Back in the Saddle & Other Stuff

A bright Sunday morning and a positive feeling to the day. A real wrench from my slumbers this morning and Mirtazapine induced dreams. Deep dreams where all things are possible and where people and feelings are so real. It's a difficult thing to describe unless you've been there. My wife resents the fact that I get to sleep more than her. Our son has her up at around 6am and I know she wants to pull me from my bed but she knows that I do more than just sleep, it's more like a semi-coma. To forcibly remove me from this will often result in the onset of a deep low for the rest of the day. I hate this but that's the way it is. I'm much better if I'm allowed to make the step from my fantasy world to the real world myself. That's the way things are and as long as my doctor prescribes it, that's the way it will be for some time to come I suspect.
In my not-so-private life lately, the time came to confront our bank and go cap in hand to our local branch int he hope they would allow us drastically reduced payments toward our mortgage. My wife came with me despite the fact everything is in my name. We both felt like 'lambs to the slaughter' as we approached the bank and took a seat in the waiting area. I sat there wondering if the people wandering in and out had similar problems. I wondered if they were comfortably well off or had recently won the lottery. I sat there creating imaginary worlds for each person I saw. We both sat for some time feeling like common criminals with our dirty little secret. We didn't speak much, apart from remarking to each other how sweaty our palms had become.
To cut a long appointment short (it lasted over an hour), we were met with more sympathy than I thought we would be. In fact the advisor we met with was very understanding and very helpful, in fact credit to her for putting us at ease and for helping us come to a suitable arrangement. We're paying less than required, a lot less, but there's no other option. I think they could see that. They could also see that to anything else would cause considerable distress and probably make my illness worse than it is. It's a three month arrangement and of course can't go on indefinitely as we're paying nothing off the amount we owe. But it's salvation and for that I'm glad and grateful for their help, something I never thought I would be saying about a British bank in these times.
Something I am looking into is a rather large pension fund I'm sitting on. It's a pension I started paying into when I began working and it contains enough money to pay our mortgage or sort out the small mound of debt we have. Normally I wouldn't be able o do a thing with it until I am 55 but there may be a way of transferring the fund to our bank and in doing so may be able to use the fund to help us with our current problems. I've no idea if this is possible but we're going to seek some independent advice. I don't hold out much hope but it seems ridiculous that I'm sitting on a large pot of money and we owe money, but life is never this simple is it.

The problems in Syria are ongoing with more reports of atrocities and mindless violence. It really does seem to be turning into a repeat of the Kosovo crisis and the inactivity on the part of the UN and International Community to do anything to stop it. One glimmer of hope is the visit by Kofi Anan though I'll be surprised if this makes any difference to the mindset of those hell bent on perpetrating crimes against their own people.

Remaining on the international stage, I see that Putin has been re-elected President of Russia. No one should be surprised at this, it was a foregone conclusion and frankly any amount of voting wouldn't have affected the outcome.

I have another application to complete. It's for a council position and as they're not looking for any specific skills or experience, I've decided to go for it. It's one of those council-generated forms where you don't send your CV but essentially replicate it and explain why you feel you're suitable for the job. I much prefer sending my CV and a covering letter, but that's the way they want to do things. Again I hold out little hope given the current job climate. I was though delighted to hear that my sister has landed a job at a nearby hospital. It's only part time but it's something and I'm sure she'll do very well. In addition, she's always got something wrong with her so she'll be working in the right place!

I've re-discovered podcasting this week. Iain Lee produces a weekly podcast called 'The Pocket Radio Show' which I am finding very entertaining. Iain used to broadcast on Absolute Radio and has been on TV for many years. I've also started listening to Bayley's Banter, another podcast from an Australian who audio-blogs his daily life. And of course I continue to listen to Richard Vobes, the grand master of them all who has been podcasting for as long as I can remember.

I need to start work in the garden and I simply cannot put it off any longer. I have a load of pots that used to have things growing in them. There's now some kind of green fungi. I'm sure I have some onions and garlic somewhere too. My father gave me a load of seed this morning for various herbs and tomatoes so I'll try to get some of these planted today. I also have some hot peppers which I'll try to grow in the conservatory. I failed abysmally last year - perhaps I was too late.

It's a year on from the disaster in Japan and it feels like only yesterday that we witnessed the horrific scenes of whole towns being swept away on a huge tsunami and the worst nuclear disaster since Chernobyl. I wonder if anything so massive had befallen us here in the UK whether we would have coped so well.

It was good to see my sister and her family earlier today. We don't see enough of each other and it was great that our son was able to stay and play for a few hours. I'm going to attempt some more of that job application now. I simply have to be in the right frame of mind and 'in the zone' if I'm going to make a good job if it. There's no rush to get it submitted as the deadline is 26th March but I'm keen to get if done this week.

Right, blog updated. I'll update as things come to mind.