A Meeting of The Like-Minded

I attended my first meeting this morning at 'Depressives Anonymous', a support group for sufferers of depression and anxiety. I was a little aprehensive at first but it was recommended that I attend, so I did. There were a lot fewer there than I'd expected. Half the group were made up of volunteers, who themselves suffer or had at some time suffered from depression.
It really was a classic support group setting and reminds me a little of the group featured in the BBC comedy 'Dear John'. If the aim of the group was to put everyone in a good mood, it sadly failed. Some of the talk was quite disturbing and one very troubled member of the group spoke of how his father had abused his sister. My problems paled into insignificance. These people had real problems and real reasons for their depression. I had just had a breakdown brought on by stress and my inability to continue doing my job.
There was something said that really put into prespective the suffering this guy had to endure. That was his wish to spend his life in prison. In his view, he would be secure there and would not have to worry about having to do the things we all have to do as members of society. He really wanted to be put away. He would be protected from himself. How awful it was to hear this. I felt almost as if I didn't belong in the group. It's voluntary that I attend, and I probably will again. It's good to talk and it's even better to talk with people who really understand. These people have all been through a similar experience. Some are free of it, others suffer in waves, just like me.
Lately, depression has been in the news. Gary Speed, the Welsh Football Captain took his own life in an apparent suicide at his home on 27th November. It's not known why he committed suicide or whether he had suffered from depression and his death remains a mystery. But it is widely speculated that depression was the cause and we discussed this in our group. We all agreed that depression is an illness suffered by countless numbers of people who either choose to live with it or for whom the condition is undiagnosed. I know myself that I suffered with depression for many years prior to my diagnosis a couple of years ago. Even now, despite powerful medication, I still suffer bouts of 'black cloud' syndrome. They come and go without warning and in no set pattern. The medication I think reduces their duration and their overall effect, but does have the side-effect of making me very tired - almost constantly so. But sleep is when I feel safest, the most relaxed and the most secure. It's a common theme amongst 'people like this'.
Apparently depression is now 'socially acceptable' and no longer frowned upon. But I still feel very awkward talking about it or admitting that I suffer from it. It's a very private illness and at the same time a very selfish illness by the fact it's so destructive, affecting all those around the sufferer. The fact is that everyone suffers.
So will I attend the next meeting? I expect so. If people have gone to the effort to arrange a support group then it is right to attend and offer my perspective. I hope to learn more about the illness. I've learnt so far that there are different levels of suffering. I've seen how extreme this can be and the pain it causes. I've learnt that I'm not alone and that there are people who genuinely care, people I have never met before who are interested in what I have to say. This is good, for the thing people often seek is a sympathetic ear.