downward spiral and the result is a depressive bout for me and abject misery for everyone around me.
Thankfully, I've managed to keep myself out of my 'pit of despair' as I like to call it. There is a glimmer of hope that the only real assets I own, my private pension fund, may in some way be used to benefit us now rather than waiting until I'm 55. We really cannot wait that long and frankly we need the money now rather than later on.
I don't know yet if this is possible but I see there are numerous schemes all over the Internet claiming to be able to unlock pension funds. The way they do it is to invest your pension once you've transferred it to them into overseas funds or various other schemes thus making them money. In the meantime, they lend you the money you need and this is secured against your pension. But there are risks, big risks and you could end up paying back far more than you borrow. The same is true with any kind of lending, but with this you are dealing with large amounts of money. So I don't know if this will be possible for us. We are going to see a pension advisor so hope to find out more then.
Some days, despite wanting to do so much and achieve at least something, I end up doing nothing. The enthusiasm I woke up with that morning fizzled out over breakfast or whilst I read the news headlines. These days simply fill me with guilt and regret. Yes I've done things, but nothing practical or beneficial. I may have researched something on the Internet and discovered something I didn't already know, but this is of no benefit to me or mankind. I can't out this newly gained knowledge to any practical use, say to invent something new perhaps. These are zero days and count for very little in the grand scheme of things.
I saw the topic of depression appear on Twitter today. Peter Serafinowicz tweeted about a blog written by a sufferer and also mentioned that he too struggled with it. Again, I'd learnt something new. I had no idea he suffered with depression. When he's on the TV, he's always funny so why should I? But it's the same with all sufferers of depression. We don't wear labels or badges stating that we suffer with it. We don't turn a different colour when the next depressive bout descends. It is hidden. It happens a lot behind closed doors where we can't be seen. By its nature, it's very seldom on display in public. It doesn't travel well.
I don't know if there will ever be a cure. It would be nice if they could produce a tablet that prevented it, but everyone who suffers with depression seem to be different. Different things set them off and different things make them feel better. Some bouts last for a day, others for a week or more. It is far from straight forward and doubt whether fixing it for everyone will be that easy.

In the news, I see that the maniac hell bent on killing innocent men, women and children in France has been stopped. The fact that he was shot and killed by the police will be a comfort to all those affected by his killing spree. Personally, I would have liked to have seen him captured and made to face justice for his crimes, but this was clearly an unlikely outcome given the ferocity of of his attempt to evade capture and I accept that the police had no other option.

We've all been forced to accept the latest budget from our coalition government and the realisation that for many, life will become more difficult than it already is. Those who have worked all their lives and saved for a comfortable retirement appear to be hardest hit and I suspect their collective response will be felt come the general election.