Recollections 3 (1986)

1986 was the year of the Domesday Project. It was also for me a year of childhood fear and the unknown.
I knew that we could all be blown up but I didn't know why or by who. I know it was something no one wanted to talk about very much. I know my parents never spoke about it unless I forced them to, but they never acknowledged the fact that we were living in the most volatile period since the Second World War and that much was being made of something called 'MAD' and cruise missiles. There were always pictures on the TV news with women holding hands around wire fences, sometimes fighting with police or being dragged into the back of police vans. I didn't know why - I just though it was normal. In fact most of the decade was spent asking 'what if' and this was fueled by a plethora of films designed to terrify young and old. Just take 'Threads' from 1984...
My curiosity was rewarded when I met a chap from the local CND campaign group. He explained to me what could happen to us if we continued on the course we were on and he convinced me that nuclear weapons were a bad thing. I remember vividly being discovered by my mum and being dragged away while she accused the chap of brainwashing me. In fact, he had told me the truth and more than I had ever been told by my parents or by anyone else around me. From that point, I was convinced that we lived in a mad, bad world and that we could all be blown to pieces in an instant.

Another big event in 1986 was of course the Chernobyl accident. I do remember the news reports and being haunted by the images of the destroyed reactor and the men sent to clear up in the aftermath. Little did I know that they were living their final hours. The news reached us late. By the time it was on the Nine O'Clock News, a radioactive plume was already over a large part of Western Europe. I know not quite understanding what had gone on but looking back, I do question the decision to send me and others to school as normal the following morning. I say this because we know that large swathes of Scottish grazing pasture has been contaminated for years to come by the radiation released from Chernobyl. So what exactly was in the air above us while we made our way to and from school and played on the field? We'll of course probably never know.

I'm a little angry I think. I'm angry at my parents for not talking about these topics. Maybe they knew and simply didn't want to discuss it. Perhaps it would be discussed when I was tucked up in bed, hearing only faint muffled voices through the floorboards. Or maybe they just didn't know. Thanks to so called 'freedom of information' we know that right up until 1991, huge underground cities were kept at a state of readiness. We know that Royal Observer Corps posts up and down the country were continually staffed and linked by a secondary telephone system designed to function in time of war. I know this to be true as I've worked with those who looked after it.

I know it has been remarked that we live in a more dangerous world. But is there the fear nowadays that enveloped society back in the 1980's? Surely nowadays we live in a more open society, some would say a free-er society. Is the fear of the unknown what really makes the world a dangerous place? We know more now than we ever did back then. We relied solely on the media - the TV and printed word. Basically we were fed fear by our government - and it worked. For me, I am more fearful of that period now. I look back and wonder how exactly we managed to emerge from that period unscathed - it's nothing short of a miracle.

I will one day tell my son of those days. I can as I have a greater knowledge of what I was seeing and hearing at the time. I now understand - I didn't then. Those who did know, didn't want to tell.
One thing's for sure, 1986 was for me a year of knowing we weren't safe. It was a year of secrets, radioactive clouds and silence. 1986 is a year I am able to live now, today, with the knowledge I needed then. I now know 1986... and I wish I didn't.