A Family Sized Challenge

I had a family christening to attend today, the youngest daughter of my sister-in-law. For me, it was another one of those awkward family gatherings that I used to cope so well with. Now it is just a struggle, something I never really enjoy and hours of wishing I was somewhere else. I do wonder if I manage to hide how I really feel. I've never really been any good at small talk and prefer for others to speak to me. I'm OK when that happens, but I simply don't have the courage any more to start a conversation myself. The confidence I once had has all but gone. This is how I am in 'family' situations. How different it is at my Tuesday A&D support group. I'm at ease there and I feel able to start a conversation and keep it going. I'm amongst friends there, people who were a few months ago complete strangers, but people who now know more about me than my family. I know this sounds mad, but it is true. For there is so much I am able to discuss with my friends that I wouldn't dream of mentioning in the presence of family. I know my friends feel the same way, so perhaps it is more common than I'd realised.
Alcohol does give me a degree of temporary false confidence, but it doesn't mix well with the tablets and I soon find myself becoming very drowsy and often get a headache. I do find that since my illness, I am left pretty much to myself and rarely does anyone attempt a conversation with me. I think this is a natural reaction - some people prefer to steer clear.
How relaxed I feel now I am set free and back in the safety of my own home. I can be myself here and jig my leg as much as I want without stares from those who like to judge. I can feel like this in one other place, each Tuesday amongst those who understand me and accept me. Why can't family be like this and why does it feel so foreign to be amongst them?

I have my father-in-law's notebook computer to repair. He's managed to get some kind of virus on to it. I know when he calls what to expect. It's always something to do with his computer, and my heart sinks at the prospect of having to help him. It's not so much the task, it's more the explaining why it has happened. How do I tell him he's simply downloading too much junk? How do I tell him not to click the download button on every game he comes across? It's such a dilemma and being the only 'IT guy' in the family, it's a burden I simply cannot escape.

We had a mini-tornado here last Thursday. The weather has been freaky all week and local events have been cancelled due to the heavy rain. I managed to capture the twister on my camera phone on the way back from a visit to the library. It had caused some damage which was evident from the number of roof repairs taking place the following day. It's not something you see every day...

I have a date for my NHS Volunteer Service interview - it's on the 3rd of July and being a Tuesday I'll be at the venue anyway. It's all a formality really as I've been in the role for some time, and like any similar role, a CRB check has to be completed.

Finally, it's an evening dominated by football once more and the roads around here are wonderfully quiet. Oh how I wish they could be like this all the time. Followers will know by now that I'm not exactly a fan of football, perhaps another reason why I feel so awkward around my football-loving family. I'll be checking the score of course, and if it goes Italy's way then tomorrow is sure to be a day of misery... If we do well, then we face Germany, and part of me does get ever so slightly excited by the prospect - but that's all!